I turned my attention back to Angela, watching the slow rise of her breathing, and then the tossing and turning. This should have given her a dreamless sleep, from the look of it, it's not working. Ana is safe, the rest should be here soon... this might be too much for her to handle.
Tears streamed down her face as she slept with soft sobbing. I'm at a complete loss, if I would have never pretended to die in the HQ explosion... I've made mistake after mistake. Every time I don't listen to voices of reason, maybe this is why everything happened. My emotions got the best of me.
Angela sat up suddenly, her eyes wild until they locked into mine. Her small hand reached out to my face again.
" I'm so sorry...I didn't know she would—" her lips pressed against mine, silencing me. I let her lead, if this is what she wants then she can have it.
Her limbs wrapped around me in embrace, she deepens the kiss pulling me down with her.
I can hardly remember it, her dominance, fully exhausting both of us. Her naked body panting next to mine. Her hand tracing up my chest.
" ange I swear I can't again" I breathed. She nodded as her head rested on my chest, finally I can see the extent of damage on her, the blanket half wrapped around one leg, the exposed skin had faint scarring all down it. My jaw clenched, I'm going to fucking kill him for this.
" angel, I need water, do you need anything?" I tried to carefully move her. But her reaction was sudden, yanking the blankets over herself.
" wha—-"
" you think I'm hideous!" She almost wailed.
" not at all, you are the most—"
" stop looking !" She whispered. I nodded, turning my back to her while I searched for wherever my clothes had landed.
The click of the canister made me turn for a moment while redressing.
" I'm sorry" she says barely above a whisper.
" don't be, you have been through—"
" I don't want to talk about it. I won't talk about it. " her words rushed out of her.
" only when you are ready" I said as I went into the bathroom and filled up a glass. My back suddenly winced in pain, what the hell? Setting down the glass I angled myself to look in the mirror, as I lifted my shirt I had scratches all over my back, alright then... just a small amount of blood.
I gulped down the water and refilled it l, returning to the room, Angela was staring bewildered at the spots of blood where my back had been.
" did I?" She started.
" it's fine! I didn't even notice" I offered a smile while handing over the cup, that she finished rather quickly.
" I don't know what comes over me" she mumbles.
" we will figure that out"
" I will figure it out, I just need supplies" she says with a distracted nod.
" of course"
She laid back down on the bed, smiling and staring at the ceiling. At least she looks happy, even if it is the drugs... I cautiously laid down next to her, holding my hand out to her if she wanted it. Instead she curled up next to me, her head back on my chest. Her body finally relaxed as I wrapped my arm around her waist, holding her securely against me.
" I love you " she hummed.
" I love you too angel" I carefully kissed her forehead, her barely audible snoring, that was fast...
But finally after so many weeks I could sleep comfortably for a bit.
—-
Angela's POV :
His phone woke me up, he was still out of it. I tried to shift my body to reach his phone but he took the shift as another position to cuddle. I planted a kiss on his brow, my hair must have brushed his nose, because it twitched as I tried getting out of it.
He grunted as his eyes barely opened.
" Sie haben eine Nachricht" ( you have a message) I declared.
He grunted again, turning to grab his phone. I could still see the faint scratch marks as his shirt lifted a bit. I could feel my cheeks flush.
Rubbing his face before looking at the screen.
" shit" he grumbled tossing his phone between us.
I feel so nauseated and out of it, pressing my hands to my temple, trying to focus. I could feel his nervous energy, his guilt and his pity. It's becoming overwhelming, but my mood feels flat, almost like staring in at myself in a cage. A long exhale, his hands caressed my back slowly making small circles.
" would you be up to some socializing later?" He asked, I instinctively flinched. I don't want pity. I know it would be good for me, but I still don't know if this is real. Everything seems real, he's too much of himself to be fake or to be some sort of cruel mind game.
Fuck he's waiting for an answer, my mouth opened and shut,
' cat got your-'
" shut up" I replied.
" I'm sorry I didn't mean..." Jack's voice, his voice.
" did I say that outloud?"
" yes, but I shouldn't have asked" he answered, sounding defeated.
" shouldn't have asked what?"
" if you wanted to talk to anyone when they arrive" he said while looking unsure of himself.
" oh, uhm. Can I think about it?"
" of course you can, I didn't mean to sound pushy"
" you weren't, I get stuck " I motioned to my head, struggling to find the words, trying desperately to block the voice out. It just seems like it is getting louder, it's not the voice it's anger.
" can you please?" I asked motioning to the mask. He didn't hesitate, he didn't look sad as I took a long inhale, gradually feeling more relaxed. I handed it back to him when I finished, and there flickers the sadness.
"I'm angry, and until I figure all of this out, this is all that helps" I sighed.
" we will get you a lab, somehow... but do you think you could try what you made... to help with Amelie? " the words left his mouth and his eyes filled with regret.
I let out a small laugh, why am I like this?!
" I want to check before trying"
" what do you need?, I'm sure there's something in the ship that can help" he suggested.
" I'm scared..." I blurted out.
" all these years of knowing what I was doing and suddenly not knowing anything. Not trusting my own thoughts or knowing if I can harness this! Fuck! I don't know what to do, or how to even begin, I don't know anything! And I'm so scared... I'm so..." I stopped, his face had completely dropped, I could see the pain all over his face, his eyes watery.
I don't know why I kept talking...
" I'm sorry. I have no filter"
" angel, please... talk to me, let it out! Don't feel remorse for anything right now" He soothed reaching for my hand, instead I crawled into his lap, tucking my head into the crook of his shoulder, while he securely held me.
" I have done horrible things, my sleep is nightmares. I'm so used to a nightmare, I'm violent.. I DONT WANT TO BE THIS WAY" the ache in my chest pounding, screaming to come out.
" I don't know how many... how many I killed" I whispered. He didn't flinch or pull away, he just held me in silence.
My cheeks felt hot from all the tears, some mine and some his.
" what happened?"
" I don't know, I just —- I see pieces, almost fragments. I'm terrified of my memories... I can't-" I stopped mid-sob. I could feel the flesh tearing apart in my hands, I can smell the burning of skin... I don't want to do this! I don't want to do this!
" angel?" His voice muffled, loud ringing, the looks of betrayal as they lay strewn in the burning room, motionless, their last moments captured on their faces, human faces... people I don't know... just so much destruction.
" ANGEL!"
Screaming, a guttural mourning scream, it's so loud, my hands firmly pressed against my ears but it's just louder... a hand touched my back pressing into the base of my spine.
My body is shaking and the scream is now muffled, I'm shaking, stop! Focus. Jack?
The bodies aren't there, instead it's Junkrat holding the mask to my face, wait no. It's jack...
The screaming aches my jaw, I am still screaming.
" deep breath" pleaded Jack as he looked me in the eyes.
I immediately stopped and inhaled as deeply as I could. He finally removed the mask and I crumpled into his arms, my throat aching.
" I'm so sorry" I tried to choke out between sobs.
" you have nothing to be sorry about, I shouldn't have asked further questions" Jack said kindly.
He held my head against his shoulder, but I could hear the door cracking. My head shot up in the direction, just to see Ana trying to sneak out.
She noticed that I noticed " I'll get you something to drink" she suggested.
" not you" I said.
She looked genuinely hurt as she tried to apologize again.
" I realize the alchemy now... I made a rash decision without asking you first"
Anger surges through me, but then relief.
" one works as a depressant, the other is a sedative—- that is not your science" I hissed feeling even more aggressive.
" please leave" I whispered.
Her annoyance was visible, this wasn't like her... but I'm not myself. Thankfully she did as I asked, I could breathe normally again for a moment.
" can I tell you something?" He asked, I rested my head on a pillow, motioning for him to join.
He eased his tired body down, holding my hand with a sweet gentleness.
" yes" I replied, I don't know what he is going to say, I don't want to get emotional.
" I won't turn myself in, I realize how ridiculous I was sounding, with all you have been through I cannot leave you, or ask anyone to do the same. Right now I want to focus on getting you somewhere to figure out things" he paused, his eyes closed for a moment in exhaustion. He won't take time to relax for himself, he's running himself ragged. My new energy is a match for his, and I can feel the exhaustion surrounding him.
" thank you, now please try to get some more rest" I quietly pleaded.
" not until-"
My finger pressed to his lips, before replacing it with my own lips into a chaste kiss.
" please, I can tell"
He threw his hands up in mock surrender, a half smile twitched for a brief moment.
" One condition"
" hmmmm?"
" join me?" He asked.
I don't want to sleep again, even if I'm tired, the nightmares are on repeat.
" you can always take something and I'll be here if you can't sleep" he instinctively stated as he stood up to arrange the bed, he placed the mask on my nightstand before sliding back into the bed. I don't want to sleep, it's all I did on my journey, but it's what he wants and it's what he needs.
Eventually I made my way over to him, tucking myself into his chest and tracing his arm until I fell asleep.
—-
Jack's POV:
Her warm breath against my chest as she slept in my arms, her heart was racing in sleep. Her nails would dig into my flesh and release after a moment. She should rest more, holding her is the most perfect dream, and somehow it's not helping.
I can't focus on where would be a good location to work. We can't return to Torbjorn's until we are ready for collecting John. Poor John... she won't be feeling up to that for who knows how long. Fuck. I neglected him, that's not what I should be focusing on. Getting Angela better should be my priority, and not the nagging revenge scheme I'm planning against Talon and anyone that stands in the way. I want to be able to stay awake enough to make sure she sleeps, but that wasn't our agreement. I am supposed to be sleeping, her warmth is becoming a sleep enabler.
—
She is laying directly on my chest, limbs everywhere, hair tickling my neck. I try moving her off to the side but suddenly her arms and legs wrap tighter.
" angel" I mumbled groggily.
" hm?" She sleepily replies.
Oh well... as long as she is comfortable. Securing my hands around her waist and resting in the small of her back, I could try to fall asleep.
—
" they are here"
Read the message from Hanzo, the soft buzzing woke me up, Angela fully entwined around me.
" angel" I whispered, she didn't respond, I gently pried her legs off of me while she clung to my torso.
" Angela" I tried again, her snuggling Vice grip holding me in place, this isn't a new thing, often back at HQ she would do this after immensely stressful days. After saving Genji's life she slept for almost a full day, waking up occasionally to complain that I left, but I had work as well and didn't want suspicions to arise.
Eventually I pried her off, checked her pulse, which was pounding one moment and then relaxed. I found my clothes and changed, before carefully exiting the room. My mask is secure, I don't feel comfortable with junkrat knowing for certain. The rest don't know, well depending on who they are.
I was startled to see Winston, Farrah and Genji standing there. Lena and Jesse were already curled up.
" May I see her?" Was the first thing Genji Said.
" I'm not certain if she's up for any visitors" I answered, I could hear him sigh in response.
Lena was listening in intently and seemed upset at my response.
Everyone had already settled in.
" who else is here?" I asked.
" just us, we wanted—- he needed to be safe" Said Winston alluding to John.
" they went deeper underground, with how many Lindholms we figured he would go unnoticed in case" he added under his breathe. It's not a bad plan.
" he?" Mouthed Junkrat to Hanzo who just replied with a haunting glare.
" if we are making the move to accountability, I needed to be here" Winston seemingly talked out of anxiety, fiddling with his glasses as he spoke.
" that was a good plan, but remember we were all doing our own things, you just corralled us from destroying ourselves" i replied trying to put his mind at ease. But the tension remained, everyone was on edge and my already frayed nerves were rattling. The naps should have helped but here I am, listless and staring at a group I tried to assemble to turn ourselves in, and now that isn't happening.
" we are fighting, if you are prepared that is. I made the bad decision thinking turning ourselves in would be our only option, however sense was talked into me" I paused wishing someone would chime in. Instead they stared as if hanging onto my words.
As if... I'm their commander again.
That horrible dread, sticking to any confidence I possess.
" I'm with you" Genji voices in the silence. A smattering of voices combined in collective agreement. Including the uneasy Farrah. Ana wasn't saying anything she just nodded at me, we are such a small group now... but we tried with smaller. Everyone began to settle in, catching up and staring suspiciously at Junkrat.
I joined them on the couches despite wanting to check on Angela.
" should I send an update?" Asked Farrah directed at me. I know how much she despises the constant neglect of John, we aren't trying to be bad parents, we are desperately trying to keep him safe and that is the last thing Angela did before sacrificing herself. She could have tried to hide better, but she knew they would just get both of them if she did.
" of course" I replied, her expression didn't change much, still slightly annoyed.
" she's just upset she had to leave her girlfriend behind" Ana states while shooting her daughter a look.
" of course I am" replied Farrah. " it's not her job to ba-" Ana immediately covered her mouth and gave one of the most scornful looks to her while motioning at the curious Junkrat.
" alright I see when I'm not privy to information! I'm not a narc!" Junkrat whined.
" you are strictly here for Angela. If it wasn't for her you would be in some desert" Genji hissed.
Now Hanzo was upset " you just met him, those in metal suits shouldn't be throwing the first stones" he growled.
" those with arrows shouldn't fight against swords!" Genji quipped.
Lucio let out a loud laugh, but Hana nudged him disapprovingly.
" what? " he laughed.
" you know what!" She answered in annoyance.
" CHILDREN! BEHAVE YOURSELVES" Ana attempted to regain control of the room but it was already in a mess. I slipped away from it all to do a quick check on Angela. The sliver of open curtains allowed a sunset to cast on her seated body. She turned to look at me in the near darkness.
" they sound happy " she commented.
" they want to see you, but that isn't the reason for the squabble" I replied as I sat next to her.
" I feel anxious about going out there, I tried..." she sighed, resting her head on my shoulder.
" I don't think they would notice if you did appear out there, but then again Mei isn't out there either"
" that's not funny" she hissed.
" what? Oh. Fuck. I thought I told you—- " I swear I told her about Mei, but things have been chaotic.
" told me what?!"
" while we were looking for you we got a signal from ecopoint, and it was Mei..."
" cryostasis" she whispered.
" you would know better, but Lúcio and Hana picked her up and she's here but obviously not doing too well either " I stopped myself from continuing. What the hell am I going on about? Why the hell did we think bringing two traumatized people together would do any good?
" that is a lot to process" she whispered while I carefully rubbed her back.
" we didn't believe it at first, but she's here. I haven't talked to her yet I don't think anyone besides Hana and Lúcio have" how could I Just spring this on her. They were friends... are friends.
Tears streamed down her face, even in the darkness I could see them glisten.
" can I see her?" She whispered.
" I can ask? I'll bring her over if she is willing" I replied. She let go of me quickly and I hastened my exit. Everyone was still chatting loudly, barely paying mind to me as I walked to the room I knew Mei was in.
This is going to be awkward, I haven't spoken to her yet. My knock was deliberate, the door cracked open to reveal Mei, exactly as she was when I last saw her all those years ago.
" hello?" Responded her wavering voice. Oh fuck she doesn't know who I am.
" Angela would like to see you" I blurted out. Her eyes began to water as she wiped away the tears with her sweatshirt.
" of-of course" she answered after a moment, she stepped out of her room, her slippers bumping into my boots.
Lena immediately jumped up and rushed over to her friend, apparently she hasn't been reunited yet either and Mei seemed happy but terrified. Bursting into tears when they made contact. Winston joined in the reunion excitedly.
" whenever you are ready I'll take you to her" I said as I left towards the bedroom again.
When I entered I explained the situation to Angela who seemed to understand.
" that must be overwhelming" she said with a sigh.
" I know, but I knew you didn't want to go out there"
" I'm just, I don't know how- I don't want— I just..." her breathing became strained before she used her mask again. I really wish she wouldn't...
" fuck I want to be myself again" she sobbed, then burst into laughter then sobbing again. I removed my mask to speak more honestly with her.
" I know that feeling—- it's hard to face people when you've experienced trauma and you know that angel" I kissed her forehead. Her hands gripped the collar of my jacket as she kissed me back.
" you are doing so—" she started to say inbetween kisses.
" I'm not, you are the only reason I'm not losing my mind. You were my one reminder in this world that someone and something can go right. I uh—- I made mistakes, I've done things I shouldn't have in our time apart—- things I regret, but I made those choices ange, you had no choice in whatever happened to you. You need to remember that. The same amount of forgiveness you have shown me, I don't deserve but you deserve it" and then it just all broke me down, flooding into my system. The people I killed, I know they were evil people who Blackwatch would have taken care of. But this time I was the one actually doing the killing and without a second thought. I didn't hold back the tears anymore. My head met her shoulder and she just held me.
" we are the pair aren't we?" I said muffled into her shoulder. She let out an actual laugh for a moment, before a soft little sob escaped for brief second.
She cautiously lifted my head in her hands and kissed me again.
" thank you" she whispered.
" anytime angel" I answered, before kissing her again.
A knock interrupted whatever was started, so we pulled back. I put my troublesome mask back on and made my way back to the door. Angela turned on the bedside light and Mei carefully shuffled in.
I briefly nodded at Angela before leaving the room to give them time.
Rejoining the entire group was exhausting, some knowing who I am and others still not knowing. Namely Lúcio, Junkrat and Hana. Despite their suspicions. It's not like it needs to remain a secret but I'm still wary of Junkrat.
" why was she allowed to visit but we aren't?" Lena asked as she slid onto the seat next to mine.
" I think you know the answer to that"
Her face scrunched up as she tried to not burst into tears.
" I'm sorry, that wasn't very tactful of me. Mei hasn't seen her in years, I think the overwhelming feeling of everything might be better if it's a shared feeling..." I lamented to her.
" how is she?" Her shaky voice was riddled with emotion.
I tried to speak but my voice cracked twice.
" that bad?" Her tears welling up more, thankfully Jesse left where he was to join us and comfort her better than I could.
"There there pumpkin" he coos.
If there's one thing I can count on, it's Jesse making a ridiculous comment.
" but what can we do?" Asked Lena after a moment.
" I think she will be better once she gets to a lab or somewhere she can just lose herself in. " I answered.
" what about the videos? We heard something about that" said Jesse.
I let out a loud grunt unintentionally " I don't want to think about that" I added.
Their concern was written all over their faces, but there's nothing we can do for her right now.
" ange!" Shrieks Lena suddenly.
I turned my head to see her twitching and standing next to Mei.
" just be careful with her" I mumbled.
A/N: Thank you for reading, sorry for the long wait between updates, but there have been longer ones before!
Sorry to sound like a broken record but i want to thank all of you for reading this, seriously. I have more written but i'm apprehensive about it, so if you have any suggestions or ideas one what you like/don't like/where you think this is headed PLEASE! feel free to message me or comment here! I love you all, thank you! Thank you TheMdogs, jfm76, CyborgNinja777, ayumiiishinozakiii, robot584 and of course L0rdOfThEMemes, Kirabeta and my mysterious guest!