I use my shoulder to brace the phone against my ear so I can unzip the diaper bag that Shelby dropped off for Beth a few minutes ago. I could just go ahead and put Rachel on speaker instead of trying to hold the phone steady with my shoulder, but Rachel is a loose canon when she's as nervous as she is right now, so I don't want to risk putting her on speaker and having anyone else hear what she is saying. Besides, there isn't much of me and Rachel's relationship that remains private. Every time we do something, I either end up telling Mercedes or she ends up telling Kurt and it just seems like we constantly share what we have with other people. I know it's just a simple phone call, but it's something that I want to keep private.
She's starting to regret inviting Shelby to her house for dinner tomorrow. I don't know for sure, so I can't say anything with certainty, but I think she wasn't expecting for Shelby to actually say yes. I think she thought she was going to offer and Shelby was going to thank her but politely decline the invitation by making up some sort of event that her and Beth already have planned for Thanksgiving. But Shelby said yes, told her that she'd love to have dinner with her and her dads, and now Rachel is freaking out.
I called her just to tell her that Shelby is letting me keep Beth overnight, and it turned into a fifteen minute conversation about how nervous she is. And obviously I don't mind talking Rachel down from whatever ledge she gets herself on, I just wish she'd have picked a better time to have a nervous breakdown. Mercedes and Mom are in the bathroom giving Beth a bath and I'm trying to unpack her diaper bag to see what kind of pajamas that Shelby brought over, but it's kind of hard to concentrate when my girlfriend is going on and on and on and on.
"Well if you want, you can come over here for a couple hours," I suggest as I lay Beth's long sleeved pink and white striped pajama shirt and the matching pants with a unicorn on the butt across my quilt. "Beth's getting a bath right now but after that, we're not really doing anything. I'm probably just gonna sit around with her until she falls asleep, so you can come sit with us for a while."
"I would love to, but I seriously can't." The way she sighs into the phone makes it sound all rustled and unclear. "I ducked off onto the porch so I could talk to you for a little, but I have to get back inside. My dads are making a bunch of food for tomorrow and I'm supposed to be helping. I know it's weird, but I kind of want everything to be perfect tomorrow. For Shelby."
"Well, babe," I pull one single diaper out of her bag and the baby lotion too. "You've gotta stop stressing. It's gonna be okay. I know you're nervous but think about how much easier it's going to be when it's over."
"I just don't think I can go through with it. You don't know how close I am to texting Shelby and telling her not to even come anymore, I… why did I do this?"
"Well what's making you the most nervous right now?" After I have all of Beth's things laid out on my bed, I sit down so I can get comfortable for when I have to talk Rachel out of her own neurosis. "Like out of all the things running through your head, which one is making you the most nervous?"
"I just feel like they might not like her," she mumbles and I wonder if maybe she's mumbling because her dads are near and she doesn't want them to hear. I hear a door shut on her end of the phone but I don't know if she went back inside or is coming outside. "Like after everything… after Shelby leaves and stuff, they might just pull me aside and be like "look, we don't like her and you can't see her." Imagine how shitty that would be."
"Well they liked her seventeen years ago, didn't they? When they screened her and decided she was the one they wanted to carry their baby, they liked her then. So why do you think they won't like her now?"
"That's just the thing," she says and I hear another door close on her end and I'm convinced that she just locked herself in her bedroom to talk. "It was seventeen years ago. You know how much people can change in seventeen years. I doubt that Shelby is the same person she was seventeen years ago. And then…" she sighs and if I know Rachel as well as I think I know Rachel, that sigh came from tears. She's crying right now and it's killing me to not be there wiping her tears.
"And then what, baby? What else are you thinking?" I call this "Soft Quinn." She only comes out for Beth, Rachel and the occasional Mercedes or Santana. She does not call anyone else "baby", though. That is specifically reserved for Rachel and Beth. Specifically. "Don't cry, just tell me what's the matter."
She breathes deeply into the phone and I hear her breath quaking with her tears and GOD, this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. To sit here on my bed and listen to my girlfriend crying and knowing that I could make it stop if I was there to hold her hand… Mom and Dad and Mercedes and Mykel wouldn't mind if I left Beth with them for an hour. It would only be for an hour. I just have to get to Rachel and calm her down. I'd be back in no time.
"What if they love her?" Her voice is still trembling and my heart feels like it's about to bust out of my chest and skitter across town to her bedroom. "I don't know what's worse."
"Why would loving her be a bad thing?"
"Because then they have to share me. My dads haven't shared me with anyone for seventeen years and then suddenly, they have to share me with her? I just don't know how that could ever be okay. My dads… Quinn, you don't understand. They would implode. There's no possible way they'd ever be okay with sharing me but if they actually like Shelby then they would feel like they have to and it would ruin everything. It would ruin everything. I think I just ruined their lives. I ruined their lives, Quinn. After everything they've done for me… I just ruined everything. No wonder everyone says I'm selfish…"
"Rachel, listen to me." I fold my legs and switch the phone to my other ear to give my one ear a break. "Your dads are grown men. If they didn't want to invite Shelby over for dinner, they would have just told you no. You didn't ruin anything. If they weren't fully prepared to open this door and possibly allow Shelby into your life, they would have never agreed. You didn't ruin anything. You —"
"You don't know them…" Her voice cracks again and I swear to God if I hear her actively crying one more time, I'm getting in my car and going over there. I can't take hearing her cry. It does something to me. "They love me so much, they'd do anything I want them to do. Anything. Even if they aren't ready to have my mom in our lives, they'd do it just because it's something that I want. You don't know my dads. They do anything to make me happy. And I've always just… taken advantage of that, you know? But now… now I think I'm going to hurt them and I… I don't know how to fix it. I just wanted them to meet Shelby so bad… I just wanted to stop sneaking off to see her…"
"You have three people who love you, though. You have three people who love you and want the best for you. They're doing this for you. They're doing this because you're their daughter and they love you and they want to come together for you, Rachel. This is for you. You've got to stop freaking out like this. I know you're worried and I know you're scared about what's going to happen, but you wanted this. You've wanted this for a long time. You —"
"I went behind their backs, Quinn. That's what I did. I found the contract in the attic before I even went to meet my mom, and it said that she can't contact me until I'm eighteen. That's what my dads wanted. So I went behind their back. I went behind their back, I didn't honor what they wanted, I found Shelby myself and now I'm just ruining everything. Nobody ever wanted that. This isn't the way things were supposed to be."
"Well so what? I mean, sometimes things don't work out. My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to be seventeen years old with a baby and not even living in my own house. I was never supposed to be like this, but it's… it's fine, okay? Sometimes things don't work out and it's for the best. You've got to calm down. You have to. If you don't calm down, tomorrow will be an absolute disaster and not because your dads and Shelby like each other or dislike each other. It's going to be a disaster because you're going to fall apart and all these people who love you — myself included — will be rushing to put you back together because that's just what we do. Try to calm down. Try. Because everything is going to be alright. Okay? We'll cross all these bridges when we get there but right now, we're not there. Tomorrow you can freak out about ruining things but tonight, I just want you to be excited. Your parents are meeting each other for the first time. You should be excited and celebrating that, babe. Not crying hysterically into the phone because you think you did something that you haven't even done yet. You don't know what's going to happen. Promise me you'll try to calm down?"
"I promise…" She sniffs and her voice sounds so much clearer, which makes me relax a little now that I know she's not crying anymore. "I just think I made a mistake. I think I was too hasty, I should've thought about it first. But I wanted to tell them about Beth."
"What do you mean?" For some reason, I feel myself getting a little bit defensive. I mean I know Beth is Rachel's sister and she has a right to speak about her, but I… I don't know, I feel weird about it? Like I don't want her to tell anyone anything about Beth? I don't know. "Tell them what about Beth?"
"Well… you know how at the festival, I just kept telling them that Beth was your daughter?"
"Yeah."
"I never told them that she's my sister. I didn't tell them that my mom adopted her. I just told them that you gave her up for adoption and the adoptive parents let you see her from time to time. So at the fair… I don't know, I guess I just felt like I needed to tell them. And I thought… I thought what better way to tell them that your baby is my sister than to just invite my mom for Thanksgiving?"
"I think everyone will understand." If I were with her in the flesh, this is when I would reach over and hug her. "Nobody thinks you did this maliciously, Rach. Everyone knows that you've been curious. You're a teenage girl who needs her mom. I think your dads can understand your curiosity."
"I need them to understand my selfishness first."
"Stop it. Stop talking about yourself like that. It's not selfish for you to want to know your mom. She's your mom and Shelby's… she's great. I'd want to know her too."
"You would?"
"I would."
"...Thanks for calming me down, Quinn. I really don't know what I would've done without you. I was freaking out and I was having a panic attack and I was so scared. I just… I needed you tonight. Thanks for being there."
"Anytime. You know I'd do anything for you." Even from down the hallway, I can hear it whenever either Mercedes or Mom lets the water out of the tub, so I know they'll be bringing Beth in here shortly to get dressed. "Hey, listen. I'm gonna go now because I think they're done giving Beth a bath. But after you're done with your dads and Shelby, you should come over here tomorrow. We're gonna play games and sing karaoke after dinner and I think the family would actually like to meet you."
"Are you sure Mercedes is okay with that? This isn't a plot to get me into the house so she can cut my head off, is it?"
I laugh a little at first, but I can tell she's serious about being wary of coming over. "No, I promise. We talked about it and she's not mad anymore. It was her idea to invite you, actually."
"Well… okay. I'll come. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm leaving my house. Okay?"
"Alright. I love you."
"I love you, too."
And almost as if they're right on cue or something, Mercedes and Mom both come back into my room as soon as I hang up the phone with Rachel. Beth's all covered up in a fluffy brown towel and her wet hair is sticking to her forehead. She chews on the corner of the towel and keeps her head down, resting on Mom's shoulder. I wonder if she's sleepy. It's kind of hard to tell because she's a naturally cuddly baby and she likes to put her head down even when she's not sleepy. But her head is on Mom's shoulder and she hardly even knows Mom, so either that means she's sleepy or just really comfortable with Mom. I'm not sure which.
"There's Quinn!" Mom presses her lips to the top of Beth's head and points at me. "I told you she was still here, didn't I?"
"Hi, baby!" I hold my arms out for her and she immediately leans toward me. "Are you all clean? Hmm? You smell good." I wrap the towel around her a little tighter so she's not cold and kiss her right on her tiny little lips. "Was she crying for me?"
"A little," Mercedes sits down and starts combing her fingers through Beth's wet curls. "She kept looking out the door. She kept turning her head so she could look out the door. Like she was looking for you or something."
"Aww," I hold her up so I can get a good look at her and maybe it's weird, but I do that sometimes. Sometimes I just hold her out in front of me and up in the air so I can look at her. I don't know, she still feels too good to be true. It still feels like something as beautiful as her shouldn't have came from something as horrible as what Puck did to me. And sometimes I still can't believe that she's mine. I can't believe that she was the one growing inside of me for eight and a half months and that she belongs to me.
As I hold her up, she looks down into my eyes and starts blowing spit bubbles. It's so weird because everything she does is just so exciting and magical to me. She blows spit bubbles and I'm in love. She puts her head on my chest and I'm in love. She coughs and I'm in love. She breathes and I'm in love. She poops so gross and it's all up her back and I'm gagging but thinking about how much I love her. It's so weird. Is this what being a parent is supposed to be like?
"You wanna get dressed? Hmm? You wanna put a diaper on your butt? And put your jammies on?" I put her down on the bed in front of me and her face crumbles up for a moment, which means she didn't want me to put her down. I think. I'm still learning Beth's language.
"I'll get her dressed," Mercedes says as she grabs the pajamas I laid out for her.
"I can do it." I grab the lotion and Beth's diaper as I start to unwrap her towel.
"Quinn, seriously. You have her all the time. I want my turn. She's my niece. You're depriving me of my rights as an auntie." She holds her hands out like I'm actually going to give her the diaper and the lotion. "Let me get her dressed."
"Mercedes, move. She's my baby, I'll get her dressed." I start by rubbing the towel across Beth's hair to dry it off. "I let you guys give her a bath. I'll get her dressed."
"Yeah, well Mom took over the bath too! I didn't get to do anything!"
"You was gonna get water all up in that baby's eyes!" Mom sits down on the bed too instead of lingering by the door. "Beth said she don't like neither one you. She said neither one of you know what you doing. She said she wanna stay with me." She holds her hands out to Beth just like I did a minute ago. "Come on, little squish. Come with grams. I'll get you all lotioned up and soft."
"Little squish?" I raise my eyebrow at her and keep drying my baby's hair. "What the heck is that?"
"The same tired ass nickname she gave me and my brother growing up!" Mercedes replies. "Mom, it's time to get some new ones. Beth don't wanna be called 'squish.' Pick something new."
"You mind your damn business and watch your mouth." Mom picks Beth up and even though I wanted to put lotion on her and get her dressed myself, I don't really feel like I can argue with Mom. "Don't you be telling me how to handle this baby. When you done had two babies and raised two babies, then you can tell me what to do. Until then, both uh you shut up."
I have to fight off a laugh because I can't tell if she's joking or being serious. Usually when Mom yells at me and Mercedes like that, she's joking. She doesn't cuss at us and yell at us like that very often but sometimes she does, so I can't really tell the difference. I think she's joking. And I think it's pretty damn cool how she can be barking at us to shut up and mind our businesses but still be so gentle with the way she starts rubbing baby lotion on Beth's torso.
"Quinn, where's her t-shirt?" Mom asks as she straps a diaper on Beth's bare butt.
"Right here." I hand her the long-sleeved pajama shirt that Shelby packed.
"No, not that. A t-shirt." She continues rubbing lotion on both of Beth's chubby legs. "Where's her t-shirt?"
"What do you mean?" I grab the diaper bag and unzip it again. "Those are her pajamas, that's what she packed."
"You mean to tell me Shelby ain't pack this baby no t-shirt?" She's gentle with the way she rolls Beth onto her stomach to put lotion on her back.
"There's this…" I pull out a plain white onesie that snaps between her legs and hold it up.
"That's what I was talking about, give it here." She takes it off of me and starts putting it over Beth's head. "You was gonna them pajamas on her without no t-shirt underneath?"
"I mean… yeah? They're her pajamas… I don't know why she'd need a onesie under her jammies." I shrug and look at Mercedes, who rolls her eyes.
"Lemme ask you two something." She puts the long sleeves on Beth next, over the onesie. "When you put on a shirt that has a design on it, ain't you put on a tank top or something under it so it don't itch?"
"Sometimes…" I nod and so does Mercedes.
"Well you dress the baby like you dress yourself. You don't know if her pajamas is gonna itch her or not. So put something on that's comfortable first. And plus, it's winter. She need some layers on her so she don't get cold."
"...So that's why Shelby puts tank tops underneath literally all her clothes…" I get it now. Maybe that's something that comes with experience. I've only been a mother for almost nine months and only been active in Beth's life for nearly two. Maybe I would've learned about the undershirt rule with more experience… "...This is why I gave her up for adoption. I'd be a horrible mother."
"No you wouldn't have!" Mercedes nudges me with her elbow. "You would've been fine!"
"Mercedes, I'm clueless. I thought being a mom was all about just like… cuddling when you need to and making sure she eats and is changed. I'd be horrible at this if I had to do it all the time."
"Well somebody just gotta teach you." Mom finishes up by putting socks on Beth's feet and picks her up. "You ain't just gonna know these things overnight. Somebody gotta teach you how to be a mama. It'll come together. You'll get it. I was clueless too when I first had 'Kel, but my mama taught me and showed me the ropes. When I had 'Cedes, I was an old pro. It comes with time and experience."
She hands Beth back to me and I run my fingers through her curls just so they lay the way I always like for her hair to lay. As soon as she's back in my arms, she rubs her fingers across my nose and my lips. She smiles whenever I kiss her hand.
"Sometimes I start to regret not keeping her…" I admit and continue kissing my baby's chubby hand. "Sometimes I think about it and I think I could have done it. It would've been hard with school and everything but even if I had to drop out and just get my GED or something, I would've done that for her. I could have done this. And I get sad thinking about it because I know I could have done it. I know I could have. She loves me and that really… it sucks, you know? She loves me and if I wouldn't have given her up, she'd never have to leave me." I've never really said this to anyone except my therapists… "But now I'm thinking about it and… and I wouldn't have had someone to teach me. My mom — Judy, I mean — she wouldn't have… taught me. She'd have just stepped in and did everything herself. I would've never learned how to be a good mom…" I look away from Beth and at Mom and Mercedes. "...I made the right choice, didn't I?"
"You did," Mercedes nods and puts her hand on my shoulder. "She has a good life and you're able to have the life you deserve, too."
"But do I? Deserve a life without her, I mean. I had sex, I made that decision, I shouldn't be able to just… dump the consequences of sex off on someone else just so I can be a normal teenager again."
"You ain't make that decision though." Mom stands up like she's about to leave and I know she's about to, because she doesn't like to hear me talk about things like sex. She hates to talk about sex when it comes to me. "You hear me? You ain't make that decision and if I ever hear you say anything about deserving consequences from that, I'm gonna smack you silly and then smack your therapist silly too. You don't accept consequences for what happened. That was not your decision."
"I know, but —"
"But nothing. I could see where you're coming from if you decided to lie down with that boy and do something that could make a baby but you ain't decide nothing. You ain't tell nobody to get on top of you and make that baby. So you ain't gotta accept shit and certainly not no consequences." She takes a deep breath after rambling and heads for the door. "Bring that baby back downstairs. Imma go check on this food."
She leaves and I turn to look at Mercedes, hoping that she'll understand what I was trying to say. I know I didn't decide to lie down and have sex with Puck. But the fact is that I put myself in that position. I was making out with him, that was something I said yes to. I made out with him, I knew that it could have led to something else and it did. I didn't decide to have sex with him and I didn't want him to rape me, but he did. He did and when I got pregnant, Beth became my responsibility… right? So how is it fair that I get to just… dump her off on someone else? She should've been my baby to keep… right?
"I think you made the right call," Mercedes stands up too. "Why should you have to sit around and look at a baby that you didn't consent to making? You got lucky that Beth's a girl and looks nothing like him, but what if she did? What if she was a boy and looked like him? Then you'd be stuck with a baby who looks like the guy who raped you. That would suck."
"It's not like that though." I shift Beth so that she's lying in my arms and I look down at her. She looks up at me with those beautiful little eyes and those chubby little cheeks and she is just everything in this world that is good. "I don't see him when I look at her. I see… I see my baby. She's my baby… and I should be taking care of her. I don't look at her and see Puck… I see… me."
"Nobody's saying that you shouldn't love your baby, Quinn. Nobody's saying that at all. What I'm saying is that maybe… maybe it's time you stop using Beth to dismiss what Puck did you. Just because you got a beautiful little baby out of it doesn't mean what he did to you was… fate or whatever."
Is Mercedes right? Do I use Beth to lessen what Puck did to me…?
Somehow, I let Mercedes talk me into letting her be the one to carry Beth downstairs. She hasn't cried since she's been here and she's been letting me pass her to other people, but it's me that's starting to get a little flustered. I thought that having a sleepover with her would mean lots of extra kisses and cuddles for me and we'd get to know each other because tonight will be the longest I've ever been with her. But so far, it's just a bunch of me sharing her with people. And I'm not mad about it, I'm not. I'm really glad that she has all these people who love her, actually. But I don't want to share her anymore. Call me selfish, but I want my baby. She's mine, after all.
But that doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon, because as soon as me and Mercedes hit the last step, Dad practically bumrushes us and wraps his hands around Beth.
"Finally!" He starts lifting her out of Mercedes arms and Mercedes knows better than to snatch her back. "I've been dying to get my hands on you! Yeah. I've been dying to see you, little girl." He starts swaying back and forth with Beth and I'm waiting for her to scream or cry and she never does, which is a little irritating because that's how I would've gotten her back. If she'd have cried, he'd have let me take her.
"Dad!" Mercedes yells at him and follows him into the kitchen as he's still holding Beth. "You have no idea how hard it was to get Quinn to give her to me! Give her back! You'll have your turn!"
"Oh hush, 'Cedes." He sways back and forth with my baby in his arms and the two of them watch Mom check on the food in the oven. "I been waiting all night to get her." He looks at Beth and starts talking in a baby voice, which sounds funny coming from him. "Yes I have. Yes I have. Uh huh. I've been waiting all night to see you, little lady. You want some turkey? And some potatoes? You gonna eat tomorrow? How else you gonna keep up with that figure if you don't eat?" He keeps cooing at her and Beth opens her mouth and starts jabbering back at him like they're having a conversation. "I know. I know you're hungry, I know these people don't feed you. You want some mashed potatoes? Of course you do. Piggy lady," he pokes Beth's stomach and she laughs so hard that her face turns red.
"Mykel, Mercedes and Quinn. Why don't you three run to the store for me?" Mom closes the oven and tears a list off her notepad. "I need some last minute stuff for dinner tomorrow."
"Okay, fine," I take the list from her and turn to Mercedes and Mykel. I won't lie, I'm a little nervous to leave Beth here. But she's having a good time with Dad and of course I trust them with her, so I'll go. "I'll drive."
It makes me feel better about leaving her when I look down the hallway and into the kitchen, and see my dad still making her laugh by poking her stomach and calling her "piggy lady." I know she's safe here and that makes me happy.
But it also kind of makes me sad because this is exactly the kind of life I would have wanted for my little girl and maybe if I'd have kept her, this could have been it.
Am I starting to regret giving her to Shelby?
I won't lie, I thought everyone was kidding when I read all those mommy blogs while I was pregnant. Every night before I went to sleep, I'd read blogs from new moms and the one thing they always complained about was being tired and running on very little hours of sleep.
I thought they were all being dramatic. I knew that babies make their own schedules and they're hard to get to go to sleep sometimes, but I really thought the new moms were being dramatic when their chief complaints were that they were tired and only sleeping two hours a night. I thought that they were just women who are used to sleeping eight hours and they weren't prepared for their baby. I didn't think it could possibly be that bad and I thought two hours a night was a gross exaggeration.
Well, I'm here to tell you that I, Lucy Quinn Fabray, was so VERY wrong.
When I go to open my eyes the next morning, they feel like they have ten pounds bricks just weighing them down and preventing me from opening them. I have a very faint headache behind my eyes and my body feels like someone went inside of me and unhinged all my joints. I feel like I'm falling apart in the most literal sense of the word.
She woke up every two hours. And I am not grossly exaggerating.
At first, I thought it was going to be fine. She fell asleep on Dad's lap at around 10:00, which is late for her when she's usually in bed and asleep by about 8:30. It was late when she finally fell asleep but I chalked it up to her just being excited and in a new place. We were watching a movie all piled up in the living room while Mom finished up some more of the food and I looked over and she was sleeping. I took her upstairs, tucked her into my bed, put my pillows around her, then went back downstairs to finish the movie.
After the movie was over, I went upstairs to join her in my bed and go to sleep as well. She let me sleep until 12:45 midnight, then woke me up with her crying. As as soon as I turned the light on and she saw my face, she calmed down a little bit but then I thought that she might be hungry because she hadn't gotten a bottle in a while. I made her one with the bottles of water and formula and rice cereal that Shelby packed in her diaper bag. She ate the entire thing in ten minutes flat then went back to sleep and I thought we were in the clear.
Then it was almost 3:30 when she woke up again and cried her eyes out for the second time. I tried to make her another bottle but she didn't want it, which made sense I guess because she shouldn't have been hungry. Instead, I just pulled her closer to me and let her lay on my chest and she fell asleep again.
I looked over at my clock when started crying again and it wasn't even 5:00 in the morning yet. She was screaming her head off and I don't remember what I did to calm her down after that, I just know that she stopped crying eventually and that was it. I've been sleeping ever since but I set my alarm to go off at 8:30 because that's when she wakes up and gets her breakfast.
But when I open my eyes and check my phone to see what time it is, it's only 8:15. And Beth isn't awake and she isn't crying, so maybe I can milk these last fifteen minutes… I'm so tired…
I lock my phone again, then roll over to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep, but when I feel the right side of my bed… it's empty. Completely empty.
"Beth…?" I spring up and look over just to make sure I'm not losing my mind. Maybe I just didn't feel her or something, I don't know.
But I'm not losing my mind. She's really not here! Her bottle, still full, is still lying on the pillow like I left it and her long sleeved pajama shirt is still at the bottom of the bed where I tossed it after I felt her sweating last night. All the signs that my baby was in this bed with me are there, but my baby isn't here! Where is she?!
"Beth!" I climb out of my bed immediately and don't even bother to change out of my skimpy pajama shorts and into pajama pants. I drop down to my knees and check under my bed. I would have heard her cry if she rolled out of the bed. I would've heard it.
Oh my god, where is my baby?!
I practically sprint for the steps and run down them so fast that I make Whitney and Bobby start barking but I don't care. Where is my child? I went to sleep with my child next to me and I woke up and she's gone! She's gone! This is the kind of stuff that horror movies are made of! I would've felt someone take her! They would have had to reach over me because I slept on the outside part. I put her closest to the wall, so they would have had to reach over me to grab her.
"Mom…? Dad…?" I reach the bottom of the steps and I know they're awake already because I hear water boiling on the stove and the morning news is on in the living room. Mykel is still on the couch sleeping, though. "Mom… have you seen Beth?" I stop in the living room to look around first. "She's not in my room!"
I head for the kitchen next and all my panic just washes away the second I see her, in her jammie pants and her white onesie with her hair all over the place. She's sitting on top of the table in front of Mom, eating little pieces of ripped up pancake.
"Oh god…" I sigh in relief and immediately pick her up. "I almost had a heart attack!"
"You know where she was," Mom uses a baby wipe to clean Beth's sticky hands. "She just woke up a little bit ago."
"You should've told me you were taking her." I press my lips to my baby's sticky cheek and fix her messy bed hair. "I woke up in a tizzy."
"I came and got her around five when I heard her up in your room crying." She cleans up the little bit of pancake that Beth didn't eat and throws the plastic plate in the garbage. "She cried all night, I thought you needed some sleep. I put her up in the bed between me and Jared and she was sleep for a while. She stayed sleep until she woke up a little bit ago."
"Thank you," I shift Beth onto my other hip and kiss her again. "I was so tired last night."
"I know, baby." She stirs the noodles that are boiling in the pot, then moves on to stick a fork in the potatoes that are cooling.
"You need any help with dinner?"
"Nah, I should be good. If you wanna help with something, when 'Kel and 'Cedes wake up, I need you three to straighten up the living room. That's where we play the games and sing at."
"Okay, I will. I'm gonna go get Beth cleaned up and dressed, I'll be right back."
"Go on."
As I head back up the steps to my room so I can see what outfit Shelby packed for me to dress Beth into, I realize how stupid I was to panic. Of course Mom had her. Nobody in this house can listen to my baby crying and not do anything to help her. I should've known Mom had her.
As soon as I put Beth back onto my bed and grab the diaper bag from my nightstand, I grab my phone to shut my alarm off before it goes off in a few minutes.
But when I go to open my phone up, I have a text message…
New iMessage
Thursday, November 28
8:22 a.m.
FRANNIE: Happy Thanksgiving Little Luce! I'll Be In Lima In One Hour. Send The Address To Where You're Staying. I Can't Wait To See You!