Chapter 71: Camping, Part One
By the time Saturday rolled around, Derek and Owen had coordinated grand plans for the Shepherd-Hunt camping adventure. Owen drove over to his former home at noon and joined Derek at the trailer. Nala and Simba bounded out of Owen's truck and found themselves in puppy paradise. They immediately began exploring the area, sniffing new smells, digging in the dirt, and barking at the critters.
Taking in a deep breath of fresh air, Owen hollered toward Derek, "Perfect day, huh? This is excellent."
Derek chuckled and raised his water bottle before taking a huge drink. "I just walked over – I forgot how great it was to sit on this deck and just take in the world," Derek commented.
"I hear you there," Owen agreed as he sat down in a nearby chair, "I spent far more time outside when I lived here than I do now. An incredible lake borders my property and I seldom seem to be able to stop and soak it in. Pretty pathetic."
Gloating, Derek boasted, "By the way, I wore Amelia down last night. She's agreed to be out here until bedtime, then she's leaving us to sleep in the house. At least she'll be here during the day and evening."
"She didn't say a word to me about that. How in the hell did you manage to coerce her into coming? I've been trying anything and everything I could think of," Owen asked with surprise.
"Ah! I promised her tumors. Lots of tumors. Lots of surgeries. I know her well," Derek bragged.
Owen guffawed, "I'm impressed, Shep. Good work. I'll make a $50 wager that she doesn't last more than 4 hours. First slimy animal, burs in the dogs fur, or muddy kids offering a hug and she'll be running for shelter."
"You're on. I promised her a tumor for every 90 minutes. Four hours would only be two surgeries – she'll hold out for more. Still want to bet?" Derek taunted.
"No more than 4 ½ hours. That's 3 surgeries. I just can't see anything beyond that. You're on," Owen laughed. "And how about Meredith? How'd you wear her down?"
"I tried offering sexual favors, but she wasn't impressed," Derek joked a sly smile. "I ended up promising to deal with Bailey's potty training and diapers for two weeks."
"Ouch…" Owen groaned, "That's quite a promise. I'm not sure I could have made that deal." Owen shared his success, "Well, I barely had to convince Clarisse to join us with Naomi. She's never been camping and thought it would be fun. I did promise her your guest bed in the house, though. I guess she and Mia will have to arm wrestle for it."
"I'll bet you another $50 that Amelia outlasts Meredith out here," Derek offered.
Owen nodded but asked for clarification, "What if they go in together at the same time?"
"Then it's a draw," Derek declared.
"You're on, but if she finds out how you bet, you'll be on the couch for a month," Owen laughed.
Meredith, her hair up in a messy ponytail, drove up with the kids fully buckled in their carseats for the brief drive from the house. She opened the car door, smiled and waved at the guys, then leaned into the car to unbuckle the kids. Both Zola and Bailey ran up to their dad as Meredith picked up Ellis and opened the back hatch of her SUV.
After walking up to the deck and seeing the guys kicked back in chairs, Meredith grinned and observed, "It looks like time hasn't passed…" She giggled, then continued as she motioned her head toward her SUV, "Coolers full of ice and the first round of food are in the back."
Derek jumped up, put his hands on either of Mer's upper arms, kissed his wife and claimed, "I love you." He half ran – half walked to the SUV and grabbed a handful of groceries as Owen made his way over to assist with the coolers. As the guys made their way back and forth, Amelia drove up with the Shepherd-Hunt fabulous five. Clarisse and Naomi drove in behind her.
Popping out of the Buick, Amelia grinned and declared, "The ferry was a huge hit. Great cheap entertainment." Finley and Oliver jumped out behind their mom and ran toward the already dirty dogs.
Owen walked over and grabbed one of Amelia's pig tails in each of his hands, "This is cute."
Smirking like a first grader, Amelia admitted, "Bronwyn's idea."
"Mmmmmmooooooommmmmmmyyyyyyyyy, I want out. I want to play with Zola!" Bronwyn whined with her adorable French braid taming her curls.
Owen ran up to the car and made a girl-level Daddy monster noise, "Rrrrrrrrrr!" All three girls giggled with glee.
"Daddy, we knowed that was you and not a real monster," Bronwyn disclosed with rolling eyes.
"Oh yeah!" Owen responded, "What if I'm a tickling Daddy monster!" He reached in ans tickled Bronwyn's tummy as he unbuckled her. She slithered down to the Buick's floor giggling at full volume and pretend to try to escape the tickling.
When Owen stopped, Bronwyn jumped up, hugged her daddy around the neck and called out, "Special delivery to Zola, please."
Grabbing her so her body was parallel to the ground and her tummy was against his side, Owen ran Bronwyn over to Zola and set her down, "Stay where we can see you, girls."
"We will," Zola and Bronwyn responded in unison.
Owen headed back to the Buick where Amelia was unbuckling Gwen. Approaching from behind, Owen placed his hand on her rear and offered a slight hug as he leaned in and grabbed the baby. "Do you want this one or the other?" Owen asked.
"You've got her, I'll get Ella," Amelia smiled. "The Pack and Play is in the back and so are the Baby Bjorns."
"Got it," Owen stated as he headed toward the deck to hand Gwen off to a willing adult.
Clarisse beamed and held her hands out, "I'll take her, Owen." He handed the baby to their friend and returned to unload the baby gear.
As he set up the Pack and Play, Owen turned to Derek and asked, "When do you want to set up the tents?"
"Let's give them some time to run around and then do it. Maybe in 45 minutes?" Derek suggested. Owen nodded in agreement as the adults all found themselves gathered on the deck sitting in chairs.
Derek introduced himself to Clarisse and pointed out the trailer and the house. The two chatted for 10-15 minutes about the plot of land and the story of the house being built. Fully relishing the opportunity to tell a new set of ears about the land, Derek beamed as he spoke.
Oliver, Naomi, and Finley came running up at full speed toward Amelia as Oliver exclaimed, "Mommy! Look what we found! Look it! Look it." His hands were cupped together with something in the open space between them.
Amelia leaned back in her chair and attempted not to look unsure, "What did you find, buddy? I have a hunch it is something very, very exciting."
Opening his upper hand slowly and slightly, Oliver uncovered a small frog a bit larger than a walnut. Amelia gently brought her finger up to the frog and offered in baby talk, "Hi Mr. Froggy. You're a cute little guy, aren't you? That's cool, Ollie. Make sure you don't hurt him and that you put him back where you found him when you're finished checking him out."
Oliver smiled and turned toward Finley with disappointment, "You said she'd be scared."
Shrugging, Finley explained, "I thought she would."
"I'm not that prissy, you guys. Geez," Amelia hollered to them. She spotted Owen's glance locked on her with a soft grin and asked, "What?"
"I'm just surprised too," Owen admitted.
"C'mon, O, didn't you dissect tons of frogs during your medical training? I'm desensitized to them," Amelia shrugged.
"Mommy! What's this?" Zola ran up to Meredith and held her hand close to Mer's face.
"Oh! Oh my!" Meredith stuttered as she flinched and attempted to control a little jump. "Honey, that's a spider. Don't carry those around. Eeewww." Meredith's faces was puckered with disgust.
Derek came over and knelt down, "Meredith, it's a Daddy long legs. Zozo, these guys are good spiders. They don't bite people and they eat bugs that people don't like." Derek held his hand against Zola's and the spider crawled onto his hand. Then Derek turned to Bronwyn and inquired, "Do you want to hold him, Bronwyn?"
"Mmmmm hmmmmm," Bronwyn eagerly responded as she put her hand out flat. Derek nudged the spider on to her hand and Bronwyn giggled, "He kind of tickles!"
Responding with a smile, Derek suggested, "How about if you girls put him down and we start setting up the tents?" Both girls jumped up and down and ran off to put the spider back near his original home.
Zola suggested to her cousin, "Let's make sure we put him back in the same place so he can find his wife and kids." Nodding affirmatively, Bronwyn agreed wholeheartedly.
Owen hollered to Finley, Oliver, Bailey, and Naomi to come over and join in the tent efforts. Delegating the initial prep work, Owen showed them how to lay the tents flat and how to assemble the poles. The three moms, each holding a baby, chuckled and chatted with one another as they watched Owen and Derek coach the kids on the basics of dome tents.
"Do you realize they're using the same voices they use when they work with interns?" Amelia laughed.
"Oh, you're right!" Meredith recognized with humorous wonder.
Clarisse observed aloud, "It's working. Look how the kids are so locked on – I've never seen any of them so focused."
"That'll wear off soon," Amelia commented dryly. "Just about the time Derek and Owen start losing their initial bursts of enthusiastic energy, the kids will start to get bored. Then the real fun observations will take place."
The four tents - one for the boys, one for the girls, one for Owen, and one for Derek – were set up without too much drama. The kids delighted in running in and out of them and developed a hybrid game of tag that only Finley and Naomi seemed to fully understand. Even so, all six kids had a fantastic time running around and screaming. When the older boys started balancing the tents on their backs and chasing the younger kids around the area pretending to be Tent Monsters, Owen and Derek realized it was time to impose some rules about the tents. Once each tent was back in place, the dads enlisted the youngest kids and let them pound in the stakes that were unnecessary in this setting but fun to hammer, nonetheless. Once staked, the campers helped fill the floor of each tent with ABC foam squares to soften the areas where they'd be sleeping.
As Derek locked in the last square in one of the tents, he heard Oliver say with wonder, "That is soooooo cool." Derek popped his head out and walked over to Finley, Oliver, and Naomi who were standing in a small circle and all looking inward.
"What did you find?" Derek asked with curiosity.
Finley looked up and responded with a grin, "A snake. Wanna see it?"
"Yeah…" Derek responded enthusiastically as he knelt down. "Hey, Hunt, come here."
Owen peeked out of the tent where he was helping the girls create a floor. They had decided that the foam tiles needed to be in 'alphabet order' and not simply placed willy nilly. Because it was early in the adventure, Owen had the patience to accommodate their mandate. He excused himself from the tent and walked over to the circle.
When Owen peeked over the kids' heads, he saw the 12" garter snake. He glanced up at Derek mischievously, raised his eyebrows, and plotted, "Hmmmm….this could be fun."
"I wouldn't get action for the rest of my life," Derek protested. "This one is all yours."
"Good point, actually. Never mind," Owen assented. "Kids, what do you want to do with the snake?"
Oliver shrugged, "I dunno. Can we keep him? Like take him home?"
Laughing heartily, Owen responded, "I highly doubt your mom would agree to that."
"Can I go ask her?" Oliver requested.
Owen lifted his shoulders, saying, "If you want." Derek stood next to his brother-in-law pondering all of the possible outcomes they might witness. The three older kids ran up to the deck where the three moms were chatting about the realities of balancing careers and motherhood.
"Mom! Mom! Check it!" Oliver shouted as he approached Amelia.
When he was about 10 feet away, his Auntie spotted the creature in his hand. "Stop right there, Oliver Blake," Meredith called out as she held out her hand. "No snakes near your auntie and no snakes near the babies."
Oliver, fully perplexed, stopped in his tracks and furrowed his brow, "Why? Snakes are cool, Auntie Mer."
"Not everyone likes snakes, Ollie," Amelia clarified.
"Why?" Oliver asked with genuine sadness in his eyes. "Auntie Mer, these snakes are harmless. He just slitters around. He doesn't hurt anybody. Really. Look, he's really cute."
"I'm not much of a snake fan either, Oliver, but thanks for showing him to us from over there," Clarisse offered.
"Mom?" Oliver began to ask.
"Yes?" Amelia responded as she cocked her head and looked at her boy.
"I wanna keep him. He'll live in an aquarium and won't get out loose and I'll feed him and take care of him. Please, Mommy, can I?" Oliver begged with adorable enlarged eyes.
Amelia shrugged and offered a crooked, closed lip grin before responding, "We already have two dogs, baby. That's enough."
"Ppppllllleeeeaaasseee, Mommy. He's a nice snake. We like each other and he won't make any trouble," Oliver lobbied.
Amelia shook her head, "Sorry, buddy. Besides, he already has a home. He lives here outside. Imagine how sad he'd be to live in a little space after having all these acres as his home."
Oliver, deflated, turned around and drug his feet as he walked away rejected. He sat down about ten feet from where he'd attempted to negotiate and began talking to the snake. The snake slithered on Oliver's arms, hands, and legs as Oliver grieved the long-term relationship they'd never have.
"Awwww, Amelia. Look at him. It almost makes you want to say yes, doesn't it?" Meredith said.
Amelia turned and looked at Oliver, then answered without pause, "Nope. Don't need snakes in my house. No way, no how. No guilt." The moms burst into laughter in full agreement with one another.
Derek and Owen headed toward the deck after they completed the foam floor in the girls' tent according to the specific instructions Zola and Bronwyn provided. Owen gestured toward Bronwyn and encouraged Amelia, "Remind me to never ask for her input on any home improvement project."
"You ladies want to join us? We're going to break into two teams and have a scavenger hunt," Derek invited with glee. His inner camp counselor was is full form. He handed each of them a copy of a roughly scrawled list written in textbook doctor's handwriting.
"The first trick is to be able to read your writing, Derek," Meredith stated flatly. "I'll be on Owen's team since you and I are probably the only ones who can read this." She grinned up at her husband playfully and he gazed at her in response.
"That's fine, Mer. If you want to be on the losing team, you can choose that route," Derek puffed.
Amelia piped up, "But I want to be on Owen's team. I like him better."
Rather than responding directly to his little sister, Derek turned to Clarisse and asked nicely, "Clarisse, would you do me the honor of being on my award-winning, championship-worthy team?" Clarisse laughed and assented.
"How do you want to divide up the kids?" Owen inquired.
"We could do boys versus girls or Shepherds plus Naomi versus Hunts," Derek suggested.
"I'd rather mix them up than do by family," Owen admitted. "You know Bronwyn and Zola will want to be together and Bailey will want to be with the older boys, so let's do boys versus girls. Who gets which group?"
Meredith interjected, "I want to be with Bailey, so we'll take the boys, Owen." Owen nodded casually in agreement.
Derek gathered the kids together and explained the activity. There were ten items on the list: a rock, a fallen leaf, a pinecone, a puddle, an animal footprint, a bird, ferns, moss, a grown up, and a feather. The boys were thrilled to be their own team and Naomi was happy to be with her mom's team. The two groups ventured out on their quests as the dogs ran along with Owen's team.
Using walkie-talkies, Owen and Derek taunted one another each time their team spotted an item. The kids joined in the walkie-talkie conversations and found those toys almost more compelling than the treasure hunt. Bailey and Bronwyn held the walkie-talkie too close to their mouths and breathed into them, sounding like stalkers. Zola and Oliver enjoyed yelling into the walkie-talkies, and Naomi and Finley were too grown up to play in such childish ways.
Meredith leaned over to Amelia and suggested, "We need to note this somehow for next Christmas – walkie talkies, huge hit."
After the lists were complete, which magically occurred simultaneously thanks to Owen and Derek's undercover orchestrations, the kids washed their hands, sat on the deck and had a snack as they spoke about what they'd found on their quests. Then, before they lost the sun, the dads showed the kids how to put a stick in the ground and tell time from the shadow. Each kid created their own clock. The girls decorated their clock circles, putting their fingers into the dirt. The boys grabbed their sticks out of the clocks and played light sabers.
Before long, the temperature began to cool, and the kids bundled up in jackets at their mothers' insistence. Owen began a fire in the fire pit while Derek stepped into the trailer to grab the hot dogs they would grill for dinner. As he placed the wood and moved it around to encourage the flames, Owen glanced at his watch and noted that he'd lost one of the bets. The time was 5:00, which meant Amelia had lasted longer than Owen's prediction. He only hoped Meredith would head to the house before Amelia so that he and Derek would end up in a draw.
Sure enough, as the hot dogs began to be served and as Meredith craved something more substantial, she excused herself using Ellis as an excuse to need to return to the house. Owen was ready to jump for joy. Amelia may have surprised him with her tenacity, but Meredith's early departure had been reliably predictable.
The kids gathered around the fire as they ate their hot dogs and attempted to protect their meals from their dads. Both Owen and Derek kept playfully teasing the younger kids, trying to get a bite of the hot dogs or a handful of chips. After dinner, but before the sky turned from dusky to dark, the guys encouraged Finley and Naomi to lead the little kids around the area in search of twigs and firewood. Bailey stayed behind and asked if he could play with his superhero action figures in Derek's tent.
Returning with copious amounts of sticks and twigs, the kids poured the wood out of their hands and next to the fire pit. As one set came tumbling down, Derek sighed heavily. "Uh oh, guys. Nobody's in trouble, but who put that stack down?"
Enthusiastically, Oliver and Zola raised their hands. Derek frowned sadly and announced, "Let's go wash you both up. See those leaves on your sticks? That's poison oak. We don't want to burn that wood or it will hurt to breathe it, and we need to wash the oil off of you so you don't break out. Hunt, do you have your med kit in the truck? Mine is up at the house."
"Yeah, let me grab it," Owen volunteered. "Kids, make sure you don't touch your faces until you're all cleaned up."
Amelia turned to Oliver and Zola and instructed, "Do you know how surgeons make sure they don't touch their faces before a surgery? Let's try it until you're de-oiled and de-poison oaked." She modeled the position for them as she bent her forearms in front of her and held her upper arms straight out in front of her.
Owen brought back a bag and began to fumble through it for Benadryl. Amelia came and stood beside him, hugging him, and offering, "I can find it. You guys keep doing your camping thing. I'll get the kids cleaned up in the trailer." The kids followed her in as she playfully helped them shower and change clothes.
As Amelia the Medic handled the situation, everyone else sat in chairs and encircled the fire pit. Suddenly, Bronwyn and Naomi shrieked at the top of their lungs with the highest pitched girly-girl screams ever heard by a human ear.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Owen attempted to soothe, "Girls, what's wrong?"
Bronwyn shrieked loudly, "Look at Nala and Simba! Daddy, they are killer dogs. We're next! We're next! They're killing us next!"
The dogs both attempted to bark with their mouths full of dead bunny. Nala and BogBogey could not have been prouder of themselves for catching their own dinner. As Nala set the mauled bunny down submissively in front of Owen, she wagged her tail and looked to her master with anticipation of praise. Owen smiled down at his beloved canines and patted each of them on the head. "Well what did you two find, hmmmm?" Owen asked rhetorically.
Finley explained to Bronwyn that the dogs were only living out their nature. He assured her that the dogs were not going to attack the people next, and that dogs naturally sought to hunt little critters.
"That's the most mer-dick-u-less idea ever. Why would the doggies hurt bunnies?" Bronwyn argued as she slapped her hands onto the side of her head.
Finley shrugged, "It's what they do out in nature, Bron. Kind of like how your nature is to want to wear pink and purple. It's just how you're created."
"Hmmm…but my way doesn't hurt anything," Bronwyn protested.
"Nope, it doesn't. You're right, Bron," Finley agreed.
Bronwyn declared as if planting the first flag on the moon, "Those rotten dogs are killers. I thoughted I loved them, but now I dunno." Her little head swayed back and forth as she considered the reality in her midst.
Unbeknownst to Finley, Owen had been listening and proudly beaming as he watched Finley explain the circle of life to his little sister. However, before the moment set too much of a Norman Rockwell memory deep in Owen's mind, Finley responded to his little sister, "Now you're just being stupid, Bronwyn. They're dogs. They eat rabbits and squirrels and chipmunks. Get over it."
"Chipmunks and squirrels too?!" Bronwyn cried out. Simba, as if he were aware that he needed to earn his way back into Bronwyn's heart, came over and scratched a paw on the dirt in front of his little girl. Then the dog nudged Bronwyn's knee with his furry head and cozied up to the side of her leg. "Simba, I love you but not when you are a killer dog," Bronwyn explained as she patted and hugged her pup.