Chapter 56

2008

The previous day had been the first one in weeks with a bit of rain. The sky was still grey, but the heat had picked up again. The short respite had been nothing but that: short. Already he could feel the shirt sticking to his skin and it was only ten in the morning.

Alex was walking next to him as they made their way through the little town. They only wanted to buy some groceries at the weekly market, but he felt like it would be a chore from which they'd need to recover for half the day once they got back to his place. He could already feel the sun doing its best to burn his skin and he wished he'd taken a bottle of water along.

Had he been flying today, he wouldn't have minded the heat. The air conditioning inside the cockpit made it almost easy to forget that outside the heat was searing the grass down on the surface. It almost made you forget there were actual people fighting and dying below you. Almost.

As did being here with Alex. They'd only been going out for about three weeks. Three weeks during which they'd quickly moved from an awkward sexual encounter to what appeared to be an exceptionally real thing. She was holding his hand despite the heat and he liked the feel of her fingers interwoven with his. He'd never been someone who liked handholding, but touching her hand made him feel more grounded. More present and more secure.

"I really quickly need to go in there," she said, pointing towards a narrow alley to the right of a fairly busy bakery.

Evan frowned and looked down the alley. A church? "Okay?" Hadn't she told him she wasn't religious? He doubted she'd lied, but she didn't give a reason for wanting to go, so he just let himself be led by her through the narrow alleyway and towards the tall, pinkish tower with the small roundish windows. His eyes wandered up the tower and he couldn't help but compare the church to the Roman buildings which stood just a couple of kilometres away in Trier. The concept of the architecture hadn't really changed these past millennia.

Only when Alex let go of his hand did he realize she was already through the door. Was she even expecting him to follow? This whole thing was strange to say the least, but she hadn't asked him to wait outside, so he followed her. She'd tell him what was going on eventually.

The scent of stale frankincense and candles were strangely welcome. He'd never been much of a fan of mass, but he liked the way churches smelled. He liked how the light caught in the big stained-glass windows and made everything inside the high-ceilinged buildings look eerie and lofty and somehow like a whole other world.

He stood in the entryway for a moment and, out of habit, because he knew what his grandmother would expect of him, he dipped his hand in the small marble stoup standing to the right of the aisle and crossed himself. Not for the sake of reaffirming a belief he didn't really have, but because he would've felt indecent not doing it. As though his grandmother would know if he didn't do it. What a silly thought. Alex had moved to the side and over to the rows of candles on the left side of the main ship. A soft clink echoed through the empty church as she donated a coin and reached for one of the candles.

Evan approached her quietly. When he reached her, she was just lighting her candle on one of the five others already burning there and she placed it on the lowest of the three tiers. For a moment she stood there quietly, her hands folded in front of her and her eyes trained on the candle. She didn't look sad, or like she was in prayer. More like she was thinking about someone, or something. It wasn't painful to watch her, but he felt a sudden emptiness inside his chest as she took a deep breath and looked at him again. Her face was clear and he could almost see the trace of a smile on her lips.

After a few minutes she took his hand again. "My father birthday was on August 5th. He died two months before his birthday."

Evan nodded. He squeezed her hand. "Are you okay?"

"I am now."

"Fix it, then."

Those had been Alex's words. And she wasn't wrong. The problem was he didn't know what he should do. There was very little to be done but keep asking their allies, looking for information on Michael's possible hideouts and ignoring the restlessness during good-will missions.

And then, five weeks after her disappearance, they finally received the intel they needed. And Teyla didn't have much time left before she was due. As he followed McKay through the abandoned warehouse, he couldn't help but think of Larsa. Of how Alex had been in a similar situation as Teyla must be now: dreading to give birth and terrified of losing her child. It was more than likely that Teyla would lose hers. And it was his fault.

Fix it, then.

But how? This place was empty. Empty except for the Wraith tech and the dust gathering on the floor. McKay was busy looking at a screen, apparently some technology stolen from the Genii and adapted by Michael…

"Jackpot," McKay muttered, kneeling down and looking at the data on the screen in front of him. Just seconds before Sheppard had confirmed equipment that looked like it might belong in a maternity ward. Evan's stomach was nothing but a painful knot.

"What d'you got?" Sheppard asked over the radio. The Marines they'd taken along were scouring the rest of the premises. His own team had been sent ahead to yet another planet having to deal with the Hoffan Plague. Jonas had protested, so had Woeste, Nabi and Fisherman, but they weren't needed here. A small strike force containing Sheppard's team, the Marines and Evan had to be enough.

But they were too early.

It wasn't unlikely their cover was already blown.

"I got everything! I got Gate addresses, I got subspace communication codes, I've even got his research into the hybrid." He turned around to look at Evan, his face alight with excitement. "He's history."

Evan returned his smile. That information could indeed make up for missing Teyla today. It would make the hunt easier.

And then the screen went dark.

It was clearly visible now. The standard-issue shirts in her normal size didn't fit anymore. They hadn't for weeks. She'd switched to two sizes up the previous week and she had to admit, she was starting to like the look of her bump. Especially when Evan held her close. When it was just the two of them and he positioned her in front of the mirror so she could watch him touch her belly. There was nothing erotic about it, but the way he held her, the way his fingertips brushed over her skin, made her feel all tingly in a different way.

And as she said at the central console in the control room, she had her hand on the very spot he'd touched mere hours ago, as though he could still feel his warmth there. It was nonsense, of course, but it couldn't be helped. She liked feeling less anxious. She liked feeling like it could all work out, and she'd never, not once even begun to think about that it might have something to do with the letter which Adam had sent her.

An actual, real letter. The first she'd ever received from him. Usually they stuck to emails and phone calls when she was on Earth. During their last short visit, she'd only left him a voice message, since he hadn't been available on the phone, and when he hadn't replied to her email, she'd almost thought he was angry with her for whatever reason.

But then that letter had arrived with the latest shipment of supplies aboard the Daedalus. A letter and a silver chain with a pendant inside the fold. She wasn't superstitious, but the fact that he'd sent it to her and the accompanying words, had made her cry. That too happened a lot more these days. It hadn't really happened during the first pregnancy. But then again, maybe she was just more sensitive to this one.

"Okay, what do you need?" Johnson asked as she sat down next to her.

"I- Isn't Chuck here?" Alex quickly dropped her hand and reached for the necklace instead. She was sure she'd seen the other technician just a few minutes ago.

"I can help you, too, you know?" She smiled and the crinkles around her small nose somehow accentuated the freckles. "I mean, we pretty much do the same job."

Alex nodded. Of course, she was right. "Right, so, I'm looking for an address, but my computer died on me this morning, so…"

Johnson nodded. "Right."

"Well, it's not exactly an address, but I think I figured out a couple of symbols that address belongs to, so it would be a big help if-"

The tell-tale sound of the Gate being dialled cut her off. She jumped to her feet. Nobody was due back. Evan had left a couple of hours ago and her heart skipped a beat as Johnson raised the shield. "Incoming traveller."

"Who?" And there was Chuck. Where had he been? He stormed forward, his eyes trained on the screen. Johnson might outrank him, but he'd been here longer than anybody else in the control room. His presence shifted authority from the most senior technician to the one with the most experience straight away.

Alex saw the name of the IDC's owner appear on the screen and her shoulders relaxed. "It's Jonas."

He went away all the time.

In fact, he was gone more often than he was home, and it was okay. When he came home again, things were good for a few days, but then her mother and father stopped talking to each other. Had the shouting which had been the status quo a few years ago been better? Alex wasn't quite sure.

She was sitting on her bed, going through old pictures from holidays she'd gone on with her family. Especially the one in the south of France. Why had her dad taken so many pictures then? Barely of Adam, more of her and that friend she'd made on the beach. Alex couldn't remember his name, but she recalled how much fun it'd been to play with him. She lingered on that picture, looking at the boy with the dark hair, the blue eyes and the incredible imagination. She flipped the photo over, hoping to find a name there. All she could see was a date though. A year.

1977.

She put the picture down again and lay down to stare at the ceiling. She should go downstairs. Her father would be leaving again the next morning, and who could say when he'd be back. When he'd come home two weeks ago, he had been sad. About a friend who had died. A friend who wouldn't be going on this next mission.

Who could say if he'd be next? That was always a possibility. When she was younger, she hadn't really thought of it that way, but now she did and it was harder.

She brushed her hand over her eyes, but before she could pull herself together and get up, there was a soft knock on her door. "Come in!" she shouted and her father came in. He was wearing that black shirt again and the silvery pendant was even more visible now. He always said how he liked having Saint Mary with him whenever he didn't have to wear Saint Dogtags.

"Hey, aren't you coming down?"

"No, I was going to," she said and he sat down next to her. He reached for the photos she'd dropped and a smile rushed over his face.

"I'm sorry we didn't go this time around."

"It's okay."

"Next year. I promise." He reached up and touched the side of her head. She felt like she was too big for that sort of thing, but she also didn't push his hand away.

"Where are you going tomorrow?"

"To the Falkland Islands."

"It's far, isn't it?" She'd heard the name on the news and it terrified her to hear her father would be going there next. And he had to go fast. She swallowed hard.

"Come back."

He nodded. "I'll do my best."

Rick stepped through the Gate first, followed directly by Jonas. "Where's the rest of the team?" Carter asked. She'd appeared on the bridge overlooking the departure area, her hands on the railings.

Jonas was pale, as he returned her gaze. This whole thing with the disease must be reminding him of the Ori Plague on his home planet. But it just made him work even harder. It made him more passionate about wanting to help people. "Back on the planet, we just came back to fetch more supplies."

Carter nodded and waved at them to come up. She smiled vaguely at Alex. "They'll be back soon," she said reassuringly, guessing what Alex was worried about without even having to try that hard. Well, it wasn't like Alex was hiding it.

Taking a deep breath, she sat down again. Missions to fight Wraith were always dangerous. But Michael was different. He was malicious. He hated their expedition, and probably for good reason. The experiments they'd done on the Wraith were unethical to say the least, and they still had little understanding of Wraith culture.

Back then they'd had even less. Though she saw how vital it might have seemed to conduct these experiments, she still couldn't forget how much might have been spared them all, had they decided to just leave him alone. What the expedition had been trying to accomplish was borderline genocide, there was just no other way of putting it, and it was probably one of the few things she could never even begin to discuss with Evan. She didn't dare. Not even now.

"That's a nice pendant."

Alex blinked. She hadn't even realized she was still clutching it. As though holding on from something from the past would do any good. "Thanks," she said, clearing her throat as she sat down next to Johnson again. Rick and Jonas walked past them, both of them throwing her a thin smile. What was it about people trying to make her feel better these days? "My brother sent it to me. It was our dad's."

"What is it? Can I look?"

Alex slipped the pendant underneath her shirt. "Just some superstitious religious thing." Her father had left it had home before he went to the Falklands. With their mother. He'd never returned to claim it. And Johnson didn't have a right to it.

The sun had set about an hour ago and Alex was unpacking. Johnson's search of the database hadn't yielded any information. Not that Alex was surprised. The last address leading Sheppard and his team, along with Jonas, to the next meeting place, hadn't been in there either. She'd just needed to check.

She picked up another box and set it down on the sofa opposite the door leading out on the small balcony.

She wasn't tired anymore, not the way she had been the first few weeks of the pregnancy, but she could feel the strain of the last couple of days and weeks. Of worrying about Evan getting caught up in his guilt. There hadn't been a whole lot for her to tell him, there hadn't been a word of comfort or encouragement she could give him. She knew he wouldn't give up, and she didn't want him to. What she wanted was for him to come back home. To come back safe and sound and with his conscience at ease.

They hadn't heard from Sheppard's team. It didn't have to mean anything. She knew that.

But it might.

And all she could do was wait.

All she could do was stay busy. Her head was aching, so attempting another go at the interviews was out of the question, as was diving into her research notes. Unpacking was easier, but it didn't keep her mind occupied. She sat down on the sofa and looked out through the stained-glass window overlooking the ocean as it lay there, dark blue and serene, below her. She only wished she could see beauty in it right now. In the way the ripples of water glinted silver as they threw back the light of the two moons overhead. In the lights of the South East pier shimmering below. In the stars above.

In all of it she saw Evan. Evan's sense for beauty.

Michael had screwed them over before. Several times in fact. What if this new Gate address was another trap. Just another way of getting payback for what they'd done to him?

The soft chime of the door made her heart skip a beat. She jumped to her feet, fully intent on telling Anna that she wasn't hungry. That she didn't want food. And yet she had a gut feeling that it wasn't Anna. It was too late for a late night visit from her friend. And it wasn't her.

"Can I come in?" Jonas asked, his voice deeper than usual and the frown he'd been wearing so often since he'd returned to work with the Tau'ri was back on his face.

"What is it?"

Jonas pressed his lips together. "There was an explosion in Michael's compound," he said. "A team of combat engineers is on its way."

A/N: As you can see we're at the end of season 4. I take no credit for the dialogue in Michael's compound of course, but I did a bit of transcribing myself. Hope you liked it. Things are moving forward, and I guess we still have 10 chapters or so to go, but that's just a rough estimate.