A/N: So I did the thing where I got real antsy and just wanted to share this lol. So here's Part 1! Part 2 is already in the works and will follow soon, not working on anything else but this right now. I probably bent hospital rules in a few places but I think I did pretty well ;-)
Micah – 4.5 years old, Ruby – 11 months old
1:30pm
Olivia taps her pen distractedly, glancing at her watch for the fifth time. Finally, her phone rings, and she jumps up from the conference table to take the call in her office.
"Hey," Fitz sighs.
Her heart sinks immediately. "What did they say?"
"Livvie, before I say anything, they said that she's fine, okay?" he says softly.
Now, her heart jumps back up into her throat. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, take a deep breath. They're sending us to the emergency room—"
"—what?!"
"Listen to me, don't panic," he soothes, anticipating the instant flood of panic, "She's okay. When they—are you breathing?"
"I'm breathing, tell me," she breathes, realizing she was holding her breath.
"When they did the little clip on her finger to measure her oxygen, it was low—"
"—so she can't breathe?"
"Slow down," he says patiently, "She can breathe, she's just not breathing well enough to keep her oxygen in the normal range. They said it can happen sometimes in babies who are sick. It wasn't alarmingly low, but it was far enough out of the range of normal that they want us to go to the hospital and have her checked out. They said she's also a little dehydrated—"
"—where are you?"
She starts to rush around her office, throwing things back into her bag and yanking her coat off the rack.
"We're going to go to Children's National, but listen to me—Olivia, stop. Stop what you're doing right now. Stand still."
She freezes, closing her eyes, trying to slow her breathing.
"Are you listening to me? Do you hear my voice?"
"Yes," she whispers, hand squeezed tight around the phone.
"I want you let me talk to Abby, okay? We need her to come with you, so she can take Micah home. Okay? Don't run out of the building. Take a deep breath, she's okay. They didn't send us by ambulance, we're just taking her in the car. Ben is driving."
"Okay," she says quietly, managing one deep breath.
Abby tries to reassure her the entire drive to the hospital, but the gnawing feeling in the pit of Olivia's stomach only gets worse and worse. By the time they get there, she nearly leaps from the car while it's still moving, desperate to get to her baby; her baby, who is currently in a hospital without her.
They're still in triage when they arrive, and a nurse leads them back past a row of tiny rooms.
"Right here," she says kindly, as if the Secret Service agents stationed outside aren't a dead giveaway.
Ruby is sitting on the bed in her diaper, with Micah and Fitz on either side of her, glancing between the two of them while they try to make her feel better. She's already wearing a little oxygen cannula on her face, taped to each cheek with pink stickers, and there's an IV in her tiny hand. Her eyes are still wet from crying, and she's sucking on a pacifier, something she hasn't done since she was about three weeks old.
Olivia wants to sob, but she forces herself into being calm, forcing a gentle smile.
"Mom's here," their nurse announces, poking her head into the room.
"Hi," Liv breathes, dropping her bag onto the floor and immediately moving to join her family, "Oh my goodness, sweet girl."
Fitz stands up from the stool he's sitting on and gives her a hug, pressing a kiss against the top of her head.
"Hi Mommy," Micah chirps, "Ruby had to get a owie in her hand."
"I see that," she says softly, "Hi, baby."
Ruby starts to whimper, letting the pacifier drop from her mouth and raising her arms.
"Mama."
Olivia doesn't even think twice, carefully moving around the oxygen and the IV to pick up her baby and cuddle her.
"Hi, bug. I know," she soothes, rubbing her back, "I know. Shhh."
"Mommy, Ruby cried," Micah explains with wide eyes, sitting up on his knees.
"Did she? Did you tell her it was okay? I bet she felt better because her big brother was here."
"Bee!" he cheers, noticing Abby for the first time.
"Hey squirt," Abby grins, coming over to help him jump down from the bed, "I think we're gonna go play at your house, how's that?"
Olivia turns back to Fitz, gently swaying back and forth. "What did they say?"
He runs a hand through his hair, looking tired and stressed. "They think either pneumonia or RSV, but they won't know until her test comes back. They're giving her some fluids."
"Did she do okay?" she asks, glancing at the IV in her hand, only half wanting to know the answer.
Fitz reaches out to rub her back. "She cried, but she's tired. I can tell how bad she feels because she didn't fight it as much as I expected her to. When they said they were gonna do that—"
He breaks off and looks at her knowingly, shaking his head.
"—I hate it," she whispers, closing her eyes, "I hate it, I hate it. How long until the test comes back?"
"I don't know," he shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets, "A nurse has been checking on us—Katie, I think she said her name was. We haven't seen a doctor yet. We've just been trying to keep her calm."
Ruby coughs and whimpers, rubbing her face against Olivia's shoulder, one hand coming up to try to pull on the oxygen cannula.
"I know, baby," Liv soothes, pressing her arm back down, "We have to leave it on. I know. Shhh."
Ruby cries for a few seconds and then goes back to whimpering, burrowing into Liv's neck.
"Hence the stickers," Fitz says grimly, "But her oxygen is a lot better with that on. She needs a little help right now."
"I'm glad it's better now," she says softly, turning to Abby when she comes over, "Hey."
Abby makes a pouty face, reaching out to rub Ruby's back. "Poor little thing. Do you want me to take him? Secret Service just told me we're good to go."
"Yeah, thank you," Fitz breathes, pulling her into a hug, "I have no idea how long we'll be here. I also have no idea what's in the fridge. If you need to stop on the way home or order something just let us know, we'll pay you back for whatever—"
Abby waves him off, rolling her eyes. "Please. I'll take my man here, we're going to go have a great time. Just focus on getting the little bean better. Don't worry about us."
"Micah, be good for Bee okay?" Liv says softly, looking down at him, "I want you to have good listening ears."
"'kay!" he agrees absently, in the middle of an elaborate game that involves jumping around on the floor tiles.
Fitz double checks the Secret Service arrangement and watches them all walk down the hallway. When he turns back to his girls Ruby is fussing again, but this time she's clearly asking to nurse in between coughing and crying, pulling at Liv's shirt.
"Shhh, shhh. Let's see—"
There's nothing in the room besides the hospital bed and a stool.
"Here," Fitz offers, holding his hands out, "Sit on the bed and I'll give her to you."
Ruby wails when Fitz takes her, and then breaks into a hard coughing fit.
Olivia quickly hops up onto the bed and strips her jacket off, pulling her shirt up and reaching for Ruby at the same time. They negotiate the oxygen and IV lines together, maneuvering the miserable baby until she's settle into the crook of Olivia's arm.
"I know. I know. Shhh, shhh, it's right here. I'm right here," Liv soothes, brushing tears from her daughter's cheeks, "This is not a good day, I know."
Ruby eagerly burrows in to nurse, whimpering and breathing quickly through her nose as best she can.
"There you go. Was she breathing fast like that this morning?" she asks him, brow furrowed.
He shakes his head, sinking down onto the stool. "No, that started a few hours ago. They noticed it in the office, too."
They're quiet for a few minutes, both staring at Ruby, listening to every wispy breath she takes, every whimper and sniffle.
Olivia shakes her head. "She didn't sound worse until this morning, right? She wasn't like this last night, was she?"
"No, Liv, she wasn't," he soothes, reaching out to rest his hand on her thigh, "We didn't miss anything. Sometimes it just happens so fast—"
"—knock, knock."
A middle-aged woman wearing a white coat over her scrubs comes into the room and they both look up.
"Hi there, I'm Dr. McKellen," she says kindly, picking up Ruby's chart as she comes into the room, "You'll have to forgive me, but I already know who you are. It's an honor to meet you."
They both smile knowingly.
"Thank you. This happens to us a lot," Fitz says, standing up.
"And is this Ruby? Somebody's nursing I see, that's fantastic. Not feeling too good though, right?" she asks, flipping through the first few pages of the chart, scanning with a practiced gaze.
"She's been sick for a few days," Liv says softly, glancing down into Ruby's sleepy eyes, "But this morning we just—I don't know, we had a feeling—she's had a few colds this winter, but this one felt different."
"—yeah, she just wasn't herself," Fitz agrees, worriedly, "She didn't want to eat. Her cough sounded really bad."
Dr. McKellen nods along, reading and listening at the same time. "I just want to listen to her chest and then I'll tell you what I think."
Liv moves to swing a leg off the bed. "Do you need me to—"
"No, no," she motions quickly, warming her stethoscope with her palm, "You stay right there, if you don't mind me in your space a little bit. I don't want her to cry, I won't be able to hear as well."
"That's fine," Liv says softly, settling back onto the bed, "She's just going to listen, baby."
"Hi, beautiful," Dr. McKellen says softly, still warming her stethoscope, "I'm so sorry you don't feel good. But we're going to see if we can get you feeling better, okay?"
As soon as the doctor comes into Ruby's line of vision she starts to whimper, but Liv tightens her hold a little, shushing and trying to help her know she's safe. She whimpers for a few more seconds, but when she realizes no one has moved or poked her she stops.
"Nice job, mama," Dr. McKellen says quietly, listening intently.
They watch as she concentrates, moving around to listen in four places on Ruby's chest, and six different places on her back. After nearly a full minute, she loops the stethoscope back around her neck and sits on the bed.
"So, her culture did come back positive for RSV. But, I'm not hearing any fluid in her lungs, which is good, okay? That being said, her breathing is pretty noisy, and she's not keeping her oxygen up on her own, so her lungs definitely need a little bit of support right now. If she's had a few colds lately, it could be that she's a little run down and this is hitting her harder."
They nod along, glancing at each other.
"Based on her numbers, I want to keep her on oxygen, and as a precaution I want to admit her for observation," she says gently, knowing this is news that no parent ever wants to hear.
For the first time, Olivia feels her eyes well up with tears, and she can't stop them.
"You mean—keep her here overnight?" Fitz asks, reaching over to rub her back.
Dr. McKellen nods sympathetically. "Look, I'm not going to tell you not to worry, because you will no matter what I say. But I want to stress that this is a precaution, okay? Just supportive care. The minute she looks like she's on the upswing I want to send her home. But RSV isn't something to mess around with, and in these little ones things can change really quickly. You did the right thing by bringing her in."
Liv sniffs and tries to push the tears away, nodding. "Okay. How long?"
Ruby stops nursing and whimpers in general discontent, calming when Olivia lifts her up to lay against her shoulder.
"I can't give you exact timing, I'm sorry," she answers gently, "Hopefully just tonight, but depending on how fast or slow she starts feeling better, she might be here two nights, or three. At this point I'm not too worried about her, okay? But I want to make sure we keep an eye on her and keep her moving in the right direction. Does that make sense?"
"Can you give her antibiotics? Or, some other kind of medicine?" Fitz asks, wanting to know every single option.
"Unfortunately with RSV, it's a virus, which basically means it doesn't respond to antibiotics. That's what makes it so unpredictable in babies. I don't think Ruby's case is severe, but we'll watch her breathing and give her some help with the oxygen, okay?"
"I need—" Liv chokes on her words, still trying to hold herself together, "We have to stay with her."
"Oh goodness, yes," Dr. McKellen says immediately, reaching out to touch her knee, "Of course. We want you there with her, we want you nursing her and soothing her. Nobody will make her feel better faster than Mom and Dad. Parents stay too, if they're able, of course."
"Okay," Olivia nods, wiping her cheeks.
Dr. McKellen stands up and points to both of them to get a verbal 'okay'. "Yes? Yes? Okay, we'll get you guys upstairs pretty quickly. There's nothing I hate more than a sick baby in the ER, germ-iest place we have here. Bye-bye Ruby, I'll see you a little bit later. We'll take good care of you, okay?"
Ruby turns to look at the sound of her name, wearing what is possibly the most annoyed scowl the doctor has ever seen on an eleven-month-old. They all laugh at her expression, and then 'aww' when her lip pooches out and she starts to cry, coughing in between.
"That attitude! She's a fighter for sure," Dr. McKellen laughs, "She'll be out of here in no time."
They're silent for a few seconds after she leaves the room, staring at each other and sharing everything they're thinking without words. Olivia starts to dissolve into tears again, turning her head to press kisses against Ruby's temple.
"Liv—"
"—she needs her blanket. Not the one with the flamingos, the one with the elephants. And her mouse," she manages, wiping tears away, "And she needs her purple pajamas, the fuzzy ones. Hospitals are cold—"
"Liv—"
"—don't," she breathes, giving herself a little shake, taking a deep breath, "I'm fine. She's going to be fine. But she needs the fuzzy pajamas, her elephant blanket, and her mouse. Can you figure out how to make that happen?"
Fitz smiles sadly, watching her fall back on Fixing as a coping strategy, letting her do whatever she needs to. He comes over and presses his forehead against hers for a moment, kissing her gently.
"Yeah," he murmurs, "I can do that. What about you, what do you need from home?"
"I don't care, something easy," she sighs, rubbing her face, "Leggings. Any nursing shirt. One of your sweatshirts. Flat shoes."
"Okay. I'm going to call Abby, and have her put a bag together," he says softly, "I'll see if Eli can bring it over, is that okay? That way they'll know, in case we need them to take Micah tomorrow. We won't, because she's only going to be here one night, but just in case."
"That's a really good idea, I didn't even think of that," she agrees, smoothing her hair back.
He steps into the hallway to call Abby.
"Yeah, of course I can stay over. That's—are you guys okay? I mean it doesn't sound like they're super worried but they're worried enough to keep her overnight, which is kind of scary," Abby says all at once, crunching on something in the background.
"We're fine. She'll be fine. I mean, we're not fine, obviously, but we have to be fine," Fitz sighs, slowly pacing back and forth, "Liv really isn't fine, but—"
"—she's pretending to be fine? Shocker," Abby scoffs, "Okay, I found the bag, I'm in your closet."
"That sounded so creepy," Fitz chuckles, "Okay, so she has these black leggings that like, come up really high? They have this little shiny mark on the calf. She likes those, those are her favorite."
"High-waisted Lululemon leggings, got 'em."
He closes his eyes and counts, picturing the set of built-in drawers in their closet. "In the…third drawer down, there should be a black long sleeved shirt that makes a kind of criss-cross in the front. Like, it's all swingy and it opens up in the front so—"
"—got it. Swingy boob-access shirt, check. Does she need one of these nursing bras?"
"Yeah, but none of the ones with the wire in them. She never sleeps in those. And get a black one."
"Check."
"Then on my side, in the second drawer there's a sweatshirt that says 'NAVY' on the front. Pack that."
"Yep. Lord, this is huge, did you used to weigh more?"
"Focus, Abby."
"Right. Next."
"In the shoe rack, she has a pair of plain black Nikes. Not the ones with the pink swoosh, there's a pair that's all black."
"Wait, I don't see those…"
"Oh god, seriously?"
"No, I have them, just kidding."
"Abby."
"What am I packing for you?"
"…"
"Any pair of sweatpants, tee shirt, and a sweatshirt?"
"Sounds great, thanks Abby."
6:30pm
After a negotiation process between the Secret Service and the hospital staff, they're moved upstairs into a pediatric inpatient room. Reluctantly, they split up while Fitz takes care of some paperwork, and Liv stays with Ruby, carrying her while their new nurse, Sara, wheels her IV pole and oxygen tank.
"Alright, we're going right in here," Sara points kindly, directing them into the little room.
Olivia's heart thuds in her chest and she feels nauseous all of a sudden; she's never thought about what a hospital room meant for a baby might look like, but it's not anywhere she wants to be. There's a crib with metal bars on three sides, a rocking chair, another small chair, and a cot, along with various medical equipment that she hopes nobody has to use.
"Do—"
She has to pause and clear her throat, taking a deep breath.
"—do you need me to put her down? Because I don't know if she'll—"
"—nope," Sara smiles reassuringly, plugging Ruby's oxygen line into a port in the wall, "You keep her with you, if that's what she wants. They already did an exam and ran some tests down in the emergency department, we have all of those results up here. I do need to take a look at her bracelet again, and I have one for you as well. Is dad staying, too?"
"Yes," Olivia nods, absently rocking on her feet, "He's—they told us there was paperwork."
"Ah, okay," she nods, logging into the computer and starting to click around, "They'll give him a bracelet there."
Sara asks her a few questions, clicking through menus on the computer that Olivia can't see. She helps pull the rocking chair closer to the crib so Liv can sit down, and then she starts to get Ruby settled in.
"Okay, we're just going to do a little sticker sweetie," she says softly, "This is going to tell us how much oxygen is in her blood at all times, so we make sure we keep that percentage up nice and high."
"Okay," Olivia nods, shushing Ruby when she starts to whimper, "It's okay, baby, it won't hurt. It's just a sticker."
Ruby cries a little and then stops, watching suspiciously as Sara fastens the pulse ox monitor to her foot.
"I know, what are we doing to you, huh?" Sara coos, organizing the cord so nothing is pulled too tight, "There we go. This is going to give us her pulse rate, too. Not that we expect anything to change with her heart, but, just in case."
She briefly goes back over to the computer, reads intently for a moment, and then comes back to them and kneels down.
"So, I have a note in here that you're nursing her, is that correct? And she was already eating down in the ED?"
Olivia nods, glancing down at Ruby.
"Has she still been nursing well?" she asks, smiling kindly at them.
For the first time, Olivia laughs a little. "Yes. It's all she wants to do."
"That's great," Sara smiles, leveling her gaze with Olivia's, "In the interest of making her more comfortable, I think we can take that IV out. In the same note, it says that her dehydration was very mild, and as long as she's nursing and having wet diapers, we don't need to run any more fluids. I'll take it out, but you have to promise you're telling the truth when you say she's a good nurser. Otherwise I'm going to have to stick her again."
Olivia looks confident for the first time, sitting up straighter. "I have no doubt that she'll nurse, she's eaten three times since we've been here. Even when she's upset, or sick, she'll always breastfeed. She nurses more when she's sick. You won't have to give her another IV."
Sara nods, appreciating the fire she almost always sees in a protective parent's eyes. "Alright then. You can just hold her still, if you don't mind, I'll go fast."
As soon as Sara takes her hand Ruby starts to cry, and it's the saddest cry Olivia has ever heard. She instantly sounds hysterical and scared, like she remembers, and it shatters Liv's heart into a thousand pieces. It makes her want to crumple onto the ground with Ruby underneath her, hidden warm and safe, but she can't. Instead, she holds her tight so she can't squirm, shushing and talking to her softly while Sara peels the tape off and pulls the IV out.
"You tell it, sister!" Sara smiles, covering the site with a band-aid, "Use those beautiful lungs. You yell at me all you want. She's all done, mama."
"Thank you," Liv says tearfully, rubbing Ruby's back.
She takes a deep breath and pulls herself together, forcing her body to relax, pressing her lips against Ruby's temple.
"Shhh, shhh, shhh. You're all done, bug, no more owie in your hand. All done. All done."
She's inconsolable for a few minutes, wailing into Olivia's shoulder; but eventually, her cries slow down and she lifts her head.
"Hi," Liv murmurs, watching her hiccup and rub her eyes, "I know, you didn't like that, huh? I know. Shhh, we're okay. All done."
"Mama," she whimpers, laying back down.
"I know, sweet girl, I'm right here," Liv soothes, pressing her lips to her forehead, "You're okay. Oh, look, Daddy's back."
Fitz comes into the room carrying a duffel bag and a soft cooler.
"Abby threw some stuff from the fridge in here for us," he says, setting the duffel bag down and opening it right away, "Hey, sweet pea. Look who's here."
He pulls her favorite lovey out of the bag, a soft, gray mouse.
"Daddy brought your mouse," Liv gasps softly, watching as Ruby lifts her head and almost smiles, "Aw, hi mouse."
She reaches for it and Fitz comes over to hand it to her, smiling when she gives it a hug and rubs her face into its fur.
"Is that a little better?" he murmurs, leaning in to kiss her temple, "Look, I brought your blanket too."
Olivia takes the blanket from him and wraps Ruby up in it, snuggling her against her shoulder. "There we go, how's that?"
Ruby coughs, and then hums, which makes them both smile. She usually only hums if she's feeling content, and a few minutes where they know she's feeling safe and cared for is a welcome reprieve. As Olivia rocks her, her eyes start to flutter and then close, until she's snoozing with parted lips.
12:30am
Olivia rocks gently while Ruby nurses, stroking her soft cheek with the back of her index finger, brushing it up and down the bridge of her nose. It's dark and quiet in the hospital room, and Fitz has fallen asleep on the cot that's been set up for them. Ruby's taken short naps against her shoulder, but she hasn't slept in the crib at all, fussing and refusing to be put down.
In truth, Olivia doesn't mind, much preferring to keep her close and safe. She's nursed almost every hour, and she can already feel her supply responding to the demand, which she's insanely grateful for. Ruby's eyes are soft and sleepy, and she stops nursing to cough every so often; her chest is noisy with loose mucus, and Olivia actually finds herself thankful that they're in the hospital because she's never heard her daughter this congested before.
Ruby stops nursing to cough again, eyes squeezing shut as she coughs and coughs.
"Okay, bug?" Liv murmurs, wincing and sitting her up as she coughs hard, "You're okay."
And then she coughs hard once, twice, and doesn't inhale again.
For the first two seconds, Olivia is sure she's imagining it. Surely, her baby is breathing.
When she doesn't breathe in the third second, blind panic washes through her entire body.
In the fourth second, she pats Ruby's back and calls her name, gasping.
In the fifth second, Ruby flails, silently, and her chest pulls inward.
Later, she won't really remember the sixth second, but Olivia flips her over and starts to scream for help, hitting her firmly between the shoulder blades.
She won't remember the seventh second either, but that's when Fitz wakes up and runs to them, terrified at the sight.
It's not until the ninth second that all of the monitors in the room start beeping, and alarming, and making enough racket to alert every single nurse on the floor.
A lot of things happen all at once during the sixteenth second. Three people run into the room and take her baby away from her, talking in rapid fire; maybe they're talking to her, maybe they're talking to each other. Maybe she answers their questions, and later she hopes that she did, but suddenly the lights are so bright that it's easier to see how pale Ruby is, and she feels her knees start to collapse under her.
In the eighteenth second she briefly contemplates why she isn't on the floor, and then she realizes Fitz is holding her up, probably wearing the same terrified expression that she is. She doesn't remember looking at him, and that's the only thing she knows she remembers right, because she can't look away from her baby.
In the twentieth second one of the nurses unravels a long tube from the wall, and another forces Ruby's mouth open.
In the twenty-second second, they thread the tube into her throat and there's a wet, sucking sound.
The twenty-third second is one she'll remember forever, because that's when Ruby gasps, and coughs, and starts to cry.
The sound of Ruby crying brings all of the other sounds in the room into focus, just as a fourth person runs in, wearing different colored scrubs than the nurses.
"What happened?" he asks, joining them around the crib.
"Eleven-month-old female with RSV, she choked on mucus and desatted," one of the nurses explains, "Mom already had her upside down doing back pats when we came in, and then we cleared with suction. She never went down."
"Good," the young man sighs, unlooping his stethoscope, "Hi little one, rough night, huh? Are you gonna scream in my ear? Yeah? That's okay, you keep screaming. Screaming is breathing, we like that."
The third nurse glances over as she adjusts Ruby's oxygen flow and sees that Olivia's barely standing, trying to catch her breath.
"She's okay, mom," she calls, keeping one eye on each of them, "You did great, she's just fine. She's okay. Dad, sit her down for me please."
Fitz jerks out of his own stupor and lowers Olivia back into the rocking chair, not even really realizing how tightly he's been holding onto her.
"Head between your knees," she calls again, moving back over to the crib, "You guys good? I need to get mom some juice."
They nod and glance over sympathetically, still tending to their crying patient.
"She's really junky, go ahead and suction while she's already mad at us," the resident says, shaking his head, "I know, sweetie. We're going to help you okay? I know, we'll get you back with mama in a few minutes."
He loops his stethoscope back around his neck, and leaves the nurses to soothe Ruby as much as they can while they suction out her upper airways and nose. Fitz has to turn around and rest a hand on Olivia's shoulder, physically unable to watch his daughter be so uncomfortable.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Lincoln, but you can call me Matt. I'm the resident doctor on call tonight," Matt says kindly, kneeling down in front of Olivia to make eye contact, "Listen to me, I know that looked scary—"
"—she wasn't breathing. She wasn't—she couldn't breathe," Olivia manages, hardly able to breathe herself.
"I know," Matt nods, "You did great. Flipping her onto her belly and doing back pats is exactly what we recommend, you did everything you were supposed to do. You did everything you were supposed to do, okay? She's fine. She's breathing."
Olivia nods tearfully, resting a hand on her chest, trying to breathe.
"The mucus in there can get really thick and sticky sometimes," he goes on, explaining patiently, "What happened was she coughed some of it up, which is great. But it was so thick that it didn't come all the way out, and she choked on it. That can happen when babies get hit hard with these viruses and that's why you're here, okay? So, what they're doing right now, I know it's hard to watch, they're just taking a little suction tube and giving her some help with that thick mucus. It's not painful, it's just uncomfortable for her and she's scared, that's why she's crying, okay? She's going to be able to breathe better after they're done."
The nurse from a few minutes earlier comes back with three juice boxes and hands two of them to Fitz, opening the third one herself.
"Here, drink this," she says kindly, handing it to Olivia, "Don't go down on us, okay? There are maybe four people in this building who work on grown-ups, trust me, you want us taking care of her, not you."
Olivia manages a weak smile, taking the juice and drinking a few mouthfuls.
"So, what I'd like to do now," Matt continues, glancing between the two of them, "Since now we know that mucus is giving her a hard time, I'm going to order a nebulizer treatment for her. It's just medicine that gets turned into steam, and she'll breathe it in through a little mask. It will hopefully soften everything up a little bit so she's not choking on it anymore, okay? We'll do that right now, and then a few times tomorrow. Has she been able to sleep at all?"
Olivia shakes her head, swiping a tear from her cheek. "Not really, she's slept on me for a few hours but nowhere near enough. She's so tired. I think—I think she just can't breathe, she's not comfortable."
"Okay. Then I also want to give her something to help her sleep. She won't be sedated," Matt says quickly, "Just a very low dose of something that will relax her enough that she'll hopefully get some better sleep. Sleep is going to help her heal. Are you guys okay with that?"
"Yeah," Fitz nods, running a hand through his hair, "Whatever we need to do to help her."
"Okay," Matt sighs, standing up, "I'm going to let them know what the plan is and they'll get started soon. The fact that she has the energy to scream right now is a very good sign, by the way. She's a tough little cookie, I can tell."
"All done, I'm sorry," one of the nurses at Ruby's bedside coos, "I know, that's no fun, I'm sorry. Mama, we're all done if you want to come love on her. She's sick of us."
Olivia is out of her chair before she's finished her sentence. As soon as Ruby sees her again she's reaching, crying for her, and Olivia's body aches.
"Hi," she says softly, picking her up and cuddling her, "Shhh. Hi, sweet girl. I know. I know, that was so scary. That scared Mommy too, I know. Shhh, shhh, shhh."
Ruby burrows into her neck and wails for a few more seconds, and then she quiets, completely exhausted. Liv holds her close and rocks back and forth, shushing her softly, rubbing slow circles over her back. She's warm from crying, but she really is breathing better, and Liv can feel the difference in her tiny body.
"She sounds better," she murmurs to Fitz, who leans in to press a kiss against Ruby's head, "Not so noisy."
"She did some really good coughing, I think we got a lot," their nurse says, peeling her gloves off, "Something about the middle of the night brings all of that mucus up, do you guys notice that?"
They both manage weak smiles, nodding in agreement.
"I notice one thing she doesn't need is any hydration. Good job keeping her hydrated, mama, keep nursing her on demand, it's working," she congratulates, emphasizing with her eyes, "We'll be back in a little while with those meds, okay?"
3:10am
Finally, finally, Ruby is asleep.
Fitz has been dozing off in a chair, and the next time he opens his eyes Liv has laid Ruby down in the crib and covered her with her blanket. She's sitting next to the crib, still holding her hand, chin resting on her forearm as she blinks sleepily, clearly trying to stay awake.
"She's sleeping," he murmurs, sitting up and scrubbing a hand over his face.
"Mmm-hmm," she sighs, "Whatever they gave her worked, thank god. She needs it so much."
"C'mere," he says softly, holding his hand out, "Right now."
She slowly gets up and walks the few steps it takes to get to him, letting him pull her onto his lap and fold his arms around her. He coaxes her face into his neck and presses his lips against her forehead, rubbing her back.
"You need to take a nap," he murmurs, already anticipating the way she shakes her head 'no'.
"I'm not leaving her," she argues quietly, sinking into his body.
"Of course you're not," he says softly, "You don't even need to leave the room, that cot is all made up. I want you to go lie down."
"Fitz, she couldn't breathe," she whispers, chest catching with a sob, "She was in my arms, and all of a sudden—"
She dissolves into tears, weeping into his neck for a few seconds.
"I've never been more proud of you," he soothes, holding her together, "You didn't even blink, Liv. I don't know how you did that. Shhh."
She sniffles and sobs. "I've never been that scared before. Never."
"I'm sorry I was asleep," he rasps, holding her tighter, "I'm sorry you were by yourself."
"No," she breathes, wiping her cheeks, "You couldn't have known."
"I just—I'm here, okay? There's not a lot I can do, because you're more of a comfort to her right now and I get it. But this is a lot on you, I know that."
He thumbs at the tears on her face, cradling her cheek in his palm, stroking her cheekbone when she nuzzles his hand.
"I shouldn't have been at work today. Quinn could have handled that client," she murmurs, shaking her head, scolding herself.
"Liv—"
"I should have stayed home. I should have been home nursing her, whenever she wanted. That's why she got dehydrated, that's why she got so sick—she's never liked drinking from bottles—"
"—you don't know that," he interrupts sternly, cupping her chin, "Don't you dare blame yourself. Don't you dare. I won't have that."
She stares into his eyes for a second, trying to believe him, and then she takes a deep breath and shakes her head.
"I shouldn't be away from her," she says softly, starting to cry again, "She needs me too much. You shouldn't have had to bring her here by yourself, I should have been there—"
"Okay, shhh," Fitz soothes, coaxing her head back onto his shoulder, "You're exhausted. Try to relax, I'm not going back to sleep. I'm here."
She presses her face into his neck and cries quietly for another few minutes, and it breaks his heart. As she calms down he feels her body grow heavier in his arms, and he realizes she's dozed off right there on his lap. He holds her more securely, taking a deep breath and looking over at Ruby.
"We're okay," he murmurs, keeping one eye on each of his girls.
A/N: This is based on a virus that landed my nephew in the hospital and on oxygen when he was 9 months old. Up next in the second and final part…Ruby's sassy little self will start to return! Plus a visit from Child Life and getting to go home! Also a classic Olitz heart-to-heart about the challenges of being a working mom.