Chapter 77.
Cas ate a small piece of cake, mostly to please Sarah, then he said to her, "We should dance, Sarah. I always dance with you on my birthday."
"You make me sound like a great tradition." she said.
"Of course you are." he said, leading her over to the dance area.
As they began to dance to the fast music of Mark and Paul, she said, "Are you happy?"
"Very." he said, "I have so many good friends."
"No more than you deserve, my dear. Tell me, how much do you miss the coat?"
"I miss it." he said, "Without it, I feel naked, but there are times when being naked is not a bad thing."
"Yes, I remember you naked among the bees." she said.
"I think the humans are happier that I am somewhat more exposed than usual." he said, "I think the coat may have seemed a barrier to them. Jules thinks I look good in these clothes."
"Do you want to keep them?" she said.
"I doubt I'll have another occasion to wear them." said Cas.
"There will be other parties." she said.
"True. Yes, then, I would like to keep them."
She stopped dancing, raised her voice and said to the assembled company, "Anyone who likes the clothes they are wearing can keep them!"
The reaction was a happy one and Cas realised how much the gift meant to people who had so little to call their own. He saw Jules smiling and felt very pleased that she would wear the lovely skirt and top again.
Sarah started dancing again and he joined her. She smiled at him. "Jules is very pretty."
"Yes, she is." he said, "She thinks I'm depressed."
"I've been telling you that for a long time." she said.
"I know."
"Are you getting close to considering the possibility?"
"I'm considering all kinds of possibilities." he said.
"Good. I love you very much, but angels are slow to change their minds."
"We can be." he admitted.
"Sam suggested I should take both you and Dean away from here for a while. Maybe both of you could make some progress."
"If I am depressed and not realistic, all I need to do is ignore the thoughts that tell me there is no hope. That's all the progress I need."
"Castiel, dear, depression is a lot more complex than you think. So are you. Just talk about it with Dean. You know you are always welcome at the farm." She nodded to Jules and added, "Or you may have something that keeps you here. I'm very happy that you're now able to question your negative view of the future."
"I concede that it may not be rational." he said.
"That's a big concession from you." she said, "I'm relieved somebody was able to make you hear what I couldn't."
"I heard you, always." he said.
"Do you know what's troubling Sam?" she said.
"No, but I know something is. Have you asked him? He seems able to talk to you when he can't say anything to us."
"I asked, he was evasive. I'm worried about him. I mean, I always worry about Sam. He just takes everybody's burdens on himself and nobody can do that forever, but now, it seems he's trying to handle everything alone and there's so much pressure building I can practically hear him fizzing." He must have looked concerned, because she quickly said, "Metaphorically."
"Ah." he said.
"So if you are sticking around here while Dean is away, you watch Sam for me."
"And will you also tell him to watch me for you?" said Cas.
"Yes, I will." she said.
The dance ended and she hugged him. Even though he was only in the shirt, it felt nothing like as intense as when Jules touched him. His conclusions were generally evidence-based, since he had no reason for blind faitn now and the evidence suggested that it was Jules and his relationship with her that made her touch feel so powerfully exciting.
"Do you think angels can fall in love?" he asked Sarah.
"Do you think an angel is?" she said.
"I don't know." he said, "There are thoughts in my head that have never really been there before. What happens if you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you the same way?"
"You get very unhappy, very fast, but it's survivable. Do you know that she doesn't feel the same way?"
"I can't read my own mind on this. Don't ask me to read hers."
"You could ask Dean to help. Take off the talismans and let him see your thoughts about her. He seems to know the boy/girl thing pretty well."
"World-class expert." said Cas, "But I don't think he would agree to that."
"And you won't ask him?" she said.
"No, I won't. The mind curse has hurt him enough."