Secrets

Prompt for: Jessy: Harvey has leukemia. He hides it from everyone until Mike finds out and wants to help. He wants to donate bone marrow to save him even if he can't survive a procedure like that because he has some kind of disease too.

It was weird working without Harvey. In fact, he was surprised the man trusted him enough to take over the rest of the case entirely. The senior partner had come down with a really bad cold that turned into the flu unnaturally quick. Despite claiming he could never be sick and that he was fine, Donna forced him to go home. Guess he wasn't entirely immune after all. Harvey wasn't happy about leaving at first, knowing that missing even a few hours would put him behind. But by the time he got home, he was grateful; all his energy seemed to drain at once, not to mention he was achy and out of breath. He also looked like shit and he was all about appearances. That was four days ago; now, Harvey was just as sick as he was the first day, if not worse. He could barely get out of bed, he was pale, had a high fever, his neck seemed swollen and there were unexplained bruises on his body. Donna was there pretty much all the time, leaving the firm in the late afternoon and staying overnight. Mike would help too once in a while, but it was weird seeing the once strong, invincible Harvey Specter so weak, small, and vulnerable. Had he lost weight, too? This couldn't be a normal sick, this was hospital-serious kind of sick. And it took nearly passing out in his own vomit and blood from a very bad nosebleed to let Donna call an ambulance and take him there.

When he got his diagnosis, Harvey was speechless. Leukemia. Out of all the things that could've been wrong with him, it had to be fucking cancer. Of course, he wasn't going to tell anyone that. It was nobody's business but his, plus Donna would freak out. No, it was better to keep it under wraps for now. The doctor gave him medications to manage his symptoms, but he was gonna need a bone marrow transplant sooner, rather than later. And if the symptoms got worse, he would have to get admitted, which he planned on trying to stay far away from. When he came out to the waiting room after being let go, Donna was there, immediately bombarding his with questions.

"Donna, I'm fine."

"No, you're lying."

"I promise I'm not," he replied with a straight face. "It's just a really bad flu with a touch of pneumonia. I got the nosebleed because my nose was simply dry. The doctor prescribed me some meds and a few more days of bed rest, but by next week I'll be back at work. Thank god; who knows what mess Mike will have created by then. Where is he anyways?"

Donna rolled her eyes. Typical for Harvey to change the subject. "He's in court. He wanted to postpone, but I told him there was nothing he could do here. You should be proud of him. He really stepped up. In fact, I don't think he's left the firm at all except to visit you. That kid never takes care of himself; he definitely deserves something when you get back."

Harvey pressed his lips together, feeling guilty for assuming Mike would screw up. "Yeah."

"Come on, let's get you home."

One Week Later

Harvey was good at hiding his sickness. All his appointments were after work and he just left early, no questions asked. He took his medications that kept the visible sickness at bay and Donna and Mike kept any suspicions quiet. That is until the doctor had sent a fax over and that printer was in the file room…where Mike was working. Fuck! Harvey briskly walked down the hall, praying Mike was either elbow deep in paperwork or out of the room for a break. Who was he kidding, Mike rarely ever took breaks. But of course, nothing was ever easy. As he burst into the room and turned the corner, he found Mike at the printer staring with a furrowed brow at a piece of paper. When he sensed Harvey's presence, the man raised his head, eyes wide.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

Harvey sighed, rolling his eyes. "Because…I'm not keen on sharing my personal life with the world."

"But you're sick! Don't you think that something we should know about? It's cancer, Harvey!"

"You don't have to remind me."

"How long have you known? Why are you not in the hospital?"

Harvey snorted. Harvey expected this out of Donna not the kid. "Mike-"

"How long?"

"Two weeks."

"Jesus."

"Look, this is my life, not yours. There's nothing that can be done; there's no matches on the registry for bone marrow, so there's no point in making a fuss about it right now. And don't tell anyone, especially Donna."

"Harvey-"

"I mean it, Mike. Don't."

The younger man huffed. "Fine." He handed Harvey his papers before walking out, frustrated that the lawyer didn't want their help, much less let them know he was sick and possibly dying. Well screw him; Harvey had a family that cared about him and he wasn't going to let it go unnoticed.

~+SUITS+~

"You had no right!" Harvey bellowed before coughing violently.

"Harvey, sit down before you fall," Donna said.

"No," he glared at Mike. "I told you not to tell anyone, but of course you never listen or do what you're told." He had come back from a meeting to find Donna and Mike in his office, tears on the secretary's face. "If I wasn't so sick, I would beat the shit out of you."

"Harvey-" Mike began.

"Shut up!"

"Harvey!" Donna shouted. "That's enough. He did the right thing and you should've told us the second you found out. I knew you had lied to me. What if something happened? What if you got really sick and we had no idea? What if you died!?"

"I would've told you if it got to that point, Donna," Harvey sighed. "But right now, there's nothing that can be done."

The woman shook her head. "We could've gotten tested; we are going to get tested. We're not letting you go through this alone, okay?"

Harvey's shoulders sagged before he sat down on the couch, trying to catch his breath. "Okay."

"Good. Now when's your next appointment."

"Half an hour."

"Alright, I'm gonna call Ray, get you some water and then we can head out." Donna left and it was just Mike and Harvey in awkward silence.

"Harvey, I'm sorry. I had to…you know she already had her suspicions; she would've found out eventually."

Harvey scoffed. "It still wasn't your place to say anything. I trusted you, Mike…now I'm not so sure I can anymore."

"I was just worried."

"Well, worry about yourself. I'm not your responsibility."

Mike pressed his lips together. "Harvey, I'm-"

"Just go." He was too tired to have this conversation any longer. "Get out of my face."

The blonde sighed and did just that.

~+S+~

Donna unfortunately wasn't a match, so it all came down to Mike. Even if Harvey was still upset with the kid, he hoped something would go his way for once. A few hours later, the blonde sat across from the doctor, waiting for him to divulge the results. Donna was with Harvey who had just gotten some chemotherapy done to try and destroy more cancer cells.

"Well, Mr. Ross, I have some good news and bad news," Dr. Raymond said.

Mike's face paled. "What do you mean?"

"Good news is, you're a 90% match to Mr. Specter and therefore could donate."

"Could?"

"That's the bad news. It seems that you have asymptomatic- meaning showing little to no symptoms- chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or COPD. Have you ever experienced difficulty breathing or had bronchitis or pneumonia anytime in your life that you know of?"

Mike was almost speechless. "I…I had pneumonia once when I was kid and developed asthma, but I haven't had to use my inhaler for years."

"Ever been severely irritated by cigarette smoke or been around cigarette smoke long-term?"

Did pot count? "N-No." How would he be able to smoke pot with a disease like that?

"Well, your tests show that you have the alpha-1-antitrypsin deficiency which is a genetic disorder. These are proteins that are made in the liver and secreted into the bloodstream to protect the lungs, but with low levels of AAt, it can be dangerous. Did anyone in your family have this deficiency or COPD?"

How was he supposed to know? His parents died before he could get into conversations like that and his Grammy never mentioned it. "I don't know…um what does this mean for donating? You said 'could,' what does that mean?"

"With asymptomatic, it's different. We can go through with the procedure but…"

"But what?" Mike replied nervously.

"But, if you decide to donate, the extraction could cause a number of issues, such as respiratory problems, heart problems, high blood pressure in the arteries that could cause pulmonary hypertension. In short, it could make you extremely sick or it could kill you."

"Holy shit." Mike felt cold. This couldn't be happening. He could either let Harvey wait for who knows how long or die or he could sacrifice himself to make sure that he didn't. "What do I do?"

"How about you give it a couple days thought. Talk about it over with Harvey and your family and friends. This is a big decision to make."

Mike clenched his jaw and nodded before leaving the room, walking slowly down the hall back towards Harvey's room. What was he supposed to decide?

By the time he reached Harvey's door, he wasn't feeling any less conflicted…until he saw the man through the window. He looked horrible; well, of course he did, he was dying. Not to mention chemotherapy always took a lot out of someone. In the span of five hours, Harvey's skin went from pale to gray. His eyes appeared sunken and haunted and there was dried blood on his nostrils from a recent nosebleed. Mike bit the inside of his cheek. He had to do this; who knew how much time he had. Besides, maybe there was a chance he'd make it through surgery. The doctor didn't say he would die, only that he could. He wondered if he should tell Donna and Harvey, though. Obviously, he'd tell them he was a match, but maybe he should leave the whole 'it could probably kill me' part out, because no matter how annoyed Harvey was with him right now, the man would never let him risk his life like that…right? Well, maybe Harvey wouldn't care, but Donna would, and he couldn't let anyone stop him.

"Mr. Ross, are you okay?"

He flinched and turned around to see Dr. Raymond standing next to him. "Oh, uh, yeah, I'm fine. And I've decided I want to do the donation."

"Mr. Ross, I advise that you take a little more time-"

"Harvey doesn't have time and I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention any of this to him. Not unless something…something bad happens. I don't want him or Donna to stop me, because they will, and he doesn't have the luxury of waiting. It's my life and my decision."

The doctor sighed. "Alright, I'll be back with your paperwork."

Once the man left, Mike took a deep breath before walking into the room. Donna's head turned and Harvey blinked tiredly.

"Well?" The woman asked anxiously.

Mike forced his best fake smile. "I'm a match."

Donna grinned broadly and ran up to give him a hug. Harvey seemed visibly relieved, but there was something else…suspicion.

"That's great kid…thank you."

The doctor came back in, gave Mike things to read and sign before going over the whole procedure. When he left and Donna went to get coffee, Harvey spoke up.

"What are you not telling me?"

Mike snapped out of his trance. "Huh?"

"Don't play dumb, you're hiding something. Take it from someone who lied about their condition for two weeks. What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing." Harvey was good at reading people, but how good was the skill when he was sick and drugged up?

"Mike."

"I swear, I just…" he had to give the guy something. "I don't really like hospitals…I'm not too keen on getting poked and prodded, but I'm doing this for you."

Harvey sighed. "Thanks. And look, I'm sorry for getting pissed off at you earlier. You're right, I should've said something, and I know you were just looking out for me."

Thank god, Harvey bought it. Mike smiled in relief, but weakly. "It's alright, I shouldn't have gone behind your back anyways." He took a deep breath. "So…are you nervous?" Because he sure as hell was, especially since the next couple days could be his last.

"I should be asking you that seeing as you're the only one getting put under and you don't like needles."

Mike just shrugged with a smirk. "I'll get over it. Besides, it'll be simple and done in no time." But he knew it would be way more complicated than it should be and Harvey didn't need to know any part of that.

~+SUITS+~

Two days later was the operation and Mike was scared this could be his last day on earth. He had to say goodbye…at least without making it appear that way. He walked into Harvey's room, dressed in a hospital gown and an I.V protruding from the back of his hand to a bag hooked on a pole.

"Ready, kid?"

Mike chuckled nervously. "As I'll ever be. Listen, Harvey if things don't go well, I want to say thanks for everything. I wouldn't be where am I without you."

Harvey frowned. "What do you mean, if things don't go well? The doctor said it was a pretty easy procedure, it shouldn't take more than an hour."

Shit. "Um, I was talking about you. Sometimes the bone marrow doesn't take. I just pray it works, but if it doesn't…"

"Mike, relax, it'll be fine."

But it wasn't.

An hour and a half later, Dr. Raymond glanced at his nurse sadly before they walked into Harvey's room. The lawyer opened his eyes wearily and Donna clutched his hand. The nurse went over to his I.V pole and switched out his bag.

"Good news, Mr. Specter, we were able to extract the bone marrow. Once the stems cells enter your body, it'll travel through your blood and to bone marrow, in time, making new healthy blood cells. It will take about a month before your blood cell count returns to normal, though. You'll stay here for a few weeks so we can monitor your condition for infections or any other complications and get some blood tests every now and then to make sure the cancer is going away. Even after you're discharged, you'll have to remain close for periodic transfusions of red blood cells until your bone marrow can produce enough of its own."

"That's great," Donna smiled. "How's Mike doing?"

The doctor pressed his lips together and Harvey immediately picked up on his uneasiness. "What happened?"

Dr. Raymond sat down in a chair next to Harvey's bed. "Unfortunately, the surgery nearly killed him. After the extraction, his vitals plummeted, he went into respiratory arrest and his heart stopped. Thankfully, we were able to get him back, but…it's not looking good for him."

Harvey sat up, not caring how weak or sore he was. Right now, he was pissed. "How did this happen? You said this would be an easy procedure."

"There were risks…bigger than normal surgeries and Mike knew about them." Dr. Raymond explained the condition that Mike had and despite knowing that a bone marrow extraction surgery could kill him, he still went ahead and did it, because he cared more about Harvey's life more than his own. The revelation made Harvey literally sick to his stomach. After vomiting, he tried to catch his breath.

"Why didn't he tell me…why didn't you tell me?" He growled.

"He asked me not to. He was afraid you'd stop him, and he didn't want that."

"Idiot," he muttered angrily.

Donna sniffed, wiping tears from her eyes. "What are his chances?"

"Sadly, they're low. His lungs are weakening with every passing hour. They began filling with blood during his surgery, but we are continuing to drain them as it does. However, soon he might not be able to breathe on his own, so we're monitoring that. He also has a bad infection that's causing a fever of 103°."

"Oh god," Donna choked.

"I want to see him," Harvey said.

"Mr. Specter, in your condition-"

"No, let me see him." He was angry, terrified, guilty and sad. Mike pretty much put his own life in jeopardy for him. Why would he do such a thing?

"Alright, normally I would say no, but because of Mike's deteriorating condition, I'll let you see him for ten minutes."

"You mean…he's going to die?" Donna sniffed.

"Right now, it's headed that way, but we're going to do everything we can to prevent that. I'm gonna have a nurse come and grab you shortly, but just to inform you, he's currently in the isolation. You'll have to get scrubbed clean and put on gowns, gloves, and a mask. His immune system is severely weakened; any bacteria from the outside could kill him instantly."

Harvey bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep himself from exploding in anger. This couldn't be happening.

When they saw Mike fifteen minutes later, dressed in the hospital garb, the sight of the kid was heartbreaking. The room they were in was dim, illuminated with blue lights and quiet fans. The blonde's face was pale, almost transparent while his lips were white, cracked and dotted with blood. Tubes were sticking out of his chest and arms, draining fluids or giving them to him. A nasal cannula rested underneath his nose, providing oxygen but his breathing was still painfully raspy. The man was so small and fragile looking, not to mention his heartbeat was dangerously slow. Harvey gripped his own I.V pole, trying to keep himself together. Mike risked his life for you. For you of all people.

"Christ."

Suddenly, the younger man's eyes flickered open to the sound of Harvey's voice. They were glazed over, unfocused and it seemed like it was a struggle to keep them from closing.

"H-Har…v-vey?"

The older lawyer tried and failed to give off a convincing smile. "Hey kid."

Mike blinked, slowly rolling his head before a pained grimace appeared on his face. He was in so much pain, so hot yet cold at the same time. His lungs felt constricted and heavy like an elephant was sitting on top of him. Why did he feel so sick? And was that…

"D-Don…na?"

When Mike looked at her, she just about broke down in tears. But she couldn't; she had to be strong for both Mike and Harvey. "H-Hey sweetie."

"Harv…" Mike turned to the older man again. "You 'kay?"

"No, I'm not okay."

Mike looked confused; maybe because he was so drugged up and sick that he had no idea what was going on or where he was. And as much as Harvey wanted to ream the kid out for his stupid decisions, he didn't have the heart to. Not when seeing Mike so broken and barely clinging onto life. His shoulders sagged. "Why, Mike? Why did you donate when you knew…"

Realization spread over Mike's features as everything that happened came back to him. "C-Couldn't let you…die. M'sorry."

His anger was starting to get the best of him. He couldn't help it; he was terrified!

"God, Mike, it was a stupid thing to do. Had I known-"

"You w-would've s-stopped me."

"You're damn right I would've!"

"Harvey don't upset him," Donna scolded, taking the blonde's hand in both of hers.

"B-Besides," Mike croaked. "It's like you said to me…s'my life…my decisions."

"Well, your decisions always end up getting someone hurt or in trouble." He didn't mean it though; the kid had meant well. He had saved his life for godsakes

Tears shone in Mike's eyes. "Please…d-don't be mad," he choked a sob before suddenly bursting out in a coughing fit. And then there was blood, splattering onto his lips and staining his teeth.

Mike gripped Donna's hand, trying to catch a breath, but before anyone knew what was happening, the blonde collapsed back on the bed, a monotone ringing throughout the small room. His heart had stopped.

One Week Later

Things weren't good. Apparently, it was a miracle that they were even able to get Mike's heart restarted, but now he was on life support. He needed a breathing tube, his heartrate and blood pressure were low, his brainwaves were weak, and he was in a deep coma. Doctors weren't optimistic, telling them to be prepared for the worse and to say their goodbyes. Donna was devastated; she couldn't stop crying. And Harvey was just as bad, drowning in his own anger and guilt which was backpedaling his recovery. He could barely sleep or keep anything down. He spent more time by Mike's side, wracking his brain as to what went wrong, then in bed like the doctors wanted him to be.

"God dammit, kid," he whispered, staring at Mike's lifeless form. "I had more time. I could've lasted another a couple more months, probably a year or two. Why did you have to be such an impulsive idiot?" He heard the door slide open and turned to see Donna standing behind him, tears shining in her brown eyes.

"Any changes?"

He turned back to the younger man and rubbed his eyes. "No."

The woman sniffed. "I'm so sorry Harvey, the doctor said that maybe we should-"

"No," he snapped. "I'm not letting him go."

"Harvey, it's been a week and he's just getting worse-"

"You need to understand this, Donna. I don't lose people, okay? People lose me. I should be the one dying not him," he choked.

"But you're getting sicker by not taking care of yourself."

"I don't care, what's the point?"

Donna scoffed incredulously. "The point? The point is, Mike gave his life so that you would get better. You're really gonna throw that all away and make his sacrifice a waste? He wouldn't want you to be like this Harvey. He knew what he was getting himself into."

Harvey swallowed thickly, wiping the tears from his eyes, the rubber gloves feeling weird against his skin. As much as he hated to admit it, Donna was right.

"Okay," he sighed heavily. "Just…tell the doctor to give him a little more time. I'll go, but I know he hasn't given up yet." He placed his hand over Mike's and even through the thick latex, he could feel hold cold the kid's skin was. "Jesus Christ."

"Come on, Harvey," Donna said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You need to get some rest."

Harvey knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, but to satisfy Donna's worries, he agreed. "Can I be alone for a minute?"

Donna smiled sadly. "Of course. I'll be outside when you're ready."

When the woman left, Harvey turned to his associate. "Mike…you gotta fight through this, okay? You can't give up; I'm counting on you not to. You did a selfless, yet stupid thing and I want to be able to smack you and thank you at the same time. I…I can't lose you, kid…please." He cupped the blonde's pale cheek. "You better be here tomorrow, or I swear to god there will be hell to pay." Of course, he got no response. Harvey got up and left, praying Mike heard him somehow.

And he hadn't believed in the whole 'coma patients can hear you' thing, but maybe Mike did, because as each day passed, Mike was somehow getting better. The steroids the doctors gave him were starting to clear up his lungs and make them stronger to the point where he only needed an oxygen mask. And then after another week, he woke up. The doctors were baffled, but ecstatic; nonetheless, they were gonna keep him in isolation until his immune system was able to fight against bacteria on its own. They would play it by ear, but the doctors said Mike was to stay in the hospital for at least another three weeks before he could leave. But Harvey didn't care at that point; Mike was alive and that's all he wanted right now.

~+S+~

His lids were abnormally heavy; like one-ton weights were sitting on top of them. It was taking a lot of energy just to try and lift them. His throat hurt, his lungs hurt, his entire body, in fact. What happened to him?

"Mike?"

He was so thirsty.

"Mike, can you hear me?"

Who was that? Was that Harvey?

"Come on, kid wake up. Just open your eyes…please."

Please? No way that was Harvey.

Harvey pressed his lips together in anticipation. Mike's fingers twitched and his eyes were moving underneath the lids…he was there, right at the surface. And when his eyes finally did open, Harvey was excited but also a little sad. It looked like the kid's life force had been sucked dry. His face was drawn and pale, eyes sunken and dull and his body was skinnier than it had already been. He was basically a shell.

He smiled. "Hey kid."

And it was weak from being drugged up and exhausted, but the blonde smiled back.

"Hey…H-Harv."

It took two days before Mike was able to stay awake for more than a couple minutes, another two before he could move his arms or pick things up. He was embarrassed he couldn't even feed himself, but Donna seemed to relish the fact that she could mother him. Harvey was amused, Mike was not. The beginning of the next week, he was able to get out of bed if only for a couple minutes and by the end, he could walk-err, shuffle. Week three, they took him out of isolation and put him into a regular room.

"You look like Frodo with more hair," Harvey joked, passing Mike some juice. The kid was almost a translucent pale; it would take days for him to get a natural healthy skin color back and weeks for him to gain some weight.

"Ha Ha," Mike glared weakly, propped up on a dozen pillows. "Very funny. How many girls you get in that hospital gown? By the way, why are you still wearing it? Shouldn't you be cleared by now?"

Harvey shrugged. "They said my blood count is a little low still, so they're gonna keep me here for a few days." However, he could've been cleared to leave days ago, but he wasn't feeling well, and Donna knew it was because he wanted to stay with Mike. But she wouldn't say a word to him or the doctors.

"And since when are you a Lord of the Rings fan?" Mike smirked.

Harvey rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

When Mike was finally released almost after a month had passed, he went to stay with Harvey where Donna could take care off them both once in a while. Not like either of them did much anyways. Harvey let Mike have his bed while he took the couch which shocked Donna and the blonde. The younger man mostly slept, only getting up when he needed to and Donna bringing him food in bed, much to Harvey's dismay.

"If I find one crumb on that bed later, kid, I'll fire you."

"You're all talk," Donna and Mike said in unison.

Things were slowly going back to normal, however Harvey seemed standoffish towards the younger lawyer. Sure, he would check on him, make sure he had everything he needed- like medication, his inhaler and the like- but something changed and Mike, as weak as he was, knew why.

"You're still mad at me, aren't you," Mike said after Harvey had brought him out to the couch and then walked away.

Harvey stopped and sighed before turning back to his associate. "Yeah."

Mike bowed his head and Harvey felt a little guilty. He walked over to the couch and sat next to him.

"But not as much as before. Look Mike, I'm grateful for what you did, I really am, but I feel guilty and upset that however I've treated you made you feel like your life means way less than mine or nothing at all. You acted without thinking about yourself and it nearly got you killed. I just wish you would've talked to me."

Mike let out a shaky breath, wringing his hands. "I'm sorry, I should've, but I don't regret it. I would do it again."

"No, don't do it again," Harvey snapped. "It's not your job; if you had died I…I don't know what I would've done."

"What about me, though? You…you're the only family I have left. Without you, I'd have no job…without you I'd be alone, just like when my parents died. I couldn't go through that again, Harvey. I'd be nothing without you, so I'm sorry, but I'd do it again no matter what you say."

Harvey shook his head. "You're an idiot. You're not gonna let me die in peace are you."

"I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're brothers and we're supposed to have each other's back."

Harvey clenched his jaw, his heart swelling in emotion and pride before bringing the younger man into a tight hug. "Thank you."

Mike hugged back. "You're welcome."

Harvey inhaled, squeezing a little tighter until Mike hissed in pain. "Harvey-"

"Sorry." Harvey pulled away and pat the blonde's shoulder. "Let's not be knocking on death's door again anytime soon, okay?"

Mike grinned. "Deal."

End.

Hopefully most of the medical stuff about COPD/Leukemia is correct! I did as much research as I could!

Please leave a review at the bottom! :) And also stayed tuned! I will try to update tomorrow, the next chapter is already done!

Next Prompt for: Meanxruki: Harvey and Mike have an argument which ends up inducing an asthma attack and Harvey has no idea what is happening, being unaware of his associate's condition

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