Severus stared at the envelope that he'd put back onto his desk. Hermione stood next to him with her hand on his shoulder. He was trembling slightly.
she moved her hand to tuck his hair behind his ear, and then stroked the back of his head. "What're you thinking about, Severus?"
He shivered and leaned into her touch. "So many terrible things have happened to me in this office... I found out that Lily was dead here. I found out that her son was a Horcrux," She observed his profile as he spoke softly. She realized his eyes moved about the room and settled in the exact spot in which he'd been sitting or standing when he found out each bit of horrible news. "I found out you three had been captured here. I realized the extent of the damage done to you at Malfoy Manor here. We've fought here. Bitterly. Twice."
She continued running her fingernails down the back of his head lightly and rhythmically. "You don't have to use the Stone here. You could use it in the Room if Requirement, and let it fall one final time when you are finished."
Severus blinked. "If I do that, where will you be?"
He truly was anxious and distracted. His keen mind was not up to its usual standards of deductions. "If you want to do that, the Room of Requirement will realize we require privacy at first, and intimacy in the end."
"You could stay with me while I use the Stone," He suggested.
"Severus..." She said softly. "Is that what you truly think you need? I... I won't even be able to see what you're seeing. It's meant to be a private thing."
He swallowed. "I know. I know I must do this alone, but..."
"No," She said quickly. "You're not doing this entirely alone. I will be there before and after, but when you see your mother..."
"I have to do the hardest part alone," He said.
"Severus..." She pleaded.
He shook his head. "No, I know. Rationally, I know, Hermione. I apologize."
She ran her fingers through his hair for a minute more, and then he stood. He grabbed the envelope and put it gently into his robes pocket. His locked eyes with her, she nodded, and then he swept from the room with her behind him, and then at his side.
They arrived at the Room of Requirement, and they gasped as two separate doors appeared. One was taller, and appeared directly in front of Severus. One was shorter, and appeared across from Hermione. He glanced about the hallway. They were alone. He turned to her quickly, in uncharacteristic desperation, and clutched her hands tightly in his.
She spoke softly to him, lowly, and calmly. "I love you, Severus. It will be painful, but it will also be beautiful. I know it in my heart of hearts. You are the strongest person I have ever met." His breaths were shaky, borderline raggedy, but he stared into her eyes intensely. "You are strong enough for this, Severus. You can do this. You deserve this."
He took a deep and shaky breath, turned away from her, dropped her hands, and stared at the door. She walked into hers. It was filled with medical and healing magazines and books. She grabbed one, sat on the large couch, listened to the fireplace crackle, and began to read to calm her own anxiety.
He looked about the hallway one more time, and then stepped to the door. Twisting the handle, he pushed the door open, and stepped into the room. It was a large, but rather empty, room, with a fireplace burning lowly behind two sitting chairs. The two chairs sat across from a couch. There were no tables, no shelves, nothing. The room was designed for conversation without distraction.
Nervously, Severus pulled the envelope from his robes and dumped the tiny obsidian stone into his left palm. He stood stiffly behind the couch. Dropping the envelope to the floor, he held the stone in between his fingertips. Three turns is what Potter had said. With shaky fingers, he turned the stone over three times and closed his eyes.
"Sev," A voice came from his left. Lily.
He had prepared for the possibility of this, but there was no way to prepare for the reality. His dark eyes opened and found those almond emeralds. Seeing her felt like getting kicked by a Hippogriff in the chest. She looked exactly as she had that night though she was wearing different clothing.
Sensing his discomfort and speechlessness, she talked. "I was there that Halloween night you visited my home. I was there when you swore to protect my only child. I was there when you saw James' face and my eyes in my son's features for the first time. I was there when you were unnecessarily cruel to him, and I was there every single night you worked tirelessly and behind the scenes to save his life. I was there that night in the Forest of Dean when your doe, my doe, led him to the sword that would help end the war. I was there when you walked into the Shrieking Shack prepared to die to atone for your mistakes. I was there that night you visited my grave in Godric's Hollow. I have been there, with you, in your heart, in every step you have made into bettering the world, and yourself, in every step you have made to correct your own mistakes and prevent others from making the same."
Her words hung in the air between them as he stared at her face. He seemed unable to look away, or really even blink. A moment of broken eye contact might make it all disappear. The fireplace crackled softly.
His mouth was dry. He cleared his throat. "I am sorry, Lily. For everything."
"Severus," She said. His name in her voice was strange. "I forgive you."
He broke eye contact and hung his head for a moment. Clutching the stone into his palm with his thumb, he leaned forward and clenched his hands over the back of the couch.
"But you knew that already. You felt it that night in Godric's Hollow at my grave, didn't you?"
He nodded. "Quite a bit different hearing it, though."
She smiled. "Yes, I'm sure it is."
He stood tall again, his healing soul shining. "I loved you. For so much of my life, I loved you, Lily, and I am sorry I never told you that while you were alive. You deserved to know that."
"I am sorry, too, that I was not the friend you deserved. You deserved forgiveness, and love. Can you forgive me for not forgiving you? It has haunted me all of these years."
He had never expected her to think that she should have forgiven him, and he definitely did not expect for her to ask his forgiveness. What he'd said was unforgivable, but his answer was torn from his chest before he'd realized he needed to say it. "Yes."
Her eyes glistened, and she smiled at him. "Thank you for protecting my son, Severus. Thank you for befriending him."
Severus stared at her. His mind still struggled to understand that it was real. Suddenly, he frowned, and looked away.
"What's wrong?"
His brow furrowed. He wanted to evade her question, but found himself compelled to answer. "For so many years, I would have done anything for a moment like this. I would have actually killed for a moment like this. I used to think of all the things I would say to you... How I would grovel, and beg, throw myself at your feet..."
She smiled, but he missed it because he was looking at his whitened knuckles over the back of the couch. "And now?" She prodded.
Again, he tried to hesitate, but was pulled to answer. "I find myself at a loss. I do not... I do not want to do any of that." He faltered, not wanting to sound more rude than he usually did. "I find myself with not much to say." His obsidian eyes locked onto her eyes.
"Do you know why that is, Severus?" She said with a soft smile. He stared at her blankly for a moment. "Because you've healed so much."
He swallowed, and then closed his eyes. "If I've healed so much, why do so many things still hurt so badly?" He said. There was hitch in his voice as he choked on the words. He clenched his teeth and looked up at the ceiling.
She moved nearer to him as he struggled to keep his composure. "It hurts so badly because it was real," She said softly. His dark eyes moved from the ceiling to her face. She looked less real once she was up close. He studied her. He could see the transparency of her otherworldly form, and it made his heart heavy. "I was there every step of the way. I experienced every moment. I'm a part of you. I will always be a part of you."
His eyes moved away from her and focused on the couch beneath his hands. She paused for a moment, but then continued speaking. "You have experienced so many terrible and traumatic things in your life. You have suffered so much, and for so much of it, you were so isolated. The things you've experienced in your life have shaped you into the man you are now, but it wasn't a gentle process. Time will help, and so will your friends, and your marriage."
His mouth went dry. "Is that the right thing to do?"
"What?"
"Marriage," He said quietly.
"You love her, and she loves you."
"It's not that simple, Lily," He growled and pushed off the couch. Stepping back and away from her he tangled a fist in his hair. "Nothing has ever been that simple for me."
"What's complicated about it then?"
He glared at her. "She's kind and wholesome - everything I could never be. Damaged by war, yes, but not broken and made bitter because of it. She is..." He closed his eyes briefly. "Lovely, in every way, and I am... Not."
Lily rolled her eyes. "You're being ridiculous."
"I'm old enough to be her father," He scowled at Lily's dismissal.
She narrowed her eyes. "Those things are not problems." He opened his mouth to argue, but she silenced him. "Shut up, will you? The problem, Severus, is that you do not think you deserve to be happy. I am telling you that you do deserve to be happy." She stared at him as he digested her words. "Once upon a time, I was your very best friend, and my opinion mattered, more than anyone else's. Please, believe me."
He swallowed hard. His eyes trailed from her face to the floor between them. He knew she was pushing her presence on him because he felt that familiar warmth in his chest. He nodded.
"My time is up... I believe there's someone else that wants to see you, Sev," She said quietly. He looked at her, and clenched his teeth. "You deserve to be happy, and the peace you will gain today will help you in that, and in your healing."
His face paled, and he nodded in silence. "Goodbye, Lil."
His childhood nickname for her made her smile. "See you, Sev," She said.