Kurama's POV:
I sat in bed after a much needed shower as the smell of dirt, ash and blood burned my nostrils. With a forearm pressed hard against my forehead, I tried my best to ignore the sounds coming through the walls. Yusuke's was loudest, telling Koenma where to shove his briefing meetings, I could not say I did not agree with him. Everyone needed rest, they were scared, tired after such a long night.
Somewhere close by Kazuma and Yukina were discussing with Ito, hushed tones reaching sensitive ears. He had been hit by that thing, that creature which did not even hold a name. Hana's name fell from his lips, tone intensifying once he learned she fled the temple. He has questions burning his tongue, the fire within in burning as his energy increased, seeping through the temple.
As long as things simmered down I could not even pretend to want to care.
Groaning I turned to the side, pushing back the memory of Hana's horrified face deep inside my mind. The realisation that I was Yoko had killed something inside of her. Yusuke's tone rang louder, closing in, something about the Special Defence Forces being assigned to guard the temple, perhaps it was for the best. Everyone wanted reassurance, the need for safety rivalling any other needs. He was mumbling to himself by what I could pick up as there was no second voice holding the conversation alive.
Sitting up, a heavy sigh left my chest as I counted to ten before deciding to actually return to the city. It was a well thought out decision, not one made on impulse.
Opening the door, Yusuke stopped mid action, large chocolate eyes taking me in as his hand lowered "Good, you're up." Shifting my gaze I said nothing, letting him deduce on his own the reasons for not even going to sleep "Where are you off to?" Once more the words died on my lips, a low growl bubbling in his chest "Not you too. I need at least one sane person to keep everything together."
"To be honest Yusuke, Kazuma is the most level headed one at present, however if you truly require my help I can postpone my departure." Naturally he did not take it too well, anger contorting his face, nose wrinkled into an almost indescribable shape.
"Fine, go." Running a hand through his hair he exhaled loudly, chest expanding prior to returning to normal.
"This is on me Yusuke." A stare so intense cut me off, fire burning deep within him, energy increasing with every passing second.
"Did you call Otake and his demon slayers here? Did you infect Ito and yourself?" shoving my hands inside deep pockets I let him talk, allowed him to let it all out, expecting a punch somewhere down the line, however I had no intention of stopping him "The only thing on you is so freaking stupid it hurts my brain." Mine as well Yusuke, mine as well "I mean come on." He shook his head a couple of time, disappointment clear for my eyes to see "Go, get some rest, I know you want to be alone right now, I would too if Keiko was mad at me. But we need you back here next week. No matter what."
"Thank you." Dipping my head, I did not lift my eyes until I was all alone, walking through the forest making my way to the train station. Following the tire tracks Hana left behind, it was clear she did not take the route to the city, however I did not pursuit her.
I was under the impression that the certain restrain I exhibited, the amount of will power I put into turning my back and just head to the train station, hurt, both emotionally and physical. I was the last person she would want to see. I did tell her I was not done with secrets yet she had no way of putting two and two together, but I wish that somehow she had. It would have played out differently.
I had hoped that once I was back home I could think, adjust myself to what I was feeling and finally get some rest, yet I could not. My mind kept playing on repeat Hana's words "I need you to let me go." It felt like my bed was made out of needles, I could not lay my head to rest. The mattress carried her scent, invading my nostrils, engulfing me whole.
I turned it, throwing the sheet on the floor, I flipped the matters over, got clean sheets from the dresser. It was still there, she was everywhere. Opening all the windows in the house, whoever saw my frantic actions must have believed I was mad.
Ripping a page from Hana's book, I opened the liquor cabinet, bottles half empty or still untouched since the house warming party stared back at me. Whisky, why not? I needed to burn her out of my senses if I wanted to think, numb the shame coursing sluggishly through my veins.
Turning my nose away, I frowned at the strong smell, eyes lingering on the label "Is this even a good brand?" the early summer breeze circled the apartment, travelling through every corner, dust lifting off the furniture. Pushing the glass against my lips, I took a big gulp, almost gagging as it hit my empty stomach. Perhaps it is not the best of plans.
Since sleep was not my friend, I started cleaning the house, regretting the action when I reached the photo album Hana gave to me as a present. Happy faces stared back at me, fox stickers burning my retina, everything reminding me of better times. Turning page after page, the whisky dried against my throat as I drained another glass, each time I took a small sip I would feel sick to my stomach.
Shutting my eyes, kicking the album aside I grinded my teeth together until my jaw hurt. This irrational behaviour is allowing the pain to dig deeper and I needed to stop it. I will not contact her, she wants nothing to do with me.
She wants nothing to do with me.
Nothing do to with me.
Nothing.
I burned the idea deep within my head, my heart, my very soul, letting it consume me entirely. It was the only way I knew how, by letting what I did, the lies coating my tongue to devour my senses, to hurt so much until I went numb.
I did not expect the weekend to have any positive results, tired eyes opening at the sound of a message shortly after I had managed to fall asleep. The very next second I sat up, trying to focus the image as Hana's name appeared in the group chat "I'm ok, safe, sorry for running off like that. See you soon."
A promise for the upcoming week?
I spent the following days running every possible scenario through my mind, how she would react, how I would, what words to use, limit body language, train my eyes to not reveal too much, testing everything on each human I came across.
There was no other message apart from that, not that I expected it. Just as I was hiding reactions, Hana did the same and she would not reveal a single thing until everything aligned in her head, until she made peace with it all.
On Friday afternoon I was called to Spirit World, not for a briefing as I expected. Koenma looked calm, pensive yes, however someone must have provided him with the much needed information. The detailed version of the events. Only two people could have performed such a task, me or Hana.
He did not waste time with idle chats as they were not necessary, sharp eyes studying my moves.
"This is the last time I'm asking you Kurama and it's because of the history you share with the worlds and all the help you have provided over the years. Where do you stand?" I heard every word Koenma verbalised, feeling thankful in a way that he even considered to give me a second chance in choosing differently than my initial statement. Somehow the tightness accumulated in my chest alleviated slightly, allowed me to breathe normally.
Once relocations were accepted by all governing powers and the teams formed we were all given a choice: with, against or neutral. Everyone chose to be pro relocations, thus granting them easy access to Demon and Spirit World if needed. No one was against it, once they learned what Enma did everyone wanted to help in their own way, as much as they could.
I became the only neutral point, wishing to lead a normal human life, not involve myself too much if I could help it, even if I was still very much a part of the team. They were my friends after all, the only ones who knew me, with whom I could be myself. As much as I allowed it of course.
Of course…
It would have worked out if I indeed stayed neutral, kept up appearances of a human life, found a wife who would have never known about my past, about Kurama, Yoko, any of it. However all the lies burned a hole through me, I could no longer keep it up.
"With, I will do anything I can to help." Behind me a monitored lowered at a push of Koenma's remote. On the screen Yomi appeared, yet I figured as much. It was obvious he took an interest in Hana.
"Welcome back to the table Kurama. About time you got your head back in the game." He had anticipated it I am certain "Would you truly be joining as yourself or will you once again show Yoko to the world?" he was testing my already thin patience and I intended to have none of it.
"You already know the answer to that one Yomi." My thoughts went out to Hiei who had not reported back which was worrying. He should have kept an eye on Hana. Perhaps she had not returned to the city at all, was still hiding somewhere.
"A pity really but then again you always played by different rules. I spoke with the council and Enki, soon there will be a meeting to discuss matters. It comes as no surprise but Hana will be put on display." It was a given unfortunately, what bothered me was the fact that Yomi was not part of the Demon World council so what was his purpose in all of this "We believe they have been targeting demons at random up until now. With the tournament approaching in September we might see an increase in infected demons."
My eyes travelled to Koenma, tension evident in his posture "So you believe this is related to a power play, do I have that correctly?" a simple nod was enough of an answer as I looked back at the screen. Even if that theory had any basis we only had Hana to rely on. Even if she were to train, get stronger, the amount of energy she uses to detach just one tentacle monster was enough to put a dent in her for the rest of the day. I truly believe anger and pain where the only two things that kept her blood pumping that wretched night, the only thing fuelling her. How else could she help me and Ito?
"I will be providing Hana my full support, she will have everything at her disposal here in Gandara." Gripping the chair handles I straightened, holding my breath "Got nothing to say to that Kurama? You are also welcome I hope it goes without saying." Exhaling slowly through my nose, I rested one hand on top of the other in my lap. Nothing too open yet also not a too inviting gesture either.
Koenma intervened, cutting the meeting short "Thank you Yomi, we will be seeing each other soon." Somehow I had the impression even after the monitor went back up that all of it was done to test me however Koenma also showed signs of stress. This meeting they were planning had the power to change everything we have all worked for until now.
"Kurama, if she chooses to"
Cutting him off gently I let the words out effortlessly "I will not stand in her way." A heavy sigh was not what I expected from him, not even in the slightest. It should have been me breathing out like that, my eyes should have stared at the desk, mind searching for the right words, not him.
"I know you are a good actor Kurama and you will do what's right, but I want you to be able to talk to me. Don't act like what happened with Hana didn't mean anything, did not affect you." he wished for it, thought our relationship would hinder her, stop her progression. What are you playing at Koenma?
Getting up, it was time for me to take my leave, it was better that way "There is no benefit from such a discussion. Hana is a mature woman and she will do what she wishes in the end, regardless of what you assume I am feeling. Do you require anything else from me?"
Leaning back in his chair his eyes never stopped searching for signs "Please stop, when all the events unfolded it was clear you were hurting, Hana means a lot to you."
"Are you certain?" his eyes widened, the harshness exhibited taking him by surprise, however he recovered quickly "Do you need anything else Koenma?"
"No, you are free to go." With a small bow I turned to exit the office "Just a small piece of advice if you wish to hear it?" I stopped, not turning, but he knew I was listening "I know I was against the relationship, currently I still haven't made up my mind entirely, but that should not count for anything, for either of you, it's clear you have invested a lot of feelings into one another." Seeing how I wasn't reacting he let out a heavy sigh "I can tell you where she is if that aids you."
"No, she is better off without me." and I did try to convince myself that was truly the case.
I needed to believe that especially since I knew the day when me and her would lock eyes again was edging closer as I had to return to the temple.
All the demon relocations made their establishment close to the temple grounds, this way it was easier to keep everyone in check and also for them to join forces in case of a new attack. It was the most reasonable approach, perimeter being secured with multiple wards.
I did not join everyone on Friday, instead deciding to make an appearance the following day. It was enough, my presence was not truly required apart from the weekend.
In truth I did not wish to face everyone, a week away had not been nearly enough, all leads and ideas returning to me with nothing. Otake had never been that strong, yet he suffered a sort of mutation that allowed him to overpower me in terms of strength. If Hana had not arrived, I could have won, granted if he did not manage to infest my soul.
I tried my hardest to not think about her, investing more time into work, it was better that way, yet I still found my mind wandering, forever turning back to her.
I had no knowledge of where was, did not wish for it regardless of the struggle. She could have well been in Demon World, under Yomi's direct protection, preparing for the meeting we would soon attend. I refrained from passing her old apartment, she might have returned there, waiting for word from Koenma so she could resurface.
Late Friday afternoon a courier arrived at my door, parcel being delivered. Opening it, despite knowing what was inside I wanted to smash it against the floor. Holding the new camera I ordered for Hana in my hands I found myself shaking. I order a new one since hers was scattered to pieces after the incident with her father. Throwing it back in the box, I left it there in the hallway.
How did she manage to nest herself so close to me?
Taking the album she gave me, I threw it on the floor, taking pictures out, scattering them. With trembling hands I tried to rip apart one, yet I could not. The girl smiling back at me still melted my heart, she had done nothing wrong in this case. I questioned her actions too much, to every possible thing she said and grinded her words until there was nothing left.
Now I was left with every part of me wanting her back.
She would have accepted the fact that I had another form, she wouldn't have batted an eye at Yoko. All these years I pushed her away, tried to scare her off, make her look away from me. But I wanted her, she could test me, push back and retaliate, regroup her thoughts and try again.
Running a shaky hand down my face I continued to stare at those pictures, picking them up one by one, placing them back in the album.
How did you manage to leave your mark on me?
As I was heading to the temple the next day I knew things would be different without her there. We basically let her do everything she wanted, let her lighten the mood. She was infectious once out of her shell, once she trusted those around her.
Letting out a heavy sigh I looked up at the stairs leading to the temple, brows furrowing "Is that the What does the fox say song?"