Chapter 51

2008

"Why are you doing this?"

Was he imagining it, or was her stomach already starting to grow? The first probably. She wiped the thin layer of water off the steamed-up mirror and looked into his eyes before wrapping the towel around her body. Alex wasn't smiling. "Evan?"

"Yeah, I know." He sat down on the edge of the bathtub to look at her as she brushed the wet hair back. "I can't let this drop."

Alex nodded. "I get that," she said. "I'm just wondering if, maybe, somebody else could take over the interrogation for a while."

"No, I really need to get back. I need to find out where that bastard is hiding and-"

"You know you don't owe him anything." The hatred in her voice should have repulsed him, but it just sounded like an echo of the mantra he kept repeating in his head. No, he really didn't owe Javier anything. Not after what he'd done. But rational thinking didn't really apply here. It couldn't. This had become far too personal. Well, maybe that was reason enough to let Sheppard or literally anybody else take over the interrogation. But it wasn't like Evan could do any damage here.

"Just one more try," he said, getting up and pulling Alex closer so her back was pressed against his bare chest. He wrapped his arms around her and took her left hand into his. Their wedding bands clinked softly together. "I'm not gonna get distracted by this, don't worry."

Nodding, she leaned into him. "I'm not worrying. Just… I don't know."

"Hm." He kissed her neck, right under her right earlobe, remembering the moment a couple of minutes ago under the hot shower. Her hot kisses trailing down his chest, his stomach… he could almost feel them even now. She'd joined him just as he was getting ready to set out again. His research through the most recent personnel files hadn't turned up anything and he'd taken just a couple of minutes to start typing up his report on the last mission, when Keller had radioed in that Javier would be ready for the next round of interrogation in half an hour. Those thirty minutes had been used up mostly by the quick shower he'd wanted to take, and then Alex had shown up. He needed to get going. But those few minutes with Alex had been worth it. They always were. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"Yes," she said, turning her head and brushing her lips against his jaw. "Do you want me to come along?" She'd asked the very same question that morning, and he gave her the same answer he'd given her then.

"You don't have to, if you don't want."

"Maybe later." She took a deep breath and patted his hand. "I don't know. I'm just going to upset him even more."

Evan scoffed and let go of her. He reached for another towel and rubbed it through his hair before reaching for his underwear. "God forbid he gets upset."

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do." She meant they needed information, and Javier getting more upset than he probably already was, wouldn't get them closer to the intel they needed from him. "Are you gonna be in the mess later on?" he asked as he pulled on his underpants. He looked at her again, at the face, still red from the heat of the water and her eyes still trained on him.

"Sure. If I don't make it to the infirmary, I'll go there."

Evan nodded and kissed her neck. "Okay," he said. "I'll see you then." He was almost certain she wouldn't come to watch the interrogation, but that didn't really matter.

He nodded at the guards positioned at the door nodded as they let him pass. Nobody else was in the room, not even in the observation room one floor up. There was only Javier in his bed, still tied to the frame, still staring up at the ceiling. And he'd never looked older.

Evan sat down in the chair next to the bed and turned on the recording device.

"The new uniform kind of suits you."

Evan scoffed and shook his head, not sure how else to react. "Still military." What about your uniform? What did Ba'al put on your back? Javier had been wearing plain, dark clothes, and Evan was almost sure he and his comrades had been dressed like that to blend in with the crowd of the village on M43-4X1. He'd have to ask that later. Where had all those new followers come from? Were they from the Pegasus Galaxy, or had Ba'al brought them along in his new, fancy ship?

Javier's shoulders twitched slightly, as though hinting at a shrug. "Whatever."

"I really need answers from you, Javier."

"Right," Javier shook his head. "Good luck with that."

"We used to be friends."

"Not my fault we're not anymore."

"Yes, it is." The words came out more harshly than he intended. "Yes, it bloody is. It's not like you could run off like that. They would've found you eventually. And how could you have been so stupid! Why didn't you just resign?" Well, this wasn't going the way he'd planned. And he shouldn't be using this situation to attack Javier like this. He really, really shouldn't. This wasn't where this was supposed to go. But he couldn't stop himself. There was so much that needed to be said and – no. He should probably leave.

Right now.

"Did you think rationally when your kid was taken?"

All the air had simply disappeared from his lungs. Nothing but that sickening vacuum remained. He just stared open-mouthed at Javier, his fingers numb. He couldn't even begin to fathom what Javier could have said that would have unsettled him more. And Evan didn't even know why. His mind was blank. Wiped of responses and words and all that remained was the vague feeling of vertigo. Of the world slightly tilting to either side while his feet remained firmly on the ground.

"See? Managed to shut you up after all."

"This-" Evan managed to say, the word taking an incredible effort to form, "you can't compare that." He blinked and got up from his chair. He hadn't expected Javier to bring up Nora, though, of course it should have been plausible for Javier to know about her. But for him to know… for him to speak of their child in this context…

"Says who? You lost someone, I lost someone."

"Nora was my child."

"Sam was the love of my life."

That shut Evan up for good.

How dare you?

He wanted to say it, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The loss of Sam wasn't any more fair than the death of Nora had been.

Fuck off!

Disrespecting Javier wouldn't do.

I didn't desert over it!

No, he'd filed a disrespectful report instead. He'd risked his career. He'd determinedly offended his superior officers, knowing full well how it would be seen.

I didn't betray my friends over it.

No, he'd betrayed his wife. He'd filed another report, one that had technically erased the old one, without telling her.

I never switched sides over it.

Well, that was true. He hadn't left anyone behind. He hadn't lashed out the way Javier had. But Evan was in a different position. Always had been. "You're such a stupid ass," was all Evan said before he forced himself to sit down again. "I wanted to help you, you know."

"You didn't though. You turned me in."

"Somebody would have reported you."

"Somebody would have, yes. But it was you, wasn't it?"

"Yes." There was no denying it. And there was no denying he still felt lousy for it. But it wasn't an excuse. Not where they were right now. He felt the anger slowly fade, felt the tension leave his body with every breath he took and exhaled.

Javier's dark eyes met his and the trace of a smile played around his pale lips. "You should've shot me, you know?"

"Why? What would be the use of that to anyone." How had they come this far? Twelve years ago, he might have imagined that, should they meet again, Javier would be bitter. Not wounded by Evan's hand, lying in a hospital bed and on his way to face a lifetime in some cell in Area 51.

Javier shook his head. "Just forget it."

"Javier," Evan cleared his throat again. There was no use making accusations. No use trying to point fingers. Javier had made his choices. Evan had made his and there was no way they could change them. He might almost have considered Javier his little brother once. Almost. But clearly he'd only thought that. Clearly, there had never been enough trust between them. "I'm sorry, but-"

"Forget it." Javier's eyes travelled up to the ceiling again. "Where's Alex?"

"Why?"

"Guess I should apologize."

"Not sure that'll be enough."

"Says you of all people."

The rage started bubbling up again, but before it could make him lash out once more, Evan bit his lip. "Just stop that. What did he promise you?"

"What? The great System Lord?" The ironic grin made Javier's face look almost ghostlike. "Nothing much… I started working for his firm, and I got… sucked in? I don't know. And at one point you can't turn your back on them anymore. Guess you know that feeling. Bit like the military."

"Oh, come on."

"Only that the military never promised me anything I really wanted."

"Like what?"

Javier fell silent again and Evan waited. Javier's eyes widened for a bit as his eyes followed something ahead. Evan followed his gaze and saw that Alex had entered the observation room after all. She was still pale, held her arms folded over her chest and stared down at Javier, her expression unreadable. Johnson was standing right behind her. The younger woman leaned forward and pushed a button next to the glass window. Her voice rang through the intercom. "Major Lorne, we couldn't reach you over the radio. Colonel Carter and Major Sheppard would like a word, Sir."

"Alright," Evan said and nodded. "I'll be there."

"He promised me he'd get Sam back," Javier whispered, almost too quickly and too low for Evan to pick up. His eyes darted back to Evan's and his expression had changed. "I don't think he ever intended it, but what would you have done?"

Evan got up. He should have guessed it, really. A long time ago. His voice was cold as he answered. "I'd have said no," he said, for the first time ever absolutely sure that he meant it. No matter how much he missed his child, the price that Ba'al would have demanded was too high. Far too high. His soul, or whatever it was that made him who he was, wasn't worth it, and he knew his daughter would never have wanted her life to be bought like that. "You know what? Sam would've hated what you've become."

Alex was waiting for him right outside the room, her hands in her pockets. "You look terrible," she said as they started walking towards the nearest transport, past windows through which one could barely see thanks to the billions of water droplets already sticking to them.

"I feel terrible." They were out of earshot of the guards and he leaned in to kiss her temple just as a wave of thunder rolled over the city. "Are you coming along to Carter and Sheppard?"

"Okay," she said with a nod, her hand grasping his shirt. "Jonas figured out a thing or two about that other meeting place."

"Hm," he grunted, grateful that she was trying to distract him and confident that it wouldn't do any good. "Tell me?" They stepped inside the transport and he hit the area of the screen indicating the control room level.

"For one, he thinks there are at least seven more worlds to explore, none of which are in the database-"

"Neat. That'll be eating you up, I suppose."

"Yes, but, well…" she cleared her throat as the doors closed. "And he agrees with McKay that there might be a ZPM on one of those worlds, or research on ZPMs. They were the Ancients' most useful power source and there's little to no research on Zero Point energy here on Atlantis. They tried exploring other means of getting energy of course, but-" she broke off when their eyes met. "Well, they hid them well, didn't they?"

"Never harms to have a spare or two."

"Definitely." He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer for a moment, inhaling her scent and closing his eyes. His heart was still racing, his head was throbbing. How he hated what was going on here at the moment with Javier. Why hadn't he had the guts to shoot him?

And that thought was even worse than the conversation had been. Because it hadn't really been an interrogation, had it?

The transport doors opened again and he let go of her, but she took his hand nonetheless. Just for a couple of steps more. Her hand was cool in his. Cool and dry and comforting. "So, you think I'll be leaving on another mission soon?"

"Who knows. Jonas is eager."

Evan managed a grin. "I bet he is. When are you gonna pitch it?"

"Tomorrow, I guess? We'd better talk to Anna about it first, though. She's the head of the department."

"Sure." Evan nodded and pulled her closer again. "Just tell me which artefacts you want me to bring home and I will. You can do the truly exhausting work."

"Looking forward to it," she said, pulling a face. He knew how much she wanted to do this herself, but for now that was out of the question. "We should have a talk or two about how things are gonna go once the baby is here. Missions, research…"

Alex nodded but averted her gaze. They'd reached the main embarkation area and she dropped his hand. "Let's not jinx it, though." She started climbing the steps leading up towards Carter's office, when the transport behind them opened up again and Johnson caught up to them. "Thanks, Johnson," he said. "For coming to get me. Guess I should have checked the battery on this thing." He tapped his earpiece and Johnson nodded once, but didn't comment. She really didn't talk much, did she?

Carter was already waiting for them, leaning against her desk, arms folded over her chest and talking to Sheppard, who looked a bit less relaxed than a few moments ago. "Ma'am? Sir?" Evan cleared his throat and after a brief nod from Carter, entered the room with Alex in tow.

"How'd it go?" Sheppard asked, sitting down in one of the comfortable leather chairs.

"Not too well," he said. "I don't think he's gonna talk, Colonel."

"Yeah, well… he's gonna be sent back home in four days. So we have until then to get as much out of him as we can."

"Already?" Alex asked, surprised.

"Apparently the IOA has a couple of specialists at hand who want to give it a go. And Doctor Keller said he could be moved by then." Carter didn't look remotely pleased. Her distaste for the IOA was clear, and Evan didn't feel too different, though the wording she'd chosen made him slightly uncomfortable.

"What's that supposed to mean? Specialists?"

"They're sending him to Area 51, Major," Carter said eyebrows raised and without explaining any further. That didn't sound good... "There's no other place they could keep him with what he knows."

"Sure, the place is secure," Alex said grumpily. She sat on the armrest of one of the chairs and raised her eyebrows.

"I'd like you two to take him there," Carter continued. "The IOA is going to start doing interviews with the all senior expedition members, starting tomorrow. Colonel Sheppard will go first, then you. On Earth."

"On Earth?!" Evan asked incredulously. "They want to interview this entire expedition-"

"Just the senior staff, Major," Sheppard interrupted him with another one of his signature grins.

"Still! Why don't they just come here?! Wouldn't that be easier?!"

"Easier, more effective and less time consuming, yes," Carter said with a nod. "But nobody on the committee is too fond of going off-world, so we're gonna have to go there."

Evan scoffed. He was just about to ask whether they'd get a day or two off, so they could at least talk to their families, when Carter and Sheppard looked at each other. "Go ahead," Carter said, after touching the button on her radio.

Another trip back to Earth. He exchanged a look with Alex. She wasn't too happy about the news concerning Javier either, he could see that. He wasn't done questioning him. He needed him here to find the Ba'al clone. He was the only real lead they'd managed to get these past few months.

"Major?" Carter cleared her throat and when he turned his head to look at her he saw that she was frowning.

"Lorne, how was Pérez doing when you left just now?"

"Fine, Sir, why?" His voice started to break. He didn't really need the answer. There was no trace of a smile left on Sheppard's face.

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