"Could I hold one of the babies?" Leonardo asked. "Seems like that would be a good place to start."
Donatello smiled, feeling like he was thinking clearer now. "Of course. You can take Mei here. I think that Bruno and Faith are asleep. Rumor has it that you should never wake a sleeping baby."
Leonardo gently took Mei from Don, who winced at the slight movement of his arms and the shift in weight. He needed more painkillers. "Support her head," Don instructed. Then he realized that Leo was already doing just that. "You've got it," he added.
Leonardo sat down and gazed at the newborn. "I've been watching videos about childcare," he admitted. Leo drank it in for a few minutes. "How amazing," he whispered after a while. "I'm used to seeing you work miracles, Donatello, but these three take the cake."
"You and I are in complete agreement on that," Don boasted.
"You're going to be a great father," Leo said, wistfully.
"I hope so," Don replied. He detected an air of something in Leo's demeanor. It was something that he'd detected before, but he'd never quite been able to put his finger on what it was.
"Are you okay, Leo?" Don eventuality asked.
Leonardo chuckled. "I'm as good as I can be, under the circumstances."
"Meaning what, exactly?" Don wondered.
"I'm damn lucky that you made it," Leo clarified. "If this had killed you, Raph and Mikey never would have forgiven me. Heck, I never would have forgiven myself."
"It wouldn't have been your fault," Don told his brother.
"Perhaps not," Leo semi-agreed. "But they would've always resented how I handled things. How I pushed you away these last few months. And, I never would've been able to defend myself. I wouldn't have even wanted to. If it had been the end for you, it would have been all over for me too."
"Well, thank goodness it wasn't the end." Don sighed. "We've got the rest of our lives to make up for all the stuff that we did wrong. That goes for me, as well as you. We're all the heroes of our own life stories, but speaking to Mikey and Raph has helped me to realize how many mistakes I made."
"I made an awful lot of mistakes," Leonardo admitted. "More than you, by far. Granted, a lot of them probably could have been avoided if we had just sat down and talked like we're doing now."
"I know," Don agreed. "And I know that you tried. I didn't make it easy for you."
Leonardo chuckled. "That's true. But, there's a lot that I was keeping inside too. It would've been better if I had gathered the courage to speak about it, rather than sitting around in my room and brooding."
"I was doing the same thing," Donatello admitted.
"You were burying yourself in work like you do," Leonardo agreed. "But there's a difference. Unlike me, you were being productive. It's your nature, and that's so selfless and so noble, and so much a part of who you are. But, it was easier for me to lecture you about what I perceived to be inadequate self-care than to have an actual heart-to-heart conversation about my fears, and all the other stuff that was running through my head."
"It probably would've been just what we needed. But, it seemed so hard at the time," Donatello mourned.
"What I need to say will never be easy," Leonardo confessed.
"I wish you would just say it," Don urged. "I'm too weak to hit you or storm off, and too happy to get truly angry anyway. If there's something awful that you need to tell me, there's no better time than right now."
"It's not awful. It's just embarrassing." Leonardo gulped. "Hard to talk about."
"What is it?" Don encouraged.
"Just that, I was jealous of you, Don."
Donatello was so surprised that he attempted to pop up on his elbows, before realizing that he couldn't. "You were jealous of me?! Being pregnant was the worst! What could you possibly have been jealous of?!"
Leonardo looked slightly grossed out. "I wasn't jealous that you were pregnant! I was jealous that you were going to be a Dad!" he blurted.
Donatello softened. "Oh… But, they're kind of your kids too."
"Most of the time, it didn't feel that way," Leo explained. "That's what was so hard to talk about. I would've loved… I would've loved to be a Dad, Don. I don't think that part was such a big deal to Mikey and Raph. But, I would've loved a bigger role. It was hard for me to say that without seeming pushy. In truth, sometimes, when you overworked yourself or refused medical care, it felt like you were endangering my kids. But, how could I say that? They're far more yours than mine, and goodness knows you're smarter than me. You said you were being cautious, careful, that you knew your limits and capabilities. Who was I to argue? What do I know? It's your body, and I'm not smarter than you."
"You're damn smart, Leo," Don said, softly.
"Not smart enough," Leo scoffed. "So, I bit my tongue. I bottled everything up. I pretended that I was okay because I didn't want to worry you. I'd still see the babies, right? Who cares if I was more an uncle than a father. We would all live together. What we called ourselves was just a silly little detail. But then, when you had those health scares, and then Hun almost found us… well, I went a little crazy."
"It really did seem like you were in need of far more help than we could provide," Leo continued. "Raph was constantly after me to put my foot down and send you off-planet somewhere. I had no one to talk to or confide in. No one to ask for advice. Since Dad died, you're the only one that I can really talk to. But suddenly I couldn't. How could I burden you more than you already were? On that night that I sent you away, all that stuff I'd been holding back - it broke me. I just snapped. I tried to justify my actions by saying that some time alone would help you to see what the rest of us were so worried about. But, sitting here with you now, I realize that I was just taking the easy way out."
"I get it, Leo," Don comforted. "I put you in a tough spot."
"You didn't put me in any spot," Leo insisted. "I think that I had an identity crisis. I didn't feel like a good leader. I didn't even know if I should be a leader. I was failing as a brother. I wanted to be a father, but I was forcing myself to be an uncle. I kept my mouth shut when I should've talked. I knew should've talked before it got so bad. But, I was embarrassed. I did something that I didn't know how to come back from. Every day, I told myself to call you, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it."
"Why?" Don asked.
"It felt like I was drowning, and I was afraid of pulling you down with me. I should've been strong for you, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to watch you suffer. I didn't want to live in constant fear for you and the babies anymore. It was easier, Don. It was just easier to let you go. I took the easy way out and I hate myself for it. I know that I have no right to expect your forgiveness. I know that I don't deserve it, and I certainly know that I don't belong here."
"This is exactly where I want you," Donatello confessed. "I'm not going to pretend that I wasn't hurt by your actions, because I was. I was devastated, but that doesn't mean that we can't ever get past this."
Leonardo wiped his eyes. "God, I've missed talking to you like this."
"I've missed it too," Donatello replied. "More than you know. And, we should talk about our roles with the babies. I behaved the way I did because I didn't want to pressure anyone. I didn't mean to make you feel like you had no right to be a parent. Goodness knows I'll need all the help that I can get."
Leo smiled. "I want to help you, Don, as much as you'll let me."
Donatello was glad that he had made so much progress today. His heart was ready to burst. At the same time, all of these deep conversations were burning him out. He was exhausted, and drugged up, and not thinking as clearly as he would have liked. Don gave Leo a forlorn look and beckoned him in closer.
"I'm wearing an adult diaper," Don whispered into Leo's ear, as though it was the most serious thing in the world. He then burst into a fit of overmedicated, loopy giggles.
Leonardo looked shocked and then smiled broadly. "Did you want me to change it? Is this your way of testing me?"
"No!" Don said more loudly than he meant to.
The two exchanged a glance, then Leo checked on Mei to ensure she was still asleep. Thankfully, she was.
"Because I'd do it, you know," Leo added. "If it would make things better between us."
"It won't," Don laughed. "I've already had enough embarrassment to last me a lifetime."
Donatello took a nap while everyone ate dinner. Then he forced down a slice of pizza himself. He was still nauseous from all the medications and changes to his body's chemistry. He didn't really want to eat, but he understood that he needed to. After that, April and Leo changed his surgical dressings.
It was really important to Leonardo that he do something to help Don on a personal level. Leo had no idea how he would ever make things up to his brother. So, he carefully examined each suture, applied salve with as delicate a touch as he could manage, and bandaged Don's wounds as if he were wrapping up the world's finest and most breakable china.
Donatello had never considered Leonardo to be particularly harsh, but he had also never seen Leo behave quite so tenderly. Despite the chaos of the past few days it was peaceful, soothing. In spite of all the hurt, Don was feeling surrounded by love.
Night had fallen, and Donatello had a full house. It had become clear that Michelangelo had slept on the kitchen table last night, and he didn't seem keen on doing so again. "Leo and Raph, do you guys want to stay here tonight?" Don asked. He felt way too vulnerable, the fear of rejection suddenly raging within him. He was holding Bruno and gripped the baby a bit tighter.
Raphael winked. "Got nowhere better to be."
Leonardo looked at Don pleadingly. "I'm not ready to go."
Donatello turned to April and Casey. "Maybe you guys should head home? You've done so much for me, but it seems that I'm in good hands now."
April had seen this coming, and she couldn't be happier to be leaving under these circumstances. She and Casey made Donatello promise to call if anything felt off, and told him that they would come over after work the next day. They said their goodbyes and left with the impressive amount of garbage that had been produced over the past few days.
It was decided that Don and Mikey could share the big bed. It was king-sized, after all. The babies would all sleep in Don's room, and Leo and Raph would have the living room. They would come in to help out with the babies as needed. Don retired early, as he couldn't handle sitting upright for too long. For the moment, it was just Don and his triplets in the bedroom. It was actually pretty nice.
Each of them had their own distinct personalities already.
Mei was the firstborn, and had a quiet peacefulness about her, compared to the others. She cried the least out of all three and had her eyes opened the most often. She seemed to be taking it all in. Don had the impression that she would inherit his curiosity about the world, and perhaps even his intellect. While her siblings usually kept their hands clenched in fists, she was already opening and closing her fingers. She tended to watch them with interest as she did so. She also liked to look into the eyes of whoever was holding her, which was something her siblings hadn't done yet. Her gaze was deep and searching.
Bruno was the runt of the liter, which was funny because he was the only boy. He seemed to be making up for his comparatively low birthweight by being the hungriest of the three. Whether he was taking a bottle or not, he was happiest while being held. He wasn't generally fussy, but he did seem to resent being put down. When he cried, it didn't last long. He had a wider range of facial expressions than his sisters and made a wider range of noises. Given his love of food and affection, Don suspected that he would be the type to appreciate all the good things life had to offer.
Faith was the spitfire of the group. She was the biggest and given her placement during the surgery, it was apparent that she had been the one to break Donatello's rib and attempt to beat up Valeria. Don got the impression that Valeria was right about her being protective. He had noticed that she always opened her eyes when one of the others was crying as if to check on them. She was happiest when her sister and brother were nearby, and tended to fuss when one of them was out of the room. She behaved as though she was outraged whenever they changed her diaper, and she hadn't taken to the bottle as easily as the others. She moved around the most out of all three, as though she was trying to shake off her blankets to do as she pleased. Don suspected that she would be running as soon as she learned to walk. She seemed passionate and strong-willed.
Donatello could tell that he would have unique challenges with each of them, but it was amazing how naturally and automatically he loved them. There was no doubt in his mind that they had been worth every ounce of suffering.