I detached myself from her neck and looked up to her to find her chestnut gaze. Both panting, sweating from the heat of the room and from our embrace, we couldn't move our hands, as if we both wanted to make this instant last forever. At least, i knew i wanted it. Her heart was beating hard against my chest and i couldn't break this contact. I wanted to make her roll to the side and fall asleep in her arms but on this soaked wooden floor, that would be pretty uncomfortable for both of us.
I miss a futon so much right now.
Even if i didn't want to, I lift her up to put her back on the bench and took a soap to begin rubbing it on her skin.
« What... are you doing ? » she asked me, her flustered face back.
« You came here to bath. There's no way i let you get out of here unclean. » i explained with my toneless voice already back.
« I can take care of it myself ! » she said, grabbing the soap, her face red with embarrassment.
I smiled at the sight of her flustered red face. Visibly her shyness didn't disappear along with her innocence. She was still the same Chizuru, unable to hide her feelings and blushing for anything. I loved this side of her. I got up and kissed her on the forehead.
« I love you. » i told her.
« I love you too. » she replied, becoming even more red.
I took a step back and turn around to pour a bucket on my head. I was doing it more to calm my body, ready to start again already, than to get clean.
Pity there is only hot water here, an ice bucket would be more effective.
I glanced at Chizuru for the corner of my eye who was still rubbing the soap on her legs. She noticed me and put her arms to hide her breasts and her intimity.
« Don't look at me ! » she blushed.
« Alright. » i shrugged but the smirk on my mouth wouldn't go away.
I was probably looking a lot like Souji at this instant and i also wanted to act like him, tease her, make her blush even more... I grabbed a soap and rubbed my body before pouring another bucket on my head, trying my best not to look at Chizuru, her silky skin, her wetness, her perfect body and her flustered red face. I glanced again and saw that her body was now covered in soap. I approached and grabbed her hips to pull her against me. With the soap, her skin was even more smooth, like she was an eel, and i held her as if she could escape me.
« Can i rinse myself ? » she asked with a smile « or am I never going to leave this room ? »
« If only... » i said, detaching myself and grabbing a bucket that I poured on her, rinsing the soap off her body.
« Why do you want to help me so bad ? » she mocked me as i was taking all the soap away.
« As soon as we get out of there, we'll be back to secrecy. I'll be back to pretend indifference. Let me care while i can. » i answered calmly and her smile disappeared.
« Sorry... »
« Why are you apologizing ? »
« I didn't realize... » she said.
« Never apologize for speaking to me. Whatever you say. » i said gently and i put the bucket away. « You're clean. »
« Thanks. » she smiled.
I took a look at our clothes, soaked on the floor and still bloody. Guilt invade my heart. Tairô's corpse wasn't even cold and i was acting like this instead of grieving his death. Where was the respect in that ?
« Get in the bath. » i said to Chizuru « i'll join you shortly. »
She obeyed and i took all the clothes in my arms before exiting the bathroom. The freezing cold of this november night burned my naked skin as i walked to my room. I didn't care if anyone could see me, we were all men here. I entered and grabbed a kimono and nagajuban to dress and brought the bloody clothes to the well. I filled the bucket with cold water and put the clothes in so that the blood could get off easier. I would pick them up in the morning. I went to Chizuru's room next to get her a hakama, kimono and nagajuban and went back to the bathroom.
When i entered, Chizuru plunge her head in the bath, making all her body disappear so i could only see the top of her head and her eyes. When she saw it was me, she got her head out and smiled.
I put her clean clothes on a dry bench before getting back outside to fetch some wood. I put it in the fire to heat the bath, not too much so we wouldn't boil. I unclothed myself and got in the bath near her. More at ease than before, probably relaxed by the hot water, she immediately snuggled up with me. I passed my arm around her, letting the water heat my body who had been froze by the air outside.
« Are you feeling alright ? » i asked her suddenly.
« Yes, the bath's hot, it's so nice... » she answered, snuggling even more.
I was reassured. I feared that maybe her first time had been a bit too painful but she seemed to have forgotten the pain already.
« Do you resent me ? » i asked.
« Why would I ? » she asked in return, concerned.
« For dishonoring you without marrying you first. » i explained.
Now that i wasn't in the heat of the moment anymore, the guilt was making its way in my heart. I should have known better.
« Yeah, I'll have to find a husband who doesn't care if his wife is spoiled... » she answered with a smirk. « Do you care ? »
« I don't. » i answered, smiling as well « and you're not marrying anyone but me. »
To me you are perfect. How could you be spoiled just by being with me ? You're the most precious thing i have.
We stayed in the bath several minutes and Chizuru started brushing her hand on my chest. She was looking at it, lost in thoughts, and it made me smirk when i remembered how she was doing her best not to look at my bare body moments ago.
« What is it ? » i asked her.
« So many scars... » she whispered and i took a look too.
Of course, it wasn't as impressive as Harada's giant scar but yes, my chest was covered with it. Most of them were small and not so deep so you couldn't really see them from afar but as she passed her hands on them, she could sense the relief and trace their contour.
« I never realized... » she continued, still lost in thoughts « even that time when i came in your room and you were naked... »
I remembered that day, two years ago, when she entered my room thinking i was in pain while i was just having a dream. That day too, she avoided the sight of my bare chest the best she could so it wasn't really surprising.
« Do you remember where you got all of them ? » she asked, curious.
« Unfortunately, i don't. And i don't think i have any great story about them in case you wondered. » i answered in a calm voice.
« You got them in battle ? »
« Would you believe me if i say that most of them come from Souji ? » i smirked.
The way she chuckled indicated me that she was indeed believing it.
« You should see his chest. » I added « it's far worse than mine. »
She kept chuckling and i looked at her. She was mine. All of her. I wanted to make love to her again but that wouldn't be respectful to all the other men of the compound who are using the same bath to relax. She seemed to enjoy the hot water a lot, she never asked if we could get out. After I'll marry her, maybe i'll take her to hot springs. She would probably enjoy that a lot. When the war is over and the shogunate stable again, marrying Chizuru will be the first thing i do.
« Let's get out. » i said finally, sensing that the water was getting a bit colder.
She followed me and we both took a cloath to wipe the water off our bodies before dressing up. She blowed the light and i exited the room, looking left and right to see if anyone was out.
« It's clear. » i told her and she got out as well.
Now we were out, i didn't hold her, i didn't kiss her. I bowed to her with respect and wished her goodnight before heading back to my room. The magic was broken.
« Good night, Yukimura. »
« Good night, Saito. »