AN: "Hey, idk if you're taking requests but would 8 be able to request a Royai fic in which Roy is temporarily host to lust somehow and he attempts to kill Riza, when he comes round he feels awful for what he tried doing? If not feel free to ignore this honey bun " - anon

WARNING: graphic descriptions of violence

"Sir." Lust scoffed at her choked pleading. His hand twisted in that pesky Lieutenant's stomach, enjoying the feeling of bone and sinew crushing and tearing with his claws. There wasn't much Lust remembered from before his new form, but there was a hatred deep inside of him for this woman. Father had partly filled him in on what had transpired before he'd achieved his new form, however Lust had been marvelling too much at his new abilities to care.

"Roy." That broken whisper made her stop. Lust's body jerked unexpectedly as a force in his mind pounded against its restraints. Scowling, Lust recognised the Colonel's consciousness. Lust had stolen his body but it was his now and no insignificant human was going to take it away from him.

Lust twisted his hand again, tearing it out of her stomach. He watched coldly as blood spattered on the floor and the Lieutenant's body fell, landing hard and awkwardly. One arm was bent at an odd angle. There was a gaping hole in her stomach from her wound. Clutching her hands to it, the Lieutenant met Lust's eyes, her own wide as blood trickled out of the corner of her mouth and down her neck.

"Roy… I'm sorry…" she whispered.

Lust stared into her eyes with a wolfish grin, right as the light faded from them –

Roy jerked upright in bed, panting. A yell was pulled from deep inside of him as his brain tried to distinguish between what was a dream and what was reality. He was in darkness. His limbs were trapped and barely moved as he panicked and tried to escape the terror of what he'd just seen.

His eyes adjusted to the darkness and his breathing and heart rate began to slow. He was in his bedroom. He was safe, but what about her? That nightmare had shaken him to his core. He could still feel her blood coating his hands. Looking down, he scanned his hands as he turned them over, finding no marks or discolouration in the dim light.

"Roy?" His head jerked to the left. Riza's tired and confused voice from beside him in the bed made his heart rate kick back up again.

He'd killed her.

Pushing himself violently out of bed, Roy stumbled for the bathroom in the darkness and unintentionally slammed the door closed in his haste. His vomit hit the porcelain of the toilet with a wet slap and Roy hoped and prayed that he didn't miss.

Fumbling for the light switch once he was done, he pulled the cord and blanched as the white light blinded him. His eyes met the ones in his reflection. He looked awful. Sweat drenched his pale skin, mouth slick with bile. His hair was plastered to his forehead at the front but stuck up messily in the back. The purple bags underneath his eyes seemed darker in the harsh light, the tired lines underneath them spelling out the truth of how tired he was.

Riza had been apart from him all week. Returning to work after the Promised Day was… difficult. The team had been questioned by Grumman about all that had transpired during the coup along with everything they knew about the homunculi so the Fuhrer could put it in an official report. Riza's meetings went on for longer as she was Bradley's assistant. Also, technically she was still the Fuhrer's assistant when she returned to work, so in order to process her report quickly, she'd been working with Grumman all week. Returning to her own apartment made more sense because it was closer to HQ, and Roy wouldn't deny her that. She was still recovering after all, and while she'd definitely returned to work earlier than she should of - Roy was convinced of that - she still exhausted herself easily. He wouldn't ask her to go through the extra travel.

Despite them being apart, the new Fuhrer reassured Roy the team would return to his side, should they request it, however, that would come in time. Fuhrer Grumman wanted to avoid even more unrest within the military, so opted to let some time pass before suddenly moving staff around. Everyone's trust in the military was shaken - even the soldiers. Rumours of staff being moved would unsettle them even more at this time, and Grumman needed the front of stability and trust in order to win the people's favour.

Although Roy understood Grumman's seasonings, after seeing Riza almost die before his eyes and being powerless to stop it, this week had been incredibly difficult. In the month they'd had off from work they'd barely been apart. They stayed at his apartment and didn't venture far. They had no reason to while they were still recovering.

Nights apart meant nightmares plagued him. They ranged from different horrors, and tonight's was a reminder of the time Lust had almost killed her. Only this time, he was the homunculus. At the time Roy hadn't been too sure what he'd walked in on, however Alphonse had told him all that happened during that conversation with Lust. The young alchemist had been worried for Riza, and Roy didn't blame him. Bless him, Alphonse had quietly asked if Roy could keep a close eye on her after the incident.

He still remembered the dulling of her eyes…

There was a quiet knock at the bathroom door as he swallowed another bout of vomit. "Roy?" Riza called softly to him. She still sounded tired. It would be unfair of him to pretend he was fine. They were both so past beyond that at this point. She'd seen him multiple times at his absolute worst and they shared everything. Insisting he was all right would be an insult to her. However he didn't even want to remember the dream, never mind admit it out loud. "Are you all right?" Her concern broke through the sleep in her voice.

"Just… Give me a minute?" he asked, cringing at the sound of his voice. It sounded so hoarse. Staring at the bathroom door, he silently pleaded in his head that she would grant him this. Riza wasn't one to pester, however he just needed a few moments to himself.

"Of course," she yawned.

"Go back to bed. I'll be out in a bit."

There was a brief pause then the sound of footsteps away from him. Letting out a quiet sigh at the opportunity to compose himself, Roy turned back to face his reflection in the mirror. There was a small hope that she'd be asleep before he returned, but Roy knew wishing that would be futile. She'd sit awake in bed all night waiting for him to make sure he was all right.

Monster. You don't deserve her.

Well that was something he would admit out loud to anyone. It was a nightmare but it was so vivid. He'd been there. He'd killed her. It had been so real. Roy clenched his hands into fists, swallowing hard. There was nothing on them, but he couldn't leave that room without washing his hands. For Riza's sake, he brushed his teeth.

"What was it this time?" she asked quietly after he'd turned and closed the bathroom door. The room was still in darkness. She hadn't turned on any lights and to be honest, Roy preferred that. He couldn't look into the eyes of the woman he loved, remembering how he'd killed her. Roy didn't think he'd be able to look into her eyes again after that particular nightmare.

"Nightmare." Riza sighed at his vagueness. "Sorry." He admitted defeat. He still couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. It was still raw. "I just –"

"Roy," she called softly. "Come here." He was still standing by the door. She urged him again, sitting up in bed. Tentatively, he approached, watching as her dark form rose onto her knees. Her arms opened and although Roy wanted to run to them for comfort, he couldn't.

He'd killed her.

He couldn't touch her after that.

Riza's arms dropped when he stopped just out of reach. Nobody moved and Roy didn't even breath, anticipating her next move.

Slowly, like she was approaching a spooked animal, Riza moved to the edge of the bed on her knees. Her hands found his shoulders, putting gentle pressure on them. Roy stiffened, so she stopped. Finally feeling him relax underneath her touch, her hands slid around the back of his neck. His breathing deepened as he felt his emotions build up within him. Gently, she pulled him against her and Roy's walls broke. The tears began to fall as his arms wrapped tightly around her. He didn't deserve to hold her but all his life he had taken more than he deserved to – lives, futures, children from their parents, and happiness from being with Riza – that now it was an incredibly bad habit. He was selfish. He was a monster. He didn't deserve the comfort.

Riza ran a hand through his hair and hushed him gently as he cried. His face was buried in the crook of her neck, tears wetting her pyjama top.

Stop. You don't deserve this –

"It's okay," she soothed. "Whatever it was, it was just a dream. You're okay. I'm okay." She'd always been very good at reading him. "What was it?" she asked after a moment's pause. The question was quiet and soft, so not to spook him.

"I…" Roy took a deep breath, reigning in his emotions so he could formulate some kind of response. "I was Lust… and you –"

"It's okay," she interrupted him. "I can gather the rest."

"I'm sorry," he choked out. Roy's face buried deeper into the crook of her neck. "I'm so sorry."

"Roy, you did nothing wrong. I'm right here. Look." Hands guided his head off of her. His face remained trapped between her hands, her thumbs stroking his cheeks as she smiled at him softly in the moonlight. "I'm alive. I'm healthy. I'm fine."

A deep breath escaped past his lips, followed by another. A gentle nod was all it took for Riza to lean forward and kiss his cheek, before straightening and holding his head against her chest. Her heart thumped loudly underneath his ear.

"See?" she whispered. "I'm alive."

Arms wrapped around her waist tightly. "I just feel so horrible –"

"That's what nightmares do. But you did nothing. I'm alive."

Roy pulled away, this time with his hands cradling her cheeks gently. He pulled her in for a kiss, his face scrunching up as she wrapped her arms around his neck. After pulling away, he pecked her again then pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you," he whispered.

She smiled. "That's what I'm here for."

No matter how much she reassured him it was okay, Roy still didn't feel like he deserved to hold her. However, as always she'd calmed him down and gotten him to open up. The panic and terror had left him for now, but that nightmare would stay with him for a long time to come. That feeling of guilt at what he'd done in his dream would stay for even longer.