Knowing The Feeling

"Do you wanna go put him down?" Thea asked, walking into their house whilst Dominic carried James.

"Yeah, I'll go." Dominic nodded, heading upstairs with James as Thea took her jacket off, walking through the house and into the kitchen where she saw Sean sitting at the table, drinking from a bottle of champagne.

"Hey." Thea said as Sean nodded to her.

"Hey." Sean said.

"It's probably best not to bring alcohol into two alcoholics' house." Thea nodded.

"It's finished, don't worry." Sean nodded, sitting the bottle down, "Wish it was doing something for me but it's not."

"Where is Jude?" Thea asked.

"Asleep." Sean nodded.

"You've been here all night?" Thea asked.

"Yeah." Sean nodded, "Which evidently, you haven't." He said, "She needs more than just me around-"

"Yeah well we got accidentally caught up in something." Thea said.

"Yeah well Jude has her suspicions." Sean said, "And I know what your family is like."

"Excuse me?" Thea raised her eyebrows.

"I'll rephrase… I know what your dad is like." Sean said as Thea stared at him.

"I think you've had a little too much to drink." Thea said, "I know people can start saying silly things when they're drunk."

"Oh, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" Sean nodded.

"Ok, maybe it's time for you to go home." Thea nodded, "Before you start saying things you don't really mean."

"She's suffering so much." Sean said, "I've never saw anything like this before in my life."

"Then we gotta be there for her." Thea nodded, "And help her through it."

"I don't even know if she can get through this." Sean said honestly, after seeing what he'd seen tonight.

"Then you don't know my sister." Thea nodded as Sean took his jacket from the chair.

"Maybe I don't." Sean said, putting his jacket on, walking past Thea and leaving the house as she sighed to herself.

She sat her jacket over on the chair, looking on at the champagne bottle, wiping her sweaty hands on her jeans before picking the empty bottle up to go throw in the trash very quickly.

"Hey, the little guy is down and I looked in on Jude, she's fast asleep." Dominic came back into the kitchen.

"Ok." Thea nodded, "Sean has just left. He was drunk and looking for an argument."

"Huh? Doesn't look like the arguing type." Dominic shook his head.

"Jude must have had a bad night." Thea sighed, "And none of us were here."

"We didn't plan to be gone for that long. We got caught up." Dominic said, "We're here now and we're here for her." He said as Thea nodded.

"Ok, what the hell is going on?" Punk said, walking through to their kitchen as AJ followed.

"Phil, that house might not even belong to Vincent anymore-"

"And if it does?" Punk questioned, "Was it him? Did he do this?" He questioned as AJ sighed.

"We don't know anything right now. We agreed to stay out of the investigation. Look what happened with Jeremy-"

"Yeah well as far as I'm concerned that little bastard deserved it after leaving Jude." Punk shook his head, "I feel no guilt."

"Let's face it, Phil. You'd probably have to murder someone to feel any sort of guilt." She shook her head.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Punk looked across at her.

"It means exactly how it sounds." AJ rolled her eyes.

"Why would it be that house?" Punk questioned, "Why would it be… him?" He shook his head.

"You don't know it's him. He might not live there anymore." AJ said as Punk leaned against the wall, running his hands over his face, "Ok, baby look at me." She walked over to him, tearing his hands from his face and taking them in hers, "Look at me." She told him.

"What?" Punk said.

"I know you want to do something. I do too. But the police will be working on this. They have more resources, a more steady mind than us probably right now." She said, "Our daughter needs us. The best thing we can do right now is be there for her." She nodded.

"Isn't this what I'm supposed to do?" Punk asked her.

"What? Act like a crazy man?" She smiled a little, cupping his cheeks as he sighed.

"I just want whoever did this to pay. She has to live with this." Punk shook his head as AJ nodded.

"I know." AJ said, "But she has her family, and whether she thinks that's enough or not, we'll always be there to help her." She said, "I don't know if Vincent has anything to do with this or not but… if he does the police will pick up on it." AJ said.

"I could call someone from that circle. I think I still have some numbers from back then-"

"That circle? The one that ruined your life and got you wound up in prison? If you call anyone from that circle, they will suck you back in and you know it." AJ said as Punk nodded, "The best thing we can do right now is stay out of it. Don't make it any worse for ourselves than it already is, and be there for Jude." She said as Punk nodded.

"Yeah." Punk said, "It just… it worries me that it was that house." He shook his head, "It could be him."

"Why would he ever want to do something like that? I remember Vincent… he wasn't an evil guy." She shook her head.

"Well maybe that has changed over the years, we don't know." Punk said, "Or like you said, maybe it's not even his house anymore."

"Exactly." AJ said, "The fact is we don't know." She nodded, "Let's just… get some sleep and tomorrow we can go spend the day with Jude." She said, "She needs us more right now."

"Yeah." Punk agreed, "Yeah, ok." He smiled as she leaned up and kissed him sweetly. He needed the wisdom of his wife right now.

"What are you doing here?" Jude questioned, watching as Sam walked into the living room where she was sitting. She couldn't sleep and had come downstairs for a change of scenery. Thea and Dominic were long gone to bed.

"I just came to see how you were doing." Sam nodded.

"At 4am?" Jude asked.

"I'm a night owl." Sam shrugged, sitting down beside her on the couch, "I'm not gonna ask how you are-"

"Good." Jude nodded, looking over at the TV.

"I know the feeling." Sam nodded as Jude turned to her.

"No you don't." Jude assured her.

"I do." Sam nodded as Jude looked at her, "I didn't have the best upbringing. I had your dad and Dean when I was a child. I was on my own and I struggled for money so… I guess I grew this reputation with men-"

"Yeah you were a prostitute. We know." Jude nodded bluntly as Sam looked at her.

"Ok, maybe in… official terms, I was." Sam nodded, "But there were times that I wasn't, but… that didn't matter to some guys. They did it anyway." She said as Jude looked at her, "Or I'd be blackout drunk and they took that as my consent." She said, "Yes, I was mostly aware of it, and I did it for the money, but that was in my control. I said when I said where I said who." She said, "And some guys took that control from me." She nodded.

"I didn't know that." Jude shook her head as Sam nodded.

"Not many people do." Sam said.

"Do you remember it?" Jude asked, sitting up a little and turning into Sam on the couch. It was the first time she'd really felt like someone could understand what she was feeling like.

"Yeah, some of it." Sam nodded, "I'm grateful for the ones I don't." She said.

"I don't know what's worse, knowing what happened to me or not." Jude shook her head, "And now there's pictures of it-"

"Pictures?" Sam shook her head.

"Yeah Karen came over earlier. The detective on the case. She said they'd searched the house that I'd came from and they found my underwear, and also pictures of me… whilst I was being attacked."

"My God…" Sam sighed.

"I'm going in to look at them tomorrow." Jude nodded as Sam turned to her.

"Do you really wanna see them?" Sam questioned.

"If it helps me understand what happened to me. Part of me still doesn't believe it but if I see it then maybe… maybe it'll sink in and then I can deal with it." Jude nodded quickly.

"Baby, I don't think you're ready to see something like that right now." Sam shook her head, "And I truly don't think seeing these pictures is gonna help you in anyway."

"I can't stand the not knowing." Jude said, "I just feel so empty. This person has took so much from me and I don't even remember it. It's just a feeling." She said as Sam nodded.

"I know." Sam nodded, "But if you see those pictures, you will not unsee them." She said as Jude looked at her.

"I know that, I'm not stupid." Jude said.

"Who does the house belong to? Did they say?" Sam asked.

"Some guy called Vincent Monroe. He's in his late forties." Jude nodded, "But he's apparently out of town so it might not even be him. Karen said they would be treating him as a suspect, though. They're trying to find him and get a hold of him. They're also finding people who may have access to his house."

"Sounds like they're really working around the clock." Sam said as Jude nodded.

"Yeah, they are. And yet, I think my family are doing the same, separately." Jude said.

"What do you mean?" Sam questioned.

"Don't act like you don't know my dad and what he's like. He's the king of doing stupid things." Jude shook her head.

"He's also your father who loves you so much. He just wants to help." Sam nodded, "I think everyone just… doesn't really know what to say to you right now."

"Yeah, I can tell." Jude said, "I just want it all to go away. I want to go away. Disappear." She nodded.

"Well you can't." Sam said firmly, "Instead you can be here and watch them take down the bastard who did this to you. He'll be locked forever and you can live your life knowing you'll never be as lonely and cold as whoever this person is-"

"I also have to live my life knowing what he did to me." Jude said as Sam nodded.

"I know." Sam sighed, "I know." She pulled Jude into her for a couch cuddle as Jude leaned into her, "I promise you, it won't feel like this forever." She whispered, playing with Jude's hair as she rested into her shoulder.