As I ride the elevator up to my office, I mentally prepare myself for the day ahead. My schedule is pretty light as the majority of today's patients are well settled into their sessions. My last appointment, however, has 'fallen off the wagon', so to speak, and I expect that there'll be some kind of emotional outburst from him.
Leah greets me with a bright smile almost as soon as the elevator doors open.
"Good morning," I practically sing out, as I approach her desk.
"Morning. Someone's in a good mood!"
"Things are good." I say nonchalantly as try to downplay my upbeat mood, when what I really want to do is pirouette around the office.
"I'm happy to hear it. You have one cancellation and two reschedules."
"The cancellation didn't reschedule?"
"Unfortunately, not. He said, and I quote 'I'm good. I don't need therapy. The wife and I will work it out on our own.' She assumes a gruff male tone, and we both giggle.
"I'd know that tone anywhere. I'll see if I can talk him into reconsidering. Oh, by the way, I ran into your friend in the parking lot."
"You saw Justine?" Her voice rises in alarmed surprise. I choose to ignore what I feel to be a strange response to a pretty normal statement.
"Yes, I mean we literally ran into each other; well, she bumped into me after Edward dropped me off."
"Oh my God, did she see him?" Again, the near squeak, and she's appears almost panicked.
I frown and sit down in front of her, and mentally run through my meeting with her friend.
I just thought I saw someone who I used to know.
Old Boyfriend?
Old Jackass.
"Now that I remember, she did mention seeing someone, but it could've been anyone." I shrug.
"Yeah, I'm sure you're right." She smiles tightly and starts shuffling papers.
"Leah…hey," I place my hand on the stack of papers, making her look at me. "Why would you ask if your friend saw Edward?"
"Oh, I...I um…I just meant he's so handsome, and I…."
"All right, stop. You're really not a good liar, so let's just cut to the chase, shall we? How does Justine know Edward?"
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't know that she would just show up here. If I had, I would…."
I hold up a hand to interrupt her.
"Just tell me." I exhale sharply.
"Remember, a while back, when I first started working here, I mentioned that a friend had told me about Doctor Masen's reputation?"
"Vaguely, continue."
"Well, Justine's is that friend."
She looks at me apprehensively, and I realize that at some point, Justine and Edward had probably known each other intimately.
I avert my eyes. Jesus, is there no getting away from it?
"It's not good, Bella."
"It doesn't matter. I don't want to know about it." I head for my office.
"But…"
"Leah, I've learned the details of Edward's past firsthand, and it was scandalous to say the least. There's nothing you can tell me about him that will shock or surprise me, and there's nothing that you can say that will change my feelings for him. So, let's just pretend that this conversation never happened, shall we?"
"O-okay, I didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm not upset. Let's just start the day." I smile weakly and shut my office door behind me.
I busy myself by getting out my first patient's file, as I try to convince myself that I'm not intrigued or concerned by what Leah might have divulged about Edward's relationship with Justine. But in all honesty, it's resting heavily on my mind.
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It's been an exhausting day. The ER got really swamped, and that, coupled with my scheduled surgeries ensured that I've spent almost the entire day in the OR. I sigh and start going over the previous day's post-op charts; I need to finish them before I do my rounds and leave for the day.
"Jessica, I'm going for a late lunch. If anyone needs me, I'm on pager three."
While I wait for the elevator, I send Bella a text, letting her know that I'm thinking of her. She doesn't respond, so I assume that she's with a patient.
The noisy cafeteria and predictably boring food don't appeal to me, so I decide to visit a nearby delicatessen. I'm stunned to see a familiar face on the other side of the entrance door.
The unusual, vibrant red hair is unmistakable, and not very common. I'd never seen quite that shade, until I'd met her. She's purchasing bottled water from a street vendor and is oblivious to my presence, then she turns around, and our eyes meet. Neither of us moves nor speaks, until I break the awkward silence.
"How are you?"
"I'm fine." She replies curtly.
"You look…."
"Don't, Edward." She holds up a hand to cut me off.
"I was just going to say that you look well."
"Wow, that's new. And here I thought you were about to tell me how beautiful I am, closely followed by an invitation to join you in a hotel room."
I cringe at the blunt reminder of my past behavior.
"I'm sorry. I know things were …" I scratch the back of my neck nervously as I search for the right words, but there's no need to sugarcoat things with her. "I was a bastard back then, and I want to apologize for that, Justine."
"Was implies that you aren't any longer. Is that what you're trying to tell me, Edward?"
"I'm not implying anything. I just wanted to apologize."
"Hmph." She scoffs.
"So, are you visiting someone at the hospital?"
"I'm here for a job interview, but perhaps that's not such a good idea. I didn't think about running into you frequently."
"You shouldn't let what happened stop you from pursuing your career. St. Luc's is the best hospital in the state. Don't let the past stand in your way."
"I'll give it some careful thought." She says brusquely and walks past me and enters the hospital.
"Well that was fun," I scoff and make my way to lunch.
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I decide to drop in on Alice on my way home, as we haven't talked or seen each other since the night of my birthday.
"I made pasta for dinner, would you like me to make up a plate for you?" She offers almost as soon as I walk through the door.
"Absolutely." My sister makes the best spaghetti and meatballs. I'm surprised that Jasper and Josh left any, as they share my love and appetite for her specialty.
I eagerly seat myself at the table as she piles two plates high. My mouth waters as the aroma assaults my senses. I've already started digging in by the time she places two beers on the table and takes a seat.
"This is amazing, Al," I mumble with my mouth full and reach for my beer.
"Thanks. Are the meals in the hospital cafeteria not meeting your standards?"
"You're kidding me, right? The food is practically inedible. While St. Luc's may have some of the most enviable healthcare services, we are not recognized for our culinary offering," I scoff. "Maybe we should hire you or Mom to revamp the menu."
"That's an idea…well for Mom, not me." She twirls pasta onto her fork and blows before taking a bite.
"You're eating unusually late."
"Well, I was trying to wait for Jasper, but he called just before you did and told me that he'd be late. He insisted that I eat without him."
"He's been working crazy hours lately. How's that sitting with you?"
"We manage. He wants to us to have a comfortable life, so he worries about money." She shrugs dismissively.
I sit back and look at her, "Are the two of you having financial problems? If you are, you know you can come to me."
"No, it's not that. He worries about balancing work with our home life. I think he feels guilty when his job calls him out at odd hours, or at times when we should be having family time."
"Well, that's understandable when you think about the kind of upbringing he's had. He wants better for his family."
"I know, and he makes sure that he spends any free time he gets with me and Josh, but he pushes himself hard to provide for everything he thinks we should have. He assures me that things will settle down once the baby is born." She goes back to her food as if she didn't just drop a bomb on me.
"Excuse me? What baby? You're pregnant?"
"Oh, yeah," she giggles. "I've known for about a week now."
"You've known for a week, and you're just telling me now?"
"Well, I wanted to tell everyone the night we were all at Mom and Dad's, but it was your day, and with your revelation; it really wasn't the time, Edward."
I look down at my plate, and my appetite suddenly disappears.
"I'm sorry, Alice. I always seem to ruin everything with my shit."
"Hey, that's not true. Edward, what you did that night was a really courageous and tough thing to do, especially for a man like you." She reaches over and places her hand on mine. "Everything is out in the open, and now you can heal and move on from it."
I shake my head in amused amazement, "You sound like Bella."
"I do, don't I?" She smiles. "She is pretty amazing. I remember all the encouraging and comforting things she said to me when we were in the hospital chapel. I was such a bitch to her, but she never once wavered from who she is, a warm, compassionate person and an extremely good therapist. How the hell did you meet her, anyway?"
"She was my marriage therapist."
She chokes; eyes wide, coughing. I'm mystified as to why this piece of news, after what she's learned about my life lately, should shock her. I rush to assist and pat her on the back. When she's recovered somewhat, I try giving her something to drink.
"Not the beer, you imbecile, I'm pregnant!"
"Oh, fuck! I'm sorry, Alice. You put two bottles on the table! I'll get you some water."
"Oh, to hell with it, it won't kill me." She wheezes and takes a healthy swig. When she's stopped spluttering, she fixes me with a penetrating glare.
"What?"
"You're dating your marriage therapist, Edward?"
"Hey, ex therapist, and don't judge." I point a warning finger at her before taking my seat.
"I'm not." She holds up her hands in defense and then shakes her head before breaking out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
"What the hell is so funny?"
"Nothing, it's just that you always did do things the hard way, big brother. Not that I'm not happy that you rid yourself of that harpy you once called a wife. Wait, you are divorced, right?"
"Finalized about a week ago."
"Well, that's good news. At least now you and Bella aren't committing one of the seven deadly sins."
"Very funny." I deadpan.
She waves a hand dismissively, and I finally concede to the irony and laugh along with her.
"So, I'm going to be an uncle again. That's awesome, Sis, have you told Spiderman yet?"
"Not yet. Jasper and I are planning on doing so this weekend. We plan on taking him to the Reptile House and his favorite place to eat after, just in case he doesn't respond well to the news."
"He'll be fine. He's been waiting for this; I have too, actually." I kneel and turn her chair toward me, placing a hand on her belly. "Hey little one, this is your uncle Edward."
"What are you doing, Edward? I'm only eight and a half weeks," she giggles.
"Do you know that it's the best time of a pregnancy? It's new and exciting, wondering what the sex is going to be, all the crazy cravings and the planning."
She senses my nostalgia and strokes my hair, looking deep into my eyes.
"You're an amazing brother and uncle, and you're going to be an amazing father, Edward. It's your destiny."
From you lips to God's ear, little sister.
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It's late as Bella and I lounge lazily in bed. We'd both had a long and exhausting day and had shared an intimate, soothing bath earlier.
"I love your hair," I murmur as I comb my finger through her silky locks.
"You're going to spoil me." She moans.
"That's the intention."
"Then how will you ever rid yourself of me?" She bats her lashes playfully.
I grab her chin gently so I can look into her eyes.
"I don't want you to ever leave. Do you understand me?"
She nods, sensing how serious I am. "It was just a joke, Edward. I didn't mean anything by it."
"Do you know how special you are to me, Bella? I don't ever want to think about my life without you in it."
"Then don't, because you're stuck with me." She cranes her neck and gives me three soft kisses on the mouth before nestling her head on my chest.
I can't believe what I'm about to say, but I don't want there to be any secrets between us.
"I ran into someone from my past at work today."
She blinks as she looks up at me, waiting for me to continue.
"Her name is Justine. We met a while back when I was on a business trip."
"I'm listening," she says quietly.
"To cut a long story short, we spent the weekend together and when it ended, she didn't handle it well. She got hurt."
"You mean you broke her heart." She slides off the bed, taking the sheet with her, and I instantly feel the loss not only of her warm body, but the sense of being centered that I feel in her presence.
For the second time today, I find myself cringing at my erroneous past.
"So, it was you she saw." She sits on the edge of the bed with her back turned to me.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I frown at her. "Do you know her?"
"I don't know her, Edward. Justine just happens to be Leah's friend."
"Your receptionist?"
"Yes. I also ran into her after you dropped me off this morning." She huffs and wraps the sheet more securely around her body as she turns to face me.
Something, I can't decipher what, in her tone leaves me feeling uneasy. I sit up and fist the bottom of the sheet and pull her to me. She averts her eyes.
"I'm only bringing this up because I don't want there to be any secrets between us. Justine turned up at the hospital, looking for a job. I didn't want this blowing up in my face later. You know more about me and my past than anyone, Bella. I can't hide who I was. But, Bella, you also know who I really am, who I want to be. Other than my family, you are the only person who knows this side of me. So, I have to ask, are you still able to accept that part of me, the ugly part, or have things changed for you?"
I silently pray that this incident doesn't prove to be the last straw; the thing that finally makes her decide that I'm not worth the trouble. Her silence does nothing to settle my nerves, and I fight hard to keep the sense of panic at bay.
"Bella?" She sighs deeply and finally looks at me.
"Nothing's changed. I just ...I know that there is always the possibility of other women popping up, but for some reason, this one muddies the water. It feels more personal. I'm not sure why, but like Victoria, her presence has infiltrated my place of work, and this Justine is also a friend of someone I'm starting to think of as a friend. "She shrugs her shoulders in a helpless gesture. The hurt I see in her eyes is like a lance to my heart.
I drag at the sheet until she's seated on my lap. "There's no reason to worry about her. She means nothing to me. I feel nothing for her, except regret for having used and hurt her. Please Bella, believe me. I doubt that she would want to rekindle anything, and I sure as hell don't. She's not the type to cause problems. In fact, the blame for what happened between us is entirely mine. And I won't be walking that path again. What I need to know is; can you put up with me and my mess?"
"It's not going to be easy."
"No, it's not, and when Lauren's trial gets underway it's going to get a lot worse."
She studies my expression closely and traces my brows with her fingertips.
"I said you were stuck with me. Did you not hear me?"
I slowly unwrap the sheet and make love to her; on the floor, repeatedly.
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Soon after I arrived at work this morning, Doctor Lionel Doyle had me paged. The receptionist asked me to meet him in his office, and now I'm restlessly pacing the reception area. I'm trying to appear outwardly calm, but I'm a jangled mess; I feel sure that the Board has reached a decision. I wonder whether Mike's been contacted, and I worry whether he's been told that he has the job.
If Mike's been granted the position, I'm going to have to school myself to be gracious, smile and shake his hand. I'll have to congratulate him on a well-deserved promotion. He'll be my boss.
The fuckhead!
"Doctor Masen, Doctor Doyle will see you now." She says expressionlessly.