Chapter 71.

Sam was trying to keep an eye on both Dean and Cas, watching for any sign that either might be picking up the other's feelings in this emotional setting, but all seemed to be going well. Dean was standing with Sarah and Sam wanted to avoid her and above all to avoid being scrutinised by both her and Dean at once. Cas was alone, watching the dancers and occasionally turning to acknowledge some kind wishes or accept another gift. Sam decided to check on him. He was watching Jules dance with Mark, but he didn't seem jealous at all.

"Everyone seems to be having a good time." he said to Cas.

"Yes." said Cas, "Look at Jules. She loves to dance. I love Sarah for making this happen. I wasn't sure, but Sarah was right. It is a lot more fun with more people."

Sam gave him his present and card. "Happy birthday." he said.

Cas opened the card first. He smiled on seeing Shaggy and Scooby on the front and the words, "Happy birthday, Brother!" Inside, the card said, "Eternity is not long enough. Every year with you is a blessing. Happy birthday, Assbutt!" He smiled at Sam. "Thanks, Sam." He began to open the present.

"I know you have your angel blade," said Sam, "But the knife's blade is iron and it was made by the guy who made one of Dad's favourite knives and ... "

"And a hunter should have a pure iron blade." said Cas. He examined the knife and then saw the initials in the hilt, CW. His fingers curled around it as if he had been using it his whole life. He tried out a few moves with it, as much as he could with so many people around. "That," he said, "Is a beautiful weapon."

"I'm glad you like it." said Sam.

"My worldly possessions have more than doubled today." said Cas, "Everyone is so generous."

"What did Dean get you?" said Sam.

Cas reached into his pocket and brought out Dean's gift.

On the front of the lighter, he saw one of the phrases he had translated for Dean, Lux tua, vita mihi. "Your light, my life." he said.

Cas nodded.

"I knew when he gave me the list of phrases to translate, there must be something important on it. I never thought that would be the one."

"He didn't even tell me to keep it secret." said Cas.

"He's not ashamed of valuing your friendship, just not great at putting things into words."

Cas took the lighter back. He put it straight back into his pocket. "Sam, I think Jules may like me."

"Yeah, Jules likes you. What finally convinced you it was a possibility?"

"She said she does."

"That's usually a good clue." said Sam, trying not to smile, "And have you worked out how you feel about her?"

"Not really." said Cas, "Too many irrelevant physical sensations are distracting me."

"Irrelevant physical sensations such as ... " said Sam.

"I never noticed before how much the coat removes or reduces the feeling of being touched."

"Yeah, I saw she was touching your arms a lot."

"Arms, shoulder, hands, chest. I could draw a map."

"You hated it?" said Sam.

"Hate is too strong a word. It was distracting. It stopped me from evaluating our encounter intelligently."

"Because all you could think about was her touch?"

"And her eyes and her smile, but obviously, the touch thing mostly, because of not having the coat." Cas seemed completely serious.

Sam kept his expression sensible and unamused, but he was smiling inside. Cas really believed that, had he worn the coat, he would have been untroubled by her touch.

Then again, he clearly felt overwhelmed and Sam didn't want him to feel that way. "Don't worry about it." he said, "Maybe you just need to let yourself get used to it."

"Being without the coat?" said Cas.

"No!" said Sam, knowing that any such suggestion would only cause panic, "No, just human stuff, human touch, interaction."

"I've been interacting with humans for years." said Cas.

"Not that closely. You're new to this. Don't see it as bad that something got to you like that. The best human experiences are full of sensations that can be overwhelming."

Cas smiled. "Like April."

Sam nodded uneasily. It bothered him how both Cas and Dean just ignored the fact that the amorous reaper had tortured and killed Cas. That Cas regarded the sex that had preceded it as a happy memory just showed how little affection he had received in his life. "Yeah, like April." he said, "Sort of."

"Sarah and I have danced many times. It never felt like that." said Cas.

"Different relationship." said Sam.

"And I wasn't wearing the coat this time, of course."

"So, apart from the distraction, apart from Jules, are you having a good birthday?" said Sam.

"I didn't mean to suggest that Jules was not part of the good things." said Cas, "Dancing with her felt good."

"Even with the 'distractions' she caused?" said Sam.

"The distractions felt good too." said Cas, "They just made rational thought a little difficult and I wanted to be rational when I evaluated our relationship."

"Relationships are emotional, not rational." said Sam.

"I know, but I need to think rationally about them, otherwise, I could make a mistake, to her detriment and mine."

"I'm all for caution, but there's a time when you have to let the heart rule the head."

"Does that ever turn out well for you and Dean?"

"Not yet." Sam admitted.