The bath was in the center of the room, steamy, and wooden benches and buckets filled with hot water were on the side. I was very uncomfortable.

What should i do ? She told me to stay but that couldn't mean she wanted to bath with me. That would be unseemly. No, she just need me to reassure her a bit longer, that must be it.

I sat on the wooden bench with her. She was still shocked, her gaze fixed on the ground and i passed my thumb on both her eyes to get the tears away. Things were hard for me too but i had to be strong enough for the both of us. Tairô had been in my unit since he was fourteen. At first, he was only the kid taking care of my haori but he grew to become the best swordsman of my team. I knew he was looking up to me, not as a father like Souji and Kondou-san, but as a warrior and as a captain and he was always trying to perfect his technique, trying to become my equal. Even when he gained responsibilities in the unit, he never forgot where he came from and was still bringing me my haori everyday, as if he was still the kid i found in the street one day and that i took in. Loosing him was as much as a tragedy for me that it was for the rest of them but i promised myself I would never cry again, a long time ago, and i am a man of my word.

Pain was violent in my chest, swirling endlessly, and i passed my arm around Chizuru. I don't know who i was trying to confort at this instant. Was it her or was it myself ? In the end, i needed her contact as much as she needed mine. He gaze lift from the floor and she plunged it in mine, passing both her arms around my body and i leaned over to deposit a gentle kiss on her mouth. She replied, moving her lips on mine slowly, tenderly. Her lips were a bit salty from all the tears she shed and i passed my tongue on it to taste it better. In response, she oppened her mouth a little and i couldn't resist to accept her invitation. Our tongues danced together and i sensed the passion i was trying so hard to refrain taking over my body.

My free hand came combing in her hair, already humid from the steam, and took away her kanzashi, releasing all of it. It came circling her face, freely, and i passed my slender fingers in it, holding it, playing with it, taking strands in my hands. My mouth left hers to come kissing her neck, up to her ear. I took the lobe between my teeth and licked it gently which made her escape a moan that snapped me back to reality.

« Chizuru... » i said with a husky, imploring voice filled with desire while continuing my trail of kissed down her neck again « if you want to stop me, you need to say so now, before i loose my mind. »

But although she tensed, she didn't. And my kisses made her moan again in a so adorable way that it made me smile as i bit gently her neck. I wanted to taste every little parcel of her body. I needed her heat, her arms, her scent and every little thing that was making her, her. Was it because of the grief or because i restrained myself for so long ? I didn't know, but my volition was slowly leaving me as my desire was growing bigger.

My hand left her hair to pull away her kimono from her shoulders and my kisses followed the curve of her neck to kiss one of her shoulder then followed her collarbone to reach the other. Her arms that were still around my stomach came combing in my hair as i kneeled before the wooden bench. My fingers came pulling on her obi and my nose continued its way down, parting the edges of her kimono and nagajuban.

I was moving very slowly, alert to anything she could say. Perhaps a part of me wanted her to stop me, so that i would not dishonor her, taint her, hurt her and take away what was remaining of her innocence. She was a treasure, my treasure, the purest thing in the world and i was corrupting it.

« Chizuru... » i implored again with my noze against her skin between her still hidden breasts.

My breath at this sensitive area made her shiver and i sensed the veneer i was trying so hard to keep intact break under the flames of passion. I still had all my clothes on but at this instant, i had the feeling that my soul was already naked before her. My hands came on her shoulders and grabbed the fabric, pulling it down to reveal her breasts, small but round and proud. My nose came brushing against one of them before i took her nipple in. She escaped a small gasp in surprise and my hand came cupping the other while i was licking, sucking and nipping. I sensed her body react to my touch, pushing itself against my palm and tongue to encourage me to continue my ministrations.

She began to pant softly and i opened my eyes that i had shut to focus on the sensations. I lifted my gaze to find her flustered face, embarrassed, red from the heat of the room and the new feelings awakening in her. In her eyes, i could see a mix of pleasure, curiosity, shame and fear that wasn't really surprising for someone who never experienced the touch of a man before.

I took away her kimono and pulled on the strings holding her hakama in place to make it fall on the floor. I sensed her hands move from my hair to my scarf to help me get rid of it and i loved it. I held my head high to reach her lips again and i took them with force as her fingers pulled my obi away, opening my kimono. With a movement of shoulders, i made it fall completely and i left her lips to trail another line of kisses.

Neck, collarbone, breasts, stomach, navel, hips, thigh, knee, thigh again. My nose seeked entrance to her inner thigh and i brought a hand down there to help me. She parted her legs a bit but when she saw my face approaching her most intimate area, she closed them with shame.

« N...No... » she stuttered with embarrassment and I nodded before getting my head away.

She'll have all the time to discover these pleasures later. If she wasn't comfortable with it, i wouldn't force her. Not defeated though, i grabbed her hips to make her quit the bench and sit on my lap, my bare body between her knees. She rested her hands on my shoulders and I kissed her again, a reassuring kiss filled with love and passion as my hand came cuping her womanhood. I didn't move, letting her accept this new contact, before i used my fingers to rub on her little bundle of nerves. She gasped with surprise and pleasure before moaning loudly and i pressed my lips on her to muffle the sound. Her body was shivering from my touch the way i dreamt it so many times before and her loud muffled groans were driving me crazy.

I moved my fingers deeper in the folds to find her entrance, welcoming. I insterted a finger and again, didn't move to let her ajust with the sensation. I then began to move it slowly, joined by another one, rubbing on the spot a bit rougher inside her. A small cry of pleasure escaped her and her moans became even more delightful, stronger, growing steadily. When i sensed she was ready, i lifted her hips and pulled her closer to my body.

« I'm sorry, Chizuru... » i whispered « this is probably going to hurt a little »

She nodded and i pulled her hips down slowly to enter her in a single, tender movement. A cry escaped her lips but this time it wasn't pleasure but pain. Small tears formed on her eyes and i kissed each one of them, swallowing the salty liquid. She took some time to ajust to the sensation and i waited patiently that her body relax before starting to move.

I began moving very slowly, sensing her body tense as a natural reflex and i whispered to reassure her.

« It will get better. »

That's why i kept her on top. It was easier for her to get away if it was too painful. Although I would have preferred our first time, her first time, to happen on a confortable bedding rather than on a soaked wooden floor. I continued to move my hips and i lifted hers at the same pace to guide her movements. After a few thrusts, i feeled her relax and take a little bit more control, moving her hips from her own volition to meet mines. Her hands quit my shoulders to come circling my neck and pulling me to her body. I nested my head in her collar, resuming to kiss her there as my pace increased, getting deeper and faster with each thrust. I could hear her start to moan again, abandoning herself into my embrace and it was the most beautiful sound i ever heard.

Making my way in her hair with my nose, I bit her ear again, licking her lobe as i felt the pleasure starting to overwhelm me. I shivered and twitched, nesting my head back in her neck as a reflex to bite her hard as i lost control and released the passion into her body.

Not smart. Last thing i need right now is a baby. And her too.

Still, i hadn't been able to stop myself from wanting to be one with her. I loved her. And if a baby had to come from our love, i would take my responsibilities. Still panting, i held her tighter between my arms.