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Freddie lay awake in bed for several hours, staring out the window under the lake. She was thinking about Daniel, and also about Snape and his dead Gryffindor friend. Who was she? Did he love her? How did she die?
She tossed and turned for a long time. Finally she decided to try what Snape had suggested. She dug some parchment and a quill out of her trunk and sat up in bed. She lit her wand tip so she could see and began to write.
She felt stupid at first, writing a letter to Daniel that more than likely he would never get to read. But eventually she started telling him about Snape, about everything that had happened in the last several weeks. She wrote so long her hand started to cramp, so she finished off the letter. She folded it, shoved it in her trunk, and lay back down.
She still couldn't sleep.
Her mind was churning, trying to figure out where Daniel might be. If he was still in the forest, they would've found him. Unless he's hiding. He could be going to great lengths to keep himself hidden, he's a brilliant wizard after all. He's probably with some animals, he loves animals. Maybe he found Kettleburn's chimera. Hell he could even be with the mooncalves! He said he wanted to see them, and I promised to take him but I never did. Maybe that's why he's hiding, maybe he's mad at me.
She bolted upright in bed and started to put on her boots but stopped. She'd promised Snape she wouldn't go back into the woods. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed.
This is crazy. I'm crazy. Daniel wasn't mad at me for not taking him to see the mooncalves...at least, I don't think he was. We seemed fine, he was talking about his future wedding, about me being his best man and-
She let out a frustrated growl and shook her head. This wasn't getting her anywhere. She shoved her feet into her shoes and left her dorm. She didn't hesitate but left her Common Room and headed for Snape's office.
He'll know what to do, she thought confidently. He'll know what to say to make me feel better, or at least give me a potion to knock me out.
She reached Snape's office and knocked on the door. He didn't answer. She hadn't expected him to. She unlocked the door and entered the dark office. She crossed the room quickly and knocked loudly on the bookcase that hid his quarters.
The door opened quicker than she expected and she stumbled back, surprised.
"What?" he demanded irritably. She swallowed nervously. He looked angry and he was drunk, she could smell the scotch on his breath. She glanced past him into his quarters and saw the empty bottle on the table in front of the couch.
"Speak, Gray," he said sharply and she tore her gaze from his quarters to look up at him. His face was hard, unreadable.
"I-I, uh, n-need to tell you something," she said, feeling her body tremble. Snape put one arm against the door frame, seeming to tower over her. He exhaled slowly.
"Choose your next words wisely, Miss Gray," he said in a low voice.
Freddie pondered the meaning of his words a moment before saying what she had come to say.
"I can't sleep," she began and took a deep breath. "I want to go to the forest and look for Daniel. I would already be out there if I hadn't promised you I wouldn't and I don't want to break my promise but I keep thinking he's out there, that he's hiding somewhere, and I- well, I thought you could help me."
He stared at her a moment, then moved past her – she could smell the scotch, mixed with his natural scent as he brushed against her – and got his cloak off the hook in his office.
"Where are you going?" she asked, glancing back into his quarters once more. It didn't look like he'd been to bed at all.
"We are going to look for your friend," he said, opening the door to his office. "Come."
"I thought you didn't want me to go in the forest?" she asked, hurrying out after him.
"I made you promise you would not go into the forest alone," he said. "I did not say that I would not go with you."
"...Oh," she said, thinking to herself that she should pay more attention to the wording of things she promised him. He certainly seemed to.
"I sort of through, well," she said, jogging to keep up with his quick stride. "I thought you'd give me a Sleeping Draught or...I don't know, say something to make me not feel crazy."
"The Sleeping Draught would solve nothing, I suspect you would be knocking on my door tomorrow night for the same reason," he said, putting a hand against the wall to steady himself as they climbed the steps up out of the dungeon. "And...I don't know what to say to you, Gray."
"Do you think I'm crazy?" she asked. He glanced back at her.
"Sometimes," he said with a small smirk.
They crossed the Entrance Hall quickly and stepped out into the cool night air. Snape stumbled slightly on the steps leading out of the castle, but recovered without falling.
"Are you okay?" she asked and he grunted. "Are you drunk?"
He gave another non-committal grunt.
"Not sure I'd be doing this sober," she heard him mutter under his breath.
"Do you think we'll find Daniel?" she asked as they crossed the grounds.
"N- I think it is...highly unlikely," he answered.
Then why are you helping me? She thought.
"But if it satisfies your need to go into the forest, we can look," he continued.
"Were you reading my mind?" she demanded.
"The mind is not a book to be opened and read leisurely," he drawled. "If your question is am I using Legilimency on you, the answer is no. Your mind if just more...readable than others."
"Readable?" she asked with a chuckle.
"Predictable," he amended. "Your mind is more predictable – shut up."
"Sorry," she said with a sheepish smile, which faded as they reached the Forbidden Forest.
The forest was dark and still as they entered it, and almost eerily quiet. Freddie pulled out her wand, feeling tense.
"We do not have to do this," Snape said, noticing her hesitation. "We could go back to bed."
We could go back to bed or we could each go back to our own separate beds? She thought, amused. She shook her head.
"I want to look," she said. "...Do you know where the mooncalves den is?"
"Yes. Why?" he asked, looking down at her. "You think he's with mooncalves?"
"I can't explain it. Will you show me where it is?"
He nodded and led the way through the trees.
They walked for what felt like ages. Freddie kept her eyes and ears open for anything unusual. After seeing nothing but trees and a few foxes, she decided to try to explain the mooncalf thing to Snape.
"I told Daniel about us seeing the mooncalves dancing when we were collecting potion ingredients. He was super jealous and we planned to sneak out to see them-"
She stopped as Snape looked back at her, a pained expression on his face.
"What? We never get caught," she said bracingly. "Daniel's Disillusionment Charm is flawless – way better than mine."
He grimaced and shook his head before continuing on.
"Anyway, we never did go looking for the mooncalves. I was always too busy with you or he was too busy with his – Heather," she said, catching herself before she could say the word 'mudblood' knowing it would upset him. "So I thought, maybe...I don't know. It's crazy, I know it sounds crazy. Maybe I am crazy. I don't know anything anymore." She let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through her hair. She stopped walking. "This is crazy. I'm crazy. Dumbledore should just have me shipped back to the loony bin. The mooncalves thing doesn't explain anything, why would he hide with the mooncalves, why would his blood have been-" She stopped and shivered at the memory. She rubbed her arms, pulling up her sleeves because she was half-convinced she could feel blood on her skin again.
Snape walked back to where she'd stopped walking to rant, and he put his hand on her arm. The warmth of his soft hand on her bare skin made her forget the feeling of the blood.
"It does not hurt to go look, Winifred," he said quietly. "Come on."
Freddie nodded and let him lead her on, his hand still on her arm. He linked his arm through hers, like he had that night in Knockturn Alley. Unconsciously she pressed herself closer to him.
They had soon reached the river and began to walk downstream. Freddie looked at the water as they walked and at one point she saw the demonic face of a grindylow just below the surface. She had no way of knowing if it was the same one who had attacked her and caused her to burn her hand. She made a face at it and the grindylow shook its fist threateningly.
She raised her wand menacingly and started to pull away from Snape.
"Leave it alone, Gray," he said, tightening his grip on her arm just a little.
"I wasn't going anything," she protested. "He started it."
She glanced back and gave the finger to the grindylow who was still glaring at her.
"Child," Snape said, shaking his head. "You are a child."
She made a face at him too and he just shook his head.
"Here," he said, leading her away from the river a short way. There was a pile of boulders in a cluster just inside the trees.
"There's an underground den there, where the mooncalves sleep the majority of the month," he said, gesturing towards it. "I will watch your back."
Freddie nodded and headed for the rocks, her wand aloft. She could feel Snape's eyes on her but she wasn't thinking about him, not at the moment. She found the entrance to the den and crouched down to peek inside.
A few big blue eyes opened and looked at her.
"Daniel?" she said hopefully, looking around the den at the piles of sleeping animals. He wasn't there. She hadn't expected to feel so disappointed but she did. She walked away from the den slowly, shoulders slumped.
"Sorry," Snape said quietly as she returned and he touched her arm briefly.
"I don't know what I expected," she mumbled with a shrug.
"Are you ready to return to the castle?" he asked.
Freddie hesitated and he picked up on it.
"Where else do you want to look?" he asked.
"Well I had a – a thought," she answered and bit her lip, not quite sure how to explain.
"What is it, Winifred?"
"...Professor Kettleburn's chimera. Daniel might have gone looking for it and if the chimera were injured he might stay with her and...I don't know. I don't suppose you know where it is?"
"I do not...but I know someone who might," he said, linking his arm through hers. "Come."