Chapter 69: I'm Going to Be Fine
Danny took another swig from his coffee and tried to focus his mind. After another eight hours of waking up every thirty minutes, that was proving to be the first big challenge of the day. At least work was mostly just standing around. This last bit of December reminded Danny too much of August – not much to do, lots of time to think, the shoved-down things in his mind slowly reemerging like persistent weeds. During the summer, he liked to work outside in the puckwudgie's garden, so at least his hands could be busy. But this time of year he couldn't even do that, not with two feet of snow on the ground. He was forced to think, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.
So few students were staying at the castle this holiday that it was easy to forget it wasn't summertime, at least that was what Rafael said. Where were those prank-pulling bimbos when Danny needed them? He was desperate for a distraction; something to keep his mind from jumping to that night in July every time he saw the eleven-year-old Obscurial wafting through the halls like a particularly shadowy ghost. That battle was what kept appearing in his dreams. It was where his mind was wandering on that particular morning as he took large gulps of his coffee. The Obscurus Incursion, that was what the staff whispered when they spoke of it. But they didn't really know the bad part. They hadn't been there for what took place in the hollow under the floor, in the seldom-used dungeon. Only Rafael and Credence could share that memory with him. And only his foreign friend really knew the gravity of the curse Danny had cast to end it. It was necessary, he repeated in his mind over and over, like the rhythm of breath. It was either cast the Cruciatus Curse on a panicked child or get blown to smithereens. If only he could get Rafael to see it that way.
"You can't take your mind away because you know it isn't right," was his response after he had pushed Danny into telling him what was on his mind.
"Don't be like that. You were there. I didn't want to be killed, and I didn't want it to get away from us either."
"There's never a time when Las Maldiciones Imperdonables are the only option, amigo."
Unwanted, unwelcome, and unaccustomed to being felt, spirals of doubt lingered in Danny's mind. It wasn't the sort of issue he could fix; not with a spell, not with knowledge, not with willpower. He couldn't tell anyone else. Speak the words 'I cast an Unforgivable Curse' and he might as well kiss that dream of becoming an Auror goodbye.He would probably have to have his own trial. No, life was better this way. Ravina was still talking to him. Even Rafael was willing to ignore the matter once he had said his piece. This problem was best left buried in the snow.
Rafael Valadez sometimes wished that his job was a bit more taxing. In Mexico, hard labor was rewarded and respected. Ilvermorny had spoiled him, pandering to his easygoing nature. This winter, he had gotten used to passing his time observing things like a baby owl popple its way from the safety of its home out into the frostbitten and turbulent winds of upper Mt. Greylock. Through his years of being a guard at this school, the biggest challenge that was usually offered was the occasional alborotador causing a fight or sneaking out past curfew. That all changed when Credence had come to live with them. Now there was always tension in the air. Like back home, when wizard families had to live in fear of their no mágico neighbors, keeping their talent undercover lest they be persecuted or exploited. Were there more Obscurials in Mexico? Regardless, their Obscurial at Ilvermorny had certainly changed everything when he had walked through that door. Danny hadn't been the same since that battle in the dungeons. Every little misstep or rebellion from the boy set the faculty's nerves on edge. What if he went a step further? How could they explain putting their faith in an unstable, unpredictable child? Still, Credence really tried. Rafael had watched him since his first step through the high, wooden doors. He knew the boy was trying his best. Just hold on niñito. Things will get easier if you can stay strong just a little while longer.
Credence watched the baby owl struggle its way out of castle grounds carrying his answer to Percy. An especially snow-heavy gust of wind threatened to overwhelm it, and he pressed his face against the icy window. It couldn't crash. One thing in his life had to be seen to fruition, had to be certain. The noise in his head was growing maddening. The Obscurus pushed against him with a pressure that was slowly but surely driving him insane. But he had told no one about his plan yet. He kept quiet, knowing that if he mentioned it to anyone but Percy they would try to talk him out of what he was intending to do. But Percy would understand. Percy had lived the pain. He had to agree.
Credence's eyes strained as the brown owl got blotted out by the snowy air. If Percy didn't agree, then he and the Obscurus would just have to do things alone. Like old times.
The rest of the holidays Credence spent as a ghost. The world seemed hazy and dim to his eyes, the way it had on his journey to Ilvermorny. But this haze was more like looking at a scene through a misted, glass wall. Everyone could act normal. They could laugh and feast and play in the snow. He was separated from them, lost somewhere dark. The Obscurus, maybe, if it had a fathomable depth. Its consciousness bled into Credence's mind. He hadn't been aware of it like this since before the school year started. Getting stronger again? He realized he didn't really care. It was the Obscurus' destiny to kill him, wasn't it? Well, he just hoped it would not be before he could get some relief.
Just a few days longer, then the pressure could be released. And Credence planned to see that Finnley Finnington came down with it.
A/N: Danny's back! And I do believe this is my first time going into Rafael's perspective. I had a scene in Summer Trials where he has a conversation with Ravina, and he tells her what the wizard community is like in Mexico (something similar to what is said here). I ended up taking it out of the narrative because it was kind of random and felt awkward. This is my way of bringing it back a little. As for Credence, I was going for trying to paint a picture of obsession and mental instability. Not all choices are logical in a headspace like that. Credence might know somewhere in his mind that he's not doing what's right, but he is just running off of emotion at this point, not really thinking like a normal person. Everything is very internal. Hope that came through in the description. Please review!