p class="MsoNormal"span style="text-decoration: underline;"strong72. The point of no return/strong/span/p
p class="MsoNormal""Ms. Jackson, please stay behind."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I groaned inwardly and rolled my eyes. Hermione cast me a supportive smile before leaving the Transfiguration classroom with Harry and Ron. Sighing, I turned around. I jumped when I found myself only inches away from my brother. My breath caught in my throat. Draco looked just as shocked upon facing me as I was feeling. We had not been that close to each other since… I could not even remember the last time we had spent time together without arguing./p
p class="MsoNormal"I did not dare to move one finger. I could only stare in his freckled ice blue eyes. My heart was beating furiously in my chest. Never had I felt the fear in Draco's presence that was stabbing my heart over and over again at this very moment. All because I could not tear my eyes away and step aside. This intense yet fragile moment held more power over my heart than our last argument. Only one word, one wrong move from Draco was everything it would take for my heart to shatter. I hated feeling so vulnerable./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hurry up, Mr. Malfoy. I haven't got all day," Professor McGonagall called loudly./p
p class="MsoNormal"It was less her voice that snapped me out of my frozen state, rather than Draco's reaction. Grey eyes turned from unfazed coldness to painful desperation. Softened features contorted with burning anger. Suddenly, he looked so much taller as he was towering over me, although I was merely three inches shorter than him. He made one step forward, forcing me to stumble back as not to land on the floor. I swallowed the forming lump in my throat, staring at him with wide eyes. My brother's face turned even darker./p
p class="MsoNormal""What the hell do you want from me," Draco spat dangerously. My mouth felt dry and I opened it to say something – what, I did not know./p
p class="MsoNormal""Draco, I-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Twice you've pushed me away and now's the second time you return to me crying for forgiveness. I'm done with your games."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Mr. Malfoy, that's enough," Professor McGonagall interrupted him sharply. "If either of you starts another fight, you'll both face severe consequences."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Draco ignored her and sneered at me. "I'm wondering how Snape could bear your bipolar mental condition for so many years."/p
p class="MsoNormal"My heart missed a beat. Draco smirked coldly and pushed past me, bumping my shoulder with full force. My body grew hot with sudden frustration. I gripped my brother's arm and whirled him around. Anger and months of suppressed pain surfaced at once when I glared at Draco, mere inches left between our bodies./p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't know what I had to go through. You have not the slightest idea how difficult it was for me since his return," I spat in my brother's face. "I know what I did was wrong but I had a damn good reason."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Draco's face contorted with anger as he raised his voice. "And what reason would that be? Except that you simply enjoy to live out your Gryffindor hero complex, of course. I bet your precious Potter taught you since you spend so much time with him. I'm too much of a Slytherin, is that it? One Slytherin's already enough in your life?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"I gritted my teeth and felt as my heart clenched tighter in my chest. My eyes watered. Our breathing sounded awfully loud in the deserted room. My lips trembled slightly and by the flicker of satisfaction in Draco's eyes, I knew that he had noticed my defeat. Not taking my eyes off his, my hand fumbled clumsily with the button of my sleeve./p
p class="MsoNormal""This," bitterness laced my voice when I pushed my sleeve up. "This is my reason."/p
p class="MsoNormal"My brother's breathing stopped. His body tensed./p
p class="MsoNormal"Silence./p
p class="MsoNormal"Draco stared at the Dark Mark with an unreadable yet vulnerable expression. A freezing shiver ran down my spine. My heart pounding was the only sound in the deserted room. Neither of us moved./p
p class="MsoNormal""Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Jackson", Professor McGonagall's voice had softened when she appeared next to us. Nevertheless, I flinched and Draco blinked. Hastily, I pulled down my sleeve, my hands shaking visibly. I lowered my head, refusing to look at anyone. This was what I had feared the most – telling my brother the truth – and now there was no return./p
p class="MsoNormal""I understand there are important matters for you to settle, but I advise you to do so outside my classroom. Now, I would like a word with you, Jackson."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I could not look up. I did not want to. Anxiously, I pressed my fingers in my forearm. With a sinking heart I watched as Draco's legs moved out of my sight. His steps were much slower and quieter than usual. My eyes followed his retreating figure and I took a deep breath when the door closed behind him./p
p class="MsoNormal""Jackson."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I swallowed the forming lump in my throat and blinked. Then I turned to my Head of House. She was watching me with sad eyes. A throbbing pressure in my mind made it difficult to think. My brother was all I could think about. After seeing my Dark Mark he would surely hear me out, would he not? He had to./p
p class="MsoNormal""I merely wanted to inform you that next term all fifth-years are required to attend a short meeting with their Head of House to-" she was interrupted as the door of the classroom opened noisily./p
p class="MsoNormal""Severus."/p
p class="MsoNormal"My head snapped around. A comfortable warmth calmed my still trembling hands when Severus came to a halt next to me. The familiar and pleasant scent of potions enwrapped me and I took a deep breath. Severus' curious gaze flickered from Professor McGonagall to me before he nodded in her direction./p
p class="MsoNormal""I brought you the requested potion. I advise not to take more than two drops at once or the potion might make it worse. " Severus presented a small vile and she took it with a warm smile./p
p class="MsoNormal""I thank you, Severus. These headaches are truly terrible if one has to teach classes the entire day."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Severus' lips twitched slightly and he raised an eyebrow. "Understandable, especially if one must teach Potions to mediocre and incompetent students."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, don't be so hard on them. We both know you actually enjoy teaching," my Head of House replied and smiled smugly./p
p class="MsoNormal"Severus curled his lips in annoyance. "Whatever. I also need to discuss one of your student's performances. The failing grades are alarming and her brewing has become disastrous over the summer. I fear she might blow up my classroom if she continues like this."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Very well. I only need a moment with Jackson," Professor McGonagall replied before turning to me. Severus nodded curtly and folded his arms across his chest. Calculating black eyes flickered from her to me. Quickly, I tore my eyes from him and looked up. My Head of House cleared her throat and folded her hands./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well, as I said, all fifth-years must attend a meeting with their Head of House to discuss their future careers."/p
p class="MsoNormal"A pulsating, rushing noise exploded in my ears and made every coherent thought impossible. I could only stare at her. "Not interested."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Professor McGonagall sighed, her lips twitching. "I'm truly sorry but I'm afraid – As long as your situation hasn't been made official… you have no choice but to attend, Jackson."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Ms. Jackson, I understand your resentment, but this career advice is obligatory for all fifth-years. It's important to discuss your N.E.W.T. classes."/p
p class="MsoNormal"A sudden burning frustration snapped me back to my senses. "I have no future."/p
p class="MsoNormal"The following seconds of silence were earsplitting. I bore my nails deeply in the palms of my trembling hands. My body was frozen in the relentless grip of coldness, leaving me to listen to my furiously beating heart and watching as Professor McGonagall desperately tried to hide her sorrow./p
p class="MsoNormal""We will merely discuss your choice of classes for the next two years.", she replied softly but her words failed to reassure me./p
p class="MsoNormal""Which depends on my choice of career."/p
p class="MsoNormal""This meeting is mandatory to be admitted for the O.W.L exam.", Professor McGonagall cast me an apologetic look. "So, unless you wish to leave Hogwarts this year, I expect you in my office for your appointment."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I frowned at my Head of House as the seething feeling of betrayal burned my pounding heart. Desperately, I tried to keep control over my features but my lips began twitching. My gaze flickered to Severus but strains of black hair were hiding his face./p
p class="MsoNormal""Would you like me to bring a drawing of my preferred coffin or should I rather prepare an epitaph?" My voice was laced with heavy irony. "We might have enough time to discuss the appropriate kind of stone as well."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I cast her a dark look and grabbed my bag. Without another word, I stormed out of her classroom. emCareer advise… /emI scoffed and muttered to myself. "That's so ridiculous. Humans and their beloved bureaucracy. Brainless bureaucrats hiding behind roles of parchments, without caring about the real world. No wonder someone like Fudge ended up as Minister. Just a bunch of imbecile cowa-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Ms. Jackson," a sweet voice called from behind me./p
p class="MsoNormal"I froze in the entry of the Great Hall. Several heads turned in our direction. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A fluffy pink cardigan appeared in front of me, covering a smiling Umbridge./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yes, Professor," I replied sarcastically and folded my hands behind my back. Apparently, Umbridge did not possess the ability to identify sarcasm since she did not even blink at my almost disparaging tone of voice. Instead, her smile widened and she tilted her head./p
p class="MsoNormal""Did I just hear you insulting the Minister for Magic?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"The closer voices and clattering died down suddenly. Despite my anger, amusement flared in my heart. A new goal dominated my thoughts. I would wipe this smile off her face and make her angry, really angry – if not today then someday this year./p
p class="MsoNormal""You must have misunderstood my words."/p
p class="MsoNormal"A satisfactory gleam flashed in her eyes and she puffed out her chest. "I don't think so. You're aware that without the Ministry and the Minister for Magic there would be no school for you to attend? So, I believe calling the Minister an imbecile is highly inappropriate."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I wanted to laugh, roll my eyes and scoff at the same time, but the conviction of her words truly surprised me. Nobody could be this daft… except for Umbridge, it seemed./p
p class="MsoNormal""Last I checked there was no decree against the freedom of opinion or expression."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So you admit having insulted the Minister? Because there's well a law stating that defamation is a serious crime." Umbridge's attempt to sound strict was as successful as convincing a House Elf to accept clothes. I resisted the urge to cross my arms in a defensive manner. This woman would not break my self-control. I would not end up in detention again – never again./p
p class="MsoNormal""Correct me if I'm mistaken, but words can only be defined as defamation if the speaker is aware of their falsehood." I could not suppress the provocative smirk./p
p class="MsoNormal"Umbridge's smile faltered instantly. Obviously, she had not missed the hint in my words. Trying to keep her composure, however, she raised her head a little and showed me a trouble-promising smile. The same she had worn when she had forced me to change my seat in her class. I clenched my jaw and stared at her with cold eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""I almost pity you, Jackson. Be careful, I keep an eye on you." Umbridge wrinkled her nose. Then she turned and left with short, confident steps. I rolled my eyes at her back. I found my friends only a couple of steps away sitting at the Gryffindor table. A deep breath escaped my lips when I sat down./p
p class="MsoNormal""You should be careful with her, Arya.", Hermione said frowning./p
p class="MsoNormal""I know what I'm doing.", I muttered and piled some food on my plate./p
p class="MsoNormal""So what did McGonagall want?", Harry asked curiously. The fork I was holding clattered on the table, my hand frozen in the movement. Heat and coldness rushed through my body. For a moment I had actually forgotten about what had happened in her classroom./p
p class="MsoNormal""What happened?" Hermione watched me with a worried expression. I clenched my jaw and refused to look at them./p
p class="MsoNormal""Nothing important."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Arya.", Hermione sighed./p
p class="MsoNormal"I had lost my appetite. My head was itching to turn to the Slytherin table but I ignored it. If the cup in my hand had been made off glass, it surely would have burst with my firm grip. I frowned at the swirling pumpkin juice./p
p class="MsoNormal""She just informed me about the career advice next semester.", I said scarcely audible./p
p class="MsoNormal""Career advice? We'll have one this year? I thought it was supposed to be in sixth year.", Hermione asked confused. I scoffed to myself and emptied the cup./p
p class="MsoNormal""It isn't. It's mandatory to write our exams, apparently." I looked up to see Harry watching me carefully. Concern filled his green eyes. I felt worse all the sudden and averted my gaze./p
p class="MsoNormal""Arya!", Hermione whispered loudly. An alarming expression had settled on her features, brown eyes wide open./p
p class="MsoNormal"I frowned at her. "What?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Your arm." Confused, I looked down and a shiver ran down my spine. "Please, tell me you didn't…"/p
p class="MsoNormal"The button of my sleeve was still open. My jaw clenched and an invisible hand was slowly closing around my heart. With shaking fingers I fumbled to close the button. I did not dare to look at them. I could feel their eyes on me. I knew what they were thinking./p
p class="MsoNormal"I desperately wanted to turn around to the Slytherin table but I knew I should not. These grey eyes, usually sparkling with vivid amusement, had looked so frighteningly vulnerable. I had seen it in my brother's eyes, his face and his body. I had sensed it all around him. Seeing the Dark Mark on my forearm had shaken him to the core. Hogwarts had always been his safe home but now I had ripped him out of his state of ignorance. There was no denying the hard truth any longer./p
p class="MsoNormal"My gaze flickered to the staff table although I knew Severus was not there. I still had to tell him about my encounter with my brother and Blaise. And also about showing Draco my mark although I was sure Professor McGonagall had told him already. I could not help the persisting urge. Before I could stop myself I was turning to the Slytherin table. My eyes wandered over dozens of students, searching for one in particular – Draco was not there. Blaise was sitting with a couple of Slytherins but he did not seem to listen to their conversation. My heart dropped when I took in the deep frown and thoughtful expression. So Draco must have told him./p
p class="MsoNormal"Suddenly, his eyes shot up and I was staring in thoughtful black eyes. My breath hitched in my throat and I swallowed the forming lump. Blaise narrowed his eyes at me. Draco had definitely told him. Quickly, I averted my gaze and turned around. The shaking in my hands had become worse. I found it extremely difficult to breathe./p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you alright, Arya?", Hermione interrupted my inner monologue. She looked as if she was questioning my sanity – not that I blamed her. I did not even know myself how sane I truly was. emProbably a lost case./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"I shook my head and blinked at her. "I'm completely fine. But we should probably leave. If I'm coming late for Care of Magical Creatures again, Professor Grubbly-Plank might give me detention."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Ron seemed oblivious of my faked smile, but Hermione and Harry exchanged a look. My body was tense when we walked out of the Great Hall. I did not look to the Slytherin table again and made sure to stay close to the Gryffindor table, using Hermione as sight protection from Blaise. Still, I felt his eyes on my back. As soon as we had left the castle, I let out a long breath. I could not relax. Draco and Blaise would be in this class as well. And my brother was the last person I wanted to face – not in front of all these people./p
p class="MsoNormal"My heart could not have sunk lower when we reached the Forest. Umbridge and her clipboard were waiting for us beside Professor Grubbly-Plank./p
p class="MsoNormal""You do not usually take this class, is this correct?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Quite correct.", said Professor Grubbly-Plank, hands behind her back. "I'm a substitute teacher standing in for Professor Hagrid."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Harry exchanged uneasy looks with Hermione and Ron. But my mind was not even close to worrying about what Umbridge's visit would mean for Hagrid. Instead, my gaze flickered to the bunch of Slytherins that were whispering heatedly to each other. Draco was not among them. My heart could not decide if his absence was a good or bad sign./p
p class="MsoNormal""And do you feel you receive enough support from the school management?", Umbridge questioned her further. Professor Grubbly-Plank beamed at her./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh yes. Yes, I'm very happy with the way things are run, very happy indeed."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Umbridge looked politely incredulous and made a tiny note on her clipboard. Then she nodded and turned to the group of Slytherins. "Now, I heard there have been injuries in this class?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Goyle gave her a stupid grin, but before he could open his mouth Parkinson hastened to answer the question. "That was Draco. He was slashed by a Hippogriff."/p
p class="MsoNormal""A Hippogriff?", Umbridge asked confused and looked around. With a deep frown that made me clench my jaw she turned back to Parkinson. "And where is Mr. Malfoy now? Shouldn't he be in this class?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"An icy shiver ran down my spine as my gaze flickered to Blaise. He stood next to Parkinson with his arms folded firmly across his chest. The corner of his lips twitched and his voice sounded cold with annoyance. "He wasn't feeling well after our last class, so he decided to get some rest."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Umbridge turned away to speak with other students and Professor Grubbly Plank continued her lesson about Porlocks. But I was distracted. Blaise did not seem to listen either since he was occupied glaring at me with a thoughtful frown. My body was not under my control anymore under the burning stare from my once closest friend. A thick lump was forming in my throat, bringing tears to my eyes. I blinked when my lungs felt as if they were about to explode. Quickly, I averted my gaze and swallowed heavily. My skin was itching, however, and I knew Blaise had not turned away from me…/p
p class="MsoNormal"The sound of my footsteps echoed in the deserted corridor. Where I was heading I did not know. Thoughts were whirling wildly through my mind since we had returned to the castle. I could not even remember the excuse I had made to get away from my friends. Blaise's gaze had been on me the entire time, driving me slowly to panic. My muscles were aching as I climbed uncountable steps. Again and again, I saw my brother's reaction to my mark. And every single time made my heart clench tighter in my chest./p
p class="MsoNormal"I stopped abruptly when I reached the top of the stairs. My feet had lead me to the Astronomy tower. On shaking legs – not only from the many stairs – I approached the railing. My hair was blowing in the fresh autumn wind. A long breath escaped my lips when I leaned against the barrier. If Draco and Blaise were already reacting like this to my Dark Mark then how would they react hearing of my death sentence?/p
p class="MsoNormal""You ought to be more vigilant of your surroundings," my body tensed and I whirled around, "If you wish to stay out of trouble."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Severus.", I sighed relieved and cast him a small smile. For a moment, I felt liberated from my heavy thoughts. Severus stood a couple of steps away from me, hands behind his back. Black robes were billowing around his tall figure. The unwavering stare of his obsidian eyes gave me goosebumps. Then he stepped closer with effortlessly graceful steps that made every other person look like an uncoordinated gawk./p
p class="MsoNormal"I was captivated by the indescribable intensity in his dark eyes. It needed nothing but Severus looking at me to lift the crushing weight on my mind. Our bodies were mere inches away from each other. Slowly, I closed the gap and rested my head against his chest. Instinctively, my eyes closed and my heartbeat slowed. Severus wrapped his arms around me. His quiet, warm breaths were tingling my skin./p
p class="MsoNormal"After a long comfortable silence, I finally exhaled deeply and raised my head. "Did she tell you about Draco?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Severus nodded curtly, a frown settling on his features. "But there is more to it." He released me but did not step back./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yes." I felt nervous all of a sudden. I knew I should have told Severus about my encounter with Blaise and Draco. I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath. Then I told him about the day I had had the row with my friends in the Great Hall, how my brother and Blaise had pulled me in an empty classroom and how the conversation had gone downhill from one moment to the other./p
p class="MsoNormal""You should have seen Draco's face," I said quietly, my voice thick with fear. My next words were tumbling out of my mouth. "He looked so… so shaken and truly shocked… I know him. I mean, I know he will expect an explanation at some point. I just don't know when. And what if he and Blaise… I don't know – What if they – What will happen if they learn the truth? What if they do something stupid or reckless. I don't want them to get hurt. They can't! Even if it would cost me my life, if there is anything helpful in the chest my mother left me, I will use it. They said they could protect themselves, but they have never met him. They don't know what they are up against."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I had not even closed my mouth again when Severus took a step forward. Since our bodies were still touching, it forced me to step back. I flinched when my back collided with the railing, but my eyes were on Severus. He placed his hands on the railing, caging me between him and the cold barrier in my back. His shoulder-length black hair was blowing in the wind. A frightening serious expression had settled on his features. My heart was hammering against my ribcage when I stared in Severus' burning eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""Protecting them from your father isn't your job. I promise, as long as I'm alive I will keep them safe, but I can only do that if I know for sure that you're staying here, at Hogwarts, in safety." I nodded curtly but his expression did not soften. Instead, he lowered his face to mine and watched me with hard eyes. "We both know Draco Malfoy loves you. You know he and Zabini will ask for the truth and you must give it to them. They can protect themselves much better than you think. They are strong and promising wizards – strong enough to handle the truth and survive this war, but only if you trust in their abilities."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded again. My hand was trembling when I pushed strains of hair behind my ear. "I know… Draco… said practically the same thing. I just want them to be safe."/p
p class="MsoNormal"For a moment, we stared at each other, neither of us moving while the wind was increasing and blowing our robes against each other's legs. Severus sighed and his body lost its tension. I let out a deep breath when I saw the change in his eyes, my fear slowly being replaced by comfortable calm./p
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you," I said quietly and bit the inside of my cheek. My heart felt so heavy in my chest. "It's just… I know you have other problems to deal with and I cannot help you. That's frustrating and I just… I love you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I assure you, Elb, you are my most important problem.", Severus replied drily and raised one eyebrow. A light chuckle escaped my lips. He raised a warm hand to rest on my cheek and a small smirk graced his lips. "I just love you as well."/p
p class="MsoNormal"A heatwave seemed to burn through my heart, leaving my legs to feel wobbly all a sudden. I could not tear my eyes away from Severus'. My hands were no longer trembling when I rested them on his ebony clad chest. I felt Severus' hand releasing the railing and wrapping around me instead. The other hand wandered teasingly slow from my cheek to my jaw./p
p class="MsoNormal"My breath hitched in my throat when Severus lowered his face to mine. I could smell the sweet spices of potions ingredients as I pressed myself even closer. My stomach tingled as his nose brushed mine before I closed the gap between our lips. My mind turned blank as dozens of indescribable feelings overwhelmed me. I did not feel my body any longer, only a trail of burning skin where his hands held me firmly against his warm body. Severus kissed me softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity that made me cling to him as the only solid thing in a dizzy swaying world./p
p class="MsoNormal"Only one thought crossed my mind when his lips left mine and traced burning kisses to my neck; this was the man I loved and needed, the man I wanted to spend a life with I could never have. Even if I was considered a child in the human world, my heart understood the true and deeper meaning of fairy-love. My elvish mind was older than any seventh year's, my senses sharper and my magic stronger./p
p class="MsoNormal"A moan escaped my lips when Severus' lips attacked the skin under my jaw with gentle passion. My eyes closed in bliss and I whimpered softly in his hair. Yes, Severus was the man I wanted to give myself to, the man I wanted to call my family and see every day until the very last day of a long, fulfilled life together./p
p class="MsoNormal"A life that would forever remain a sweet, painful dream…/p
p class="MsoNormal""Look at me," Severus breath ghosted over my face and ripped me out of my thoughts. I blinked rapidly but he had already seen my quiet tears./p
p class="MsoNormal"I chuckled sadly and lowered my head. "I'm sorry… I never wanted to be one of these overemotional human women. Still, all I do is burying myself in my own darkness and ending up crying. Pathetic."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, you are not." A gentle finger under my chin lifted my head. I lost myself in the depths of those black eyes that were so much darker than the black lake. "There is no spark of darkness in your heart."/p
p class="MsoNormal""And what about my soul?", I whispered defeated. "I had dreams, wishes, and hopes… and now it has been ripped away from me, although I am trying to forget about the curse and live what life I have left."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Perhaps…" Severus cupped my face in his hands and looked me deeply in the eyes. "Perhaps you should stop trying to forget."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I cannot… I can't." My voice broke as I tried to make him understand./p
p class="MsoNormal""Why?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I might lose myself. I- There is no darkness in me, not yet, but I fear what will happen once I give in to my desperation and pain. I am afraid of the darkness in my thoughts and dreams, more so than of the curse itself."/p
p class="MsoNormal"The trembling in Severus' hands against my skin was hardly perceptible, but it woke a cold fear in my heart. It was not like him to allow his emotions to control him. Yet I found myself staring in the hopeless eyes of a man who had suffered his entire life./p
p class="MsoNormal""Let me help you, Arya. I will protect you from yourself. You have always trusted me. Show me now that you still do," Severus said softly despite his hard features. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and stared at him./p
p class="MsoNormal""How?", I pleaded weakly. "How could you possibly help me?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""You are not alone, Arya Jackson. We are in this together and I will stay by your side."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm afraid, Severus," I whispered./p
p class="MsoNormal"Severus tilted his head and rested his forehead against mine. I gripped his forearms for dear life. I was breathing faster as I tried to inhale more of his soothing scent./p
p class="MsoNormal""So am I, love." Severus' quiet words were barely audible as the wind continued whistling in my ears. A shiver, colder and sharper than ice, rushed through my entire body and paralyzed my heart. Never before had I heard a confession of fear from him./p
p class="MsoNormal"For a long time, I held his forearms as if an invisible force, hiding in the wind, would attempt to tear me away from him. Only his hands cupping my face and the overwhelming scent of spices and potions kept my thoughts from roaring wildly in my mind. At some time the relentless grip of fear loosened and my heartbeat calmed./p
p class="MsoNormal""What am I to do?" At first, I thought Severus had not heard me but then he sighed and raised his head. He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again the familiar mask of cold indifference had settled on his features./p
p class="MsoNormal""Stop fighting what… what neither of us can change… I will help you. And perhaps it is time for you to open your mother's chest. You might find something useful in it that might help you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I swallowed again before taking a deep breath. Slowly, my hands loosened their grip on his forearms and fell lifeless against his chest. I lowered my head in Severus' hands and closed my eyes as fear began clawing my heart once more./p
p class="MsoNormal""Alright."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm here, Elb," Severus whispered against my forehead. I felt his lips on my warm skin and instinctively my hands clutched the front of his robes./p
p class="MsoNormal""I know… I trust you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"This evening I found myself alone in the common room. It was past midnight but fatigue would not come. Instead, I was sitting on the fluffy couch facing the fireplace and staring in the dancing flames. My hand was caressing the spot Severus had kissed with so much care and passion. A small smile was creeping on my lips as I remembered the safe embrace from the man I loved. The way his arms had held me close to his body. How the scent of potions had engulfed and brought me to an entirely different world of peace and life./p
p class="MsoNormal"A familiar tapping sound interrupted my thoughts I turned my head. Confused, I frowned at the bird sitting on the window ledge and glanced at the clock. It was definitely too late for mail. I opened the window and the beautiful eagle owl hopped over the frame. Orange eyes blinked at me before the owl held out its leg. As soon as I had untied the small letter the owl turned and flew off into the dark night. I frowned at the spot where it had been mere seconds ago before closing the window./p
p class="MsoNormal"I unfolded the small piece of parchment and drew a sharp breath. My mind had turned blank as my eyes scanned the words several times. The letter contained only three words – three words written in my brother's handwriting./p
p class="MsoNormal"strongemFriday afternoon. Lake./em/strong/p
p class="MsoNormal""Ms. Jackson, please stay behind."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I groaned inwardly and rolled my eyes. Hermione cast me a supportive smile before leaving the Transfiguration classroom with Harry and Ron. Sighing, I turned around. I jumped when I found myself only inches away from my brother. My breath caught in my throat. Draco looked just as shocked upon facing me as I was feeling. We had not been that close to each other since… I could not even remember the last time we had spent time together without arguing./p
p class="MsoNormal"I did not dare to move one finger. I could only stare in his freckled ice blue eyes. My heart was beating furiously in my chest. Never had I felt the fear in Draco's presence that was stabbing my heart over and over again at this very moment. All because I could not tear my eyes away and step aside. This intense yet fragile moment held more power over my heart than our last argument. Only one word, one wrong move from Draco was everything it would take for my heart to shatter. I hated feeling so vulnerable./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hurry up, Mr. Malfoy. I haven't got all day," Professor McGonagall called loudly./p
p class="MsoNormal"It was less her voice that snapped me out of my frozen state, rather than Draco's reaction. Grey eyes turned from unfazed coldness to painful desperation. Softened features contorted with burning anger. Suddenly, he looked so much taller as he was towering over me, although I was merely three inches shorter than him. He made one step forward, forcing me to stumble back as not to land on the floor. I swallowed the forming lump in my throat, staring at him with wide eyes. My brother's face turned even darker./p
p class="MsoNormal""What the hell do you want from me," Draco spat dangerously. My mouth felt dry and I opened it to say something – what, I did not know./p
p class="MsoNormal""Draco, I-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Twice you've pushed me away and now's the second time you return to me crying for forgiveness. I'm done with your games."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Mr. Malfoy, that's enough," Professor McGonagall interrupted him sharply. "If either of you starts another fight, you'll both face severe consequences."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Draco ignored her and sneered at me. "I'm wondering how Snape could bear your bipolar mental condition for so many years."/p
p class="MsoNormal"My heart missed a beat. Draco smirked coldly and pushed past me, bumping my shoulder with full force. My body grew hot with sudden frustration. I gripped my brother's arm and whirled him around. Anger and months of suppressed pain surfaced at once when I glared at Draco, mere inches left between our bodies./p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't know what I had to go through. You have not the slightest idea how difficult it was for me since his return," I spat in my brother's face. "I know what I did was wrong but I had a damn good reason."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Draco's face contorted with anger as he raised his voice. "And what reason would that be? Except that you simply enjoy to live out your Gryffindor hero complex, of course. I bet your precious Potter taught you since you spend so much time with him. I'm too much of a Slytherin, is that it? One Slytherin's already enough in your life?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"I gritted my teeth and felt as my heart clenched tighter in my chest. My eyes watered. Our breathing sounded awfully loud in the deserted room. My lips trembled slightly and by the flicker of satisfaction in Draco's eyes, I knew that he had noticed my defeat. Not taking my eyes off his, my hand fumbled clumsily with the button of my sleeve./p
p class="MsoNormal""This," bitterness laced my voice when I pushed my sleeve up. "This is my reason."/p
p class="MsoNormal"My brother's breathing stopped. His body tensed./p
p class="MsoNormal"Silence./p
p class="MsoNormal"Draco stared at the Dark Mark with an unreadable yet vulnerable expression. A freezing shiver ran down my spine. My heart pounding was the only sound in the deserted room. Neither of us moved./p
p class="MsoNormal""Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Jackson", Professor McGonagall's voice had softened when she appeared next to us. Nevertheless, I flinched and Draco blinked. Hastily, I pulled down my sleeve, my hands shaking visibly. I lowered my head, refusing to look at anyone. This was what I had feared the most – telling my brother the truth – and now there was no return./p
p class="MsoNormal""I understand there are important matters for you to settle, but I advise you to do so outside my classroom. Now, I would like a word with you, Jackson."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I could not look up. I did not want to. Anxiously, I pressed my fingers in my forearm. With a sinking heart I watched as Draco's legs moved out of my sight. His steps were much slower and quieter than usual. My eyes followed his retreating figure and I took a deep breath when the door closed behind him./p
p class="MsoNormal""Jackson."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I swallowed the forming lump in my throat and blinked. Then I turned to my Head of House. She was watching me with sad eyes. A throbbing pressure in my mind made it difficult to think. My brother was all I could think about. After seeing my Dark Mark he would surely hear me out, would he not? He had to./p
p class="MsoNormal""I merely wanted to inform you that next term all fifth-years are required to attend a short meeting with their Head of House to-" she was interrupted as the door of the classroom opened noisily./p
p class="MsoNormal""Severus."/p
p class="MsoNormal"My head snapped around. A comfortable warmth calmed my still trembling hands when Severus came to a halt next to me. The familiar and pleasant scent of potions enwrapped me and I took a deep breath. Severus' curious gaze flickered from Professor McGonagall to me before he nodded in her direction./p
p class="MsoNormal""I brought you the requested potion. I advise not to take more than two drops at once or the potion might make it worse. " Severus presented a small vile and she took it with a warm smile./p
p class="MsoNormal""I thank you, Severus. These headaches are truly terrible if one has to teach classes the entire day."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Severus' lips twitched slightly and he raised an eyebrow. "Understandable, especially if one must teach Potions to mediocre and incompetent students."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, don't be so hard on them. We both know you actually enjoy teaching," my Head of House replied and smiled smugly./p
p class="MsoNormal"Severus curled his lips in annoyance. "Whatever. I also need to discuss one of your student's performances. The failing grades are alarming and her brewing has become disastrous over the summer. I fear she might blow up my classroom if she continues like this."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Very well. I only need a moment with Jackson," Professor McGonagall replied before turning to me. Severus nodded curtly and folded his arms across his chest. Calculating black eyes flickered from her to me. Quickly, I tore my eyes from him and looked up. My Head of House cleared her throat and folded her hands./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well, as I said, all fifth-years must attend a meeting with their Head of House to discuss their future careers."/p
p class="MsoNormal"A pulsating, rushing noise exploded in my ears and made every coherent thought impossible. I could only stare at her. "Not interested."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Professor McGonagall sighed, her lips twitching. "I'm truly sorry but I'm afraid – As long as your situation hasn't been made official… you have no choice but to attend, Jackson."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Ms. Jackson, I understand your resentment, but this career advice is obligatory for all fifth-years. It's important to discuss your N.E.W.T. classes."/p
p class="MsoNormal"A sudden burning frustration snapped me back to my senses. "I have no future."/p
p class="MsoNormal"The following seconds of silence were earsplitting. I bore my nails deeply in the palms of my trembling hands. My body was frozen in the relentless grip of coldness, leaving me to listen to my furiously beating heart and watching as Professor McGonagall desperately tried to hide her sorrow./p
p class="MsoNormal""We will merely discuss your choice of classes for the next two years.", she replied softly but her words failed to reassure me./p
p class="MsoNormal""Which depends on my choice of career."/p
p class="MsoNormal""This meeting is mandatory to be admitted for the O.W.L exam.", Professor McGonagall cast me an apologetic look. "So, unless you wish to leave Hogwarts this year, I expect you in my office for your appointment."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I frowned at my Head of House as the seething feeling of betrayal burned my pounding heart. Desperately, I tried to keep control over my features but my lips began twitching. My gaze flickered to Severus but strains of black hair were hiding his face./p
p class="MsoNormal""Would you like me to bring a drawing of my preferred coffin or should I rather prepare an epitaph?" My voice was laced with heavy irony. "We might have enough time to discuss the appropriate kind of stone as well."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I cast her a dark look and grabbed my bag. Without another word, I stormed out of her classroom. emCareer advise… /emI scoffed and muttered to myself. "That's so ridiculous. Humans and their beloved bureaucracy. Brainless bureaucrats hiding behind roles of parchments, without caring about the real world. No wonder someone like Fudge ended up as Minister. Just a bunch of imbecile cowa-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Ms. Jackson," a sweet voice called from behind me./p
p class="MsoNormal"I froze in the entry of the Great Hall. Several heads turned in our direction. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A fluffy pink cardigan appeared in front of me, covering a smiling Umbridge./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yes, Professor," I replied sarcastically and folded my hands behind my back. Apparently, Umbridge did not possess the ability to identify sarcasm since she did not even blink at my almost disparaging tone of voice. Instead, her smile widened and she tilted her head./p
p class="MsoNormal""Did I just hear you insulting the Minister for Magic?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"The closer voices and clattering died down suddenly. Despite my anger, amusement flared in my heart. A new goal dominated my thoughts. I would wipe this smile off her face and make her angry, really angry – if not today then someday this year./p
p class="MsoNormal""You must have misunderstood my words."/p
p class="MsoNormal"A satisfactory gleam flashed in her eyes and she puffed out her chest. "I don't think so. You're aware that without the Ministry and the Minister for Magic there would be no school for you to attend? So, I believe calling the Minister an imbecile is highly inappropriate."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I wanted to laugh, roll my eyes and scoff at the same time, but the conviction of her words truly surprised me. Nobody could be this daft… except for Umbridge, it seemed./p
p class="MsoNormal""Last I checked there was no decree against the freedom of opinion or expression."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So you admit having insulted the Minister? Because there's well a law stating that defamation is a serious crime." Umbridge's attempt to sound strict was as successful as convincing a House Elf to accept clothes. I resisted the urge to cross my arms in a defensive manner. This woman would not break my self-control. I would not end up in detention again – never again./p
p class="MsoNormal""Correct me if I'm mistaken, but words can only be defined as defamation if the speaker is aware of their falsehood." I could not suppress the provocative smirk./p
p class="MsoNormal"Umbridge's smile faltered instantly. Obviously, she had not missed the hint in my words. Trying to keep her composure, however, she raised her head a little and showed me a trouble-promising smile. The same she had worn when she had forced me to change my seat in her class. I clenched my jaw and stared at her with cold eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""I almost pity you, Jackson. Be careful, I keep an eye on you." Umbridge wrinkled her nose. Then she turned and left with short, confident steps. I rolled my eyes at her back. I found my friends only a couple of steps away sitting at the Gryffindor table. A deep breath escaped my lips when I sat down./p
p class="MsoNormal""You should be careful with her, Arya.", Hermione said frowning./p
p class="MsoNormal""I know what I'm doing.", I muttered and piled some food on my plate./p
p class="MsoNormal""So what did McGonagall want?", Harry asked curiously. The fork I was holding clattered on the table, my hand frozen in the movement. Heat and coldness rushed through my body. For a moment I had actually forgotten about what had happened in her classroom./p
p class="MsoNormal""What happened?" Hermione watched me with a worried expression. I clenched my jaw and refused to look at them./p
p class="MsoNormal""Nothing important."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Arya.", Hermione sighed./p
p class="MsoNormal"I had lost my appetite. My head was itching to turn to the Slytherin table but I ignored it. If the cup in my hand had been made off glass, it surely would have burst with my firm grip. I frowned at the swirling pumpkin juice./p
p class="MsoNormal""She just informed me about the career advice next semester.", I said scarcely audible./p
p class="MsoNormal""Career advice? We'll have one this year? I thought it was supposed to be in sixth year.", Hermione asked confused. I scoffed to myself and emptied the cup./p
p class="MsoNormal""It isn't. It's mandatory to write our exams, apparently." I looked up to see Harry watching me carefully. Concern filled his green eyes. I felt worse all the sudden and averted my gaze./p
p class="MsoNormal""Arya!", Hermione whispered loudly. An alarming expression had settled on her features, brown eyes wide open./p
p class="MsoNormal"I frowned at her. "What?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Your arm." Confused, I looked down and a shiver ran down my spine. "Please, tell me you didn't…"/p
p class="MsoNormal"The button of my sleeve was still open. My jaw clenched and an invisible hand was slowly closing around my heart. With shaking fingers I fumbled to close the button. I did not dare to look at them. I could feel their eyes on me. I knew what they were thinking./p
p class="MsoNormal"I desperately wanted to turn around to the Slytherin table but I knew I should not. These grey eyes, usually sparkling with vivid amusement, had looked so frighteningly vulnerable. I had seen it in my brother's eyes, his face and his body. I had sensed it all around him. Seeing the Dark Mark on my forearm had shaken him to the core. Hogwarts had always been his safe home but now I had ripped him out of his state of ignorance. There was no denying the hard truth any longer./p
p class="MsoNormal"My gaze flickered to the staff table although I knew Severus was not there. I still had to tell him about my encounter with my brother and Blaise. And also about showing Draco my mark although I was sure Professor McGonagall had told him already. I could not help the persisting urge. Before I could stop myself I was turning to the Slytherin table. My eyes wandered over dozens of students, searching for one in particular – Draco was not there. Blaise was sitting with a couple of Slytherins but he did not seem to listen to their conversation. My heart dropped when I took in the deep frown and thoughtful expression. So Draco must have told him./p
p class="MsoNormal"Suddenly, his eyes shot up and I was staring in thoughtful black eyes. My breath hitched in my throat and I swallowed the forming lump. Blaise narrowed his eyes at me. Draco had definitely told him. Quickly, I averted my gaze and turned around. The shaking in my hands had become worse. I found it extremely difficult to breathe./p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you alright, Arya?", Hermione interrupted my inner monologue. She looked as if she was questioning my sanity – not that I blamed her. I did not even know myself how sane I truly was. emProbably a lost case./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"I shook my head and blinked at her. "I'm completely fine. But we should probably leave. If I'm coming late for Care of Magical Creatures again, Professor Grubbly-Plank might give me detention."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Ron seemed oblivious of my faked smile, but Hermione and Harry exchanged a look. My body was tense when we walked out of the Great Hall. I did not look to the Slytherin table again and made sure to stay close to the Gryffindor table, using Hermione as sight protection from Blaise. Still, I felt his eyes on my back. As soon as we had left the castle, I let out a long breath. I could not relax. Draco and Blaise would be in this class as well. And my brother was the last person I wanted to face – not in front of all these people./p
p class="MsoNormal"My heart could not have sunk lower when we reached the Forest. Umbridge and her clipboard were waiting for us beside Professor Grubbly-Plank./p
p class="MsoNormal""You do not usually take this class, is this correct?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Quite correct.", said Professor Grubbly-Plank, hands behind her back. "I'm a substitute teacher standing in for Professor Hagrid."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Harry exchanged uneasy looks with Hermione and Ron. But my mind was not even close to worrying about what Umbridge's visit would mean for Hagrid. Instead, my gaze flickered to the bunch of Slytherins that were whispering heatedly to each other. Draco was not among them. My heart could not decide if his absence was a good or bad sign./p
p class="MsoNormal""And do you feel you receive enough support from the school management?", Umbridge questioned her further. Professor Grubbly-Plank beamed at her./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh yes. Yes, I'm very happy with the way things are run, very happy indeed."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Umbridge looked politely incredulous and made a tiny note on her clipboard. Then she nodded and turned to the group of Slytherins. "Now, I heard there have been injuries in this class?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Goyle gave her a stupid grin, but before he could open his mouth Parkinson hastened to answer the question. "That was Draco. He was slashed by a Hippogriff."/p
p class="MsoNormal""A Hippogriff?", Umbridge asked confused and looked around. With a deep frown that made me clench my jaw she turned back to Parkinson. "And where is Mr. Malfoy now? Shouldn't he be in this class?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"An icy shiver ran down my spine as my gaze flickered to Blaise. He stood next to Parkinson with his arms folded firmly across his chest. The corner of his lips twitched and his voice sounded cold with annoyance. "He wasn't feeling well after our last class, so he decided to get some rest."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Umbridge turned away to speak with other students and Professor Grubbly Plank continued her lesson about Porlocks. But I was distracted. Blaise did not seem to listen either since he was occupied glaring at me with a thoughtful frown. My body was not under my control anymore under the burning stare from my once closest friend. A thick lump was forming in my throat, bringing tears to my eyes. I blinked when my lungs felt as if they were about to explode. Quickly, I averted my gaze and swallowed heavily. My skin was itching, however, and I knew Blaise had not turned away from me…/p
p class="MsoNormal"The sound of my footsteps echoed in the deserted corridor. Where I was heading I did not know. Thoughts were whirling wildly through my mind since we had returned to the castle. I could not even remember the excuse I had made to get away from my friends. Blaise's gaze had been on me the entire time, driving me slowly to panic. My muscles were aching as I climbed uncountable steps. Again and again, I saw my brother's reaction to my mark. And every single time made my heart clench tighter in my chest./p
p class="MsoNormal"I stopped abruptly when I reached the top of the stairs. My feet had lead me to the Astronomy tower. On shaking legs – not only from the many stairs – I approached the railing. My hair was blowing in the fresh autumn wind. A long breath escaped my lips when I leaned against the barrier. If Draco and Blaise were already reacting like this to my Dark Mark then how would they react hearing of my death sentence?/p
p class="MsoNormal""You ought to be more vigilant of your surroundings," my body tensed and I whirled around, "If you wish to stay out of trouble."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Severus.", I sighed relieved and cast him a small smile. For a moment, I felt liberated from my heavy thoughts. Severus stood a couple of steps away from me, hands behind his back. Black robes were billowing around his tall figure. The unwavering stare of his obsidian eyes gave me goosebumps. Then he stepped closer with effortlessly graceful steps that made every other person look like an uncoordinated gawk./p
p class="MsoNormal"I was captivated by the indescribable intensity in his dark eyes. It needed nothing but Severus looking at me to lift the crushing weight on my mind. Our bodies were mere inches away from each other. Slowly, I closed the gap and rested my head against his chest. Instinctively, my eyes closed and my heartbeat slowed. Severus wrapped his arms around me. His quiet, warm breaths were tingling my skin./p
p class="MsoNormal"After a long comfortable silence, I finally exhaled deeply and raised my head. "Did she tell you about Draco?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Severus nodded curtly, a frown settling on his features. "But there is more to it." He released me but did not step back./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yes." I felt nervous all of a sudden. I knew I should have told Severus about my encounter with Blaise and Draco. I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath. Then I told him about the day I had had the row with my friends in the Great Hall, how my brother and Blaise had pulled me in an empty classroom and how the conversation had gone downhill from one moment to the other./p
p class="MsoNormal""You should have seen Draco's face," I said quietly, my voice thick with fear. My next words were tumbling out of my mouth. "He looked so… so shaken and truly shocked… I know him. I mean, I know he will expect an explanation at some point. I just don't know when. And what if he and Blaise… I don't know – What if they – What will happen if they learn the truth? What if they do something stupid or reckless. I don't want them to get hurt. They can't! Even if it would cost me my life, if there is anything helpful in the chest my mother left me, I will use it. They said they could protect themselves, but they have never met him. They don't know what they are up against."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I had not even closed my mouth again when Severus took a step forward. Since our bodies were still touching, it forced me to step back. I flinched when my back collided with the railing, but my eyes were on Severus. He placed his hands on the railing, caging me between him and the cold barrier in my back. His shoulder-length black hair was blowing in the wind. A frightening serious expression had settled on his features. My heart was hammering against my ribcage when I stared in Severus' burning eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""Protecting them from your father isn't your job. I promise, as long as I'm alive I will keep them safe, but I can only do that if I know for sure that you're staying here, at Hogwarts, in safety." I nodded curtly but his expression did not soften. Instead, he lowered his face to mine and watched me with hard eyes. "We both know Draco Malfoy loves you. You know he and Zabini will ask for the truth and you must give it to them. They can protect themselves much better than you think. They are strong and promising wizards – strong enough to handle the truth and survive this war, but only if you trust in their abilities."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded again. My hand was trembling when I pushed strains of hair behind my ear. "I know… Draco… said practically the same thing. I just want them to be safe."/p
p class="MsoNormal"For a moment, we stared at each other, neither of us moving while the wind was increasing and blowing our robes against each other's legs. Severus sighed and his body lost its tension. I let out a deep breath when I saw the change in his eyes, my fear slowly being replaced by comfortable calm./p
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you," I said quietly and bit the inside of my cheek. My heart felt so heavy in my chest. "It's just… I know you have other problems to deal with and I cannot help you. That's frustrating and I just… I love you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I assure you, Elb, you are my most important problem.", Severus replied drily and raised one eyebrow. A light chuckle escaped my lips. He raised a warm hand to rest on my cheek and a small smirk graced his lips. "I just love you as well."/p
p class="MsoNormal"A heatwave seemed to burn through my heart, leaving my legs to feel wobbly all a sudden. I could not tear my eyes away from Severus'. My hands were no longer trembling when I rested them on his ebony clad chest. I felt Severus' hand releasing the railing and wrapping around me instead. The other hand wandered teasingly slow from my cheek to my jaw./p
p class="MsoNormal"My breath hitched in my throat when Severus lowered his face to mine. I could smell the sweet spices of potions ingredients as I pressed myself even closer. My stomach tingled as his nose brushed mine before I closed the gap between our lips. My mind turned blank as dozens of indescribable feelings overwhelmed me. I did not feel my body any longer, only a trail of burning skin where his hands held me firmly against his warm body. Severus kissed me softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity that made me cling to him as the only solid thing in a dizzy swaying world./p
p class="MsoNormal"Only one thought crossed my mind when his lips left mine and traced burning kisses to my neck; this was the man I loved and needed, the man I wanted to spend a life with I could never have. Even if I was considered a child in the human world, my heart understood the true and deeper meaning of fairy-love. My elvish mind was older than any seventh year's, my senses sharper and my magic stronger./p
p class="MsoNormal"A moan escaped my lips when Severus' lips attacked the skin under my jaw with gentle passion. My eyes closed in bliss and I whimpered softly in his hair. Yes, Severus was the man I wanted to give myself to, the man I wanted to call my family and see every day until the very last day of a long, fulfilled life together./p
p class="MsoNormal"A life that would forever remain a sweet, painful dream…/p
p class="MsoNormal""Look at me," Severus breath ghosted over my face and ripped me out of my thoughts. I blinked rapidly but he had already seen my quiet tears./p
p class="MsoNormal"I chuckled sadly and lowered my head. "I'm sorry… I never wanted to be one of these overemotional human women. Still, all I do is burying myself in my own darkness and ending up crying. Pathetic."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, you are not." A gentle finger under my chin lifted my head. I lost myself in the depths of those black eyes that were so much darker than the black lake. "There is no spark of darkness in your heart."/p
p class="MsoNormal""And what about my soul?", I whispered defeated. "I had dreams, wishes, and hopes… and now it has been ripped away from me, although I am trying to forget about the curse and live what life I have left."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Perhaps…" Severus cupped my face in his hands and looked me deeply in the eyes. "Perhaps you should stop trying to forget."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I cannot… I can't." My voice broke as I tried to make him understand./p
p class="MsoNormal""Why?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I might lose myself. I- There is no darkness in me, not yet, but I fear what will happen once I give in to my desperation and pain. I am afraid of the darkness in my thoughts and dreams, more so than of the curse itself."/p
p class="MsoNormal"The trembling in Severus' hands against my skin was hardly perceptible, but it woke a cold fear in my heart. It was not like him to allow his emotions to control him. Yet I found myself staring in the hopeless eyes of a man who had suffered his entire life./p
p class="MsoNormal""Let me help you, Arya. I will protect you from yourself. You have always trusted me. Show me now that you still do," Severus said softly despite his hard features. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and stared at him./p
p class="MsoNormal""How?", I pleaded weakly. "How could you possibly help me?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""You are not alone, Arya Jackson. We are in this together and I will stay by your side."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm afraid, Severus," I whispered./p
p class="MsoNormal"Severus tilted his head and rested his forehead against mine. I gripped his forearms for dear life. I was breathing faster as I tried to inhale more of his soothing scent./p
p class="MsoNormal""So am I, love." Severus' quiet words were barely audible as the wind continued whistling in my ears. A shiver, colder and sharper than ice, rushed through my entire body and paralyzed my heart. Never before had I heard a confession of fear from him./p
p class="MsoNormal"For a long time, I held his forearms as if an invisible force, hiding in the wind, would attempt to tear me away from him. Only his hands cupping my face and the overwhelming scent of spices and potions kept my thoughts from roaring wildly in my mind. At some time the relentless grip of fear loosened and my heartbeat calmed./p
p class="MsoNormal""What am I to do?" At first, I thought Severus had not heard me but then he sighed and raised his head. He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again the familiar mask of cold indifference had settled on his features./p
p class="MsoNormal""Stop fighting what… what neither of us can change… I will help you. And perhaps it is time for you to open your mother's chest. You might find something useful in it that might help you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"I swallowed again before taking a deep breath. Slowly, my hands loosened their grip on his forearms and fell lifeless against his chest. I lowered my head in Severus' hands and closed my eyes as fear began clawing my heart once more./p
p class="MsoNormal""Alright."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm here, Elb," Severus whispered against my forehead. I felt his lips on my warm skin and instinctively my hands clutched the front of his robes./p
p class="MsoNormal""I know… I trust you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"This evening I found myself alone in the common room. It was past midnight but fatigue would not come. Instead, I was sitting on the fluffy couch facing the fireplace and staring in the dancing flames. My hand was caressing the spot Severus had kissed with so much care and passion. A small smile was creeping on my lips as I remembered the safe embrace from the man I loved. The way his arms had held me close to his body. How the scent of potions had engulfed and brought me to an entirely different world of peace and life./p
p class="MsoNormal"A familiar tapping sound interrupted my thoughts I turned my head. Confused, I frowned at the bird sitting on the window ledge and glanced at the clock. It was definitely too late for mail. I opened the window and the beautiful eagle owl hopped over the frame. Orange eyes blinked at me before the owl held out its leg. As soon as I had untied the small letter the owl turned and flew off into the dark night. I frowned at the spot where it had been mere seconds ago before closing the window./p
p class="MsoNormal"I unfolded the small piece of parchment and drew a sharp breath. My mind had turned blank as my eyes scanned the words several times. The letter contained only three words – three words written in my brother's handwriting./p
p class="MsoNormal"strongemFriday afternoon. Lake./em/strong/p