Chapter 58

2008

Evan flinched the moment she lay down next to him and she hated seeing him like this again.

"Sorry," she mumbled as she lifted the covers and slipped underneath them. Her feet were as cold as ice and she was a lot more sensitive to it since she couldn't press them against him right now. Not if she wanted to keep him from screaming in agony.

He sighed. "I hate that I wasn't there," he said. "When they finally found her."

"You can't find them all." Alex stretched out on her back and felt the tension almost seeping from her body. As though the mattress was absorbing it. Not long now, and lying on her back like this would be impossible. Their arms were touching and it was the most natural thing to do, brush her knuckles over his hand.

"No," Evan said. She felt his gaze on her and she slowly turned her head to look at him. He was home. He was safe. He wasn't unscathed, but that hardly mattered. Five men had not come out of that compound alive. She slowly turned onto her side and sat up a bit, her chin resting on her fist.

"I'm sorry I was so harsh with you."

He grunted and kept looking up at the ceiling. "When?"

She refrained from poking his side. He was hurting enough already. "When I told you to fix it."

Alex could see his Adam's apple bopping up and down as he swallowed. Finally he turned his head to look at her. She hadn't turned off the light and she was glad she hadn't. This way she could keep looking at him and see the blue of his eyes and the dark stubble starting to spread on his cheeks. "You were right. I was letting myself go. I can't lose control like that."

"I know." There was no question this was how he had been trained. It was a part of him, a path he'd chosen long ago. A path he'd abandoned only a couple of times. It'd been for her then. For her and their family. And he hadn't acted rashly in this instance. Not at all. He'd been agitated and frustrated with himself. "But I also know that you always do your best. That you'd never abandon a friend in need. I thought you only needed a push. You didn't let yourself go."

"Thanks for your faith in me."

He could do without. She knew that. Bending over him, she kissed his temple. "I always had faith in you, you know that."

He was about to say something, she could sense it, could see the words almost hovering on his lips, but he kept them sealed and he just looked at her, the trace of long-lost doubt still in his eyes.

"What?"

"You didn't have faith in us… back then."

"No." It was a statement easily made. She'd thought about it a lot. "No, I didn't." With a sigh, she leaned her back against the headboard. "And neither did you, or you wouldn't have –" What? Walked out on me? "Sorry, this really doesn't matter anymore, does it?"

"I don't think so." Evan reached for her hand and took it into his. "No, it doesn't. I just sometimes feel like we missed so much time together."

"Do you still feel you could lose me?"

"No." The trace of a smile made his voice sound lighter. "And no, it doesn't make sense to still talk about what happened twelve years ago."

"Let's rather talk about what will be in twelve years?"

Evan's laugh had its usual effect. She felt all warm and tingly at the same time. She slid down and put her head on his shoulder, doing her best not to touch the cast.

"In twelve years…" he mumbled and closed his eyes. "Oh God, our kid will be a nightmare then. Or close to it. Are they horrible at eleven?"

"Looking forward to it?"

"Sure. I love adolescents. And so do you. That's why you became a teacher and not an archaeologist right? Oh- wait."

"Oh, shut up." She grinned at him. At the long straight nose and the eyes looking back at her with something very close to adoration. "Our child is going to have us to help them through the worst of things… first crush, failing at Maths and Physics…"

"I was never too bad at Math. Or Physics. In school."

"Even better then."

"And then I met the geniuses working at the SGC." He was still holding her left hand and he slowly held it up towards the light. It was dark outside. Had a Jumper flown by, it would have been able to spot them as they were lying in bed, holding hands. Talking. Smiling at each other like the teenagers they were talking about just now. "Where are we gonna be, though," he asked. "What do you think?"

"You mean here, or in Colorado Springs? On the Daedalus?"

"Dagobah, Tatooine… Hogwarts."

"We're too old for Hogwarts."

"Yeah, but Baby Lorne will be just the right age."

"Baby Lorne won't be a wizard."

"Who knows." He huffed a grin at her and rested his cheek on the pillow next to hers. Their noses were touching now and she had to smile as his breath hit her lips.

"I don't know," she admitted. "And I haven't talked to Anna or Oliver yet."

"Shouldn't be their decision."

"No, but I wonder what they're thinking about this."

Evan closed his eyes and shook his head. "Guess you're right. Shouldn't hurt to ask. If they're leaving, our kid'll have lost one third of his peer group." He bit his lip.

"So you think we should stay?"

"You don't?"

"I-" she shook her head. "I really don't know. I mean… school is going to be an issue at one point, contact to other children another one. I mean, there's Torren and Josh, but-"

"Don't you think there'll be others? Other children?"

"I'm not sure everyone is as insane as we are. Not only having kids, but basically three couples having kids at the same time. And thinking about raising them here."

"It's not a bad place."

"Have you noticed there's no grass here? No dog for Baby Lorne? No-" She sighed and shrugged, "And what if we decide to go back to Earth too late? What if we go back, they attend school and start blabbering about the Stargate? Atlantis? Wraith? That'll be fun."

"Yes…" He closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss the tip of her nose. Dropping her hand, he reached out for her little bump instead. His hand was big and warm as it touched her skin. "Can you feel anything yet?"

"No, not really," she said, kissing the corner of his mouth. "But I'm sure it's not going to take long now. I'm reading books about pregnancy now. Anna gave them to me." She smiled and the expression almost hurt. The pang in her chest as Evan returned it brought Nora to mind even more forcefully. Things had been so different the first time around. And now they wanted to do everything just right. And yet… was there even a right way?

"You know," he said, reaching up to the light switch above the bed and wincing as he accidentally moved his leg, "I think we should stay here. Like we told my parents, it's not any safer at home than it is here, and I can always request to be stationed back on Earth when the kid gets older and starts babbling. Things have changed." He was right. Nowadays he and the other military members of the expedition had more of a say in whether or not they wanted to be stationed here.

"Except that it's more likely you'll stay in one place permanently if we remain here."

Even in the semi darkness she could see him pull a face. "Maybe," he admitted, reaching for her hand again. "But you should remember that I'm one of the few hundred or so people qualified enough to go through the Gate on a regular basis. Even now that things have calmed down in the Milky Way, they're still going to need senior personnel there. I just have to make Colonel before we go back. That should make things a bit easier."

"You're ambitious."

"Surprised?"

"No, not really." Evan always had been. Only a few months after they'd met, he had been promoted to Captain after all. That wasn't nothing at twenty-five. "I'm glad you said that just now."

"That I'm ambitious? I had no idea you wanted to be a trophy wife." She could hear his grin and it made her laugh. Things were almost back on the right track. Teyla was back. Her son, Torren, was with her. So was Kanan, and the rest of the Athosians had started setting up a new settlement. The things that remained unsolved, like Ba'al and Michael and the Hoffan Plague, not to mention the constant threat which the Wraith post, would remain so for the foreseeable future.

"I meant," Alex said, "that I'm not nearly done with my work here. I need to finish it. I want to."

"No." Evan nodded. "We're not done here, are we?"

It was likely they'd never be done, but she didn't say it. She didn't need to. He must know it as well as she did. "Your dad wrote a very cryptic, very suspicious email by the way."

"Did he? What did he say?"

"Something about doing a lot of reading about the things we discussed the last time we met. Good thing nobody's really interested in what we write, or we'd be in trouble once they start digging."

"They're not going to… and in a way I'm relieved. At least we don't have to worry about him finding out anymore. And he's not gonna tell anyone. He's too clever for that."

"Yes, he is." It'd still been a shock to say the least. "And I replied to Adam's letter with an email. I guess that won't make him too happy."

"How about your mom?"

"Still thrilled and begging me to come home."

Evan nodded. "Maybe we should. You know, just for the last few weeks."

"You mean, go home and have the baby there?"

"It'd mean a lot to my parents… and your mom, I guess." He cleared his throat. "And there'll be more doctors there…"

They had plenty of doctors here on Atlantis, but she knew what he meant. "Let's wait and see, okay? Who knows what'll be in five months."

A/N: So sorry, this was basically just one loooong dialogue. We'll be diving back into the action next time around! I promise! Please for staying with me and reading my crap ;)