This is a request that has been awaited for a while. A parody of the episode: Squilliam Returns

Also, this takes place after the LH episode: Can't Hardly Wait

At Royal Woods High School, Lori and Leni were chatting in the hallway as school was over.

"Well Leni, I'm off to work at Dad's restaurant. And let me just say, there will come a day when I'll make something better of my life and make great success!"

A real life footage of a cheering crowd appears behind Lori.

"Good for you Lori." Leni said. "I'll meet you outside."

The crowd disappears.

"Ok." Lori walks outside as Leni cleans her locker. Lori sees Carol chatting with a group of friends.

"I've never actually been to the Prince Palace." Carol said to Whitney.

"The steak is to die for." Whitney said.

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Lori asked.

"We were planning on going to the Prince Palace." Carol explained. "It's a fancy restaurant."

"Wait, why don't you come to Lynn's Table?"

"Lynn's Table?" Whitney said. "That place isn't fancy."

"Yeah, haven't you heard, Lori?" Becky said.

"Heard what?"

"That fancy restaurants are the new sign of popularity." Dana said.

"Yeah Lori, Lynn's Table is low rated compared to fancy restaurants." Carol said.

Lori didn't like hearing that insult about her father's restaurant, so she decided to lie. "Oh. Actually...Lynn's Table got upgraded to a five star restaurant. Yeah, I'm the manager of a five star restaurant!"

Her friends gasped.

"Lori, I had no idea you were such a success." Carol said.

"That's right." Lori boasted.

"And I would be honored if you would allow me to come to your restaurant...tonight."

Lori's face froze in extreme shock. "T-t-t-t-t-tonight?"

"In fact, we'll all come. My treat!"

The group cheers. Lori is still frozen in shock.

At Lynn's Table, Lori was in the kitchen with her Dad. Luna was also there, getting a snack.

"Please Dad, you've gotta help me!" Lori begged. "When they get here tonight, they're going to see I'm just a big phony and a loser!"

"Aww, boo hoo!" Luna mocked. "Let me play a sad song for you on the world's smallest violin."

Luna rubs her fingers and plays a violin note.

"Luna, this is serious!"

"I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. See?" Luna showed her a tiny violin.

"Dad, please let me turn this place fancy so I can really impress Carol!"

"Wait, Carol?" Lynn Sr. said. "You mean that girl you used to compete with and then you became friends with?"

"Yeah, her."

"Why didn't you say so? Any friend of a Loud member can be the guest of honor."

Lynn Sr, Lincoln and Leni are standing straight in a line. Lori is walking back and forth in a white fancy dress.

"Alright, listen up." Lori instructed. "Guys, Carol Pingrey will be here in twenty minutes. Therefore, we need to turn Lynn's Table into a fancy restaurant as soon as possible."

Then Lori notices Leni wearing an army hat. "Leni, what's with the army hat?"

Leni spoke like an army soldier. "I thought the Corps would help me straighten out my life, ma'am!"

"The Corps? What the-Leni, this isn't the...oh!" Lori sighs. "Beggars can't be choosers. Can you take hats in a dignified and sophisticated manner?"

"You mean like a weenie? Okay." Leni talks like a weenie. "May I take your hat, sir? May I take your hat, sir? May I-"

Lori shuts Leni's mouth. "Alright, I've heard enough. You've got the job."

She goes to Lynn Sr. "Dad, didn't you say you cooked fancy cuisine in middle school?"

"That's right."

"Good. Then you'll be our fancy chef." Lynn Sr. walks off.

"What can I do?" Lincoln asked.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but Lincoln, you're gonna have to be the waiter."

"Ooh, a waiter."

"Yes. Now listen, Carol is on her way and you have less than twenty minutes to become a fancy waiter, so read this." Lori hands him a book. Lincoln reads the title.

"How to become a Fancy Waiter in Less Than Twenty Minutes." Don't worry Lori, I'll memorize every page, right down to the punctuation mark." Lincoln begins reading.

"Alright, I've got all the positions filled." Lori said. "I just might pull this off!"

"Take that hat off!" Lori saw Leni shaking a coat rack with a baseball hat on it. "It's totes not fancy! Give it to me! Are you gonna hand it over or not? Don't back sass-me!"

Leni jumps on the coat rack and starts punching it. Lori gets a bit worried.

"She's just the hat check guy, nothing essential!" Then an explosion from the kitchen is heard. Green goop flies out. Lori went into the kitchen. "What happened? What is it?"

"Peas!" Lynn Sr. is seen making a can of peas. The peas are still in the can, on the stove and on fire. "Made 'em the old fashioned way."

"Dad, you gotta take them out of the-(gasps) OMG, what the heck is it?!"

Lori notices a giant goop pile of food on the grill, with flies and other things sticking out of it.

"That's the appetizer."

"But I thought you cooked fancy cuisine in middle school."

"Did I say that? No, I cooked "freaky" cuisine."

Lori went out of the kitchen to find her brother. "There you are! Lincoln, you've gotta help me! You're my last hope! Leni and Dad aren't working out, and Carol's almost here, and-and...Lincoln?"

She turns the boy around. He looks like a zombie, tired from reading all the pages.

"I can't do it. I can't do it, Lori!"

"What?"

"Every sentence, every paragraph-" Lincoln slams the book on his face between each word. "Spoons! Bread! Salad! Pepper! Don't you understand?! My brain is full to bursting! If I have to memorize a single order, I think I'm gonna explode!"

"Lincoln, hold it! Let's just take a minute to relax."

Lincoln gets a glass of lemonade and sits back in a seat. He sips his lemonade. "Ok, I'm relaxed."

"Good. Now I want you to empty your mind." Lori advised.

"Empty my mind?"

"Empty your mind."

"Empty my mind.."

"Empty your mind of everything that doesn't have to do with fine dining. Fine dining and breathing."

Inside Lincoln's head, we see a bunch of smaller Lincolns working on computers in an office. The first smaller Lincoln runs into the office. "Just got an order from the boss. Dump everything that isn't about fine dining."

"Everything?" The other Lincolns said.

"Everything!"

Everyone starts to panic and throw everything away. Smaller Lincoln #1 is bossing everyone around. Another smaller Lincoln is shredding papers, marked "Ace Savvy Comics", then "Childhood memories", then "Special Undies", and etc.

"Let's go! Let's go! Keep doing it!" Smaller Lincoln # 1 walked towards another smaller Lincoln. "Come on, let's get moving!"

He goes to another Lincoln. "Hurry up! What do you think I'm paying you for?"

"You don't pay me. We don't even exist." Smaller Lincoln # 2 said. "We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought."

"One more crack like that and you're outta here!"

"No please! This job is all I have!"

More dumping persists. We cut back to the real Lincoln, who has a blank look on his face.

"How do you feel?"

Lincoln still has a blank face.

"Lincoln?" Lori snaps her fingers in his face and he drools. "This isn't working!"

Leni is shown walking on all fours with the coat rack in her mouth.

"I gotta go tell Carol I need more time!" Lori runs out the door. "I'll just go to Carol's house and-" Carol and her friends were already here. "-Carol, you're here!"

"Hello Lori! We're all ready to be dazzled by your five star restaurant!"

"Wait Carol, I've got to explain!"

"Explain what?" Whitney said. "That you, Lori Loud, voted most likely to suck lemons in high school, (walks in) are trying to pass off a lousy barn restaurant as a five star...(gulps)...restaurant?"

The inside of the restaurant looks very professional with nice wallpaper, an orchestra, a chandelier, and other things. Whitney goes "Hommina Hommina Hommina Hommina Hommina." And Carol and Lori join in chanting "Hommina" and the others start chanting "Hommina" as well.

Lincoln comes out with a tuxedo on. "Table for Hommina? I can seat you immediately!"

"How did you do all this?" Lori whispered.

"It was easy, once I cleared my mind."

"But what about Dad and Leni?"

"Taken care of."

Lynn Sr. and Leni are gagged and tied up in the kitchen.

"Right this way please!" Lincoln manages to get everyone seated at a table, as the tables were now fancy. Lincoln went over to Carol.

"Good evening ma'am." He gives Carol a menu. "From our menu tonight, might I recommend the Lynn Sr. Steak?

He gives Carol a shoulder massage and takes her menu away. He also gives her a napkin to put around her neck and feeds her the dinner. "I guarantee you that the Lynn Sr. Steak is the most award winning steak you've eaten."

Then Lincoln explains how the steak is cooked. Carol is impressed as Lincoln gives her a royal treatment, doing all sorts of things.

"Mmm...this is fantastic!" Carol complimented.

"Thank you ma'am." Lincoln salutes.

Lori is surprised. "Pinch me, I must be dreaming." Lincoln pinches her with a pin. "Ow!"

"If you need anything else, just call." Lincoln said.

"Lincoln, I literally can't thank you enough for all you're doing!"

"Fine dining and breathing are all I know how to do." Lincoln takes a deep breath and runs off.

"It worked." Lori said. "I can't believe it. Carol thinks I run a five star restaurant. Time to brag."

Lincoln is combing Carol's hair. Lori walks up to her.

"So Carol, this restaurant is pretty amazing, isn't it?"

"Alright, I admit it." Carol said. "Everything's fabulous! The food, the atmosphere! Everything's flawless!"

"I agree, Lori!" Whitney said.

Lori went over to her. "In that case, I'll need you to read this." She gave Whitney a card.

"Oh, umm…"Lori Loud"-"

Lori hands her a foam finger with the words #1 High Schooler on her left hand. "And I need you to wear this."

"Eh, "Lori Loud has the fanciest-"

Lori puts a microphone in front of Whitney. "I'm sorry, one more time."

Whitney's voice is over the loudspeaker. "Lori Loud has the fanciest restaurant in Royal Woods...and she does not suck lemons."

The other teens cheer. Lori goes back to Carol.

"Lori, I must tell you-" Lincoln pours more water into Carol's glass and she drinks it. "Thank you. What really won me over was your cute, brilliant waiter. It's as if all he knows is fine dining...and breathing. I must know your name."

A record scratches as Lincoln looks nervous. "My name?"

"Yes, your name."

"Uhh...Caesar Salad?"

Carol chuckles. "No, your name."

"Uhh...err...the fork on the left?"

"Heh. Stop joking." Lori said sternly. "Tell her your name."

"My name?"

We zoom inside of Lincoln's brain again where all the Lincolns are searching for a name. Smaller Lincoln #3 checks file cabinets. "What's his name? What's his name? I've got nothing on his name!"

Smaller Lincoln #4 is pressing a key on a keyboard connected to a computer. "Come on baby, what's the name?!"

The computer bursts into flames. The smaller Lincolns are panicking and shouting as they run around, and papers go flying.

"We threw out his name!" The fifth smaller Lincoln yelled. The place is on fire as more Lincolns are panicking. Cuts back to Lori and Carol with Lincoln stammering for a moment.

"Is he ok?" Carol asked. Suddenly, Lincoln splashed water on her and started barking. Lori wipes her.

"I am so very sorry! I don't know what has gotten into that-" She screams as she saw her brother with a bowl of soup for Joey.

"More soup for your pants?" He dumps the hot soup into Joey's pants, making him scream in pain. He runs over to Becky with a pie.

"Please enjoy this dessert!" He throws the pie in her face. He goes to Chaz.

"Would you like some pepper on that, sir?" Lincoln uses a pepper shaker and pours pepper on Chaz, causing him to sneeze out of his seat. Everyone starts running and panicking.

"No! Nooo!" Lori cried. Then Leni, still tied up, ran out of the kitchen screaming. Lynn Sr., still tied up, runs out as well.

"Run for your lives everyone! It's the appetizer!" Lynn Sr. flies off as the appetizer, which has now come to life, bursts through the doors and roars. Everyone screams and panics. They run away through the windows and doors. Lori's dress tears in half, revealing she's still wearing her managers uniform. And her name tag says "Lori Loud: Manager".

"Care to explain, Lori?" Carol said.

Lori teared up. "Ok, I admit it, I'm a fraud! This was all a futile, pathetic attempt to impress you. I'm just the manager of this low star restaurant!"

"Wait Lori, I don't care if you don't run a fancy restaurant." Carol said. "I was just following a fancy restaurant trend to get more likes on social media. To be honest, I think Lynn's Table is better than any fancy restaurant."

"Really? Wow. Thanks Carol."

"In fact, I'll give it a five star rating." Carol gave the place a five star rating on her phone.

The others, except Whitney, came back inside.

"Hey Lori, is it ok if we give Lynn's Table a five star rating?" Chaz asked.

"Only if you guys like it for how it really is." Lori said.

"Sweet!"

"Hey, how about I get my dad to prepare dessert for us?" Lori suggested. "My treat."

The teens cheered. Lincoln walks by with an ice bag on his head. "Ugh, I've got such a headache."

Outside, Whitney is sitting on a bench, trying to wipe food stains off her shirt. She sighs. "So much for a fancy evening. It'll take forever to get these stains off."

Then Luna appears next to Whitney and plays a sad song on her tiny violin.