Chapter 51: To New Beginnings

Hey guys. Thanks for coming back for another chapter. I hope you're enjoying the story, and like the chapter.

Clary's POV

"Are you sure you're ready to start prep? We can wait a few more days - everyone will understand Clary," Simon asks, looking at me like I'm some doll that might break if anything touched me.

"Actually, we can't wait a few more days. We have three weeks, which includes prep for New Years Eve and a Christmas break," I tell him, setting my bag down and beginning to look around at the sketched out stage. It was the first time we were actually getting to see a full scale model. "Not to mention about 200 covers of songs."

"What Simon means," Alec cuts in, giving Simon an irritated look, "is that you can take a few more days. You always pick up choreography faster than the rest of us anyway, and we can start with songs you're on drums for, so you won't really be missing anything."

"What we're saying biscuit," Magnus says, gently putting his hand on Alec's arm, "is that you can take the time you need. We can plan around it."

"I've had some time with Jace, and while it sucks that he had to go back to London, it really helped," I tell them. "I've started seeing a therapist - about more than just what happened, and we've agreed I should get back to routine. Don't think that I'm throwing myself into this to forget about what happened. I haven't - I've made changes to my life. I'm living with Kit, and then Jace and I are getting a new house for when we're both back in L.A. I have constant security when I'm in public, and I've helped Kit up the security in his house. My lawyers have already started preparing for the trail. Now all I need is for the rest of you to move on with me and I'll be fine. And there is nowhere else I would rather be anyway - do you really think I'd rather sit at home alone than play music with you guys all day?"

"Yeah, be cool - be like me," Kit says, ruffling my hair.

"Easy for you to say when your around her all the time - you have nothing to worry about," Simon says. Simon had been hurt when I said I was going to live with Kit once Jace went back to London. A few weeks ago, I probably would've gone to Simon, but Kit and I seem to have bonded recently. Plus, I knew he was the only one that was going to give up the over protective act if I told him to enough, and honestly the last thing I need right now was to be treated differently.

"No one has anything to worry about. And besides, we're all staying over at yours tonight to go over everything that happens today. So we should start rehearsing, otherwise there's going to be nothing to talk about," I say and then begin to put my hair into a bun to signal the end of the conversation.

Tour prep pretty much runs that way for the whole week. We'd arrive early in the morning and work till late at night. Day by day, the guys seemed to realise that there was nothing to worry about. The therapy was really helping, but I had noticed small things that changed. I refused to workout alone, which wasn't a massive problem, because we'd either all work out together, or I'd do it with Kit at his house. I couldn't go to sleep unless I'd double checked that the door and windows were locked and I'd checked the security cameras to make sure no one was outside. I'd been told that it was normal to have these kinds of changes, and that they'd fade away with time, but I should do anything I needed to at the moment to feel settled and safe.

Sunday is the first day that we don't have rehearsals since we began, and so I'd organised with Jace to go look at blocks of land and to meet with our architect. We'd had a big talk and made a list with everything we'd want in a house, and decided it would probably be better if we just built on so it would be the way we both imagined. There wasn't really an issue with time either, as Jace would be in London for a couple more months and I would be on tour, and we could always live in Jace's apartment until it was finished.

I'm sitting in my car in the pick-up area of the airport when I see a mob of photographers surrounding someone walking towards the car. Though I can't actually see him, I assume Jace is in the middle of the crowd and unlock the doors so he'll be able to get in as quickly as possible. My suspicions are confirmed when I see Jace pop out of the crowd and get in the car, quickly shutting the door so there is as little chance as possible for a photo of the two of us.

He leans over and quickly kisses me, before putting on his seat belt so we can leave. He seems distracted enough by all the photographers to notice my flinch.

"How was your flight?" I ask, hoping to avoid the conversation I know he's going to want to have.

"It was good; slept for most of it. How have you been?" he asks. I can see him looking at me, searching my face to see anything I might not say. I don't look back at him, but he can hardly say anything about that, seeing as I am driving a car.

"I'm good - I've been busy though, with tour prep and everything. I'm happy to see you though," I say, quickly smiling at him.

"And I'm happy to see you, but you know that's not what I was asking," he says, not looking away from me. We stop at a red light, and I know he's expecting me to look back now, but I keep my eyes on the road ahead.

"Well," I tell him, "when you ask a question as open-ended as 'how have you been,' it can be difficult to give a specific answer someone is looking for. There are so many different questions you could ask, and answers to give…"

I see him hesitate for a moment before asking his next question. I can tell he knows that I don't want to talk about it, but decides that an answer is more important than my wants. "How have you been since… the break in. And don't give me some bullshit answer - you know exactly what I'm asking."

"You know I don't even know where we're driving. You have all the addresses for the lots of land," I tell him. The light finally turns green again, and I quickly drive off, thankful that I have an excuse not to look at Jace again.

"Pull over," he says. shortly.

"I really don't think-"

"I'll drive. It's easier than giving you directions," he says, and points to a spot I can pull into. I roll my eyes, but oblige and pull into the spot. I go to get out of the car to swap seats with Jace, but he grabs my arm to stop me. I can't help but go tense for a moment, and I can tell that Jace notices this time. "Clary, really - how are you. Please tell me. Going back to London and leaving you here was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I need to know I didn't make a mistake."

I finally turn and face him, properly looking at him for the first time since he got in the car. "I'm getting better," I tell him honestly. "There have been changes - small changes. I'm not sure if anyone else has really noticed, which is good." I look at him, at how open and accepting he is. I've never seen him look at anyone else like that, even when he was acting. "I'm still scared," I blurt out. "I'm trying not to be, but it's hard. I feel stupid for being scared - he's in jail and I have so much security now it's not funny. But I can't fall asleep unless the door is locked. And I can't go into a gym alone, even if I know someone is coming in a minute. And I freak out a little every time someone touches. I don't want to be like this anymore."

"I know. I can't imagine how hard this is for you Clary, but you're being so brave. And it's okay to be scared - I, and everyone else for that matter, completely understand why you'd be scared. What happened to you was fucked up, and it wasn't fair. And I want you to know that I'll do anything, and everything in my power to help you feel better."

I look down at my hands, which are shaking a bit. They seem to do that most of the time, other than when I'm playing an instrument. I hate the feeling of needing people, of depending on other people to be okay. I prefer it when other people need me - which is what I've been used to for years now.

Jace looks at my hands as well, and can see they're shaking. He reaches out to grab them, but then seems to remember what I said about people touching me, because he stops just before holding them. I move my hands forward the little distance that is between them to let him know it's okay, and the moment our hands touch, the shaking stops. I smile a little bit at the calm Jace seems to bring my life, and look up at him again.

"I'll stay here if you want me to. And don't just say no because you're you. Now is your time to be selfish - if you want me to stay, I will," he says, before giving my hands a squeeze.

"You belong in London right now," I say, "and I have people here looking after me. Honestly, I'm okay. I'm getting by, and I really just want to get back to normal life, and that means you have to as well. I'm never going to get better if everyone around me constantly treats me like I'm still sick."

"Okay, but if you change your mind - at any time, just call me and I'll be on the first flight home - or wherever you are at the time," he says. After a moment he lets go of my hands and gets out of the car to swap seats with me so he can drive. I look down at my hands, which have started shaking again now that Jace has let go. I get out of the car and quickly shove them in my pockets so Jace can't see. I'm not going to give him any reasons to make him think he has to say.

We drive the rest of the way in comfortable silence, just listening to the radio. We pull into a massive block of land that isn't too far from my current house. It has an old house on it that we'd probably just demolish and start again. The real estate agent walks us through the house quickly, which pretty much confirms that we'd knock it down, and then takes us out to the backyard. One of the things Jace and I had talked about wanting was a really big backyard - which this house has, and a nice view - which it doesn't.

We visit about four more houses, which all have something wrong with them. They're either on a massive hill, or don't have room for a big backyard, or aren't in a gated community.

The last house we visit before we have to go meet our architect is at Malibu, and we can straight away see that it ticks all our boxes. It has a massive backyard that has a staircase that leads down to the beach - and has views of the beach on one side, and of mountains on the other. It's out of the business of L.A, but close enough that we could go in for work each day. The house that is already on the land is already in they style that we like as well, so we'd only need to renovate instead of completely start again, although that could be an option if we wanted to.

"This is it," I tell Jace. We're standing in the backyard, looking out at the ocean. Jace has his arms lightly wrapped around my waist and his head resting on my shoulder. "I can see us raising a family here. They could learn to surf, and go for hikes. And not get so caught up in everything…"

He kisses me on the cheek. "Then let's go put in an offer. We're not going to find anywhere better than this."

I spin in his arms and pull him down for a longer kiss. "We're going to buy a house together," I say, biting my lip with excitement.

"We sure are baby," Jace slowly unwraps his arms from around my waist and goes to talk to the real estate agent. I stay in the backyard a moment longer, just looking at the waves. I can imagine a future at the house, and almost see the memories we're going to make.

I head back into the house, where Jace is talking numbers with the real estate agent. We'd agreed that Jace was going to pay for everything, and then when it was all done I'd write him a check for half of everything. Until, or even if we ever join our bank accounts, we were just going to split everything 50/50.

They seem to come to some sort of agreement, and she tells us that she'll contact the owners and we'll know by that night if they accept it or not.

We're sitting back where we started that morning, with my in the driver's seat, and Jace in the passenger's seat at the airport. The only difference is that this time I'm dropping him off instead of picking him up.

"I was really hoping we'd get the call before I had to leave again," Jace said, looking sadly over at the airport.

"It's okay," I say, "you'll know by the time you land. It's not too far off. And we're seeing each other next weekend anyway to go visit your parents."

"You know I really thought we were going to have to spend more time apart while I was filming this movie," Jace says. "Thank God I was wrong."

"And then Christmas, and then I'm on tour. And then we're both done and we can take a long holiday on an island where no one can find us," I say, smiling at the idea.

"Nothing would make me happier," Jace says. As he's about to get out of the car, his phone rings. He quickly checks who it is, and then flashes me and excited smile before answering the phone and putting it on speaker.

"Jace Herondale," he says.

"Hi Jace, it's Kate - the real estate agent from earlier today. I've got good news for you… the owners have accepted your offer! Congratulations."

She keeps speaking but I can't hear what she is saying due to Jace's loud cheering. He kisses me before looking at his watch.

"I really have to go, or I'm going to miss my flight. I'll call you when I land, okay. I love you Clary," he says.

"I love you too. We got our house!" I say, barely able to hold in my excitement.

"We sure did; I'll see you next weekend okay." He gets out of the, and yells "I love you," before closing the door and walking towards the airport, still talking on the phone to Kate.

I sit back in my chair. We're going to have a house.

It's a miracle that I make it back to Kits, because all I can think about is the home that Jace and I are going to build together. I settle myself before walking into Kit's house, where all the guys are sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for me to come home.

I flop onto the couch and let out a sigh, looking across at the blank white wall. Kit really should get some more art in his house.

"So…" Magnus finally asks, "how'd everything go? What's the deal with the house?"

I look over at all the guys slowly who are all looks at me excitedly. I finally let a smile crack. "We got a house!" I finally yell, jumping up at the same time as all the guys.

I hear them asking about a million questions, and suddenly a bottle of champagne pops up from somewhere. Once we all calm down, I tell them everything about the house and what the architect said. They finally quiet down when I promise to take them all over after rehearsals tomorrow.

This time next year, Jace and I could be drinking champagne in our dream house...

So that's this chapter all done :) Feel free to leave a review with any questions, comments or suggestions and I'll try to work everything into the story. Hope you have a great week!