Written for: delightfullyweird. May 21st, 2019 ShieldShock "Why would you DO that?"

"Why would you DO that?!"

As soon as Bucky heard that, he should've walked away. The problem with realizing something mid-action is the brain doesn't always have time to send the right signals to the body. And if you've already opened the door, there's really nothing the brain can do except take in the image of your best friend shirtless on the couch with his girlfriend wearing a French maid costume in his lap.

Maybe this was his fault. He was the idiot who lost his charger and needed to borrow someone else's. Now if he wanted any access to his phone at all, he'd have to fight his way through a pair of wild animals and hopefully not end up scarred for life in the process.

"Hey Bucky," Darcy said. She was wearing purple lipstick that didn't look so great on her, but Steve loved purple so it was really a matter of opinion.

"Hi Darcy," he said. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Nope, not a thing. Just a deep philosophical discussion about life and existence and whether or not Steve could use me as a pommel horse."

"A what?" The very idea made Bucky shudder for reasons he didn't understand. "Why would you even do that?"

"That's what I said," Steve muttered.

"Hey, come on. Relationships thrive on experimentation." Darcy nuzzled her face in Steve's neck, which, to her credit, he clearly didn't mind. "You can't just have the same old sex all the time. It gets old."

"So your idea of experimenting is pretending to be a gymnast." Bucky would say he was surprised, but having known Darcy for several months, he really wasn't. "You couldn't try something smaller first?"

"Hello, do you see what I'm wearing?" Darcy rotated on Steve's lap to better display her black stockings, tight mini-dress, low neckline and partly removed frilly headpiece. Bucky would've liked to say her choice of wardrobe had no effect on him, but quirkiness aside, she was a beautiful woman and that dress fit her curvaceous form all too well.

"Fine," he said looking straight at her eyes and nowhere else. "Sorry to have interrupted you."

Darcy gave an impish smirk. "You can stay if you want."

"No, thank you."

"Are you sure? We haven't tried a threesome yet."

"Ask Sam. I'm sure he'd be happy to join in."

"Maybe we will. Nerd."

"Buck, don't listen to her," Steve sighed. "She's just kidding."

"Yeah, Buck, I'm just kidding." She winked as if Steve couldn't see it.

"Uh huh," Bucky backed out the door. "Okay, you guys have fun. If you need me, I will be literally anywhere else in the entire world."

"Sounds good."

"Yup." Bucky started to walk away, but then doubled back. "Hey Darcy, ask Steve about the raspberry jam thing."

"The what?" asked Darcy and Steve.

Bucky grinned evilly. "Come on, Steve. Don't tell me you forgot. All those USO girls went crazy when you did the raspberry jam thing."

"HAH!" Darcy shouted. "I knew you weren't a virgin when we met!"

"He's making it up!"

"Yeah right."

Bucky left them to talk it over and render that couch completely unusable. He was in much better spirits and quite satisfied with himself until he got back to his apartment and remembered his phone was still dead.