Embers and Ashes

by Wolfcreations20

In Sootpaw's and Flarepaw's world, hierarchy is everything. Rank determines how easy or how difficult your life in the clan plays out. One is a Commoner- a low rank- one is destined to become a Grand Royal- the highest rank. Their worlds are the same-connected- yet, entirely different. The two struggle in their own ways and live... *Rest inside* (Updates are now every other SUNDAY)

75. Cherrypaw's Backstory- (I'm)Perfect

A/N: It is that time once again everybody. Time for another, drum roll, please… Backstory chapter! Yup, and as the name of the chapter suggests, today is all about the uh… flawed and conniving kitty named Cherrypaw. Some of you don't like her, understandably so, but that's okay! Hopefully, this can change your mind :). I mean, this doesn't really excuse her actions and stuff, but it does give a reason for her attitude?

Happy late Christmas everybody (or whichever holiday you celebrate this time of year if any)!

Also, Happy New Year! Starting 2020 off right with a backstory chapter.

Disclaimer: As with all backstory chapters, the events in this do not follow the main story timeline, seeing as all of them are from the past. See it as a spin-off chapter if you'd like. Some backstories will also feature heavier topics, so this is a bit of a warning (prepare yourselves).

Onwards to the savvy temptress of Forestclan: Cherrypaw!

Thanks to soulwinds for following and adding this story as a favorite!

Reviews

silhouette amongst stars- Oof, I cannot do planes. I have a very big fear of heights, and just the thought of me thousands of miles up in the sky… is a no XD. Both planes and boats are a no for me actually, which is one of the reasons why I'd never travel anywhere. I guess you can see it as a lead-up to this chapter. There's gotta be someone who's the voice of reason. I mean… I never said he was or wasn't haha. I wait for the day that Wildfire gets suplexed by a tree. Lol, I can be immature sometimes and you have no idea how hard it was not to include something about the chapter number.

PheonixRune- I mean, thinking about what you want to do to get something done is a double-edged sword; either it can motivate you to get it done faster, or you'll get it done sloppily. Damn onion ninjas, one day I'll stop you. This, I swear!

ThePhoenixWithin (Guest)- Thanks for leaving a review! And for taking the time to read my story. Yeah, it can be a bit tiring (the twins are only one-year-old too and they can be so needy sometimes. Especially because everyone, except me, babies them so much.) But I love them. I quite enjoyed writing that part; I don't know, I think it's because they're, basically, enemies. Nope, the surprise is that this is a backstory chapter. He is a jerk. A big, huge jerk. Ooh, I never heard that phrase before. Very interesting. You don't need to review, but they are appreciated. As long as you're enjoying the story, you can be as silent as a reader as you want to be haha. Thank you and thank you, hopefully, I can survive babysitting as well. We'll see, we'll see.

Thanks to everybody who reviewed, followed, and added this story as a favorite!

Let's get started!

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why won't my father look at me?

…

Nothing brought morale up for the Forestclan High Ranks more than interacting with the newest generation of kits. They were the clan's newest ray of hope, the ones that would, eventually, carry their name to glory. They were invaluable, and one could already begin to fantasize just what they would be capable of. The battles they would be able to win, the territory they would be able to gain, the strength they would be able to teach to the generations after them

Yes, all of the Royal kits were given the chance beneath the spotlight of constant attention.

"Oh just look at how adorable you are."

Of course, there were always favorites, and Cherrykit just happened to be everyone's favorite. Considering the plague that had recently swept through the lands of the forest left behind a wilting small number of six High Ranks, the little black and grey kit didn't think that was such a grand achievement. Even less so, considering two of those six were her parents, so it was assumed that they had to love her, if only by an obligation to their blood.

But since there was such a small number of Royals and Nobles combined, all of the attention bounced to the separate kits at one point or another- always seemingly returning to Cherrykit twice as much as the other kits.

So, while she could see the others of her age running around and playing in the rejuvenating Greenleaf sunshine with one another, Cherrykit was subjected to another long and boring round of sitting there and looking pretty. One would think they would get tired of seeing her for such an extended period of time. She wasn't vain, at least she didn't think she was, and she knew she was "blessed" with her mother's natural beauty, but this was getting ridiculous.

"You're going to be the newest face of Forestclan when you're older."

"That'll bring trouble. Imagine all of the heartbroken admirers from the other clans?"

"They'll start wars over you, sweetie."

Cherrykit always wondered why the things they said were always so… violent? Starting wars? The small Royal may not have truly grasped the idea of what fighting technically was, but due to… special circumstances… she did know what death was. The plague made sure of that. And she did not like it one bit.

She could still remember the stench of sickness that had only just begun to recede from the air and the downright soul-shattered gazes of the survivors. A majority of her fellow kits, especially, had never looked so lost before. Heatherkit still cried herself to sleep in the nursery, Swiftkit still found herself night after lonely night wandering over to the cream-colored she-kit's much-too-large nest. Mothkit had grown unnervingly silent, even by his standards. Bramblekit and Thornkit still went relatively quiet whenever someone brought up a mother's overbearing nature, knowing in their developing hearts and emotions that they would never know what it was like.

Berrykit was still in denial. Busying herself with play, play, play. Constant, non-stop movement to keep her mind off of the hollowed pieces of her heart-shaped like her parents. The others couldn't bring themselves to point out the way her eyes strained with red from crying or the way her throat was consistently hoarse from her earth-shattering sobs. It was almost sad how she convinced herself her mother and father would return one day.

Orphans. Kits without mothers, kits without fathers, kits without either of them. She felt sorry for them even before she knew what empathy truly was.

All things considered, Cherrykit was the lucky one. Appleshade was alive and healthy as ever, narcissistic and self-centered as usual. Nothing changed the way she flaunted herself, the way she showcased her own daughter to the world. Obsessed more with outward appearance rather than her skill on the battlefield. The black and grey kit wondered if her mother had ever truly been in a fight. She supposed being the sister of the Grand Royal, the wondrous and awe-inspiring master tactician of Forestclan; Leafstar came with perks of their own.

Cherrykit wanted to be just like her- not her mother, but Leafstar. Her kin, blood binding them together deeper than any other meaningless relationships. Family always came first, after all; she was just lucky her family included the Grand Royal.

It annoyed her, truly it did, when everyone kept comparing her to Appleshade instead. How could she prove herself to be just like Leafstar, the great and skillful battler that she was, when they kept thinking she was another Appleshade, preoccupied only with her own vanity?

"You can't catch me Thornkit!"

The squeal of laughter coming from the other kits made her ears tick and her paws itch, prepared to follow suit even if she hadn't been invited into their game of chase (yet again. She was starting to sense a pattern here). Kit-blue eyes, which were supposed to be paying attention to the fawning High Ranks surrounding her, found spaces between the tall bodies to view the others. Berrykit, once again, had managed to scrounge the others into another game; and while those like Mothkit feigned annoyance at being disturbed while he was napping and Heatherkit made a big deal of calling her annoying, they still participated. It was nice, seeing the faces of her constantly sad and downhearted companions alight with laughter for once.

Oh, how Cherrykit wished she could join them.

"You are the epitome of perfection, Cherrykit."

That's what they always said to her, what Appleshade always uttered to dismiss her voiced desire to play with the others. That simple phrase that meant absolutely nothing to her. Did being perfect mean she couldn't go outside to play? Then who would want that?

Her eyes followed the other kits running around until they came to a stop on a familiar figure. Robinwing stood beside the Lead Royal, perhaps discussing "Royal matters." Whatever that meant. Addermask, even with his serious attitude and professional demeanor, still shifted his gaze over to the kits running around. Ears perked and prepared to leap into action should any of them get injured, especially his own kits.

With their mother gone, all Thornkit and Bramblekit had left was their father. And damn what a devoted father he was. He would always check-in with his two sons consistently, almost to the point of annoying the younglings with how often he asked, "Are you okay?" "How are you feeling?" Even though he was the lead Royal of a crippled clan- with low numbers such as theirs, what else would they be called?- and no doubt busier than any of the lead Royals of the other clans, he still made time out of his day to show that he cared. Fulfilling the role of a father and a caretaker, she had even seen the large tom take his two sons to visit their mother's grave.

Despite still having both of her parents, alive and well, Cherrykit found herself jealous of them.

Because while her parents were still here, that didn't mean they cared. Appleshade only truly pampered her to brave face in front of the rest of their clan members, proving to them that she was a good mother even though she was far from it. Her mother only cared about her when she was useful. Cherrykit may still be learning how the world worked, but she had a funny feeling that that wasn't what a mother was supposed to be like.

And her father…

Green eyes, perhaps acutely aware of someone staring at him, turned briefly to face hers. Meeting kit-blue eyes head-on, Robinwing took one look at her and did something that sent an ache through her chest.

He flinched.

And turned away immediately, almost as if he was embarrassed by her. Almost as if he was ashamed of her. Almost as if just looking at her caused him pain.

Cherrykit had no idea what she did wrong to deserve such a strong reaction from her father. And were she a bit braver, then maybe she would've gone straight to him to ask.

But she wasn't brave, despite everyone calling her perfect.

If being perfect meant she couldn't play with the other kits, had a mother who would toss her away at a moment's notice for something better to do, and had a father who couldn't even look at her for longer than a glimpse, then…

She didn't want to be perfect.

The squeals of laughter grew louder when Thornkit, inevitably, caught up with Berrykit, sending the two of them tumbling over each other into the ground. The others, only slightly slower, barreled into the two to create a massive pile of flailing limbs and uproarious laughter.

Envy unfurled in her chest, even before she knew what that emotion was.

At least I'm not an orphan...

It could be worse.

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why doesn't anyone want to be my friend?

…

With the prospect of apprenticeship and the race for the next Grand Royal hanging over their heads, four moons away, the Royal kits of Forestclan were encouraged to view each other as rivals instead of friends. As was customary of every generation.

Unfortunately for traditionalists, none of them were quite ready to give up that long-settled title so easily. The kits had grown comfortable with one another, protective over each other. Leafstar decided to let it slide, for just a few more moons, and made it clear to the warriors not to disturb the bonds they had grown with one another. After all, it wasn't often a plague decimated more than half of the clan so soon after kits were born.

Those with a more orthodox way of thinking found it insulting that the Grand Royal would do such a thing, going so far as to threatening (in her own special, passive-aggressive way) anyone that would attempt to plant the seeds of a heated rivalry between the kits.

Cherrykit would've found it awe-inspiring… if it didn't mean she was still undoubtedly lonely. Lonely, but never truly alone. Even if she was still the one the warrior's looked to, now that she was a little bit older and starting to grow into herself, even while she was surrounded by the gazing eyes of her clanmates, in the space of her own mind, Cherrykit was still alone.

The pattern she had sensed earlier was now clear for her to see. The clouds had parted to reveal an even greyer sky. She was never invited to play with the others, not accidentally, but purposefully. Not Berrykit's doing, perhaps, but the others. She had heard it more than once when she was supposed to be listening to whatever rambling the warriors were making; one of the other kits would claim that the game they were playing had too many players already, or that one of them would go invite her themselves (but never did).

She wasn't blind to the way Heatherkit and Swiftkit glared at her with something that could only be jealousy, even if she pretended to be. Always out of the corner of her eyes, icy blue with their permanent color, she could see their heated, longing gazes turned in her direction. Blue and green had never seemed so dark before, brewing with a craving for parental love that would never be satiated. Even if Cherrykit herself was starving for the same thing, but they didn't know that.

If Cherrykit could give them her mother, she would in less than a heartbeat.

It always nauseated her, having such thoughts. Shouldn't she be grateful? Thanking the stars above and her ancestors that they hadn't left her an orphan like so many others in her own clan? Vowing to be the best daughter in the world for all of them?

Being the best daughter in the world was difficult when she had a father who would flinch when he looked at her and a mother who only cared about herself. Why should she put in the effort to go out of her way when they didn't? Weren't they the grown-ups?

If the orphaned kits needed to be jealous of anybody, it definitely wasn't her. Addermask was doing a phenomenal role taking care of his two sons all on his own, but she supposed single fathers weren't that big of a deal. If they were, all eyes would be turned to him and Bramblekit and Thornkit, but no.

The eyes remained on her- the pretty face of Forestclan. The one who would, undoubtedly, end up just like her mother: concerned only about keeping her pelt as beautiful as it could be and nothing more. Some days, Cherrykit would roll around in the loose shrubbery that made up the walls of their oak forest home as a rebellion to the stigma placed upon her.

Appleshade would always scold her and bite one of her ears in punishment, the tips of them were beginning to become exceedingly sensitive with how many times it happened. Cherrykit wondered what would happen if her mother accidentally ripped her ears, would she begin to care then? Or would the grey-furred beauty yell at her even more for leaving such a permanent scar?

She was too scared to try, but the thought was always there every time she was subjected to another scolding.

What would everyone say about her then? Would they see as the true warrior she believed she was destined to become only once they saw her body scarred?

Or would she still be just another pretty face?

"Honestly, she's such a desperate little attention-seeker."

Despite her logical mind saying that she shouldn't be eavesdropping in on others conversations, could anyone really blame Cherrykit for being curious? Certainly not, and it was with silent, careful pawsteps that the black and grey kit hid within the prickly confinements of the recently reinforced walls of the clan. Huh, she wondered when they did that. It was almost like just yesterday it was soft and loose vegetation.

Huddled in one corner of the camp were, as per usual, the other Royal kits. Resting and dozing off in the dying rays of the orange sunset, Cherrykit wondered what it was like to feel tired from all that running around they always did. She certainly never had time to do that. Two sat closest to the wall of thorns with their backs turned in her direction, and she wasn't even remotely surprised to see that it was Heatherkit and Swiftkit who had spoken. Well, Heatherkit talked, Swiftkit was the ever-loyal silent shadow that nodded along to whatever the former said.

Mothkit was a few pawsteps away from them, lazily licking one of his small paws and drawing it over his ear, light blue eyes half-lidded and it looked like he was about to fall asleep then and there. He was never one for gossip after all; rumors were useless pieces of information that held little to no truth at all.

Across from him sat the brothers, their bodies turned sideways from where Cherrykit hid in the shadows. Bramblekit, only an inch or two taller than his already tall brother, shuffled his overly large paws (paws that he would eventually have to grow into down the line) impatiently. Perhaps he still had energy to dispel. Thornkit carried himself in a much more relaxed manner, an easy smile on his face that had turned sour when Heatherkit opened her mouth, incessant on gossiping. Out of all of them, he was the one to despise gossip the most. Talking behind a clanmate's back was rude and hurtful, the tom was simply too nice to engage in such past times.

Berrykit was the furthest away, laying on her back and batting a mossball into the air with what little spurts of energy she had left. Not once had Cherrykit seen the blue Royal ever sit still- movement was a constant part of her life. Even in her sleep, her paws would twitch and her ears would flick, so much so Cherrykit wondered if she was asleep at all.

"Sounds to me like you're jealous of her," was Mothkit's lazy drawl, speaking through swipes of his tongue against his paw and never looking up. If Berrykit wasn't so insistent on play all the time, Cherrykit believed the light grey tom would nap the days away. He always looked ready to fall asleep, no matter if he had just woken up for the day or not.

If his words were said in her defense or just to irk Heatherkit, the black and grey Royal didn't know. She wanted to believe it was on her behalf, but then again, no one had ever defended her before. Why start now?

From where she remained in the shadows- a thorn was starting to press into her side, and Cherrykit tried very, very hard not to move but it was extremely uncomfortable- she could just barely see the cream-colored fur along Heatherkit's spine begin to raise. She always did have such a short temper, grown shorter now that no one was around to teach her to control it and to have patience.

"As if!" Cherrykit tried hard not to flinch, succeeding in achieving a small wince instead, at the sheer amount of disgust in Heatherkit's voice. Was being like her so bad? "The only way she'd make it in this running is because the Grand Royal feels sorry for her. Cherrykit has zero talent whatsoever."

That hurt a lot more than she'd like to admit. But then again, it's not like she hadn't heard that before in one way or another. She felt the need to be defensive, to protect herself from those untrue words and yell back in response, "no one ever gives me the chance to prove myself!"

She wondered if they would ever hear her if she did, and decided it was better not to try at all.

"The last thing I'd want is to be like her." Cherrykit had heard enough. With tears springing in her eyes, burning and not so unfamiliar to her, the small kit refrained herself from bursting out of the thorn wall and running to hide from the world in her nest. One; she would probably cut herself with the sharp points of the vines, and two; she rather not be known as an eavesdropper as well as an attention-seeker.

And here she thought it would be nice to be friends with the other kits. Not anymore, not with the knowledge that they liked to talk about her behind her back.

Before she could slowly but hastily try and make her way out of the thorn maze, a squeal of muffled surprise and pain sounded from the cream-colored kit who had been spitting nasty words about her. Giving in to curiosity once more- when would she learn?- Cherrykit turned just enough to see the group of gathered friends.

Everything seemed to be just like it had been seconds ago; Heatherkit and Swiftkit were still sitting with their backs to her, Mothkit was still lazily grooming himself and looked about two seconds away from falling asleep, Bramblekit and Thornkit were still numbly listening to the conversation, Berrykit was-

No longer batting the mossball.

Because she had batted it away, straight to Heatherkit's face with scary precision for someone so young. Cherrykit, and the others, blinked in obvious surprise before looking over at the blue-furred kit.

"Berrykit!" Heatherkit hissed out, rubbing at her muzzle with one of her paws. The black and grey Royal liked to believe there was a scowl of annoyance on the other kit's face. "What was that for?! Watch where you're tossing that thing!"

"Whoops," dark green eyes glittered with amusement and something that could only be a small spark of irritation. Strange, Cherrykit- in all her time watching her clanmates- had never once seen the blue-furred kit with an annoyed expression. "I was actually aiming for your chest. Guess I missed."

"Why would you throw it at me?!"

"Because we're supposed to be having fun and you're making all of us uncomfortable with that kind of talk," Berrykit paused for a second before her eyes narrowed, slowly standing to prance over and retrieve her mossball. "And… I don't like it when you talk about her like that."

That was a first. Someone speaking out in her defense. Cherrykit was much more dumbfounded that she would later admit to being in that moment. The tears that had started to form didn't fall, and suddenly, she didn't feel like crying anymore.

"Why not? Everything I said is true."

Berrykit picked the mossball up with her teeth carefully, tossing her head back to throw it in the air and standing on her hind legs to bat it a few times before, once again, hitting it in Heatherkit's direction. This time, the cream-colored kit was much more prepared for the sudden attack, still too slow to fully get out of the way. It hit her on the shoulder this time as she dove to the side, right into an unsuspecting Swiftkit.

Cherrykit had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing at the tangled mess the two found themselves in. Berrykit, however, did not hold back her laughter, and soon, those who were in the clearing turned to see what the commotion was about. A majority of the warriors smiled at the kits antics and a few even chuckled.

"You'll regret that Berrykit," Heatherkit grumbled out once she had untangled herself from her noble shadow, ears heated with embarrassment and eyes narrowed indignantly.

"Come on, we can all be friends here," Berrykit was undeterred by the obvious threat, a bright smile on her face. "Even her."

"As if I'd ever be her friend."

"You're such a downer, Heatherkit," the blue-furred kit rolled her eyes playfully before rolling the mossball between her paws, turning to knock it in Thornkit's direction. The little tom chuckled softly, catching it in his own paws and rolling it in Mothkit's direction- who looked more awake than ever before due to the loud laughter. "Come on, smile! It makes everything so much better."

With that, the group of kits were off to play a brand new game, with a quite reluctant Heatherkit trailing behind them. They hadn't invited her to that game, it didn't last long considering it was almost night after all.

But the next day, Cherrykit was still surprised when the blue-furred kit came running up to her with an invitation she had been sorely waiting forever for, despite knowing it might've been coming.

With a shy smile, she accepted immediately, ignoring the way her mother glared at the orphan with a modicum of thinly veiled disgust. She almost wanted to look over her shoulder to stick her tongue out, but then that would definitely take her away from her new friend.

Huh. Berrykit.

Maybe her… she can be my friend.

Hopefully.

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why am I always the one unhappy?

…

Now at ten moons of age, Cherrykit could still not believe she was so close to becoming a Grand Royal apprentice. Tomorrow would be the ceremony, at the point where the sun loomed proudly overhead, and yet she could still not believe it.

A part of her was nervous with excitement, she was ready to leave the Nursery and start her long and tiring path of proving to everyone that she was more than just a pretty face. She could be a warrior too if they just gave her the time of day; and now, they would have too. Berrykit's spirited buzzing and contagious energy only made her all the more ready to start her journey. She had a friend by her side now and she could take on the world.

A smaller part of her was simply anxious, worried. What if she wasn't good enough? What if her new title of a paw didn't change anything? What if they were right about her? What if the rivalry that had slowly begun to grow between them all, a few moons late but still there, would tear her and Berrykit apart?

No. She couldn't think like that. Not with her apprenticeship, just around the corner. She was ready for this, her entire life had built up to this, and she would tackle it head-on. Being around Berrykit had helped her stand up for herself more and more now, confident in the face of her crippling anxiety.

Cherrykit didn't know how she did it, but Berrykit had pulled off the impossible including her into the mix of the other Royal kits. At first, she had been the obvious outcast, and in some ways, she still was. In the beginning, it was difficult; Mothkit was indifferent, as usual, and relatively easy to get along with, the brothers were as shy around her as she was of them, and Heatherkit and Swiftkit never once looked at her, but that didn't really bother her. Contrary to their belief, she did know what it was like to constantly be turned away by someone.

"Oh… Um…" Speak of the devil. To tip-off her growing apprehension for the day, the last cat she suspected to see the day before her apprenticeship was none other than her own father. Robinwing stood awkwardly at the entrance of the Nursery where she sat alone; it was one of those rare days where the others had the chance of being beneath the spotlight of the rest of the clan. It was her day off so to speak and she had intended to spend it napping. Her mother was… who knows where. Cherrykit hardly bothered to keep track of the vixen. "I thought… Nevermind."

"Was there something you needed?" She spoke as politely as she could, unsure how to approach a conversation with her own father. How ridiculous, she thought. One would think she would already know how to talk to him, but he had been absent for most- if not all- of her kithood when he was meant to be a constant. Despite how much time had passed, Cherrykit had never quite grown the courage to confront him about his absence, always dreaming that one day he would come to her and it would be like he never ignored her existence at all. Wishful thinking, she supposed.

"Uhh… No, no. Nothing. Bye."

And there it was. Just like that, just like always, he was trying to leave.

Again.

And Cherrykit was tired of it. Perhaps it was her fraying nerves or the confidence boost that Berrykit had helped her achieve, but for once in her life, she was no longer content with just sitting back and watching him leave her behind.

"Wait!" She called out before she could second-guess herself- because thinking too long on something had always been a problem for her. It wasn't her fault she was meticulous in all her actions. (But if it wasn't hers, then whose was it?)

She half-expected him to just… keep walking. Not once had she tried to stop him before, so any of his actions would be a surprise to her. Would it be better for her, for both of them, if he did walk away?

Robinwing paused in his steps. In her haste to try and do… something, Cherrykit had scrambled up from her nest. Not that she would've chased after him if he did leave. Or maybe she would've?

The silence in the den was quickly becoming awkward, and Cherrykit suddenly became aware that this was her chance. She could ask him any and all of the questions in her mind and he would have no choice but to respond one way or another. Even if it was her time to seize her moment, that's not to say she knew how. Speech suddenly became a foreign concept for her, and words would not form on her tongue.

"Father… I-"

"Don't call me that."

She flinched at his tone; not because it was harsh, but because it sounded so… detached. Stoic and monotone. Defeated. He might've been there, physically, but mentally, he was on an entirely different plane of existence. A place she wasn't invited to.

"W-What?" A stutter, she hated when she stuttered. She had only recently begun to grow out of it, courtesy of Berrykit's involvement in her life, yet again, but that's not to say it was gone forever. Even if she pretended that it was.

"...Nothing, just- forget it." Robingwing shook his head dejectedly and begun walking away again, and just like that, something inside Cherrykit snapped. Her icy gaze narrowed and a snarl ripped out of her tiny throat, mixed with a sob as it was.

"Why am I not good enough for you?" This was too much for her. Cherrykit never stood up for herself like this. She couldn't help but notice how good it felt to stare defiantly in the face of her cowardice and spit at it. It was such a rush. "You don't even want me to call you father anymore? First, you cast me aside like I mean nothing to you and now-"

"It's not about you, Cherrykit." Despite wanting to stand strong, she couldn't help but wince at the roughness in his tone. Still, not unnecessarily harsh. He sounded sad, heartbroken almost. And as he finally, finally turned in her direction, green eyes flashing with moons of pent-up frustrations and sorrow, the she-kit knew he was sad. But why? What had she done?

"Then what is it about?" She pushed on, tongue burning and throat scarring with the fire burning within herself. That was new. Was this what it felt like to argue with someone? To stand your ground? Cherrykit wondered what it was like to have the advantage in an argument. Surely it would be even more addicting. "You say it's not about me, so why am I the one who had to suffer from an absent father?"

"I can't be the father you need me to be."

"And why not?!"

"Because you aren't mine!"

Cherrykit did flinch this time, a full-body flinch that sent her reeling backward and knocked the wind from her lungs. Huh. Was this what it felt like to drown?

Robinwing wasn't done because he kept talking. How Cherrykit managed to listen to his words, she had no idea.

"Your mother… Appleshade is unfaithful to everyone but herself. You aren't mine and I can't be the father you need me to be because I'm not your father."

"Then… who?"

His green eyes flashed with a darkness that sent a chill down her spine; murderous almost and completely terrifying. Robinwing, from all the times she had watched him from afar, was always level-headed. Not overly jolly like Berrykit was, but very rarely would he let his anger take control of him. Now was not one of those times, but something could be said about the way his lips pulled back to bare his fangs and the way his claws scraped against the ground.

"Whoever it is, they're lucky I haven't caught them yet."

"How come she… Does everyone know? How come no one told me?"

Robinwing scoffed, looking away from her once more. "Figures, of course she wouldn't tell you."

"And how come you haven't told me?"

"It hurts me just to look at you, Cherrykit." That. That was the harshest phrase anyone had ever said to her. Heatherkit really should take notes if she ever felt like insulting her again. Robinwing sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. I just… It's nothing… It's nothing against you, I promise. You're… You're a good kit. I can tell you're smart, you'll achieve great things, so I don't want to tarnish that by making everyone hate you for being a half-clan. You deserve a chance at a good life. I just… I can't-"

"Love something that isn't yours."

The words were hollow as she spoke them into the air, breathless and throat constricted with millions of emotions. She was angry, mad that her mother would ever ruin the Forestclan name by sleeping with the enemy. She was sympathetic, that a tom as nice as Robinwing had to suffer because of her mother's actions. She was heartbroken, devastated that she would never truly know a father's love.

She was disgusted, that she was the byproduct of an affair. A hybrid, an anomaly that had no right in the perfect world of Forestclan. Half-clan, and entirely unwelcome.

"I…" Robinwing looked at her, eyes full of pity, and she found out rather quickly that she hated that look.

"I'm a constant reminder of her betrayal," her words were strained as they escaped her chest, each syllable sending an ache through her chest like a second, painful heartbeat. "I'm a reminder of her decision to hurt you… Right?"

"...I can't-"

"Right?" her teeth gritted against each other sharply, grinding uncomfortably and leaving an ache in her jaw. She needed to hear his answer. She didn't know why she did, but she did.

Robinwing stared down at her, towering over her with his tall stature. That incessant look of pity was still there, and Cherrykit had never wanted anything more than to claw it off of his face. Maybe she was violent by nature? Was that what made a warrior?

"Right," the tom mumbled with a single nod, glancing away once more in finality. "I'm sorry, but I cannot be the father you need me to be."

And with those parting words, he was gone. Just like so many times before. Cherrykit wondered if it would truly be the last time she talked to him. She wondered if she should care. After all, he wasn't her real father, right?

You're half-clan filth. Less of a harsh rumor and more of the sad truth. Cherrykit, slowly and robotically, curled up in her nest, unaware of what she was doing until she was actually laying in it. Half-clan, half-clan, half-clan.

For a brief second, only a second, did she wonder who her real father was. Was he a strong, powerful tom from Blazeclan, those rumored to take many hits in battle before truly falling (if they ever did)? Or was he from Stormclan, the quick-witted and fluid-moving warriors that found a domain in the rivers?

Then she decided it didn't matter. She would never see him, she would never interact with him, and she didn't care. She shouldn't care. Cherrykit had lived this long without a father figure, what was the rest of her life?

Still, she couldn't help but wonder, in the solitude of a Nursery that was supposed to be filled with other warm bodies but wasn't, why she was always the one to suffer.

Did she anger her ancestors somehow? Did they curse her for being a Half-clan and now she was doomed to always walk the hardest path set for her?

She wasn't perfect, how could she be? Perfection meant someone without flaws, and her entire existence was crafted from a mistake that was never meant to happen.

I'm always the one left behind in the end.

And maybe that's for the best.

Half-clan filth.

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why do they think I'm incompetent?

…

It was obvious to no one but her, it seems, that compared to the other Grand Royal apprentices, Cherrypaw was repeatedly placed on some of the simplest training exercises.

Border patrols- with never less than two other warriors at a time- that never resulted in anything other than giving her a chance to view the beautiful oak forest. If she was assigned to hunt and didn't bring back anything, her mentors repeatedly told her that it was "perfectly fine." No. It wasn't.

She was falling behind the others right when the race started, how was this situation for her "perfectly fine?"

A moon with her new title of apprentice and she had yet to participate in sparring sessions with the others, even though those like Bramblepaw and Mothpaw and Thornpaw had already been in at least three or four. Berrypaw had told her to be patient, her time would come where she would be given a chance to prove herself and she would pass with flying colors.

Cherrypaw really didn't need a lesson in patience from someone as restless as Berrypaw, least of all when the blue-furred she-cat had no idea what it felt like to always be picked last. No, not even last.

She wasn't picked at all.

So, here she was, on yet another border patrol. A scent-marking mission given to her and her alone (wow, what responsibility). Except, Cherrypaw knew it was all a front to make her feel better. Make her feel important. How did she know?

The border she was assigned to "scent-mark" wasn't even a border connecting to any of the other clans. Another forest across the way from a small path that divided the oak trees of her home from the aspen ones of a strange world, empty and foreboding and full of possibilities.

Boundless opportunities, but not any real dangers. Even a blind cat could scent-mark the border here.

Cherrypaw really didn't know what she was expecting. Would it be better for her if she started lowering her expectations of herself like all the others did? If she saw herself as just another pretty face instead of a powerful warrior? Half-Clan filth. Was this what it was like to be one?

No. It was her dream to be a warrior, not necessarily the Grand Royal- but that would be a bonus. Half-clan or not, she would be devoted to Forestclan and Forestclan alone. She wanted to inspire others, the future generations of kits that would eventually look up to her. She wanted to make others feel safe and protected, to guard them with her life and be their haven in a rough world.

She wanted to leave her mark in this life, in this world, and she would be damned if her legacy was to be just another pretty face like her mother.

But how could she go about doing that if nobody even gave her the chance? Would it be cheating to go to Leafstar and voice her thoughts? What if the Grand Royal began to pamper her because of it?

Cherrypaw would sooner want Grand Royal Leafstar to hate her before she began to coddle her.

The black and grey apprentice let out a sigh into the empty air, thoughts filled with unanswered questions as it always was, the oak forest alive with sound all around her. A moon of traversing its depths and she had yet to discover all of its secrets. If anything came out of finally being apprenticed, it was the free chance to wander. Trees towering over her head stretched high into the sky, and Cherrypaw longed for the day where she would be able to climb one of them. At least that skill she would learn, it was virtually a requirement for Forestclan warriors to be able to climb.

Once she did learn how, she would say goodbye to the ground and spend as much time as possible within the branches and leaves, every day from dawn until dusk and even late into the night. That was a nice thought.

A stray, breathless groan sounded from somewhere up ahead, making the she-cat come to a sudden pause as her ears perked up curiously. That was a new sound. As far as she was concerned, trees didn't spit out colorful curses, nor did they grunt and groan in pain. Nose twitching at the tip of her muzzle, Cherrypaw was torn between two sides of herself.

Logic and curiosity. The logical part of her knew to immediately go on the defensive, stay wary and alert while investigating whatever it is that was up ahead. A threat, a danger, the last thing she needed was to run into trouble and prove everyone's belief that she couldn't handle herself true. It would probably be wise to retreat.

The curious side of her just wanted to see what in the world it was, foregoing all sense of stealth and caution. And because Cherrypaw had always been a curious cat, it wasn't surprising which side won that battle.

Pawsteps swift, the black and grey she-cat slipped through the bushes separating her from the mystery, dark green leaves brushing past her pelt. Immediately, she froze.

It was a cat, a she-cat to be precise, with dark red fur and deep green eyes clouded with pain. The tips of her ears, the tip of her tail, her toes, and the points of her shoulders looked as though they had been dipped in golden sunshine, an almost cream shade in the sunlight. The sight of a complete stranger wasn't what made Cherrypaw freeze, however.

It was the wounds scouring across the young she-cat's body that did. Large and still bleeding, her dark red pelt was even darker where injury met fur. Inexperienced in the field of medicine, that was up to the Medicine Cat and not her, and never having seen what battle wounds truly were, Cherrypaw didn't know what were claw marks and what were bite wounds. In the end, they all looked the same to her. Wounds were wounds regardless of what had caused them.

"Damn it," left the stranger's lips as her dazed green eyes focused on Cherrypaw, a tired, battle-worn chuckle escaping her chest and causing her to wince in pain. "A clan cat. Of course, just my absolute luck."

A few other curse words followed, murmured beneath her breath, but Cherrypaw chose not to listen to them as she continued staring dumbfoundedly. She wasn't used to seeing anyone that didn't belong to Forestclan (she hadn't been chosen to go to her very first Gathering as an apprentice a few days ago. She could still hear Heatherpaw's incessant bragging in her ears). What few Border Patrols she had been on, they had been boring and uneventful without a brief passing of the other clans.

As such, she had never spoken to anybody outside of her clan, and she didn't know what impression she had to make. Wait, if she isn't part of Forestclan what is she doing on our territory? Someone had yet to discuss with her what rogues were, a problem that she "didn't need to worry about" because her chances of running into one were slim to none.

Guess she's a miracle then.

"Uh…" Great start. "W-Who are you? What are you doing in Forestclan territory?"

"Such a creative name, Frosty," the she-cat said, a harsh breath escaping her lips as she gritted her teeth, face twisting in pain before a green gaze glared at her. "It doesn't matter who I am. Look, I'm aware of your so-called protocol. Can you do me a favor before you take me to your leader to spend the rest of my short life as a prisoner?"

"Umm…"

"Aren't you the cunning wordsmith?" Cherrypaw had the sense that she was being taunted, but living her life with someone like Heatherpaw made her impervious to rising to the bait.

The stranger met her gaze evenly before she spoke again.

"Kill me."

"What?"

"Instead of taking me prisoner, will you kill me instead?" It baffled her, completely shocked her that anybody could talk so willy-nilly about their own demise. "I'd rather not spend my last days rotting underground, thank you very much."

"I'm not- No, I-I'm not going to..." Cherrpaw huffed before shaking her head quickly, eyes narrowing ever-so-slightly before repeating herself in a stern tone. "Who are you?"

"I already told you," the stranger shrugged, and if she didn't know anybody, the apprentice thought it almost seemed like a sad action. "It doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

"Well newsflash, sweetheart, the world doesn't revolve around you." If only that were true. She wasn't vain, it was just the truth. The warriors spent the majority of their time fawning over her instead of actually training her.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, darling," the stranger grunted as she slowly and painstakingly began to stand up from where she had been sitting in the middle of the path. Cherrypaw flinched as the she-cat hissed to retain her sheer agony as the cuts and bites along her body stretched and pinched with the subtle movements. She barely managed to stand up, paws spread out unevenly to hold her balance, and already the stranger was beginning to lose her breath.

When she took a step and wobbled to the side dangerously, Cherrypaw was moving before she could second-guess herself. No more thinking, she took too long mapping out solutions to problems that had yet to even begin to exist.

The stranger was surprisingly light against her frame, worryingly so, and the apprentice had to bite her tongue to refrain herself from spewing millions of questions. Those can wait until later.

"What... are you doing?" The red-furred she-cat glanced at her out of the corner of those green eyes, confused and suspicious all at once. "If you're gonna take me prisoner, then I'd rather you just-"

"I am not going to kill you," Cherrypaw spoke in exasperation, shaking her head gently as she let out a sigh. "And… I'm not going to turn you into my clan either. You need help and I can take you to a safe place."

She left out the part where she was sorely inexperienced with patching up wounds, but hey, how hard could it really be? (Extremely, she would find out later, but you can't fault her for trying.)

"You're gonna help me?"

"Yeah." Stupidly so, but yes.

"A clan cat? Saving me?"

"...Yes?"

The stranger groaned again, but not in pain this time. "I'd rather die."

Cherrypaw couldn't help but smile in amusement, rolling her eyes as she let out a huff of laughter. "I'm not going to let you die. Now, can you walk or do you need me to carry you?"

"Come on sunshine, let me keep some of my dignity here," the stranger grumbled but voiced no other complaint as the apprentice began leading them in a direction where she knew a hidden grotto to be. They would be safe there. She hoped.

This might be the greatest mistake of my life.

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why does she make me want to feel… real?

…

Jinx was who the stranger introduced herself as (a full quarter-moon of incessant nagging on Cherrypaw's part), and it had been nearly a full moon since the apprentice had found her by the aspen border, bleeding and wounded and asking for death.

She was… an acquired taste, personality-wise. Standoffish and never one to hold her tongue, Cherrypaw had believed her to be rather rude and ungrateful in the beginning. But the more time she spent with her, the more she sneaked away from the eyes that expecting nothing out of her, the more she grew used to her attitude. Came to appreciate it, actually.

Jinx always spoke whatever it was that was on her mind, however blunt it was, with brutal honesty. Cherrypaw wished she could be just like her, confident enough in herself to speak whatever she wanted.

"If it isn't my favorite little nightshade, come to bless me with her presence yet again."

Jinx was also, much to Cherrypaw's embarrassment and annoyance, such a tease. It always left her flustered, if only for a few moments.

The hidden grotto was small but perfect and rather homey. Tucked in one corner of the clan's territory, it was often overlooked by patrols during the day. At night, when the black and grey apprentice would visit more often than not, little white jasmine flowers opened up to bask in the glory of the moonlight, their scent heavy in the air and calming her nerves instantaneously. Jinx, despite what she said, also enjoyed it.

It was swiftly becoming her favorite place to be.

"Missed me, didn't you?" Something else she quite enjoyed about being in Jinx's presence, it was a great confidence booster as well. Who knew being surrounded by friends could make her lift her head higher? She sure didn't.

Jinx chuckled gently, rolling her eyes with a shake of her head. "More like I missed you bringing me food all the time. Speaking of…"

"Yes, yes, I brought you some prey."

"...Squirrel?"

"You hate squirrel," Cherrypaw spoke without missing a beat, tossing a pair of mice she had managed to snag from the prey pile at the rogue's paws. "Eat up, and then I can check how your wounds are healing and then we can… do whatever."

That "whatever" part of the night was always something new. Sometimes they talked about nothing of great importance; learning small things about each other without revealing anything too deep. Sometimes Cherrypaw would rant to Jinx about her clanmates, about how undervalued she felt and about her dream of becoming a warrior, and the rogue would listen with rapt attention. Other times, Jinx would share stories that she made up in her head, some funny and others sad.

She was a great storyteller, the apprentice had to give her that. Brimming with creativity and containing an unbound imagination, there was never anything she couldn't think of to craft into a tale of beautiful words.

Cherrypaw would never admit, also, that she had grown comfortable listening to Jinx's voice.

"You look grumpy," Jinx spoke through a mouthful of the mouse, Cherrypaw wrinkling her nose and gently reminding her to swallow before speaking first. The rogue rolled her eyes but obliged. "Why the long face Frosty?"

Frosty. Not once in the entire moon they had shared did Jinx call her by her name. It was always just little nicknames; Frosty, clan cat, nightshade, kitten, and many others that irritated her. Cherrypaw had asked her why she wouldn't just call her by her real name, and Jinx had gone tensely quiet before shrugging and looking back at the stars with a veiled expression of sadness. Cherrypaw decided to ask again some other time.

"Nothing just…" The Grand Royal apprentice sighed through her teeth, moving over to sit beside the rogue as she crouched down to eat the mice. Jinx also had quite the appetite, although considering the only time she got to eat was when Cherrypaw came over, it wasn't that surprising. Still, she ate as though every meal were her last, and the apprentice couldn't help but wonder why. Later, she could ask her later. "Long day of training, is all."

More like a long day of watching the others training while she sat on the sidelines, "learning" by viewing others.

"You know, I…" Jinx spoke slowly before pausing, a distant look on her face before she sighed and closed her eyes, shaking her head. "Nevermind."

"What?"

"Nevermind, I said nevermind."

"Jinx," Cherrypaw turned her body to properly face the other she-cat, staring sternly at her with slightly narrowed eyes. "I will keep bugging you."

"Oof, that's a threat and a half kitten," Jinx drawled impishly, tone husky and mischievous as always. "Or it would be if you ever acted on it."

Cherrypaw let out a low growl, playful as it was. "You think I won't?"

"I know you won't," one green eye closed in a wink, a smirk on her face and hunger forgotten. "You don't have the guts."

"I could just turn you in, you know."

"You won't do that either," Jinx sat up slowly, body still aching from whatever it was that had harmed her but gaining back the fluidity in which she moved. All things considered, with Cherrypaw's complete lack of healing, the rogue was making a smooth recovery. Stretching her neck and shoulders, the trickster let out a yawn before peeking at the apprentice with one eye. "You've grown fond of me. Admit it, sunshine."

"M-More like I've grown tired of you," Cherrypaw grumbled beneath her breath, ears burning as she glanced away shyly. Though she would never admit it out loud, it was the truth. Scarily so, the apprentice had quickly grown attached to the rogue. She was a welcome constant in her life now, in her world full of mundane repetition and routine. It was new and refreshing and exciting and-

Completely against the warrior code. Rogues were meant to be chased away, turned prisoner, or killed. Not rescued, nurtured back to health, and befriended.

Who cares? She was already a byproduct of a broken code. Might as well as live up to expectations, right?

Despite her best not to look at Jinx, the rogue was incessant, and before she knew it, icy blue was staring into green. Darkened with time and experience, sparkling with mischief and a hidden past. She was a mystery that Cherrypaw wanted nothing more than to unravel piece by piece.

She had always been a curious cat.

"Then will you kill me?"

A chill rolled down her spine, much like it always did whenever Jinx asked that. Every night she visited, the question was asked once, and it had taken at least a half-moon for Cherrypaw to understand that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't speaking so literal. The apprentice sensed a message, a hidden meaning in those words, in the brash request.

She just didn't know what Jinx was really asking, and until she did, Cherrypaw would always respond the same way.

"I won't."

Breathless, that's what she felt like, losing herself in the puzzle presenting itself to her in those eyes. A gaze that stared at her, in her, through her; picking her apart at the seams and revealing flaws that no "perfect" cat should ever have.

Cherrypaw was grateful, to know someone who could see her flaws that the rest of the world seemed to be blind to. The apprentice, too, had begun to grow blind to them as well, but now, with Jinx there and not one to be bested, Cherrypaw wanted to see her own flaws for herself.

"I think I just want to see the stars today." And just like that, the spell was broken as Jinx nodded once, turning away after her usual question was answered in its usual way and glancing up towards the twinkling stars above. The grotto was open right above them, the branches of the oaks refusing to even broach the middle of the area and allowing starlight and moonlight alike to enter. "Is that alright with you?"

"I…" Cherrypaw cleared her throat, one that was suddenly dry as she regained her voice and her breath once more. In a smaller, shy voice, she murmured. "I still need to check your wounds."

"Then I'm all yours moonshine," the playful, teasing Jinx was back, just like that in the blink of an eye as she laid herself before Cherrypaw dramatically, sending the she-cat a wink. "Remember to be gentle."

In response, the Grand Royal apprentice scowled and cuffed the red-furred rogue over the ears, earning a light chuckle from her. "Enough."

"Alright, alright. Just hurry it up, will you? I want to tell you about the stars."

Cherrypaw wanted to tell her that she already knew about the stars. Her ancestors lived in them, each spark of light representing one of her great past relatives. Warriors that had fought many battles, hunters and huntresses that had cured famines and bared the harshest of Leaf-bares. Mothers who had gone above and beyond the call of duty for their loved ones, Fathers who had fought to the death to protect their kin. The first Grand Royals who had created the very clans they lived in, holy beings that surely were nothing more than fiction, because no such great and perfect being would stoop themselves to such a low level to walk this measly earth.

What else could Jinx teach her that she didn't already know?

Plenty, apparently. And the stories the rogue shared with her about the stars were far less grand than the ones she had heard as a kit with her clanmates. Less grandiose, more down-to-earth. Pointing out the flaws of each perspective or opinion made and picking it apart.

Undoubtedly real. Not perfect.

And Cherrypaw craved to be just that.

I don't want to be perfect anymore.

I want to be real.

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why am I always the one left behind?

…

Cherrypaw winced as Blossompaw, the Medicine Cat apprentice who was naught but a few moons away from receiving her full name, gingerly dabbed at one of the open cuts stretching down from between her shoulder blades. The black and grey apprentice was as miserably wet as a majority of everyone else was, fur clinging to her bones and leaving her dripping onto the ground below her.

A fight against Stormclan had ended with a loss of territory space, a hit to Forestclan's already hindered ego, more than a few warriors and apprentices dripping with both blood and water, and one dead Artisan. From where she sat, huddled with a few of her fellow Grand Royal apprentices, she could see the Low Ranks gathered around the body and she could hear the wailing of the tom's kit. Another orphan.

Leafstar had been forced to call for a retreat when it became obvious that Cloudstar was not going to give in anytime soon, and there was only so much the tactician could do with her low number of warriors. She would never order her warriors and apprentices to fight a battle that was already lost, and her main goal had been to hold on to as many survivors as she could.

Cherrypaw was grateful; this had been the first official fight she and the others had been in since being apprenticed two moons ago. What a sour start it was.

If it weren't for Jinx teaching her a few moves in the field of battle, it wouldn't surprise the Grand Royal apprentice if she had left that fight far worse than she was now. If she had left that battlefield at all.

"Damn those Stormclan pests," Bramblepaw snarled from where he sat a few paces away from her, green eyes burning with shame and fury alike. Out of all of them, he seemed to be taking the lost the hardest. "I swear I'll have each and every one of them cowering under my claws one day."

"You're just mad because you lost to a she-cat," Mothpaw fanned the flames of anger kindling within the other tom, lackadaisical as usual and wrinkling his nose in annoyance that the burning from his scratch marks caused. A disturbing and spine-chilling smirk appeared on his face, taunting. "Windpaw sure left a number on you."

"She got me from behind!" Bramblepaw shouted back indignantly, teeth baring as he stamped one of his paws against the ground. "The coward! If I hadn't been so focused on going after Rainpaw, I would have-"

"Stop pretending like we could beat Stormclan in the rivers," Thornpaw cut his brother off with a tired sigh, a frown on his face as he shifted his paws and shook out his pelt with a small jerk. "That is their domain and we were mere trespassers in it. It was only a matter of time before they took that land for themselves."

Each of the clans excelled in one specific terrain; Stormclan took control of the rivers and waterbodies alike, Blazeclan dominated on the ground, while Forestclan found victory in the trees. The area they had fought for, and lost, had more water than trees, so it was unsurprising to Cherrypaw why they had gained the upper hand.

Not only that, but we were sorely unprepared. A surprise attack that left the original patrol marking that border on the brink of death and radically unable to call for help for a while longer. Swiftpaw had been a part of that patrol, and the last Cherrypaw saw of her was an image of her being carried to the Medicine Cat den on the back of a Noble.

"They were probably planning this for a while," Mothpaw hummed as he rolled his shoulders, trying and failing to chase away the prickling of pain. "If you ask me-"

"You did what?!"

Cherrypaw flinched at the snarl that ripped through the heaviness clinging to the air, adding another layer of tension that weighed down the bodies of everyone and tired burying them in the ground. All eyes turned to the source of the sound, ears perked at attention and eyes widened in surprise because the one who had shouted never yelled outside the field of battle.

Never before had the Grand Royal of Forestclan appear so threatening than this moment, a deadliness that only showed its face when planning the next route of attack and nothing more. Even if she did participate in the fights as well, Leafstar never fought with anger or the intention to kill. She was always seen with determination and unwavering conviction, lips forming a thin line, or more often than not, a teasing smile.

Never with narrowed eyes. Never with hate burning in a light green gaze. Never with fangs bared.

The sight was a scary one, shocking everyone out of their shame and sorrow.

"It was an accident sister." And who better to have that frightening anger aimed at other than Cherrypaw's mother? The Grand Royal apprentice found herself standing up, ignoring the way Blossompaw murmured for her not to move, as her heart began to race in something akin to panic. Appleshade stood a tail-length away from her sister, Leafstar towering over her now that she was cowering. "I swear, I never meant for this to happen. It was an accident."

"Voletooth is dead, do you understand that?" Leafstar prowled forward, tail spiked in aggravation and lashing. "Someone today lost their life because you couldn't keep your mouth shut like you're supposed to! Sharing our patrol's schedules and the outline of our territory? Have you gone mad?"

A ripple pierced through the curious bystanders, latching onto every word spitting from the Grand Royal's lips, and as understanding dawned on them, chaos ensued. Hisses and snarls and shouts filled the air, thick and heavy with outrage and heating up by the seconds. The Artisans, who had lost one of their own, were especially waspish. A few had left their circle of mourning to stand closer to the traitor. The Royals spat curses and damned her for death.

In the midst of it all, Cherrypaw remained quiet. On the other side of camp, at the head of the enraged crowd, she could just make out Robinwing, perhaps cursing the loudest. A part of her wasn't even surprised.

"Appleshade is unfaithful to everyone but herself." Apparently, that also meant her entire clan.

His words rang clear in her ears, and Cherrypaw could feel herself begin to shiver with the wrathful energy in the air. It was suffocating, and all too soon, she was choking for air. Half-clan filth. Appleshade had already been unfaithful once, what was one more time?

"Silence!"

Leafstar's voice was like a slap to the face, everyone who had been marching forward took a step back as light green eyes shifted from Appleshade to them in a warning. The lethal gleam in them would give many nightmares for the days to come.

Cherrypaw had once told herself that she would sooner have Leafstar hate her than be coddled by her, but now, seeing what true hate and danger looked like on the Grand Royal's face, she was having second thoughts. Was it best to remain on Leafstar's good side? Most likely.

"Leafstar, I-"

"I've heard enough." Voice quieter than before but no less hostile, the Grand Royal closed her eyes, the exhaustion of today's events rushing up to her. Cherrypaw wondered what it was like; to be in charge of an entire clan, to make decisions one didn't want to make, to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Did she really want this anymore?

"Grand Royal," Addermask, her lead Royal, spoke in a tone that was soothing, coaxing almost, as he walked over to join his leader's side. The look of disgust he sent to Appleshade did not go unnoticed by the clan, and for her part, Cherrypaw's mother did seem rather guilty. "What do you wish to do with her?"

What punishment will you bring to your own sister?

The clan held their breath, and Cherrypaw wanted to disappear into the den she shared with Berrypaw. Well, she originally shared it with Swiftpaw, but she and Berrypaw had swapped secretly when the blue-furred apprentice was stuck with Heatherpaw. It had been a small haven for the black and grey she-cat, not as much as the grotto where Jinx was, but-

Jinx. She had forgotten about the rogue. Cherrypaw would be awfully late tonight, if she managed to show up at all. How would she react to all of this?

"Leave."

"E-Excuse me?"

Leafstar opened her eyes, at last, but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. Serious and absolute, there was no trace of doubt or forgiveness in her gaze. The barest hints of sorrow glimmered from within, but the steel in them overshadowed everything else. Appleshade looked at her in horror, fear that only grew when the Grand Royal raised her head and spoke in a stern voice.

"I banish you from Forestclan."

"Y-You…" Appleshade spluttered, taking a step back and shaking her head swiftly. "You can't do that, I-"

"I can't?" Leafstar raised a single brow, a scowl pulling at her lips. "I believe I just did."

"You would do this to me? Your own sister?"

"I would do it to anyone who threatens my clan," Leafstar growled in response, a steady stream of rumbles reverberating from within her chest. "Family or not, friend or not. Be grateful that I am not striking you down from where you stand. From this moment on, you are no longer a part of Forestclan. You are no longer one of my warriors, you are an Outcast."

There was a strain in Leafstar's voice that only Cherrypaw seemed to notice, and as the apprentice took a few steps closer to join the crowd, she could see the pain in her eyes. Sorrowful, but not regretful. This was something she was sure of doing, and do it she would no matter how much it hurt her.

For the good of the clan.

Is that what it means to be a warrior? Because if it was, Cherrypaw was not looking forward to that part of the job.

"You have five seconds to get out of my face," Leafstar drew in a deep breath, eyes narrowing as she glanced towards the camp entrance. "And you have until morning to be off of our territory. Patrols will be hunting you down, and should you remain here…"

They have orders to kill. Cherrypaw heard the unsaid words loud and clear. Appleshade did too, the fear in her eyes bright and burning.

"Leafstar… Sister, please-"

"Begone, Outcast." The Grand Royal took a step in her direction, claws unsheathing and scraping against the ground. "Five-"

"Please!"

"Four-"

"I'll make it up to you, I swear. Just give me a chance!"

"Three-"

"Grand Royal," Appleshade was sobbing now, and it was the first time- and the last- that Cherrypaw ever saw her mother cry. "Please."

Leafstar was undeterred by the tears. "Two."

Another sob escaped Appleshade's lips before she suddenly turned, darting out of camp with one second to spare. Everyone could still hear her crying from within the camp, silent as the dead until the Outcast was far away enough not to be heard. Still, everyone remained speechless, the High Ranks glancing at one another and the Low Ranks cowering away to not be noticed.

Cherrypaw remained in her place, standing and staring at the space where her mother had been. Empty.

Appleshade was gone.

She could feel a few eyes on her, curious and pitiful and maybe one or two suspicious.

"Cherrypaw?" It was Berrypaw who approached her first, her whisper loud in the quiet camp air. There was a frown on her face, ears flattened uncomfortably from what she had just witnessed. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." No.

"...You're crying."

Indeed she was. The tears had been falling from her eyes without her realizing it. It annoyed her.

Appleshade didn't deserve her tears.

"I'm not." She said, even as she hastily wiped the trails away.

"Okay…" Berrypaw murmured gently, leaving it at that but not leaving her alone. For some reason, that annoyed her too, but Cherrypaw said nothing more.

"Forestclan," ears that had been flattened or drooping perked up as their leader addressed them, everyone standing at attention and raising their eyes from the floor. Leafstar had been facing the clan with her back to them, looking off in the direction her sister- the Outcast- had run off to. The she-cat's ears were flattened, and her tail stopped lashing, now hanging limply. "I have failed you all, and for that, I am sorry. The life we lost tonight was due to my negligence and my blindness, and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. We will recover from this, stronger than before, and one day, we will take back what is ours. But for now… rest. I do not wish to lose anyone else."

"Yes, Grand Royal!" The clan was a chorus of voices, loud and strong in the face of despair. A few of those who had already been patched up by the Medicine Cat and his apprentice swiftly went to their nests. The Low Ranks went back to their circle of mourning, but now they were cleaning the deceased tom's pelt and preparing it for burial.

Try as she might that night, Cherrypaw could not go to sleep. Restless despite the bone-deep exhaustion in her body. Her mind had been running on autopilot, from the moment Leafstar had dismissed the clan, to the moment where Blossompaw finished patching her up, to the moment she went to her den. Berrypaw had been respectfully quiet, and later on in the night, when Cherrypaw left, the blue-furred apprentice remained asleep. Even if she wasn't, she let Cherrypaw leave.

The guards for the night gave her suspicious looks as she left camp from the entrance, not even bothering going through the escape route she always used, but they were more sympathetic than anything. They probably thought she was going to mourn the mother she had just lost.

Appleshade's scent seemed to linger in the air of the oak forest wherever she walked, and it probably wouldn't completely surprise her if she ran into her. By some grace above, she didn't- her mother had taken Leafstar's warning to heart and was probably far from Forestclan territory by now.

"Moonshine?" Only when she heard the achingly familiar and comforting voice of Jinx did Cherrypaw return to her senses, ears twitching at the sound and eyes finally focusing on her surroundings. It was a miracle she had managed to make it to the hidden grotto at all, the heavy stench of jasmine starting a valiant battle against her detached mood.

Jinx looked at her with worry shining in deep green eyes, brows pinching together and a frown on her face as she tilted her head in question. Cherrypaw wondered what she looked like to the rogue, battle-worn and scarred.

"What happened? I didn't think you were going to show up and-"

Cherrypaw found herself charging forward and practically tackling the other she-cat down, pressing her muzzle into the crook of Jinx's shoulder and inhaling deeply. Warm, the rogue was always stupidly warm and it was her warmth that began to melt away the icy chill of the night from her tense muscles.

"Kitten, what's-"

"Please," the Grand Royal apprentice whispered against her skin, begging, pleading. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and she just wanted more of that warmth. "Please, help me forget."

"Forget… what?"

"Everything, all of tonight." Her voice was tinged with the shades of desperation and frustration and anger and sorrow, creating a clash of colors. Cherrypaw was unraveling right before her eyes, and the devastation was a masterpiece to see. "Please, please, just make me forget everything."

"Okay, moonshine… As you wish." Jinx pressed her nose to the tip of one of her ears, breath heavy and sending shivers down Cherrypaw's spine. "Anything you want."

I want to forget.

My mother is gone.

My father was never here in the first place.

I am half-clan filth.

I am betraying the clan by being with a rogue.

I am an orphan.

I am a monster.

...Yet, they still call me perfect.

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why am I always the one being hurt?

…

If Cherrypaw hadn't found solace in the form of spending her nights with Jinx, then there would be no doubt in her mind that a part of her would have died the moment her mother left the clan.

A moon after that fateful battle and so much had changed. Swiftpaw hadn't recovered on time to participate in the first trial, and because Heatherpaw didn't want to leave her loyal little shadow behind, the two of them had failed the test. Well, Swiftpaw had been disqualified, on the insistence of the warriors, and Heatherpaw had purposefully failed.

With two apprentices now knocked out of the running, Cherrypaw was finally getting her chance to shine in training. It was amusing if a bit insulting, how surprised the warriors were when she won her first all-out sparring match against Thornpaw (though she would never admit to using a few dirty tactics that Jinx had taught her to achieve victory). Her days were filled with strategizing and drills and it was everything she could ever ask for.

She even went to her first Gathering, and while the tension between Stormclan and Forestclan had been damn near unbearable, it was rather fun. The apprentices of the other clans were… interesting, to say the least. She discovered, funnily enough, that Blazeclan members were a lot shorter than those of Forestclan, though undoubtedly stronger.

Flamepaw and Flarepaw had been the ones everyone had their eyes on, the ones everyone believed would make it to the very end of the running. The siblings had been professional, with the brother slightly more upbeat and willing to socialize than his sister. Still, Cherrypaw had enjoyed talking with them, found it fun to tease the she-cat once she discovered that Flarepaw possessed a sassier side to her behind the professionalism.

The Stormclan apprentices had made her undeniably nervous, especially when a few of them had been familiar because of that fateful battle. But outside of conflict, they had been rather nice. Bluepaw and Windpaw spent a majority of the night arguing with one another, to the amusement of everyone else, while Rainpaw watched them distractedly from the side. Cloverpaw had reminded her of Heatherpaw, unnecessarily snooty, but even her presence had been easy to deal with.

Despite herself, despite knowing they were her enemies and it would be wise to think of them as such, Cherrypaw was looking forward to seeing them again.

For the first time in her life, things were going the way she wanted them to go.

So it was only a matter of time before something went wrong. It shouldn't have surprised her. She was half-clan filth, cursed by her ancestors for being the offspring of a traitor. She wasn't perfect, despite what everyone told her.

Night had become her favorite time, being with the red-furred Jinx was an experience and a half. Cherrypaw had even found herself picking up on some of her mannerisms, being able to banter and flirt and tease her right back instead of getting annoyingly flustered all the time. During the day, with her clanmates, she would smile and tease them all the same. Everyone was slowly coming to love this new side of her, and so was Cherrypaw.

Padding through her home, the forest was alive with nocturnal creatures. In her jaws was a vole she had managed to snag on her way to the grotto, small but enough for Jinx- who was now able to hunt for herself (carefully, so as not to get caught). Cherrypaw didn't know why she stayed, Jinx was fully recovered by now and could hunt and fight and move with a grace that every warrior possessed in one form or another. The apprentice liked to believe Jinx stayed for her.

Tonight, however, would not be like any of her other nights.

Upon entering the hidden grotto, brimming with night jasmine as it was, Cherrypaw's senses came alive with a warning and the she-cat dropped the vole from her mouth in her hasty dodge out of the way. A shadow of a cat crouched where she had been seconds ago, her leap into the air sending her a few paces away from her unexpected opponent.

"Shroud, don't!"

Jinx came running from where she had been standing at the lip of the small, makeshift den they had managed to build together, red fur standing on end and eyes wild with worry. Cherrypaw had never seen her so frightened before.

"She's a clan cat, Ixora," Ixora? Cherrypaw backed away a few pawsteps, just to be sure. The dangerous shadow that stood a fox-length away spoke in a gruff tone, stoic and devoid of anything but the truth. Black fur swallowed the colors in the clearing, a tail tipped in gold swaying steadily behind him. Amber eyes glinted red as they turned to the apprentice, and Cherrypaw felt herself shudder in its presence.

Jinx stood between the two with flattened ears, shoulders drawn into herself and tail twitching nervously. It didn't look like she was prepared for a fight at all, it looked like she didn't want to fight whoever this stranger was.

"She saved me, Shroud," there was a hint of accusation in her voice, and Jinx stood just a little taller. "That's more than I can say for you."

"I've already apologized, my liege, but I will do so again." the tom bowed his head to her respectfully. "For our mission to succeed, I needed to play my part of obedience to those barbarians and-"

"And let them almost kill me," Jinx laughed angrily, mockingly. "Yeah, I get it. Hey, next time you use me as bait, maybe, I dunno, warn me?"

"Necessary sacrifices," Shroud sniffed, eyes shifting back to Cherrypaw once more. The apprentice kept herself light on her paws, in case the tom decided to charge at her once more. "And we've succeeded. The Valley is ours and will remain so for a long time to come. The City cats can't control us anymore. You can come home, Ixora. We need our rightful leader there."

"I…"

"But first, I must apologize for my brash behavior," the tom bowed to Cherrypaw deeply, the back of his neck presenting itself to her with how low he crouched. "I acted instinctively in my life's purpose to protect Her Majesty from threats without thinking."

"Uh…" Cherrypaw blinked at the tom bowing to her before glancing at Jinx, confused beyond belief. Jinx was refusing to look at her. "Okay?"

"Shroud," Jinx sighed through her teeth, ears flat against her head as she closed her eyes. "Do I… Is my presence there truly necessary?"

The tom stood back up, amber eyes staring sternly at the she-cat as he dipped his head once more. "But of course, your highness. This is what we have been working for our entire lives and the lives that came before us. What you have wanted since you were but a kit. Forgive me when I say that you must fulfill your destiny, and take your place as our leader. As your faithful subject, I cannot allow you to stray from your path."

"...I see," Jinx sighed again, a sad sound that made Cherrypaw's heart ache, even as her mind buzzed with millions of questions.

"The Valley is incomplete without you, Ixora," Shroud said as he turned to pad away, glancing behind his shoulder. "Do keep that in mind. I will allow you to say your goodbyes, but time is of the essence. We need you."

"Your… goodbyes?" Cherrypaw may not have been understanding anything of what was coming from the stranger's lips, but she did understand that word. Goodbye. She hated that word. She hated that word very much. Whirling on the red-furred she-cat, icy blue eyes went wide. "You're leaving?"

"Why of course, our Ixora needs to-"

"Shroud just-" Jinx huffed harshly, shaking her head at the tom and jerking her head to the side. "Give me a minute."

"Of course, your excellency. Do make haste. We need to be heading home by the brink of dawn."

With that, the well-mannered tom began padding to leave the small grotto, giving them some privacy while remaining close enough to defend if necessary. Cherrypaw glanced at Jinx and back in the direction the tom went before speaking.

"What is going on?"

"I…"

"And why does he keep calling you Ixora?"

"...I really thought I was done with this."

"Done with what?" Cherrypaw was beginning to get annoyed, her eyes narrowing at the other she-cat. "What's going on?"

Jinx's ears were permanently flat against her head, their golden tips accentuated by the moonlight and she shuffled her paws nervously. Cherrypaw had never seen her so timid-looking before, even when she begged. "It's, uh, a long story."

"Then you better start talking."

"Okay… Okay, okay." The rogue took in a deep breath before blowing it out shakily. "Here goes. I come from a place we call The Valley-"

"Whose we?"

"I just started, do you really have to cut me off?" The red-furred she-cat wrinkled her nose but answered Cherrypaw's question regardless. "My bloodline is part of a group of rogues that- well, we don't really have a name. Valley Dwellers, I suppose, is the closest thing we ever came to a name. Whatever. Anyways, for a while now, another band of rogues has taken control of our Valley, and we've been fighting for control for generations upon generations now. I am, technically, next in line to lead.

When you found me, I had been chased off of my own territory, brutally attacked by those who had been taking control because of my importance. Shroud is- well he's technically my loyal servant. But he's also my closest friend and he's also sorta like a big brother to me. Apparently, after my disappearance… we won. My family won and our war is over. Now, it's… It's time for me to return."

"That's…" Cherrypaw frowned as she glanced down at her paws. "That's good… right? You can go back home, be with your family, protect your lands and-"

"And that means I… have to leave here." The rogue looked up towards the stars. "Forever."

"...You told me your name was Jinx," her voice was growing quieter as she spoke. "You told me you had no place to go to, you told me you were nobody important. Why would you lie?"

Jinx chuckled, a sad sound again. Cherrypaw wanted her to stop that. "Because I want to be Jinx. Ixora is… She's professional and amazing and a leader and I… I don't want to be that. I never- I've never had a chance to make decisions for myself. It was always for the good of the family. And I love my family, but sometimes it's just… too much. Jinx was-"

"Your escape," Cherrypaw mumbled, "a dream." She paused before adding, "fake."

"In a way," the she-cat shrugged, deep green eyes glimmering with sadness. "I was never supposed to grow attached to this."

Attached to you. Cherrypaw gritted her teeth and let out a bitter laugh. "So you've been lying to me this entire time? Everything has been nothing but a lie, you living out a wild fantasy with a clan cat?"

"I told you once moonshine," the Grand Royal apprentice scowled at the casualness to Jinx's shrug. "I'm not a good cat. To achieve what we've wanted, to survive, I've had to lie, I've had to cheat, I've had to kill. I've had to use others and I've had to cast them aside when they were no longer useful. And I will continue to do that because that is what is required of me."

She's been using me. She's been lying to me.

It never meant anything.

"I should've killed you when I had the chance," the words were harsh as they left her lips, but Cherrypaw was tired of being cast aside by others. And now the one cat she thought would never do that… was doing just that. "I should've turned you into my clan when I found you."

Jinx- no, Ixora smiled sadly. There was a distance in her gaze that was insurmountable, and she was lost. Cherrypaw would never find her again, not that she felt like trying in the first place.

"You should've." Ixora let out a small breath before standing up. "Now you've lost your chances. You can try now, but I advise you not to. Shroud is… He won't take too kindly to someone attacking me."

"Leave." One word that had changed her life so much already, escaping her lips in a single breath. "Leave! I don't ever want to see you again!"

"I can make that happen," Ixora stood up slowly, cautiously, and Cherrypaw quivered in her place to restrain herself. Despite how angry and betrayed and used she felt, she should probably take the rogue's warning to heart and not anger the loyal servant. "For what it's worth, I really am sorry for what I've done."

"Your words mean nothing to me," Cherrypaw scowled, ears flat against her head. "Now, leave."

Go, leave me alone.

She was numbly aware of Ixora bowing to her once, mumbling another useless apology before turning away and walking to where Shroud was waiting.

Cherrypaw remained there for the rest of the night, staring- glaring at the way the two rogues left. Her chest ached.

That's what everyone does in the end anyway.

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why am I not happy?

…

The void that Ixora had left behind in her life was instead taken up by someone who was possibly worse to be with than a rogue.

"Cherrypaw…" the tom blew out a gentle, almost sad breath that fanned over the back of her neck, her body tensed without her realizing it from where she lay below him. "You're scared."

It almost annoyed her how caring and understanding Flamepaw was.

It made her feel guilty for using him like this.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, ears falling flat and releasing a silent sigh of relief when the tom stepped away from her, standing off to the side and giving her a coaxing smile. For what it was worth, Cherrypaw did believe he was quite charming. Courteous and honorable, there was no doubt in her mind that he would be devoted to someone one day and make them very happy. That someone, of course, couldn't- and she didn't want it- to be her.

"You don't need to apologize," he blinked before letting out a small chuckle, glancing around at the clearing they had found themselves in. Tucked away between the oak trees of Forestclan and the beech woodland of Blazeclan, it was a nice little sanctum to escape to. "We were about to do something pretty dim-witted. If you didn't want to stop, I probably would've."

Cherrypaw flinched at those words but hid it away quickly with a relaxed smile. Yes, it is pretty dim-witted. Thanks for pointing out how stupid I've been.

"Nice to know we're on the same page."

"I do find you to be a very valuable friend, Cherrypaw," Flamepaw's tri-colored gaze bore down at her, smile tender and everything she wished she would've wanted. (She knew, in the back of her mind, that she would always prefer the sharp grins of mischief that Ixora had given her.) "You are also exceptionally attractive and an extraordinary warrior. There is no doubt in my mind that you can have anyone you want in this world."

Icy blue eyes glimmered in appreciation that was accompanied by a teasing light. "And if I say I wanted you?"

To her surprise, unlike all the other times where he took the bait and teased her back, Flamepaw just shook his head and patient grin. "You truly don't. I'm not the one who you want to be with. I understand that, even if you deny it to yourself."

Were she a lesser cat, she might've started crying in frustration, but if her life had taught her anything, Cherrypaw knew how to smile through the pain. Maybe even wink while she was at it.

Ixora ruined me. The rogue had left a gash on her heart and trying to patch it up with meaningless flings and insignificant nights only made it burn more and more. Continuing down this path only proved others right, that she was just like her Outcast of a mother- unfaithful to everyone but herself.

She was already straining the friendship between her and Berrypaw. Where her new attitude- which she had copied from Ixora and was the only thing she had left of the rogue besides the memories- had once been endearing to her fellow apprentice, Cherrypaw was now making it unbearable and callous.

If I leave my friends before they could leave me, it won't hurt as badly.

There was no doubt in her mind that the next time someone walked away from her, it would destroy her. There would be nothing left of the one called Cherrypaw, so for her own sake, her life was filled with the game of pretend. She had always wanted to play games with the others, and now she was.

Except, no one else knew it was a game but her.

"Do you believe that, one day, we will be able to lead our clans to a greater future?"

Being "friends" with Flamepaw was easy. There were no strings attached between the two, knowing- ultimately- where their loyalties lie. Not with each other, but with their clans. One day she would have to say goodbye to him too, but when that day came, she knew it wouldn't be so hard to do.

"Already certain that you're going to win the title of Grand Royal," she purred teasingly, "isn't that a bit presumptuous of you to think about?"

Flamepaw didn't laugh along with her, his tri-colored gaze directed at the stars overhead. From his side profile, Cherrypaw could see the distant gleam in his eyes, the frown on his face and the drooping of his shoulders, and the tom had never looked so old before (despite how young they most definitely were).

"Grand Royal of the clan or not, I have vowed to restore the clans to their former glory. For the good of everyone. I must not fail." There was a certain intensity to his stare, mapping the stars in accusation. "If I have to re-write history to do it, then so be it."

Flamepaw had always been mysteriously philosophical in the best of times, Cherrypaw had learned just to brush off his words when he was having a moment.

Like now.

"Whatever you say, Flamepaw."

"Will I be able to count on you when the time comes?"

"We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?"

"...I suppose you're right."

Fix the clans? Cherrypaw almost felt like laughing.

I can't even fix my own life.

Maybe one day...

…

If I'm perfect, then…

Why do I always make mistakes?

…

The storm was vengeful and angry, loud enough to wake everyone up, and Cherrypaw briefly wondered who had angered their ancestors so much.

Perhaps someone from Blazeclan. Why else would they suffer so?

Driven by curiosity and unable to turn away, nearly every member from Forestclan raced to the borders separating them from their fiery neighbors. Even from a distance, it was obvious that something wasn't right. And the moment they came across the terrified and haunted members of Blazeclan in their oak forest, with the backdrop of the massive beech trees succumbing to the heat of flames without even the torrential rain enough to put it out and the sounds of sobbing and screaming and wailing, well-

Cherrypaw and the rest of Forestclan can only stare in stunned silence. Leafstar, ever the peacemaker and caregiver, offered the survivors of Blazeclan a place of rest, ordering her own clan to be respectful and courteous. While very few had been whiny about that particular order, most had been understanding.

Being good to their neighbors in a desperate time of need would no doubt please their ancestors, and Blazeclan and Forestclan had always been kind to one another.

A few days after the fire, once the flames had started to die down and left behind nothing but a wasteland of ash and smoke and charred branches, Cherrypaw allowed herself nothing more than a day to mourn for Flamepaw. Apparently, he hadn't made it out of the fire.

She would miss his forgiving nature and whimsical ramblings.

What surprised her, and nearly everyone else, was when Leafstar announced they would give the oak forest- their home- to Blazeclan. Cats from both sides had one of two attitudes; understanding or completely against the idea.

From Forestclan, those a little more lenient and compassionate were fine with it; after a traumatic experience, one needed a safe haven free of any further dangers. Giving away their territory ensured that there would be no unnecessary threats to Blazeclan, a hospitable land free for use. Berrypaw and Thornpaw and Swiftpaw had been on this side of the argument. From Blazeclan, the more understanding ones were exceedingly grateful, so much so they had broken out in tears and thanked her leader profusely without a second thought.

Then there were those on the opposite side of the spectrum, where Bramblepaw and Heatherpaw (for once) teamed up on; the oak forest belonged to Forestclan and it should remain that way. Their ancestors had named this their home, so for Leafstar to just up and give it to someone else would be like spitting on their graves. Blazeclan had been the unlucky ones, and should they want a home, they would have to make one of their own in the empty aspen forest or in the ashes of their old one. For the Blazeclan members on this side, they had been rather insulted at the offer; they didn't need to freeload off of another clan. They were powerful and strong and they didn't want or need help from their rival clan.

Cherrypaw, in complete honesty, didn't care. The oak forest, as fond as she was of it, had too many memories that made her heart twinge in pain. Ixora, her mother, the constant attention and being overlooked during training. Moving to a new land would give her a fresh start, a chance at making herself anew.

Mothpaw had been neutral in the matter; claiming both sides had compelling arguments and he simply couldn't choose either or (some of his fellow apprentices wondered if he cared about anything other than sleeping).

In the end, the arguments ceased when Leafstar said her decision was final. The oak forest would be Blazeclan's and that was that.

The day the entirety of Forestclan began their journey to the new land, Cherrypaw was all too aware of the glares being sent to the back of Leafstar's head. It made her sad, how quickly everyone seemed to turn on their leader. From being revered to being scorned, the only ones truly on Leafstar's side were no one but the Commoners and her lead Royal.

Cherrypaw didn't want to be like that. Why Leafstar purposefully made a decision that would make her own clanmates hate her, when another option was there, the black and grey apprentice didn't know. While she personally didn't care for the matter, it seemed as though the obvious choice was to stay in the good graces of her own clan.

I guess Leafstar isn't so perfect after all. Unlike her. Cherrypaw wanted to be perfect, just like everyone wanted her to be. She would be Forestclan's savior, she would gain their favor and make them want her to be their leader.

Their leader, and not just another pretty face they still insisted her on being.

She would prove herself time and time again to them until they took the hint.

She was going to be a warrior, the best there ever was. Grand Royal or not, she will go down in history as the one who brought faith back to her clanmates.

I will be perfect.

I will be their leader one day.

…

I will be the one to save Forestclan.

Once I sit at the top, everyone will have no other choice but to see me for what I am.

A warrior.

A leader.

A savior.

…

I'm perfect…

I don't need anyone else.

…

With the running reduced to only three, Cherrypaw knew her chances of getting what she wanted was raised significantly.

If you ask her, victory was almost a guarantee. There was nothing short of two obstacles in her way, two hurdles that could easily be knocked down as insignificant.

Bramblepaw had grown bitter, even more so, after Forestclan's move to the aspen forest, and his anger was only growing by the day. While being the epitome of what every Forestclan warrior wanted as their leader, Cherrypaw knew it wouldn't be hard making him work for her. Making him worship her. She would use him to advance further on her path, stepping on him so she could climb higher and then toss him aside when his use ran out.

Ixora had taught her well.

Berrypaw would be a little more difficult to get rid of. Her friend turned rival was still hopelessly resistant on keeping their companionship alive, no matter how many times both Bramblepaw and Cherrypaw turned her away for training. Still, her persistence was remarkable, and some days- now in her solo-den ever since the running was reduced to three and the apprentices could each have their own den- Cherrypaw almost wanted to go up to her and hang out.

There was also the matter that in terms of combat, Berrypaw was slightly better than her, than both of them actually. If she didn't intervene, there would be no doubt in her mind that the blue-furred apprentice would take victory from the both of them and run off with it.

No, Cherrypaw had to get rid of her somehow. No matter how devious she would have to become to do so, the black and grey apprentice had her mind set on one thing and one thing only. Everything else didn't matter.

Perfection.

She would become Forestclan's greatest Grand Royal. They would make stories about her and her legacy would pass throughout the generations.

And if she had to do it alone, Cherrypaw would gladly do so.

She was used to being alone, after all. So much so that it was no longer daunting.

It was just a fact of nature.

She was alone.

But, she was also perfect, and that's what mattered.

I'm perfect.

That's what I've always been.

That's what I will always be.

And one day, I will make Forestclan perfect too.

…

A/N: Happy New Year everybody! Here's hoping 2020 treats you well and may all your wishes come true. As with all backstory chapters, SO much was revealed here. I quite enjoyed writing a timid Cherrypaw. And she's a half-clan? Wow. And before you ask, yes, half-clan...ism? XD Being a half-clan is extremely rare (seeing as a majority of the clans had been very strict with mates and offspring and such and planned "marriages" and stuff). And half-clan kits are always killed, should it ever be found out. I hope you enjoyed! If you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Looking forward to another fantastic year with my kittens and with you guys!

Oh, and, uh… I broke my record again guys. I swear these backstory chapters just keep getting longer and longer with each one. 16,615 words… Holy smokes. Congratulations Cherry, 933 words longer than Windy's.

…

Question of the Day

(Because Cherry is half-clan)

Who do you think was/is her father?

(*Hint* You'll have to look at the earlier allegiances, because he may not be included in the most recent one found on chapter 53).

…

Please review, favorite, and/or follow!

Let me know what you think of the story and give constructive criticism where you see fit.

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Thank you and peace out!

~Wolfcreations20