Okay, so here's chapter 56. This one is a little angsty. I cried writing it, but I've also been an emotional mess for the better part of three weeks. So... enjoy.
Olivia let out a cry and fell back into the bed, panting, moaning as Trevor finished inside her. He rolled off of her and she curled up next to him. "Oh, that was so good."
Trevor mindlessly stroked her hair. "Yeah."
She could tell something was off with him. Something had been off all week. "Trev, what's wrong?"
He couldn't meet her eyes. "Nothing, I'm fine."
Olivia cautiously sat up and looked at him. "You're not. Talk to me."
Trevor took a deep breath and shook his head. "Nothing to talk about."
She let out a breath. "You're lying, Trevor, and I know you are. We just made love and you're— you're going to lie to me?"
He ran his hand down his face. "I don't want to have this conversation right now. I'm not in the mood. For any of it. Sex, talking, none of it."
Olivia suddenly felt exposed and covered up with a blanket. "I didn't hear you complaining before."
Trevor glared at her. "Most men don't complain when their wives want to fuck like porn stars." The next thing he felt was her palm on his cheek. He saw her sitting there with tears in her eyes, her lip quivering. "Really? Liv, I—"
She cut him off. "No. You shut your mouth. I told you in Chicago, the next time you called me a porn star I was gone. Give me one reason not to get up, get the kids and walk out of this god damned apartment."
He sat up so they were eye to eye. "You love me."
Olivia let out a sardonic laugh. "You're right. I love you. You are the love of my life, Trevor. You always will be; even if I'm no longer yours. The only thing I value more than you and our kids is my self respect." She got up and put on pajamas, grabbing her pillow. "I can't look at you right now." She walked out of the room, closing the door, hard, behind her, storming off into one of the guest rooms, closing and locking the door, sitting against the headboard as tears started to stream down her face, after what felt like years, she finally cried herself to sleep.
Trevor sighed and rolled over, his back facing the door and he fell asleep. In the middle of the night he rolled over and reached for Olivia, and all he felt was the cold mattress, remembering the fight they had, he rolled onto his back. "Damn it," he punched the pillow and let out a breath. He got up and walked out to the kitchen, seeing her looking in the refrigerator. "Liv?"
She pulled out a bottle of water. "Don't," she started to walk away, back to the guest room. He reached out and grabbed her arm and she jerked it away. "Don't you dare fucking touch me." The tears had dried and left behind a fire in her eyes. "You lost that right when you decided to yet again call me a porn star."
He sighed. "Can we talk?"
Olivia looked at him and shook her head. "Now? Now you want to talk? I was begging you to talk before and all I got was called a name you know hurts me. No. We can't talk. I still don't even want to look at you. You hurt me Trevor. You're allowed to have a bad day, okay, I get it. Hell, you can have a bad god damned month, but what you don't get to do is call me names, and act like an asshole because of it.
"And as for you not being in the mood earlier," she bit back tears. "Maybe I initiated it, but you told me how sexy I was and how much you wanted me." She bit her bottom lip. "I'm going in the guest room, because I'll be damned if I let you see me cry." She turned and walked away, closing the door to the guest room, locking the door, crawling into bed, wrapped in blankets. She cried herself to sleep again, a restless fitful sleep she remained in for the rest of the night. She woke up to a knock on the bedroom door, she looked at the clock, it was after eleven. She walked to the door and opened it a crack, seeing Trevor. "Here to call me some more names?"
Trevor shook his head. "Olivia, I'm so sorry. I never should have taken what I was feeling out on you."
She let out a breath and walked over to the bed. "You wanted to hurt me," she whispered, laying on the bed, wiping her eyes.
He sat next to her. "I'm sorry. Liv, the words don't exist to express how sorry I truly am. What can I do to show you?"
Olivia sat up. "Tell me what the hell is going on. Help me understand why last night happened, because I know how much you love me and that man… the man that said those things to me wasn't you. I'm scared," she whispered and felt tears fall from her eyes.
Trevor tentatively wiped her eyes and kissed her forehead, grateful she didn't pull away. "Yesterday was my dad's birthday. I, uh… I can usually handle it better, but yesterday, this whole past week has just been… unbearable. Maybe because now, I'm a dad, and I don't want to be like him. I lashed out, and I shouldn't have. Forgive me?"
She rested her head on his shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He shrugged. "I was already so angry, and talking about it wouldn't have helped. He makes me angry and he's been gone for so long."
Olivia wrapped him in her arms and held him tight. "I'm sorry I slapped you," she caressed his face. "And you, Trevor Langan, are nothing, nothing, like your father." She kissed his cheek and stroked his hair. "What can I do?" she asked him softly.
Trevor wrapped her in his arms. "Can I kiss you?"
She smiled and leaned in slowly, their lips finding the other's. She felt his hand in her hair and she let out a gentle moan. She broke the kiss, her chest heaving. "Where are the kids?"
He ran his hands over the outside of her thighs. "With Mom," he whispered and kissed her again, kissing over her jaw and down her neck.
Olivia let out a moan. "Oh, that feels so good." She closed her eyes. "Mm," she lifted his chin and kissed his lips again. "We were only fighting for what, twelve hours? And I miss you so much," she whispered and caressed his face.
Trevor turned his head and kissed her palm. "I miss you, too." He wrapped his arms around her. "And for the record, Liv, you will always be the love of my life, even if I'm in a bad mood," he whispered and ran his thumbs along her skin above the waistband of her shorts, under her shirt.
She felt tears run down her face. "You mean it?" She asked, seeing him nod. "Oh, baby," she wrapped her arms around him and cried into his shoulder. After a few minutes she pulled away and looked at him. "Make love to me. Slow and passionate, I want to feel you, all of you."
He took her shirt off over her head, laying her down and kissing her passionately, massaging her breasts, hearing her moan. "God, I love you so much," he whispered, kissing over her torso, running his finger under the waistband of her pajama shorts. "I want to do this right, I want to leave you screaming my name, gasping for air. I want you to feel every ounce of love I have for you, I never want you to think you aren't the love of my life again."
Olivia felt him slip her shorts and panties over her hips, down her legs, letting out a breath. "Touch me," she whispered. "Please, touch me." She arched her back. "You haven't even touched me much yet and I'm ready to come. I want to come for you," she begged and felt him on top of her.
Trevor kissed down her body and spread her legs, his fingers running over her clit lightly in a circle. "Over and over, Liv. Over and over."
She gasped and closed her eyes. "Trevor!" She massaged her breasts. "Oh, my God yes!"
He smirked. "Now, I want you to tell me you love me over and over until you come for me."
Olivia let out a shaky breath. "I love you," she pushed her hips up into his hand. "I love you," she cried out. "I— I love— you. Oh!" She let her eyes roll back. "I… love… Trevor!" She cried as her orgasm took over her body. "Baby!" She fell against the bed and pulled him into a passionate kiss.
Trevor kissed her and felt her push his boxers down and take him in her hand. He broke the kiss and looked into her eyes. "You're sure?"
She smiled and nodded. "Your fingers are nice, but I need to feel you. All of you."
He kissed her softly and pulled her leg around his waist, slowly pushing into her, their eyes closing and letting out a moan. He paused a moment before he started a slow, steady rhythm, his thrusts powerful. He kissed her softly as he moved inside of her. He broke the kiss and looked into her eyes. "You are absolutely beautiful."
Olivia moaned and arched her back into him. "Trevor!" She cried and felt her second orgasm that morning coming on strong. "Oh, my God!" She moaned loudly and let herself feel every ounce of pleasure coursing through her veins.
Trevor let out a moan, feeling her clench around him. "Oh, fuck!" He thrust a few more times inside of her before releasing inside of her, allowing them both to ride out their climaxes before he collapsed on top of her, kissing her fiercely.
She broke the kiss and let out a moan. "Trevor," she whispered. "My God," she smiled and nuzzled into him, tears in her eyes. "God, I've missed you," tears started to stream down her face. "Trev, promise me… promise me you'll talk to me from now on, instead of lashing out at me." Her lip quivered. "I can't keep doing this, Trevor. I can't keep being hurt by the man I love more than anything in the world. It hurts too much. So, instead of calling me a porn star," she let out a sob. "Talk to me about what is going on in here," she whispered, brushing his temple. "And I know… I know we're gonna fight. It's normal. But it shouldn't resort to name calling, Trevor. We shouldn't intentionally be trying to hurt each other."
He wiped her eyes and rolled off of her, holding her close. "I promise. God, I promise. I am so sorry I hurt you. I swear to you, I will never hurt you again, not intentionally."
Olivia wiped her eyes. "I will walk away next time. No matter how much I love you, I'll take the kids and I will walk away. I won't live in a marriage where I'm always getting hurt. I won't raise my kids in that kind of a household." She shook her head. "But know, that no matter what, you are the love of my life. You're it for me."
Trevor nodded. "You have every right to walk away. I don't want to be my father, I don't want to hurt you, emotionally or any other way," he kissed her forehead. "You are my one and only, Olivia. If anything were to happen to us, I'd never have another woman that I love."
She looked up at him. "Then think before you speak. Please. I don't want to leave you, Trevor. I never want that. But… I don't want to have to guess when the next time you're going to call me the thing you know cuts deeper than any knife. You could call me anything else, call me a bitch all you want, just not a porn star, okay?"
He looked down at her. "You're not a bitch. And you're not a porn star. You are my beautiful wife, who I've been in love with longer than I can remember." He caressed her face. "Forgive me?"
Olivia ran her hands down his chest. "Yes. I forgive you. This time," she whispered and kissed him softly. "I love you, Trevor."
Trevor smiled. "I love you, Olivia." He nuzzled her nose. "Come back to our bed?"
She grinned. "God, please." She chuckled. "Our bed is so much more comfortable than this one," she sat up. "And hold me, when we get back to our bed, hold me, because I'm exhausted, and I don't know how to sleep without you anymore. Hold me so I can get some decent sleep?"
He kissed her forehead. "Come on, let's go get some sleep," he whispered and helped her up, picking her up and carrying her into their bedroom, laying her down and climbing in behind her, wrapping her in his arms, kissing the back of her head. "I love you," he whispered. "So much."
A/N: Thanks for reading! Leave a review, here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). By the Book is set to be updated next. I have it about halfway done. See you soon!