Written for: calbeebellona. May 7th, 2019 ShieldShock humor fic.

Darcy did not expect to get much for her birthday.

Sure, her parents sent her money and her grandma called to sing to her, but birthdays were never a huge deal in her family. They weren't the wealthiest and her parents preferred to save their money for the holidays. They went all out to make every Hanukkah a week to remember.

As long as she got a cake or cupcakes to bring in for her classmates, it was fine by her. She never had good ideas for parties anyway. One girl always had her birthday at the horse ranch. Another kid's dad co-owned the skating rink. One guy in second grade thought it would be a good idea to have his party in a haunted graveyard. That one would've been a lot scarier if the 'ghost' that jumped out at them while they cut the cake wasn't clearly the kid's older brother in white face paint.

Now that Darcy was in her twenties, birthdays were even less important. They were actually kind of depressing. The big 3-0 was creeping closer, and no matter how much Jane assured her it wasn't that bad, Darcy still couldn't help but check in the mirror every now and then for gray hairs.

On the morning of her big day, she went to the kitchen for some coffee and found Steve and Bucky covered in cake frosting. The walls were stained. The oven was smoking. Not hard to put two and two together.

"Soooo…" Darcy tried not to laugh in Bucky's face as a hunk of frosting dropped from his hair to his beard. "How you doing?"

"Peachy," Bucky growled.

"Why are you covered in icing?"

"You know why."

"Why are you holding a knife?"

Bucky tightened his grip on the hilt of the foot long blade. He shot Steve an especially evil look. "He has to turn around sometime."

"Buck, I am so sorry," Steve's face was all colors of the rainbow and his body shook with the trauma of their dismal failure.

"I'm so sorry, Buck," Bucky mocked. "I am so sorry. So sorry. Fuck you and your sorry!"

He cursed in every language he knew while burning through a box of wet wipes. Leaving him to clean himself up, Darcy turned to Steve. "Getting an early start today, huh?"

He gave her the saddest sad puppy face ever. "I was trying to make you a birthday cake. It didn't turn out so well."

Darcy nodded, examining the oven for damage. She was no expert, but there were definitely a couple of things in there Jane would want to replace. "I mean, they say it's the thought that counts, so… thank you for thinking of me."

His shoulders sagged. "I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that."

"Don't know what else to say."

While normally he'd be adorable all angsty and broody, this was not a day Darcy wanted him to remember as a cringey embarrassment.

"Let me say this," she got on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, "thank you so much for trying to make me a birthday cake. You're the sweetest boyfriend a girl can ask for."

"Yeah, and I'm the idiot who agreed to help him when I should've gone back to sleep," Bucky grumbled, tossing another wipe in the trash. "Where's my kiss?"

"Sorry, buddy, not my department," said Darcy, not looking away from Steve's eyes. "What do you say we get some ice cream after you shower off, huh?"

Steve smiled. "Sounds good. Mind helping me with that?"

"Mmm… now that sounds better than any cake."

They left arm in arm, happy just to be together on this wonderful sunny day. Bucky stood alone in the sugary wasteland which had once been a kitchen. "Hey, wait a minute, who's cleaning all this up?"

Steve and Darcy did not come back, and Bucky went back to cursing as he grabbed a mop.