Chapter 61.

The dark chamber was horribly familiar. The floor was slick with undried blood and there was a vast array of knives for him to choose from, but one stood out. One had not been there during his actual time in Hell. Dean picked up the angel blade and looked at the bright metal, too clean for Hell.

He heard footsteps behind him. He didn't need to turn. He had heard those steps every day for forty years. Alistair stopped just behind him and said, "Do you like it?"

Dean didn't answer. He wanted to stab behind him and kill Alistair, but he knew he would fail, just as he failed every day to fight. Hell had stolen his will, broken his spirit. Here, he was nothing.

"It's an angel blade." said Alistair, "I know you're tired of the usual victims, so I have something special for you today. We captured an angel. He was trying to save you. He thought there was something left to save. Show him otherwise."

Two demons came through the door, holding Castiel's arms. They pushed him into the room. Dean wasn't sure whether it was really Cas or another demon trick, but he felt his hand rising to brandish the blade he held. "No." he said. He forced the hand back down.

"Are you afraid?" said Alistair.

Dean tried to back away, but Alistair pushed him forward. He slipped on the blood-drenched floor. He almost fell. Cas caught his shoulder and stopped him. Dean looked into his eyes. "Cas?" he said.

"Don't be afraid." said Cas, "We're with you."

"I won't cut you." said Dean.

"If you don't," said Alistair, "You can go back on the rack today."

Dean felt his hand raise the blade again. "No." he said, but the hand moved forward and Cas let out a gasp of pain as the blade cut a thin line down his cheek. Grace glowed within the cut. "No." said Dean again, trying to turn the blade aside, but unable to do it. Another glowing cut appeared across Cas's forehead and the blue eyes closed and then opened again.

"You're not trying!" said Alistair, "Remember all that I taught you."

"No." said Dean, his voice failing, his strength all but gone. His hand, against his will, stabbed the blade an inch into Cas's shoulder. Cas groaned. Even with one arm free, he made no attempt to resist or evade the attack.

"Fight, Cas!" he said, pulling back the blade. Cas did not even heal the wound he had left.

"No." said Cas.

"This isn't me." said Dean, "This isn't my choice. This isn't what I want to do. Whoever is writing this script, whatever sick part of me is doing this, they don't speak or act for me."

"Break the angel and I will set you free." said Alistair.

"No." said Dean.

"Why fight what you are? No is just a word. Your actions show what you really are."

Dean watched, horrified, as his hand drew the blade diagonally down Cas's torso. Cas cried out, but still didn't resist.

"If you can't break him, kill him." said Alistair.

Dean tried to turn the blade on himself, using every bit of willpower he had to do it. As the blade pointed towards him, Cas said very firmly, "Dean, no!"

"Stop this!" said Dean, "You can get us all out of here!" The blade moved up and sliced deep into Castiel's upper arm, exposing muscle. Still resisting with all his strength, Dean watched in horror as his blade, under his control but not, severed tendons. Cas's head hung down.

"Cas, Sarah, stop this!" said Dean, "Please stop this. It's over. I told you I was a monster. Don't make me keep proving it." The blade now pointed at Cas's face again. Another, long, glowing wound appeared on the same cheek. Then, without knowing why he did it, he hit Cas in the mouth with the wrong end of the angel blade three times.

"No! No! No!" shouted Dean.

Cas sank to his knees. Dean dropped the blade and then dropped to his knees too. "Cas, it's okay. I stopped it. No more torture. No more." He tried to help Cas up, but neither of them seemed to have the strength. "Don't die, Cas." he said, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

Cas looked at him. A faint smile came to the broken and battered lips. "Dean, these are not your sins. These are your wounds."

Dean fell face down on the ground, sobbing. He felt Sarah's hand, stroking his hair. He heard Cas say quietly, "You must forgive yourself."

"No." said Dean, "It's not that easy."

"I know." said Cas, "But you must."

"We love you." said Sarah, "We'll help you."

He woke. Sarah was in a chair, Cas sitting on the edge of the bed. For a while, he couldn't speak and they seemed to be in no hurry to. Eventually, he said to Cas, "Did you feel all of that?"

"Never mind that." said Cas, "How do you feel?"

"Like I just got dropped from a great height." said Dean, "Look, both of you, thanks for going through that with me."

"We should let you rest now." said Sarah.

"I'd better go to our room. Sam will worry if I'm not there when he wakes up." They all stood up.

"Do you want me to come and zap you?" said Cas.

"No. I'm wiped out. I don't think sleep is going to be a problem. Are you okay, Cas?"

"Perfectly." said Cas.

Dean hugged him. "I hope that's true."

"I'm going to bed." said Sarah, "You boys get some rest and I'll see you both at breakfast."

Dean kissed her cheek. "Thanks, Sarah. Thanks for trying to save me. Whether it works or not, I ... "

"Dean, I'm not giving up until we succeed, so forget all the whether it works or not nonsense."