Chapter 78.
Dean turned from watching Paul start to play another tune to find Sarah beside him. "I know." he said, "Time is running out and you want me to dance with you."
"Or with anyone else." she said.
"I danced with Mom." he said.
"I know and then you stopped."
"And dancing with her is easier than dancing with you."
"Why is that?" she said.
He paused before answering. He wanted to be honest. More than that, he wanted to know. "I think because that's like escaping into the past. Whenever life got hard in the Momless years, I would think about her, about her hugs, her smiles, the pies. Dancing with her feels the same. I can't really ask her for hugs now. Can't ask her to hold my hand. I can dance with her, though and that's kinda like both together."
"Why can't you ask?" she said.
"Because I'm Dean Winchester. Trust me, it's a tough gig."
"Well, Dean Winchester, you can ask me for a hug or to hold your hand anytime you like. I'm just a sad old lady who misses her son. You'd be doing me a favour."
"You need to be careful, sad old lady, because if you encourage me, I'll follow you home like a stray dog."
"There's nobody outside right now. How about we dance out there, just us, no witnesses."
"Last time I danced with you ... "
"It will get easier with time." she said. She took his arm and led him outside. The grills were cooling and the music was clearly audible out there.
"You know, if you ever wanna talk about Carl, or your husband, or anything at all, I always answer my phone."
"Yes, you do and I appreciate it. For now, though, I need to help the living."
"Not sure I'm in that category. Is there one for just existing?"
"You just summed up why you need me." she said.
They started to dance. He tried to concentrate on the steps, but all he could think of was that she wanted to save him and he wanted that to be possible, but still couldn't convince himself. He thought he could hear the shards of his oft-broken heart, jingling against each other in his chest. Deeper down, in his stained, tormented soul, Alistair was laughing at him for pretending to be human. The pain felt physical. He drew in a sudden breath, feeling as if his chest refused to receive it.
"How bad?" she said.
"Bad." he said.
"Keep dancing." she said.
"I don't think I can." he said.
She swung him around, keeping him moving, her strength a surprise to him, driven by all that stubborn old lady energy. "That car of yours, how fast can she go?"
"How fast do you want her?" he said, "That engine is in perfect condition and she'll do whatever I want."
Suddenly, from inside the garage, they both heard Cas laugh.
"Wow." said Dean.
"It's like hitting the jackpot, isn't it?" she said.
"I don't hear that sound nearly enough." he said.
She looked into the dance in there. "He's watching Jack and Maggie." she said.
"You did this. You gave him tonight. I can never, ever repay you as you deserve."
"You're still dancing, Dean and that's all I could ask."
"It's not too bad now." he said.
"One day, it will be fun." she said.
"Fun seems a long time ago." he said.
"I know. When I started dancing again, I couldn't even remember having fun or feeling anything but loss and numbness and fear."
"How did you make yourself try?"
"I looked at the photo of Carl and I did it for him. You have more than photographs. You still have people who love you. You have Sam. You have Castiel. You have your mother and Jack and, for as long as the old ticker keeps on ticking, you have me."
"I've been thinking about what I'll do if I really am going crazy." he said.
"Waste of time. You're very sane."
"Yeah, tell that to Sam."
"Sam agrees with me." she said.
"He does?"
"He does." The music stopped. She held his hands a moment longer. "Well done, my dear!"
"The car stuff, that was to distract me."
"To pull you out of a downward spiral by filling your head with more positive things." she said.
Sam came out from the garage. "Dean, there's an argument going on about which of us dances better."
"I'm happy to say it's you, Twinkle Toes." said Dean.
"They're talking endurance and I said, since I'm the better hunter, I must win on endurance."
"On what planet are you the better hunter?" said Dean.
"On any planet with something to hunt." said Sam.
"You might need to fight this one out." said Sarah.
"Did you set this up?" Dean asked her.
"I doubt it. That sounds pretty Machiavellian for a sweet old lady."
"Yeah, sweet old lady my ... "
"Dean! I'll tell Mom." said Sam.
"Is Cas in this fight?" said Dean.
"Cas says as an angel, it would be unfair."
Dean followed his brother into the garage. Mark and Paul were standing on a table and two other tables had been cleared and moved closer. "I hear I have something to prove." he said.
A cheer went up from the crowd. Cas was watching and smiling, with Jules right beside him. Sam had already jumped onto one table. Dean pounced catlike onto the other. This didn't feel emotionally dangerous. Competition with his brother felt easy and natural. He saw Sarah coming over to watch and he saluted her. Mark and Paul began to play, slowly at first, but with a swiftly increasing tempo.