Hi, guys! I'm so sorry for not updating since, like, last summer. I've had a very busy semester with school and wasn't able to update as often as I wanted to. Anyway, I don't own James and the Giant Peach (by Roald Dahl, one of the best authors ever) or PJO/HOO. That stuff belongs to Uncle Rick.

PLEASE READ THE STORY AND REVIEW. THANKS AND I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY THIS ONE!

CREDIT: This story was suggested by ponystoriesandothers.

WITH JASON AND THALIA

Thalia was finishing up the book James and the Giant Peach, when Jason ran into her room. "Can't sleep," he told her, crawling under the covers with her.

Thalia sighed. "Would you like a story to calm you down, Jason?"

"Uh-huh," Jason said shakily.

"Okay," said Thalia. "This story is about you."

JASON AND THE GIANT PEACH

Allow me to introduce you to Jason Jupiter Grace. He lived with his father—Jupiter—and his drunk mother—Beryl Grace—near the ocean. Jason didn't have a fantastic relationship with his parents, but he preferred his father over his mother.

Unfortunately, one day, there was a horrible storm that murdered the hell out of his parents, and he was left alone. AW! Then…he was brought up by his aunts, Aunt Demeter and Aunt Hera (the two meanest ladies in Classical mythology…other than Medea, anyway).

So, today was Jason's first day living with his aunts, whom he hated.

"Welcome to your new bedroom," said Aunt Hera. "We thought you'd be more comfortable up here in the attic. It gets pretty chilly down on the main floors during the winter."

"Now, once you've finished unpacking, there are lots of chores to be done," said Aunt Demeter. "You need to weed the garden, clean the toilets, wash the dishes, and make us dinner."

As soon as Jason unpacked his stuff, he went outside to start his daily chores.

While he was doing them, Aunt Hera and Aunt Demeter were sipping cool glasses of lemonade and they were watching Jason struggle with the chores, too.

Suddenly, Aunt Demeter began to speak in poetry:

"I look and smell, I do declare, as lovely as a flower.

Each day I wake up beautiful; I never need to shower.

Observe my lovely, lovely dress.

And since I'm such a sweet goddess, I'll be worshipped within an hour."

Aunt Hera did sort of the same thing:

"Although you are a beauty, take a good look at me.

For I surpass you, dear Demeter, because I am a cutie."

These poems were making Jason want to puke, but he continued to weed the garden.

"You've been weeding that garden all day!" yelled Aunt Demeter. "Knock it off and start on those dishes! Your aunts are planning a fancy dinner tonight, and we'd love to have our best wine glasses cleaned!"

Jason sighed silently, went inside, then began to clean the dishes. As he cleaned, he sang that song called "This is the Way I Wash These Damn Dishes" to himself while his aunts continued to lounge about outside.

Finally, Jason had finished with his chores for the day. He'd finished the dishes, cleaned the toilets, and was currently making dinner for his aunts. It was six-thirty when the dinner of steak and potatoes was completed.

Hera and Demeter (who were burnt from sitting out in the sun all day) came into the kitchen and smelled the air.

"Well, that's more like it," snarled Aunt Demeter. "I'm starving!"

"Who's the third plate for?" asked Aunt Hera.

"Me," said Jason. "I need to eat, too."

"I think," said Aunt Demeter, "that this steak is much too good for you, dear."

"Yes," said Aunt Hera in a sickly-sweet voice, "we wouldn't want you to enjoy it too much, Jason."

"What am I going to eat, then?" he demanded.

"Um…" Aunt Hera looked around the kitchen, in all the cupboards, and in the fridge. Finally, she came to the pantry—which was pretty messy—and pulled out a bag of potato chips. "Here you go," she said. "That's your dinner."

"Now…just…get out," snarled Aunt Demeter. "You're giving me a headache."

Jason sadly walked upstairs to the attic and plopped down on his bed. He began to eat the potato chips, which made him very thirsty. Alas, he had no water to drink. Jason finally threw the bag of chips away and went over to the window.

Jason crawled into bed after putting his pajamas on, got under the covers, and fell into an uneventful sleep (I mean, he didn't have, like, crazy nightmares or anything. Usually, Jason had bad dreams, but tonight he didn't have any…which was almost just as bad. Like, if you don't dream, all you'll see is darkness). Okay, moving on.

Jason was woken up the next morning by Aunt Demeter breathing down his neck. "What in Hades?" he barked.

"Get up, you rotten slug-head!" Aunt Demeter growled (Wow, Jason thought, slug-head. That's a new one!). "Time to go work in the garden again!"

"But I already did that yesterday," Jason whined (not very Roman, if you ask me).

"DO IT AGAIN!" yelled Aunt Demeter.

As soon as Jason started working, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He jumped, startled, and found himself staring at a man in a leg brace, wearing a grimy mechanic's uniform.

"What's up?" asked the mechanic. "You're Jason Grace, right?"

"Y-yes, sir," said Jason.

"Good," the man grunted. "Good. You know who I am?"

"Superman cleverly disguised as Vulcan?"

"No."

"Thor?"

"No."

"Mars?"

"Dammit, Jason! You're so stupid. I'm Hephaestus, Greek god of the forges and fire! Basically, I'm a cool dude on Olympus, but everyone treats me like a slave." Hephaestus did a "ta-da" motion that Jason rolled his eyes at.

"Wait," Jason stated, "why am I talking to a Greek god when I'm Roman?"

"Well," said Hephaestus, "the author of this story is super lazy, and thought they'd put in a healthy mix of Greek and Roman gods. More Roman ones will come up later…spoiler alert!

"At any rate, I'm here to help you out, boy. I've been watching you ever since you moved in."

Jason's pulse started to race. "You've been…watching me?"

"Yeah."

"Like…while I'm in the bathroom?"

Hephaestus' cheeks turned ketchup-red. "I did that once and learned it was a mistake. So, I went back to just watching you while you sleep instead. Don't worry; I only watch you while you're sleeping, while you're eating, and while you're working your ass off. The rest of the time, you're on your own, dude."

Jason calmed down a little, but still felt uncomfortable. "Okay. What do you want?"

"I'm here to make your life change…forever," said Hephaestus, bringing out a small bag from his pocket. "See this bag? Inside here, there are little green thingies that will make your issues go away."

"W-what are they, exactly?" asked Jason.

"Oh, they're parts of a monkey's brain, which were broiled in the fires of Vesta for twenty-three days and nights, then I mashed them up, danced in them naked, and let the gods of the moon do the rest."

Jason shrugged.

"So, Jason, let me ask you this," said Hephaestus. "Are you happy here?"

"No."

"Where would you like to be in the whole world?"

"Well, my late parents told me about this place called New Rome—"

"Then, that's where you'll be going. It's not as far away as it seems. You just need to take that first step. Eventually, you'll get there. Do you want the bag or not?"

Jason nodded, but Hephaestus held the bag out of his reach. "Now, listen, Jason. You've got to be careful, because if they get away, they'll work their magic on whomever or whatever they meet."

"Got it," said Jason.

"Good. Good luck, Jason, and may the gods go with you!" And just like that, Hephaestus vanished.

As Jason was scrambling back to the house with the bag in his hand, he tripped, scraped his knee, and let go of the bag. All of Hephaestus' monkey brains had disappeared, going into the dirt or hopping away like little bunnies or whatever.

"What're you doing?" barked Aunt Hera.

"Working," Jason replied. "You?"

"Watching you waste our time!" snapped Aunt Hera. "I think you should be—what's going on with the peach tree?"

Jason stared behind him. Sure enough, the peach tree—which hadn't grown a peach in, like, a bazillion years—had a big, bright peach growing on one of the branches. But that wasn't all. The peach was getting bigger each time Jason blinked!

"What the—" Demeter trailed off.

The peach had now grown to the size of a house. It was so big that Aunt Demeter started screaming agricultural terms and Aunt Hera started telling her to stop. Only Jason kept his cool, but then he started drooling over the peach.

"Well, forget all those chores, dear," said Aunt Demeter in a false-sweet voice. "We want to show off this peach!"

Later that day, people from all over the world began showing up at the tiny house to look at the peach. Of course, Hera and Demeter were making money off of this, so they were at the entrance of the gate, where they were collecting money. Jason was forced to stay inside and read nonstop books of dumb, stupid poetry junk.

When everyone left, Demeter and Hera ordered Jason to clean up the mess outside. As Jason was cleaning, he thought he'd take a big bite of the peach (he hadn't had anything to eat all day). So, he dug his hands into the peach, pulled his hands out, and took a big bite of the delicious fruit. While he was doing this, a rogue green monkey brain hopped into the mouthful of peach. It didn't do anything to Jason, but it opened up a large hole in the peach. Jason dropped the hunk of juicy fruit he was holding and began to crawl through the hole.

Jason continued to crawl until he eventually came to the center of the peach. He came to a large door, and he heard voices on the other side.

"Frank, could you, like, move your worm ass out of my space?" barked one of the voices.

"Sorry, Percy," said another one. "I'm still getting used to this body."

"Guys, c'mon," said a girl's voice.

"Yeah. Piper's right," said another voice. "Knock it off, boys!"

Jason stumbled through the doorway and ran into the people—no, things—that were talking.

"Oh, gods! They've found us!" a voice called.

"No, no," said a girl's voice. "It's the boy from the house. What's your name?"

"I'm Jason," said Jason. "And I am the boy from the house. I was cleaning up the mess from the visitors, when I happened upon a hole in the peach and decided to climb through."

"Well, it's great to meet you, man," said one of the voices. "Let's start with introductions. I'm Percy the Centipede."

"I'm Annabeth the Spider," said Annabeth, spinning a quick web out of excitement.

"That's a bit ironic because her mom's Athena, and Athena and spiders don't exactly agree," said Percy.

"I'm Piper the Grasshopper," said Piper.

"I'm Hazel the Ladybug," said Hazel.

"I'm Frank the Worm," said Frank.

"And I'm Leo the Glowworm," said Leo, who didn't sound too thrilled with his job.

"Wait, I remember you guys," said Jason. "We used to go on quests together and stuff."

"Yeah, only we don't quest anymore," said Annabeth. "We've all decided to give up that life and go live in New Rome, where we'll be safe!"

"Good idea, Wise Girl," said Percy.

"Oh, shut up, Seaweed Brain," snapped Annabeth. "We just want to live normal lives, Jason."

"How did you turn into bugs, then?" asked Jason.

"We ate these weird green thingies that turned us into bugs," said Frank. "But I guess you survived, Jason."

"How are we going to—" Piper began, but then she stopped. Outside of the peach, Demeter and Hera were looking for Jason.

"Where are you, puke breath?" barked Hera. "This place is a MESS!"

"No worries about that," said Percy. "I'll get them off our backs. Maybe we'll roll away, too."

Percy went up to the top of the peach, where the stem was still attached to the tree, and bit right through it. Once the peach was free of its stem, it began to roll. It rolled right over Hera and Demeter (but, unfortunately, it didn't kill them), it rolled right through the garden, and it rolled right down the hill into the nearby lake.

"Dude," said Jason, looking at Percy, who had hopped down from the top of the peach, "how did you get to be the centipede, while everyone else is different bugs?"

"I don't know," said Percy, shrugging with fifty pairs of shoulders. "Just how it happened I guess. We all thought it was that bitchy goddess Hecate."

"Nah," said Hazel the Ladybug. "I don't think Hecate would do that."

"Then," said Frank, "explain why you got a nice-looking insect job, while the rest of us got weird ones."

"Just how it happened," snapped Hazel.

"Do you need a Snickers?" said Annabeth.

"Why?" barked Hazel.

"Because you're not yourself when you're hungry," said Annabeth. The rest of the insects laughed, except Leo, who was busy discovering how he could light stuff up with his butt.

"Guys, don't worry," said Jason, "this peach is our food!"

"Hmm…" said Annabeth, tasting part of the peach. "It is quite good. I say three cheers for Jason!"

"This is the best peach I've ever tasted," said Piper the Grasshopper. "And I've tasted a lot!" And she began to speak in poetry, because that's what grasshoppers do when they're inspired by fruit:

"I've eaten many gross and nasty dishes in my time,

Like chicken eggs and frog's legs

And lots of stuff with thyme.

And some fried rice is very nice

When it's cooked and in its prime.

But if you don't use chopsticks,

You've committed a terrible crime!"

Then, Percy jumped in:

"For the menu on my birthday,

I must tell you what I'd make:

A bunch of blueberry waffles

And a blue-vanilla shake!

And for dinner, we will have

A blue sauce for our steak.

And of course, we can't forget dessert,

Which is a delicious blue-chocolate cake!"

Then, Frank had some stuff to say, too:

"I'd love to eat some chocolate

And I'd love some good ice cream.

I crave them all the time, you know.

And about them I will dream.

But I've got lactose intolerance,

So the pain, it makes me scream.

So, if there's any medicine,

I'll positively beam!"

Hazel spoke up for the final verse of the song:

"Now, hear, my fellow demigods,

The ending of our speech.

We miss this food; it is so good.

We'll eat it on the beach.

Although this food is not within

The limits of our reach,

We do not care, nothing compares

To this delicious peach!"

And Annabeth and Leo couldn't think of anything to say in time for the poetry slam to end.

Jason smiled at his friends. "Well, guys, let's just sit back and relax and enjoy our adventures to New Rome."

"How are we going to do that," said Leo, "when there's a massive storm brewing?"

"Dammit!" yelled Jason. "Okay. Guys, find some shelter!"

Sure enough, there was a huge storm a-brewin', and Jason quickly made sure everyone found some shelter. Unfortunately, not everyone was able to find some, for the peach just didn't have enough room. So, Jason decided that he would be the one that the storm would gobble up!

"Dude!" yelled Percy. "Don't do that!"

"I have to," Jason told him calmly. "I need to, Percy. In time, you'll understand."

"Stop talking like an ass-face," called Percy.

Jason ignored him because he knew Percy didn't mean to call him an ass-face. "Come get me, storm!" he yelled bravely. The storm whipped around Jason and snatched him into the air.

"JASON!" his friends screamed from behind him.

A few minutes later, Jason woke up, but he wasn't in a storm cloud anymore. He was on…SOLID EARTH! Yep, you read that correctly: somehow, Jason was able to go from being inside of a storm cloud to being on solid earth. Well, he's the son of Jupiter, so I'll let the confusion pass.

Jason looked up and found a young woman standing over him. She looked slightly pissed, but also slightly concerned. Jason looked at her, and somehow, she seemed familiar to him.

"Who are you?" the young woman asked.

"Uh…I'm Jason Grace, son of Jupiter." Jason sat up and shook his head. "Where am I?"

"You are in New Rome," said the woman. "You fell out of the sky. We thought you were one of the many, many Roman gods we somehow have time to worship. But you're not. You're a regular hero, right?"

"Right."

The young woman helped Jason to his feet. "I am Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano."

"How many names do you have?"

"Just call me Reyna," said Reyna. "I'm a Praetor here. I tell people what to do." She gestured to her right. "And this idiot is Octavian. He's our Auger. He reads the future from the entrails of stuffed animals because he's a psycho."

"Welcome, son of Jupiter," said Octavian. "Are you, by chance, friends with these six people as well?"

Jason glanced around him. There were six other people—yeah, people—lying on the grass beside Jason.

Jason saw Percy, Piper, Annabeth, Leo, Frank, and Hazel, all groaning from being thrown out of the peach.

"You're all humans again," said Jason, baffled.

Leo stood up. "Yeah, that's 'cause we burped and the green things came out of our mouths. Then, we turned back into humans. But the peach will be huge forever."

"Well," said Reyna, "you're all welcome to live in New Rome, but expect to work your asses off! No one lives and New Rome and doesn't work!"

"But…Reyna," Octavian whined.

"Shut up," Reyna barked. "That's an order. Go read the entrails of Winnie the Pooh or something."

Octavian huffed and ran back toward the direction of Camp Jupiter.

The Seven lived in peace and happiness in New Rome. The peach—which everyone had gobbled up within a week—had left the large pit in the center of New Rome, where the Seven lived together. And, in case you felt bad about Aunt Hera and Aunt Demeter—don't. They're dead now.

WITH THALIA AND JASON

Thalia was just finishing up the story when Jason's gentle snoring interrupted her. Thalia sighed, picked Jason up, and carried him back into his own bedroom. She tucked him in, kissed him goodnight, and said, "Sweet dreams, Jason."

Did you guys like it or was it lame and stupid? I'm working on getting everyone else's suggestions in here somehow, and I'll give the author credit for them.

AGAIN, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!