100 Ways

80. Is your seatbelt on?

Later that night, Barry woke up to a frantic and furious banging on his front door. Heart pounding, he flew out of bed and downstairs to find Eddie on his doorstep. Deja vu filled Barry as he stared at Eddie's red-rimmed eyes and remembered the first time Eddie had showed up at his house in the middle of the night. But this time Eddie wasn't panicked and out of his mind. Instead, there was something hard in his eyes and assuredness in the way he clenched his jaw.

"Go for a drive?" Eddie asked.

Barry nodded and closed the door behind him. The pavement was cold under his bare feet as he followed Eddie to his car. Nerves fluttered in his chest as he climbed into the passenger seat.

Eddie fired up the car and adjusted his rearview mirror. "Is your seatbelt on?"

"Yes."

Eddie began driving out of the neighborhood and eventually got onto the highway. It was silent in the car except for the noise of the road and the engine. The highway was mostly deserted, and Barry glanced at the clock to see it was 3:02am. Barry wanted to ask Eddie if he'd been awake this whole time, but he found he couldn't get his throat to work.

"I'm upset," Eddie said.

"I understand," Barry replied.

"I'm upset that you kept this from me. I'm upset that you waited this long to tell me. I'm upset that Iris left me for you. I'm upset that she never told me herself. But mostly, I'm upset that you lied to me."

"I'm sorry Eddie, I didn't—"

"I don't mean lied to me as in not told me you were texting her or that she'd told you," Eddie continued in this strange, controlled voice. "I mean you lied when you said you didn't tell me because you didn't want me to be hurt again."

"What—"

"That was a factor, yes, I believe that," Eddie said. "But you didn't tell me because you were scared, not because you were trying to protect me."

Barry didn't have a response. Yes, he was scared. He was scared of hurting Eddie. He was scared Eddie would think he wanted to leave him for Iris. He was…he was scared Eddie would hate him.

"I thought you'd hate me," Barry said. "Your relationship was ruined because of me. She left you for me. I'm the reason, I'm the cause. And then through some fluke, we got together. That shouldn't have happened. This doesn't happen to people, it's crazy."

"Yeah, it is," Eddie said. "It's fucked up. But then, it's been fucked up since the beginning."

"I know."

Barry saw a faint smile playing at Eddie's lips, and he smiled.

"And you're right, I should hate you. If it were anybody else, I'd probably want to strangle him with my bare hands. But it's not like you were conspiring to steal her from me. It's not like you were making moves and trying to get her to leave me. You were just you, and she fell for you, and I can't really blame her for that because I did the same thing."

Barry shook his head.

"I don't hate you, Barry," Eddie said. "I'm upset with you for keeping secrets from me, and I'm upset with her for how she handled everything, but I don't hate you."

Barry sighed with relief, staring out at the city passing them by.

"And for the record," Eddie said, "I choose you too. I still do."

Barry's breath caught in his throat, and he reached out and placed his hand palm up on the center console. Eddie switched to holding the steering wheel with his left hand and wrapped his free hand around Barry's.