Happy Reading Everyone! Hope I didn't have you waiting too long.

Guys, this is the chapter that you all have been waiting 38 chapters for!

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Warning: The following Chapter contains sexual content.

Tris P.O.V

Tobias and I sit in awkward silence in the truck, making the drive back to his house even more uncomfortable, neither one of us knowing what to say. This weekend was more than what I had expected it to be, it was filled with a mixture of relaxation, and plenty of sexual frustration. Every time we began to fool around, something would stop us. It felt like a losing battle just to make love, failure after failure, made it feel like a lost cause.

I take full responsibility for the first failure, well, the second one too. But to be fair, the first attempt I was beyond exhausted from my full day at the spa, and no matter how determined I was to stay awake… I just couldn't stop myself from falling into a deep slumber. The second attempt was just sheer embarrassment from my side. I knew I had no reason for my sudden fear. Afterall I was with Tobias, the one person in this world that made me feel safe and comfortable.. Yet somehow reality smacked me in the face, at the realization that he was about to undress me, and see me with no clothes on. Suddenly my body tensed, and my breathing stopped. I knew it was silly, because Tobias had already seen me naked accidentally before, he didn't have anything bad to say about it then. If anything it gave him something to look forward to in the future. But I couldn't help it, it took me years until I felt comfortable with Eric, before we even attempted to make love, let alone feel totally comfortable in front of each other without our clothes on.

I was simply in awe of Tobias, the way he understood just what I needed, and how he knew just how to ease my panic… allowing me the distance, and the idea of having me wear a fabric barrier, so that I felt more comfortable with him in the Jacuzzi tub. The sensations that he was delivering to my body with both his hands, and his words… it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. That sweet slow torture he was giving me, had me almost begging him to take me right then, and there in that moment. If it wasn't for that damn fire alarm that went off, I have no doubt in my mind that I would have done just that.

Our last attempt at making love was beyond anything I could have ever expected. After our previous encounter in the steamy water, I felt bolder, brave even. I couldn't stop the words that escaped my mouth, as I was challenging him with his threat to bite my bottom lip. I suspected it was a mixture of sexual frustration, and the way Tobias always seems to make me feel, as though I am the sexiest, most desirable woman he has ever known. The feel of his hands, and mouth on me, had me begging for more in no time at all. I couldn't get enough of his expert fingers, as they had no trouble getting me to reach my release. Even with that incredible release he brought me to, I still couldn't get enough, I wanted more. I wanted to feel him in my hand, I wanted him inside of me that very minute. It only took one feel of his delicious, wet, hot tongue on my most intimate place, and I knew I had to have him. Needless to say we were so close, we had his pants down to his ankles, as he pressed his large, hard dick against my thigh… Just inches away from my dripping entrance. Of course nothing ended up happening, because we were interrupted by room service delivering our dinner, that we had previously scheduled. We were both so freaking sexually frustrated, that we ate our dinner in silence, and then wasted no time at all, taking turns in the shower, and then heading to bed.

Looking back, I thank god that I had been on the pill. When I first started dating Eric, my mother took me to her O.B.G.Y.N and demanded I go on the birth control. She obviously didn't trust Eric at the time. I did consider stopping the pill when Eric passed, but the menstruation pains, and mood swings I was experiencing, had me getting right back on them as soon as possible. Although Tobias never penetrated me, we never did have that discussion about safe sex. I'm almost sure we would have forgotten all about it at that moment, we were both so lost in our lust for one another.

Thinking back to our getaway weekend, I never did tell him what I heard that night coming from the bathroom. I was surprised to hear the soft moans from Tobias while he was showering,but I immediately recognized them from my accidental walk in, when he was masturbating in his house. I was turned on once again, but too exhausted to let it lead to anything more. But something tells me that once we do make it past that step, the thought of ever stopping, will be damn near impossible.

We arrive back to Tobias' house in no time at all with the lack of traffic on a Sunday morning. As we previously agreed, today would be the day that I would return home. Unfortunately, we have our lives to get back to tomorrow. I am reluctant to leave, but I still pay rent at my apartment, and Tobias is more than able to care for himself now. Sadly, there isn't a need for me to stay here anymore. I walk through his house collecting my things slowly, making sure not to forget anything, and to give myself more time. I hate leaving him...living with Tobias these past few months, has been the best time I have had in a very long while. I hate the thought of learning how to live single, and alone again, but I don't have any other reason to stay.

"Did you need any help with those?"Tobias asks, referring to my bags at the front door. I glance down taking a deep breath, before meeting his sarphire blue eyes one last time, before leaving.

"No, I'll manage," I say. To be honest, I don't think I could handle him helping me out to the car, and watching me get in, and drive away. We both stand at his door awkwardly, neither of us saying a damn word, as we both just stare at each other, waiting for the other to break the silence, but neither of us is willing to do so. I refuse to be the one to do it.

"Will you text me, or better yet, call me when you get home safely?" Tobias says, I can hear the sadness in his voice, it mirrors my own feelings exactly. I nod, not trusting my voice to betray the pain I am feeling at this moment. Why is this so hard? We both knew this would happen eventually. But even after a weekend of non stop sexual frustration, and being in his presence almost the whole time, it still doesn't feel like enough. I want more...I want every morning, every night, and every experience possible that I can share with him. Melodramatic much? Tris get a grip I chide myself.

I am the one to finally break our gaze, as I turn grabbing my purse, and then I pull up the handle to my roll away luggage, kicking the back into the right position to pull behind me. As I approach the door, I will myself not to break. I don't understand why I feel this way, as though my heart is shattering into a million pieces, never to be whole again until the next time we see each other. I don't turn to kiss him, afraid my eyes will be a dead give away to how I feel. I wonder if he knew how much pain and agony I am in, if would he still let me go. I shudder at the thought, not wanting to be portrayed as a weakling, I know for a fact that I am stronger than that.

Tobias' hand reaches for the knob, opening the door wide to let me and my wide luggage through the doors. I pray he doesn't plan on walking me out the door after all. I don't think I could handle that right now.

"I'll talk to you later," he says, leaning in kissing my hair. "I love you, Tris," he says, my heart breaks even more, hearing the hurt in his voice.

"I love you too," I say, as I walk out of his house, not looking back, as I go.

I open the door to my empty apartment, the first thing that hits me is the quietness. It's stifling… I nod, letting myself back into the apartment, dropping my luggage at the entrance. I look around, nothing has been touched in weeks. I can now see the layers upon layers of dust throughout my whole apartment. I realize I have found my first distraction from the loneliness that I feel. I turn on the bluetooth to my phone, connecting to the sound system of my apartment… I pick out a random song, wanting anything to fill the silence in this place. I change into my short shorts, and a tank top, I unpack my luggage, throwing my dirty laundry into the washer, and then I start it. I grab the necessary items that I will need to clean my dirty apartment.

I go into autopilot, getting back into my old habits of when I had to learn how to live alone, after Eric passed away. Filling the air with any noise, other than the plain silence, whether it be music, audio books, or even news… anything to make me forget that I'm alone. I try to busy myself, to stop my running thoughts.

But the sudden ringing of my cell brings me back from my lost thoughts, and my autopilot movements. I answer the call, not bothering to even glance down to see who it is.

"Hello?" I answer, wiping away another layer of dust away from my TV screen.

"Hey, I'm just checking on you. You never called, or texted me, did you make it home alright?" There it is, in his voice, in his tone… reminding me once again, of the distance between us.

"Yes, I'm fine, I just got busy with some neglected chores," I say, trying to force a giggle to mask my true feelings. I want nothing more than to scream over the phone, and tell him how I really feel, but I need to stay strong. I can't let him hear, or see how I'm really feeling.

"You sure that's all it is?"He asks, I can hear the longing in his voice. It takes all of me not to break, but I also can't bring myself to lie to him anymore ."Tris?" He asks, after what feels like minutes of me not replying to him. I continue holding back, not wanting that dam to break. "Should I come over?" Yes! I want to shout at him, but I don't, I can't.

"No, don't be silly," I say, my voice cracking as I speak.

"Tris?" I can hear the agony in his voice now. He knows, he hears the pain in my voice too. I need to end this now, I need to end this call, but my heart doesn't want me too, it wants to be close to him forever, even if only by hearing his voice on the phone.

"Tobias, I'm fine, really. I'll be fine. I have… to… have to go, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Okay? I love you,"with that I push the end call button, not even waiting for him to respond. I throw my cell letting the couch cushions break its fall, then I crumble to the floor, allowing the heartbreaking sobs to consume me… but only until I count to the number five, then I made a promise to myself to push the sorrow out of my mind, and get back to my work at hand. One, two, three, four, five, I take a deep breath, willing myself to stop crying. I stand up wiping my face with the back of my hands, and pick up the rag I was using off the ground, and get back to work. Once I'm done, I order takeout from the Chinese place from down the street, making a mental note to go grocery shopping tomorrow when I am off work.

I decide to call it a night, and go to bed early, hoping for pleasant dreams that will fill in the loneliness, but my hopes are quickly broken once again, as all I can do is think about Tobias. His gentle touch, his sweet kiss, his gorgeous blue eyes, his everything, and the empty space that is beside me on this bed right now, and how I want his arms around me for the rest of my life. I use my extra pillow to hold against my chest, hoping for any sort of comfort, as I toss, and turn, but then the doorbell rings breaking me from my lack of sleep. I roll over noticing the time,1:43 am, who in the world could be at my door at this time of the morning?

I stand, stumbling blindly through the apartment. Whoever is at my door, becomes impatient and rings the bell once again. Okay, okay I hear you, I'm coming. I think to myself. I step on my tippy toes looking through the peephole, when I swear my eyes nearly pop out of my head. It's Tobias. What in the world is he doing here at this time of night?

I make quick work of the dead bolt and the second lock, wishing that my eyes were not deceiving me right now. I actually swing the door open a little too hard, and almost pull the door off it's hinges. There he is standing before me in grey sweatpants, a black t-shirt, and a backpack hanging over his shoulder. He looks exhausted, matching the way I feel at this very moment.

He steps forward, dropping his backpack just inside of the door to my apartment. He lifts me up, putting his arms tightly around my waist, and I instantly wrap my arms around his neck, holding on to him for dear life. He buries his face into the crook of my neck, and I do the same to him. He closes and locks the door behind us, never once allowing my feet to touch the floor. He carries me back into my bedroom, when we are at the foot of my bed, he finally tries to put me down on my feet. But I refuse to let him put me down, not now, not ever, and to be honest I never want him to ever do it again. I realize now that I belong right here in his strong arms, and in his warm embrace, like I belong in his heart, and he belongs in mine. Without either of us saying a word, we climb onto my bed, each claiming our sides. We then stare at each other, as if we can't believe the other is here, and that they are truly real.

Without allowing another minute to slip by, without thinking anymore… I pull myself closer to him, I reach out, and wrap my left hand around the back of his neck, pulling him even closer to me, I can't seem to help myself as I crash my lips hard against his. There are no more words, they have all been said, there is no more stalling, no more interruptions, our time is now. I push his shoulders back gently, signaling for him to lay back. He doesn't disappoint, he lays back, then his hands slide onto my hips pulling me to him, as I climb on top, straddling his hips. Our lips refuse to leave each other's, as our tongues begin to explore one another. The sensation of his hands on my hips squeezing gently, his tongue in my mouth, and the moans that escape us both, I just can't control my hips from grinding against Tobias' already hard dick, matching each caress our tongues.

Tobias sits up, taking me by surprise, his arms holding me tightly and even closer to his body. Tobias is the one to finally break our kiss, although his lips never leave my skin, as they trail down my jaw, my neck, and then stalling on my collarbone, kissing three different spots. The sensation is deliciously familiar. His tongue, his teeth, the suction… with every contact they make, sends a jolt of electricity down my body to the junction between my thighs. With every jolt, I feel my entrance drip even more, making my already wet panties completely useless for the rest of the night.

Tobias pauses, sitting back looking down at where he just had his lips. He looks down confused for a moment, like something is missing. I look down noticing the pink spots his mouth left behind. "What is it?" I ask, not understanding what he is, or isn't seeing. My voice sounds unusually husky with need, and longing. I glance back at him, wondering what the reason is for this slight interruption.

"Nothing, it's nothing Tris, sorry" he says, glancing between me, and the three spots. He smiles at me, and then crashes his lips to my mouth, claiming my lips once again. I decide to let whatever that was about, go for now. My hands slowly begin to raise his shirt up his body, only breaking our kiss to pull it over his head. Tobias sits back a little, looking at me with nothing but love, and passion in his eyes. "No more interruptions," he whispers, his voice filled with so much lust.

"No more interruptions," I say, sounding more like a promise, like a special vow to him, showing him with my actions, that this is our moment, our future starts now. He leans in slower this time, he takes my lips and kisses them tenderly, full of so much passion, as his tongue slowly caresses my bottom lip, as he begins to bite down on it, gently. He slowly lifts my shirt up to my waist, and up to my chest, his fingers trace my skin, leaving a blazing heat in their wake. He throws my shirt somewhere over the bed, joining his on the floor. His hands wrap around my back, as he leans down a little further, taking my left nipple into his mouth. He bites down on it gently, then he soothes his mark, with his talented tongue. I grind my core down against his dick slowly, after what feels like it's been forever, our intimate places rubbing against each other, Tobias stills me with his hands tightly on my hips. "You feel… that feels amazing, baby, but if you don't stop… I'm going to cum. It's not something I want to do inside my pants, I want to cum inside you." His hot breath hits my face. I nod, trying to control my hips from moving, but my body is begging for the friction, it's shivering with so much anticipation. Everything from my waist down feels as if its clenching at every move, and every word he says.

Tobias growls when he feels my hips move again, I swear I have no control over my body when it comes to this deliciously sexy man. He places his hands on my back, twisting us around, so I'm laying on my back. He parts my legs with his body, hovering over me, balancing his weight on his elbows. "I told you to keep still," he says, while grinning and kissing my neck again. I can't help the giggle that escapes my lips. "Mmm, you think that is funny? HUH. Mm, well we will have to see what we do about that." His threatens, dipping his head back down to my breasts, giving each nipple equal amount of sensual attention. I begin to moan loudly, unable to control any of the sounds that escape me. His lips leave my breasts trailing down my stomach, his hands slip into my waistband of my shorts pulling them down my hips, down my legs, and off my body. He licks his way back up my legs, biting the sensitive spot of my inner left thigh. "Mm, I can smell you. I can smell how much you want me."

"Please," I whimper, not able to take much more of his slow torture. My body is trembling uncontrollably under his gentle touch, and his wet, hot, mouth. I look down, and watch Tobias slowly creeping his face closer to where I desire him most. He kisses me over my panties teasing me, then I hear him letting out his own pleased moans, as his mouth attaches to my most intimate place.

"God Tris, you smell so good, I need to taste you now." I watch him as he nearly rips my panties off, as he becomes more, and more impatient. Once I am free from the fabric, Tobias wastes no time dipping his head back down between my legs. His long, wet tongue begins it's delicious assault on my clit, as he slowly penetrates me with one of his fingers. My eyes begin to roll in the back of my head, when the sensations gets me closer to the edge, he adds a second finger into me slowly. He expertly curls his two fingers inside of me, to meet that one sweet spot that drives me absolutely wild, pushing me over the edge into my own little piece of heaven. I scream out his name loudly, as an incredible orgasm washes over me, leaving me sated, and totally spent. The silence of the room is filled with slurping, and sucking, and Tobias' name being yelled out uncontrollably, I can't help myself, I feel like I might explode any second now. He only stops when he feels my body is completely relaxed from his assault. He kisses his way back up my body, jolting it back to life with every touch of his lips. My hands go to the back of his head, tugging at his hair, as our lips crash hard against each other. I taste myself on his lips, I swear it makes me want him more than I ever have. Only then do my hands slowly trail their way down to his waistband, working to slide his sweats down his hips as fast as possible. He suddenly breaks the kiss, pulling back a little bit to look down at me, his eyes are filled with so much love, lust, and passion… that its almost overwhelming. "Birth control?" Tobias asks out of nowhere. I hesitate for a moment, not sure how to answer. I'm on the pill, I know Im clean… I also know I want nothing more than to be as close to him as possible, to feel him bare inside of me.

"I'm on the pill," I pant out.

"I'm clean, I've been tested," he says, our eyes never leaving each other. "What do you want Tris? You're in charge here. I want to feel all of you." It only takes me a split second to come to my decision. I want to feel him, all of him too. I go back to working on getting his pants off, while also kissing his neck. He moans, as he begins to help me slip his pants, and boxers down his hips and legs, and pushing them off his ankles, never getting up from his position above me. He rubs the tip of his dick against my folds, rubbing himself against my clit, teasing me, and lubricating himself with my arousal.

"I love you, Tris," he whispers into my ear, as he lines his dick up to my dripping entrance. He slowly sinks himself into me, taking his time, he knows this could cause me some pain, because of how long it's been. I am thankful for this, as I haven't been with a man in over four years. I feel myself stretching, trying to make room for his size.

"Oh god, I love you too. I love you, oh my god!" I say loudly, as the sensation of his dick stretching me is both pleasing, and painful at the same time. I scratch at his back, trying to hold him as close to me as possible. Tobias starts kissing my neck behind my ear, knowing that I need a distraction right now. It works slightly, as my body responds to his every touch, his every kiss. Once he is fully seated inside of me, he stops moving, he gives me some time for my body to adjust, but that doesn't stop him from touching, caressing, and kissing me everywhere on my body that he can reach, loving me.

"Mm, you're so tight, so wet," he says, leaning down and kissing my bare shoulders. "Are you okay? You're so tight,." he says again. No shit, this feels like I'm a virgin all over again. I nod, not trusting my own voice, I lean up returning his kiss, letting our tongues mingle together. I bring my legs up closer to my chest, making more room for him, he gets the message by hooking his right arm around my left thigh, and opening me up even more. This also gives him the message to start to move, as he pulls out almost all of the way out of my entrance, then he slowly pushes his way back inside of me, even deeper than before. He pulls out again, finding a slow, and deliciously torturous pace. His lips continues their assault on me anywhere that he can reach. My hands cling to his hair, his muscular back, and his delicious arms. God, I love this man so much. It's different with him, I can't even explain it. All I know is that we belong to each other, that we will be together forever. I know this, because I can't picture going on without him in my life.

His arms snake around me, pulling me closer to him, they cocoon me safely in his arms, as he continues to make sweet love to me. I have never felt safer, and so loved than I do at this very second. His pace begins to pick up, he then starts going faster, and pushes deeper into me. Tobias buries his head in the crook of my neck, his breathing is becoming more erratic by the minute, as he pounds deliciously inside of me. I meet each of his thrusts with the same amount of force, as we both get completely lost in each other. Deep down neither of us wants this to end, but we both know we are so close to our sweet climax.

"You feel so good, Tris. I don't know… how much longer… I can last," Tobias says panting between words. I can feel his words, his hands, his lips, the passion, and the power behind his thrusts… I know it won't be much longer for me to find my own release.

"Oh Tobias… Oh baby," I moan, incoherently.

"Baby cum for me," his voice sounds beyond huskier than I have ever heard before. "Let go baby, I got you, just let go." With those words, the most intense, most delicious orgasm overtakes me. My toes curl on their own accord, as my fingers start to dig into his back even deeper than before, as I scream out his name not even caring if I'm being heard by my neighbors. Tobias picks up his pace even more, holding my outstretched leg even wider than before, as he chases his own orgasm. I feel his dick unbelievably swell a little larger, causing me to stretch even more than I already am. Just a few more powerful thrusts, and Tobias moans loudly, shoving himself deep inside of me as he releases himself, coating my walls. Tobias collapses on top of me, panting and totally spent. As my arms work their way around his, holding him close to me. Tobias rolls off of me after a few minutes, making me wince as he pulls out from inside of me. The sudden loss makes me feel empty, but not for long as he pulls me close to his side, allowing me to rest my head on his chest and my leg on top of his thigh, our normal position sleeping position. "I love you, Tris," Tobias says, lifting his head as I lift my own to meet his perfectly full lips, kissing him goodnight. When we break our kiss, I can't help but notice the wide ass, shit eating grin that Tobias has on his face right now. I don't think I have ever seen him this happy before. His eyes although tired, hold nothing but love, and devotion. I can actually see a sparkle in them now, it's like an intimate connection between us that wasn't there before.

"I love you too, goodnight," I say, as I lay my head back down on his chest, letting the rhythm of his breathing pull me under. For the first time in what feels like forever, I'm finally home right here where I belong. If there is anything I have learned these past few years, is that starting over again can be frightening and painful, but to love again takes even more courage. "To be brave."

A/N

Happy Saturday Everyone,

I hope you all enjoy this new chapter of "To love again''on it's new updating schedule. I hope I didn't keep you all waiting too long, but hope it was well worth the wait. And for those of you wondering if this is the end, it's not. It's just the beginning… for our favorite duo. So be sure to check back next Saturday for yet another update.

On another note, for all my Divergent modern fanfiction readers… I would love to give a shout out to CavyGirl1991, who also writes modern fanfics. I loved her story The O'Hare Affair so much, and was very excited to see that she is currently writing the second part of the trilogy, called Darkest Before The Light. Which so far I am loving just as much. If you haven't started reading her work yet, I definitely would recommend it to be on your reading list. Enjoy!

The next update release: January 18th

Chapter was brainstormed with: FDFobsessed

Beta approved: Dimpls742

Like always, happy reading everyone

Trini