A/N: So, this chapter took a lot longer than I thought it would. Kayla deals with the news that (major spoiler if for some reason you're skipping ahead) Jess and Mary are dead, and also what's going on with Sam. She does not tell Sam in this chapter, as he's still recovering and isn't conscious yet. This is almost entirely Kayla saying goodbye to her mom and sister, trying to come to terms with the fact that they're gone and their lives are about to change again.
Warning-there is some description of Jess and Mary's injuries in this chapter. Nothing too bad, but in case it could upset you, you've been warned.
The next few chapters will revolve around this. Kayla telling Sam, Sam's reaction, everyone trying to readjust…you get the idea.
"They…what?"
"I'm sorry, Kay. They were dead when the paramedics got there."
"No." Kayla said, refusing to believe it. "No, it can't be true."
Dean had expected Kayla to be in shock, so he was prepared. "I'm sorry, kiddo. It's true."
"Family of Sam Winchester?"
A doctor had come out and was standing around looking for them. Kayla gathered her courage, took a deep breath, and called to the doctor.
"Right here."
The doctor approached them, and Dean recognized him as the doctor who had told him earlier that Jess and Mary had died. The name escaped him, but the doctor took care of that.
"I'm Dr. Miller. You are…"
"This is Sam's daughter and her husband. Kayla and Todd."
"Doctor, where's my father?" Kayla asked. "Is he…"
"He's alive. Take a seat, please. I need to update you about your father's condition." Dean took a seat, followed by the doctor, who sat between Dean and Kayla. Todd took Kayla's hand and sat with her, squeezing it to let her know he was there for her.
"Your father hit his head very, very hard when the car crashed. It caused his brain to swell inside his head. We've inserted a shunt to help drain the fluid causing the swelling."
"And? Will he wake up?"
"I'm afraid I can't answer that at the moment. The only thing we can do for your father right now is monitor him to see if he wakes up."
"If? You mean he might not?"
"I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more. But all we can do now is monitor your father. We'll give it a few days and then re-evaluate our options if nothing changes."
"Is he breathing? Does he know what's going on?"
"He's not breathing on his own, no. He's on a ventilator. As for what he's aware of? That's something we just can't know until he wakes up."
Kayla nodded. The doctor's words were sinking into her brain, but she simply couldn't process them completely. "What about my mother? My sister?"
"Did anyone tell you…"
"I know they're…" Kayla swallowed, still unable to say it. "I know. What happens with them now?"
"Well, I need to talk to you about that too." Dr. Miller said. "The police are still investigating the accident, but it seems there's no evidence of foul play. We ran a blood alcohol level…"
"Sam would never drive drunk!" Dean said angrily, speaking for the first time since Dr. Miller came back. "Especially not with one of his kids in the car!"
"I'm not saying he did. It's just standard procedure in motor vehicle accidents."
Dean exhaled hard. "Sorry, Doc."
"Don't be. I mean that. It's alright." Dr. Miller said. "Kayla, since you're the next of kin for your mother and sister, and your father's incapacitated at the moment, the decision's yours."
"What decision?"
"Whether or not to perform an autopsy on your mother and sister."
"Is that really necessary?" Kayla asked.
"It could help us figure out what happened. I have to emphasize could. If the accident was simply caused by a problem with the car, there may be nothing to find."
Kayla turned to Todd and Dean. "What do you guys think?"
"I don't like the idea." Dean said. "But it's up to you."
"I assure you, we'll treat your mom and sister with the utmost respect." Dr. Miller promised. "As soon as we've examined them, you can take them and make whatever arrangements you need to."
A few seconds of silence later, and Kayla made her decision. "Do it. But can I see them first?"
"Of course. I'll take you myself." Dr. Miller offered. "Would you like your husband and uncle to go with you?"
"Um, no." Kayla said. She turned to Todd and Dean and said, "Will you wait here? I want to talk to Mom and Mary alone for a minute."
"Yeah, kiddo. We'll be here." Dean said.
"You sure you want to do this alone?"
"No. I don't want to do this at all. But I'd rather you stay here with Dean and come get me in case something happens with Dad."
"I can do that." Todd said. "I can definitely do that. Do you want me to call Mom and tell her what's going on?"
"Yes, please." Kayla answered. "Thanks."
"Right this way, Mrs…."
"Whitaker." Kayla answered.
"Right this way, Mrs. Whitaker."
The walk down the hall was silent, and Kayla was fighting to keep her composure. The realization of what had happened still had not quite settled on her. Her heart hurt, her head was pounding, and still she couldn't make herself feel the loss completely. It was almost as if the grief was dripping into her slowly, and Kayla dreaded the moment it took over completely. The doctor stopped at the door of the morgue.
"Are you sure about this, Mrs. Whitaker? We'll keep your family safe until you're ready for this."
"I appreciate it, Doctor, but if I don't do this now I never will." Kayla said. "And if I don't do it, I'll regret it. I need to do it."
Dr. Miller nodded and opened the doors. There was someone inside that Dr. Miller cleared out, telling them to 'find something else to do for a while'. He showed Kayla the two exam tables in the room. There were clearly two bodies there, one slightly shorter than the other, each with a sheet.
"Take your time." Dr. Miller assured her. "No one's rushing. When you're done, you can come back to the waiting room where we were before, or have the nurse out there page me and I'll be here as soon as I can."
"Thank you, Dr. Miller." Kayla said. "I have to say, you've been very patient and kind with us."
The doctor frowned slightly and seemed to debate whether or not to tell Kayla what he was about to tell her. "I lost my mom suddenly about six weeks ago."
"I'm sorry." Kayla said automatically. She did feel sorry for the doctor, but her focus was on her own pain at the moment.
"Thank you. Like I said, take your time."
Dr. Miller left, and Kayla stood frozen, unable to move. Time had stopped. For the last three years of her life, Kayla's focus had been almost entirely on caring for her children or caring for a sick Dean. At that moment, she didn't care. She didn't care that both the kids were sick and that she wasn't there. She would later hate herself for feeling that way, but at the moment that was the farthest thing from her mind. Kayla moved to the table on the right and, hands trembling, pulled down the sheet.
It was Mary. Though they'd talked on the phone almost every night, Kayla hadn't seen Mary in almost three months. Her sister had gained a little weight, though Kayla felt a little jealous. Her sister had always been small and skinny, but it seemed to make Mary even more beautiful. Kayla had heard people say that someone who'd died looked like they were sleeping. She'd always thought it was, in Bobby's terms, 'utter bullcrap'. Mary didn't look like she was sleeping. Her skin was pale and she was stiff to the touch. Still, Kayla stroked her cheek and tried to smile.
"Hey, Pipsqueak." Kayla said. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to bring you home. The kids were still sick and I was exhausted. If I know you, you were making Mom and Dad take you to my house so you could make me let you take care of them for a while."
Kayla had to take a pause as her mind overflowed with visions and memories of Mary. One stood out above all the others.
Sam shifted a little in the seat. "Honey, will you please hold Mary for me? My arm's getting tired."
"Why don't you put her back in the crib?"
"Because she'll start crying again." Sam said. "Will you please hold her? It'd help me out a lot."
"Okay, Daddy."
"Thank you." Sam said. "Here, sit up a little so I can give her to you."
"I won't hurt her?"
"No. You won't. I promise." Sam said. "Here you go."
When Mary landed in Kayla's arms, she instantly calmed. Her fussing stopped, and she stared at Kayla with big, brown eyes. Sam shook his head in disbelief. Mary had been crying for weeks straight. Figures, he thought. But Sam held his breath when he saw that a smile was beginning on Kayla's lips as she watched her baby sister.
"Hey, Mary. I'm Kayla."
Mary cooed and continued to focus on the sound of Kayla's voice.
"I'm sorry I was mean to you." Kayla said. "I was really scared when Mommy got sick. I know you didn't do it, but I was scared it might happen again."
Mary made another noise, one Kayla couldn't quite decipher.
"Daddy, did I make her mad?"
"No, honey. Keep talking." Sam said. "She likes you."
"She likes me?" Kayla said with a smile. She looked back down to Mary, eyes sparkling. "You like me?"
Mary made another sound that sounded suspiciously like a laugh. Sam knew it wasn't a laugh, because Mary was too young for it. But Kayla's eyes lit up with an excitement that Sam had never before seen in her.
"Look, Daddy, I made her laugh!"
"You did, baby. Good job." Sam said.
"Can I sing to her? To put her back to sleep?"
"Go for it."
Kayla turned back to Mary and mimicked her mommy and daddy. All the nights they'd sung to her when she was sick, or sad, or hurting, or just needing attention came back through Kayla. "Rest my little darling, you've had a busy day. The sun is a falling, and it's time for me to say. Hush, hush, little mermaid goodnight. Hush hush little mermaid sleep tight."
Kayla sniffled, trying to keep any tears at bay. She still had one more person to talk to, and breaking down would only make that process all the harder. She smoothed Mary's hair and sang to her for the final time.
"Rest my little darling, you've had a busy day. The sun is a falling and it's time for me to say. Hush, hush, little mermaid goodnight. Hush hush little mermaid sleep tight." Another beat and Kayla said her final goodbyes. "Take care of Mom and Leslie for me. You do that, and I'll take care of Dad and Dean."
Kayla wrapped Mary back up and turned with a dread unlike any she'd ever experienced to the other exam table. She knew what was there, and was debating turning to leave. She didn't know if she'd want that memory sticking in her head for the rest of her life. But she couldn't talk to Mary and not to her mother. So she lifted the sheet and pulled it down. Another memory flooded her as her mother's face came into view. It was vague, and one she hadn't thought about in years. She couldn't have been older than four when it happened.
"Kayla. It's time to wake up, honey."
Kayla giggled. Her plan was really smart! If she stayed under the blanket, Mommy couldn't find her. She heard Jess cross her room and saw her silhouette stop just short of the bed. She giggled again, then realized she was making noise, so she shut her mouth really tight. Kayla saw Jess put her hands on her hips and stand there, looking around.
"Well, I could've sworn Kayla was in bed the las time I checked. I wonder where she could be."
Kayla giggled again.
"Hmmm. Could she be here?"
Suddenly, Jess's hands were on top of the blanket, tickling her, and Kayla exploded into a fit of giggles that had her whole blanket shaking. After a minute or two of giggling, Jess had the blanket pulled back.
"There she is!" Jess said. "Good morning, Bug."
"Hi, Mommy."
"Hi." Jess blew a raspberry on Kayla's tummy, making her laugh again. "Were you hiding from me?"
"Yep."
"Well, you did good. Because I was just about to eat Daddy's pancakes all by myself."
"Daddy made pancakes?" Kayla asked.
"He did. But he said if you're not at the table before I can count to ten you don't get any."
"You carry me, Mommy? He won't take them away from both of us."
Jess smiled. "Can't argue with that. Let's go."
Jess was in worse condition than Mary. Her face had more cuts than Kayla could count. She had clearly been cleaned up by the doctors, but there was still dried blood in certain places. Kayla tried to wipe it away with the sleeve of her shirt, with varying success. Finally, she stopped and started to talk to her mother.
"I should've taken you up on your offer." Kayla said. "Maybe if I had, you'd be here…"
Kayla let out her first full sob of the day, but quickly got herself under control. Sam was going to need her when he woke up. She couldn't allow herself the possibility that he wouldn't. Maybe it was selfish of her to think, but Jess had Mary with her. Kayla needed Sam to stay here with her. It was too much to lose everyone in a single day.
"Dad's here. He's alive. The doctors are still working on him. He's in pretty bad shape." Kayla said. "Something about his brain swelling too much and having to bring it down. Todd could explain it better."
Another memory floated by. Samantha at the park the day that Tayler had come back into Kayla's life a year or so before. Kayla leaning over and giving her mother a kiss on the cheek, only for Samantha to leave her beloved Papa's lap to climb into Jess's.
No, Mommy. My Nana.
Kayla choked back another sob. "How am I supposed to explain this to Samantha? Or to Dad? How am I supposed to do that, Mom?"
And with that, Kayla felt something else bubbling over inside her. Anger. Pure, raw anger. She'd experienced it before, and she'd even experienced it to this degree. But she hadn't thought about it in years. She remembered feeling this way at thirteen, when her parents explained that she was being sent to John's to live to help her 'put yourself back together'.
What a joke. Kayla had never been more fragmented. When she thought about everyone that was gone, everyone she thought about constantly that her children would never get to meet or, at best, would barely remember, she felt hollow. Cold. Her grandmother, Bobby, their older brother, John, and now Mary and Jess. The simmering anger in her finally exploded.
"Damn it!" Kayla screamed at no one in particular. "Does this ever stop?" She finally risked a look back down at her mother. "What am I supposed to do now? How do I tell Dad that you and Mary are…you were his whole life, Mom! How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to break his heart? How am I supposed to do that again?"
Kayla felt a hand on her shoulder. Her instinct to jump was worn down by grief, and in a split second she found herself sobbing onto Todd's shoulder.
"I heard you scream down the hall." He offered by way of explanation of why he'd come when she asked to be alone.
"How am I supposed to do this?" Kayla weeped.
Todd could barely make out the words, but he got the gist of it.
"How do I tell Dad about this? How do I do it?"
"Listen to me. I don't know what the next step'll be. But I swear to you, I'm right here with you for all of it. Okay?"
Kayla nodded.
"Mom said the kids are fine. They both seem to be over their ear infections. Unless you'd rather them not do it, they want to take the kids fishing at the lake for a couple days. Is that okay?"
"Yes." Kayla said gratefully. "Yes, tell them thank you for me."
"I will. They said they'd bring them back whenever you're ready to see them."
"Okay."
"Listen. Dr. Miller just came out to see Dean and me. Your dad's been moved to recovery. Are you ready to see him?"
"Is he awake?"
"No." Todd said. "No, he's still unconscious."
"Yeah." Kayla said. "Yeah, I'm ready."
"Alright. Let's go. Dean wanted to know if you wanted to see your dad alone for a few minutes before he came."
"No. All of us go together. I want to spend the night with Dad, so can you go stay with Dean for me at night?"
"You got it. Come on."
"Wait." Kayla pulled away from Todd and wrapped her mother back up. She was trying to say goodbye, but choked up again.
"Hey. Dusty's coming after they do the autopsy. He'll take care of them. Both of them."
"We're not doing anything until Dad wakes up."
Todd resisted the urge to remind Kayla that Sam might not wake up. "Okay."
Kayla finally left the room and walked back down the hall with Todd, where Dean and Dr. Miller were waiting. Kayla hated herself for thinking it, but she was grateful at the moment Sam wasn't awake. It saved her from having to deliver the heartbreaking news until, hopefully, she'd recovered herself enough to do it. She shared a hug with Dean, and finally noticed that he was looking rather pale and shaky himself. She hoped it was from grief, and not that Dean was getting sick again and hiding it from her.
"Let's go find your Dad."
Kayla nodded, too tired to cry anymore. "Let's go."