Pieces
Chapter 41
A/N: THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
Read on, loves!
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The heavy storm had raged well into the night. As it had begun to slow, Jasper and Lapis had discovered that their electricity had been affected by the storm. Feeling far more energized than before, neither of them had wanted to go back to sleep. The early morning light found them lying on the couch together, talking softly about nothing and everything. Lapis was lying on her back atop Jasper, head pillowed on the warrior gem's shoulder. One of Jasper's arms was propped underneath her head, while the other was wrapped around Lapis' middle, holding her playfully prisoner. The slender gem didn't seemed to mind at all, and was holding Jasper's hand with one of her own. While Jasper was happy to see the new dawn approaching, she was loathe to abandon their cuddling.
She tightened her arm around Lapis for a brief moment at the thought. "So, your radiance. What's on the agenda for today?" She asked lightly.
Lapis hummed under her breath, fingers idly tracing patterns in the skin of the warrior gem's arm like she'd done often throughout the night. The familiar touch still sent tingles running through Jasper's form and she closed her eyes, simply enjoying it for a moment longer. "We can play some music together." She offered softly.
Jasper grinned hugely at the thought. "I like that idea. We haven't gotten to play much lately."
"I've been working on a new song." The slender gem said, sounding a little shy. "I can step you through your parts and we can practice it."
"Sounds fun!" The warrior gem cheered. "But can we wait until sunrise to move? I might catch a chill of you take my nice, soft blanket away." She joked, squeezing the slender gem again.
Lapis sighed a laugh. "Okay, but only until sunrise. If I lay on this lumpy mattress for too much longer, I won't be able to move!" She teased.
Jasper gasped in mock affront. "I am not lumpy!"
The slender gem wiggled slightly as if she were trying to get more comfortable. "If you say so." She affected a long-suffering sigh.
"Okay! That's it!" Jasper cried, letting go of the slender gem's hand. She quickly snatched her other arm from beneath her head and brought both hand's to Lapis' sides.
The slender gem immediately squeaked and tried to sit up, but Jasper began tickling her before she could get away. "No!" Lapis cried, instantly dissolving into a fit of forced laughter. Her body jerked and spasmed atop the warrior gem and Jasper laughed aloud as the slender gem threw herself sideways off of the couch.
She ended up sprawled out on the floor beside it. Panting, she glared up at Jasper. The warrior gem sent her a feral grin. "No escaping allowed!" She cried, rolling off of the couch after her.
Lapis let out another squeak and coalesced her wings as she scrambled away. The warrior gem reached for her ankle, but Lapis was already nearing the edge of the loft. In a move that sent Jasper's leaping into he throat, the slender gem let herself fall over the edge. A moment later, she was hovering in the air, face to face with the surprised warrior gem. Her relief at Lapis' save was instantly replaced by a thrill of happy terror as the slender gem narrowed her eyes threateningly.
"Run." Lapis growled.
Jasper grinned tauntingly at her and rolled to her feet. For a moment, she pondered her choices. She could try to feint towards the bed and then go for the door, or simply hope that Lapis would be too surprised to react to a more direct approach. The slender gem's eyes narrowed a fraction further and the warrior gem quickly dismissed that option. A bird-call from outside the window gave her a third option just in time. Lapis darted forward and Jasper barely managed to leap backward in time to avoid her grasping hand. Lapis glared at her, moving just a little to try and block the warrior gem's way to the door. Jasper simply smirked at her, before flipping herself backwards through the window.
"Jasper!" Lapis' alarmed cry followed her.
Still smirking, the warrior gem landed lightly on her feet on the rain-soaked grass and looked up to see Lapis grasping the windowsill, eyes wide with alarm. Jasper winked at her and the alarm faded into playful fury. "Too slow, Lazuli!" She called over her shoulder as she began to run away.
"I'll show you slow!" Lapis cried after her.
Jasper heard the sounds of rushing water and felt another tingle of exhilarated terror tickle up her spine. She prepared to dodge to the side as she sensed the slender gem rapidly gaining on her, but something suddenly snagged one of her feet. She was so surprised she barely caught herself on her elbows before her face crashed into the sodden earth. She rolled over to see what had tripped her, but at that moment, Lapis crashed down atop her. Jasper was toppled helplessly onto her back in the muddy grass. Stunned, she looked up at the slender gem sitting astride her. Lapis was smirking smugly, a mischievous humor sparkling in her eyes.
"You know, you should really learn to watch your step." She teased.
Jasper frowned at her words and felt a sneaking suspicion swirl in her mind. She sat up and looked over Lapis' shoulder. Sure enough, a band of water was hooked upwards from the wet ground. As she watched, the tendril transformed into a tiny hand which waved at her, before bursting into vapor. She glared at the smirking slender gem. Despite the sneaky tactics, Jasper was more amused than upset; though she didn't appreciate the cold, clinging feel of the wet mud on her clothing and skin.
"Oi!" She growled, pretending to frown. "It's no fair to use your powers!"
The slender gem only smirked wider. "Aw, c'mon, Jasper. Don't be such a stick in the mud." She quipped.
Jasper grunted, still affecting a frown. She had half a mind to see how Lapis enjoyed being covered in mud too, but dismissed the thought. "Fine. You win!"
Eyes still sparkling with mirth and still highly smug, Lapis moved to stand so that Jasper could do the same. As the warrior gem stood, the slender gem took in her appearance and winced. "Sorry. You're filthy now."
Jasper shrugged and swatted futilely at the mud covering her. "It's fine. I'll just go for a swim in the pool." Lapis blinked at her, still looking guilty. Then as Jasper watched, something dark flashed through Lapis' navy eyes before the slender gem looked quickly away. "What's wrong?" She asked softly.
The slender gem shook her head. "Nothing." She took a deep breath and when she looked back up at the warrior gem, her eyes looked... wounded; it was the only way Jasper could describe it. But despite that strangely hurt look in her eyes, she smiled at Jasper and the smile was genuine.
Jasper quirked an eyebrow at her. She wanted to know what that dark thought had been. "Tell me, Lapis." She whispered softly. She reached out, intending on taking Lapis' cheek in her hand, but then noticed the mud on her palm and let it fall.
The slender gem almost flinched and then, to Jasper's surprise. Lapis reached for her muddy hand and brought it to her own face. Seeing Lapis press her flesh into Jasper's dirty hand, the warrior gem was strangely struck by the gesture. For some odd reason, it seemed so profound to see Lapis willing to touch her dirty flesh. And then a thought snapped into place.
She had put Lapis on a pedestal in her own mind. Jasper had raised her up, higher than even the Diamonds and treated her as such a lot of the time. She thought always of Lapis' great strength and the strength of her heart, even when Lapis was broken by the events around her and the dark memories she carried. She had faith in that great strength that Lapis carried within her, and the slender gem had always proved that faith to be true, but... In that moment, the warrior gem was suddenly struck by the fact that Lapis was just a normal gem; a normal gem like her. They'd both been born the same way, to the same society. Even if the circumstances of their lives had forced them to become stronger just to survive, and even if the both of them had survived so much horror and were rising above it, they were still only gems. Jasper was no greater or lesser than Lapis and Lapis was no greater or lesser then her. They simply were and she wondered at how lost that fact had become to her. She realized then that even if she had stopped thinking of the Diamond hierarchy, a part of her had developed her own hierarchy with Lapis and the Crystal Gems and she had unwittingly placed herself at the bottom of it.
A sudden fire rippled through her chest. A burning thought flared to life in her mind. Through everything she had survived and all of the hatred she had felt, there had always been the one thing that had never changed; Jasper had always been her own worst enemy. Nothing she ever did was good enough for herself. Even now, as she was fighting for a new cause, living for a new purpose, and feeling so very differently than ever before, she still didn't truly think that she was worthy of any of it.
And she suddenly knew that feeling that way, thinking of herself as less than worthy, was an insult to the faith and trust and friendship she'd been given. For every moment of happiness that she had fought and cried for, she always recoiled and thought of multiple moments that she'd been unhappy and that was an insult to that happiness. She realized that even if Lapis and Steven and the Crystal Gems all truly trusted her, she was the one who still didn't trust herself. And for all of the love she felt for the ones around her, she didn't truly love herself. Not yet. She was learning to accept her flaws and acknowledge her weaknesses instead of hiding behind a perfect facade, but she still saw only them and not the good that she'd done. And she suddenly knew that that was wrong.
If she really wanted to stand beside the others and fight for Lapis and Earth then she needed to have faith in herself. If she was a true Crystal Gem, then she needed to trust herself like she trusted all of them. If she was a true friend to Steven and Lapis and the others, then she needed to be a friend for herself. And if her great love for Lapis was real, then she needed to love herself too; because how could she ever expect to hope that Lapis could ever return her feelings if that meant loving something that she herself hated?
All of her insecurities welled to the surface of her mind and, for the first time, she didn't let the weight of them crush her completely. She didn't push them away and try to ignore them. She let herself feel them and knew that even if they were valid, they weren't her truth. Not anymore. She might never truly be free of her sins or her past, and maybe she would fail a few times along the way, but she truly was no longer the person that accepted them as fact.
"C'mon." Lapis spoke softly, drawing Jasper from her thoughts. "I'll help you clean up."
The warrior gem smiled down at her, wanting to thank her, but not truly knowing what to say. "Okay." She said simply. Then her brows furrowed as Lapis stepped away from her and lifted her hands into the air. She heard the sound of rushing water and suddenly, she was surrounded by it. She couldn't help a small trickle of fear as she watched the globules that surrounded her slowly transform into wavering tendrils. "Lapis?" She called uncertainly.
The slender gem's eyes were bright and determined. "Just stand very still."
Jasper did as she was told. The tendrils began to wind their way around her body, gently soaking her in water. They drew away the mud on her body and in her hair, before retreating. The warrior gem expected to remain drenched, but the water that had soaked onto her skin and into her hair and clothing retreated too and she was left completely dry. Astonished, she watched the tendrils move to Lapis, slowly removing the mud on her legs and face before slipping back into the ground.
"I didn't know you could do that!" Jasper cried.
Lapis blushed, but looked pleased at the praise. "It took a little practice, but it was definitely worth it."
The warrior gem could only gape at her. She hadn't known that Lapis' control over water was that fine. Then another thought occurred to her. "You mean you could have done something like that every time it rained and you never told me!" She cried indignantly, thinking of some of the miserable nights she'd spent on the couch after having been caught out in an unexpected storm.
The slender gem quirked an eyebrow. "I didn't know if it would really work before. And you never asked." Jasper frowned as she had to concede to Lapis' point. The slender gem let out a soft giggle as the warrior gem pouted.
Jasper crossed her arms with a huff. "You're mean."
At that, Lapis laughed. "Fine. The next time I decide to try something new with my powers, I'll gladly ask you to be my experiment." The words were a playful threat.
Jasper immediately stopped pouting, head suddenly spinning with ways that that particular activity could go wrong. "On second thought, maybe I'm good."
"That's what I thought. Now, are we going to stand around in the mud all day or are we going to go play our instruments?" She asked in a pompous manner.
The warrior gem had all but forgotten that Lapis wanted to play today and new song she had mentioned. She was suddenly giddy with excitement to learn something new with her. She swept herself into a low bow. "After you, your radiance." Smiling hugely, Lapis started for the barn and Jasper followed a step behind.
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Jasper was happy. Her body was still tingling with the music she and Lapis had played throughout the day. But, as the day drew closer to the end, they had discovered a problem. Their power still had not returned. It wasn't that they minded the dark, but they still needed power to do any of their normal activities. The new moon would only just be beginning to wax tonight and it would be a few days before it's light was truly bright enough for them to see comfortably by outside and the ground was too wet for stargazing.
"We'll just have to call Steven and ask Peridot or Pearl for help." She called to Lapis as she straightened from checking the breaker box. She hated to admit defeat, but she was absolutely baffled. She was only glad they'd thought to check while they still had a little sunlight left.
Lapis let out a heavy sigh. "Okay. I need to apologize to him anyway." Jasper heard the dejection in her tone and turned to give her a soft, sympathetic smile. Lapis smiled ruefully back and then flew up to the loft to retrieve her phone. She had never turned it back on after hanging up on Steven the day before.
Jasper knew how guilty Lapis felt for her actions yesterday and she followed. As the slender gem hesitated on dialing Steven's number, she came up behind her, wrapping her arms around her trembling form. Lapis almost immediately sagged back against her, tilting her head back to give her a look filled with gratitude. Jasper only smiled and held her tightly.
She watched Lapis type in Steven's number and then hesitate again. "It's okay. He won't be mad." She whispered to her softly.
Lapis sighed. "You're right." She took a deep breath and tapped the symbol to send her call through.
Distantly, Jasper heard Steven's voice greeting her. "Hey, Steven." Lapis replied. She heard Steven continue to speak. Lapis tensed in her arms. "No. No. It was my fault!" She cried softly, sounding a little frantic.
"What's he saying?" Jasper asked, concerned.
"One sec, Steven." She pressed a button on the phone "I'm back." Lapis said to the phone, holding it away from her mouth. "You're on speaker."
"Hi, Jasper!" He greeted cheerily, voice projecting from the phone.
"Hey, Little Rose." She called back.
"I was just apologizing for yesterday." He answered the question that she'd asked a moment ago. The warrior gem hadn't realized he'd heard her. He rushed on before she could reply. "It wasn't a mission really and all of us didn't go. Garnet agreed that you needed to rest. I didn't think about how hard everyone has been working. And I know you and Lapis missed each other. I shouldn't have asked you to come!" He cried, sounding very guilty.
Jasper smiled at the sound of his voice, even if his guilt made her feel a little guilty too. "No, you're alright. But I'm glad you didn't really need me. I wouldn't have been much good to the team yesterday." She admitted. "Lapis was the one who realized I needed to rest. And I'm glad she did." The warrior gem spoke firmly, winking down at the slender gem in her arms.
Lapis blushed lightly. "I still shouldn't have been so harsh to either of you about it though." She muttered guiltily.
Jasper let out a soft laugh and heard Steven chuckle. "Yeah, you were kinda scary." Jasper teased softly, squeezing her a bit tighter.
"Just a little." Steven echoed. "But a nice scary." He rushed to add. "It just shows how much you care about Jasper! That's a good thing!"
Lapis groaned, blush flaring brighter, and turned her head to try to hide it in Jasper's chest. The action was so adorable that the warrior gem felt herself flood with love and affection. She chuckled, feeling a wave of giddiness. "We should let her be scary more often if she's going to be this cute afterward." She joked.
"Jasper!" Lapis gasped indignantly, lowering her hand to glare at the warrior gem. Her cheeks were brighter than ever.
Jasper roared a laugh and Steven's laughter bubbled through the phone. "What? It's true!" She cried softly.
"Yeah, but you didn't have to say in in front of Steven! It's embarrassing!" She muttered.
Jasper grinned hugely. "Steven doesn't mind. Do you, Steven?" She asked the phone.
The boy laughed again. "No. It's great!" He cried back happily. "I really like how you guys are such good friends now! It's like a dream come true!" He cooed.
At that, Jasper felt herself blushing too. She found her gaze drawn back to Lapis' and her heart skipped a beat in her chest. Lapis' eyes were sparkling. The warrior gem saw there again that strange something that she wished she could define. That strange something that sent the world tilting around her in the most delightful way. She wanted to know what it was so badly, but a part of her, a tiny, tiny part of her, was afraid to ask what it meant.
Steven continued, breaking her train of thought. "But, I'm guessing you guys didn't just call to chat. What's up?"
Jasper tore her gaze from Lapis' and the slender gem looked away, still blushing fiercely. The slender gem cleared her throat. "Well, I did really want to apologize, but you're right. There was a pretty bad storm last night and we lost power. We were wondering if you could ask Peridot or Pearl if they knew what to do. If they're not too busy, that is." She added hastily.
"I'm sure they have time." Steven said confidently. "I'll head back home and ask after I pick up something to eat. I was craving donuts. I won't be long."
"Take your time." Lapis told him. "We'll be okay."
"Okay." His determined tone didn't match the lighthearted reply and Jasper knew he would still hurry, despite what Lapis told him. "I'll let you what they say. Talk to you later!"
"Bye, Steven." Lapis replied softly. Jasper echoed her and the call disconnected.
Lapis sighed and lowered the phone. She seemed relieved. "I told you he wouldn't be mad." She whispered softly.
"I know." She sighed again, leaning more heavily back against her for a moment.
Jasper saw something dark flicker in Lapis' eyes before they closed. The warrior gem simply held her for a moment, before making a decision. Lapis needed a distraction from whatever dark thoughts were plaguing her in that moment.
"Let's go watch the sunset while we wait." She offered gently.
Lapis blinked open her eyes and tilted her head back to smile at her. "That sounds nice."
The warrior gem affected a smug smirk. "Of course, it does. It was my idea." She teased softly.
Before Lapis could reply, she swept her off her feet and then leaped from the loft. She wanted to carry her out to their favorite spot, but knew the ground would still be too muddy to sit on. Instead, she walked to one of the new windows and set her delicately on the wide sill with her legs dangling outside so that she was facing the setting sun. The slender gem beamed up at her and Jasper smiled hugely back, pleased that Lapis was pleased. Gently, she took the phone that Lapis still held and slipped it into her pocket. Then, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the sill beside her and the two of them looked out towards the horizon. The sky was only just beginning to bleed with the brilliant colors she enjoyed so much. For a long moment, Jasper simply enjoyed the contented pleasure that watching the sunset that Lapis brought her. Then, she felt a gentle touch to her head. She glanced over to see Lapis blushing softly, before her fingers began drifting through the warrior gem's hair, scratching softly against her scalp. The delicate feel of the unexpected, but welcome touch sent a burst of happy tingles through her and Jasper let her eyes drift shut. Lapis had petted her before, but not like this. Slowly, lulled by the feel of it, the warrior gem let her head drift down until her chin was resting on her elbows. It was no wonder why Cat-Steven and Lion and Pumpkin enjoyed being scratched. It was wonderful. She felt utterly relaxed and felt a happy sound rumble in her chest.
Lapis' soft laugh roused her slightly. "I didn't know you could purr!" The slender gem teased softly. Jasper blinked open her eyes to look up at her. Lapis eyes were bright with mirth and affection.
The warrior gem blushed, but didn't try to stop the happy rumbling. "I didn't know I could either." She mumbled.
Lapis paused for a moment and Jasper barely bit back a sound of protest. "Is... is this okay?" She asked tentatively, looking away to try to hide her sudden blush.
Seeing the uncertainty in her demeanor made Jasper smile ruefully. These lingering idle touches that she and Lapis had begun to share more often embarrassed her too, but they were nice; even nicer than their hugs in their own way. Instead of answering aloud, Jasper simply moved slightly so her head was pressed against Lapis' side, prompting her to continue the petting. The slender gem breathed another laugh and began petting her again. The rumbling began again in Jasper's chest and she let herself drift for a long moment, feeling a sensation of utter bliss settle over her. She didn't even care if she missed the sunset, so long as Lapis didn't stop again.
"Jasper." Lapis soft voice roused her again. "Jasper, the phone."
She blinked open her eyes, and was mildly startled to see that the sky had turned much darker; she hadn't realized how much time had passed. She was still feeling very relaxed and didn't want to move, but then, she heard the sound of Lapis' phone ringing from her pocket. Clumisly, she straightened enough to free one arm so she could retrieve it. She handed the phone to Lapis before resuming her previous position. Even if the petting might not continue, the sleepy feeling of bliss lingered and Jasper wanted to selfishly indulge in it as long as she could.
"Hi, Steven." Lapis answered softly. "Just watching the sunset with Jasper." At the sound of her name, Lapis' fingers returned to her scalp and the warrior gem let out a happy groan without meaning to. The rumbling began again in her chest as she relaxed fully under the slender gem's touch once more. Lapis made a small amused sound under her breath and petted her more firmly. "That's fine." Lapis continued after a moment, her voice full of mirth. "I understand. We'll probably just go to sleep, then." She paused for a moment to listen to his reply. "No. If we need it we have my phone and a lantern. They should last us until morning if it doesn't. Tell them we said thanks." She paused again. "Okay. Good night."
Jasper wanted to know what Steven had said so she forced her sluggish mind to focus and not drift away under Lapis' petting. "What'd he say?" She mumbled.
"Peridot tapped our power from the humans nearby, so Pearl called the human authorities for us. Apparently, the lightning did some damage to their supply somehow. The humans are working on it, so we should have power before morning. He said he'd call to check on us when he woke up."
Jasper had honestly stopped caring about the power, but she knew they'd need it later. "That's nice." She murmured.
Lapis laughed softly. "C'mon, lazy." She teased softly. "We might as well sleep, since there's nothing else to do. We'll just be extra awake tomorrow, I guess." Jasper couldn't help a frown at the thought of moving. Lapis must have seen it, because she giggled. "Do you like head scratches that much?" She asked playfully.
Jasper pressed more firmly against her side. "Feels nice."
The slender gem laughed again, louder this time. "Now who's cute?" She whispered under her breath, stroking her head a little more gently.
Jasper wasn't sure she'd been meant to hear that. She felt a rush of acute embarrassment and felt her cheeks burn, but still didn't want to pull away. Was her pride more important than her happiness? Suddenly, she remembered a conversation she'd had long ago with Steven; the day that they'd traveled to the place of pink flowers. He'd told her indignantly then that warriors could be sweet. If they could be that, then why couldn't they be cute too? She'd never in a millennia have ever thought of being okay with the words 'cute' or 'sweet' ever being applied to herself, but if Lapis was the one saying it... No. it was still too embarrassing.
She decided to ignore it and let out an exaggeratedly resigned sigh. "Fine. The bed is more comfortable to sleep on than the windowsill anyway." She grumbled, trying to sound extra grumpy as she stood up.
Before Lapis could get up, Jasper picked her up again and turned towards the dark interior of the barn. The sun had finished setting and the darkness was absolute within, but she had memorized the interior of her home long ago. With confidence, she stepped forward and leaped onto the loft. Lapis clung to her as they sailed through the air, letting out a soft gasp.
The warrior gem chuckled and walked blindy over to gently deposit her onto the bed. "Want me to put your phone away?" She asked.
"No. We can't charge it anyway so I'll just keep it here."
Jasper shrugged and climbed into bed beside her. She got comfortable and then rolled over to pull Lapis against her. To her surprise, Lapis resisted. "What's wrong?" She asked.
"Nothing. Scoot down a little." She ordered gently.
Jasper was confused, but did so. She felt the slender gem roll back onto her back, before moving a little higher on the bed. Then slender arms wrapped around her neck, pulling her closer. Utterly confused, The warrior gem let Lapis guide her body until her cheek was resting on Lapis chest and she was lying half atop the slender gem.
"Won't I squish you?" She asked, alarmed.
Lapis laughed. "No, Jasper. But this way, I can do this." Jasper immediately felt Lapis' fingers on her scalp again. This time, she was using both of her hands and the increased sensations left Jasper helpless to do anything but groan instantly, the fear of her greater weight hurting Lapis disappeared and she relaxed fully into the blissful pleasure of being petted. The happy rumbling began in her chest, louder than before. Lapis giggled softly. "Now I have a secret weapon!" She murmured triumphantly.
Jasper was beyond caring how this would be used against her in the future. She was beyond caring about anything but the wonderful sensations on her scalp. At this moment, the Diamonds themselves could crash land outside their door and she wouldn't move to intercept them. She would happily lie here until she turned to dust, so long as Lapis didn't stop scratching.
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THANK YOU FOR READING!
Got this chapter done much sooner than I thought I would and saw no reason to delay putting it out there. Not much plot again, I know, but I for one needed a gentle chapter. I'm still a sick and coming to terms with a few things is harder than I wish it was, but I'm still fighting, loves. We still have a journey to finish! Things will kick off again soon, so don't worry.
I love you all so much. Thanks for being awesome. You have been greatly patient with me and I appreciate it! Consider this a holiday treat to you all. I appreciate all of the private messages and well wishers. Thank you very much. And I never forget all of my silent readers either! I've said it once and I'll say it every time til we're done, I'm truly grateful that you're all here, taking this journey with me.
As this new year approaches, a time of reflection is ours once again. A time to be thankful for the things we have and the ones who have chosen to remain a part of our lives as we go forward into a new decade of life. It is also a time to stop and remember those who are not still with us and know in our hearts that no matter how long they have been gone, they will always be with us as we journey forth. No matter what battles you've faced and the things that you've lost, take the opportunity of this new year to look forward to all of the things that you can still gain if you keep going.
Always remember, loves: The ending of one chapter is the beginning of another. It's up to you to keep writing your story. You never know who is just aching for the chance to read it!
Until next time, loves! Stay safe and read on! Ja!