100 Ways
98. Take a deep breath.
Barry walked slowly, his feet crunching over the grass as he walked through the familiar graveyard. He'd been here more times than he could count. Sometimes it was difficult not to get mad at the graveyard itself, for taking his loved ones and gathering them where he could not be with them anymore. But he knew it wasn't the graveyard's fault. The graveyard wasn't the cause; it was just an unfortunate side effect.
His feet abandoned the familiar path in favor of a different one. He wasn't looking for his mother's headstone today, although he would probably make his way over there once he was done with his first errand.
The ache in his chest got heavier with every step he took until, finally, he made it to the gravestone he needed. The dams inside of him holding his grief in broke when he read the name "Edward Thawne." Inscribed on its surface were the words "Son. Partner. Hero."
Barry crashed to his knees, hands pressing against his eyes. There were so many things they'd never done, so many things he'd never said. Regrets bubbled up inside him and streamed down his face and dripped off his chin. He let out a sob and hit the ground with his fist.
But then the ground gave a lurch, and he was no longer in a graveyard.
The hospital room was as quiet as hospital rooms ever got. There was the constant beeping and mechanized sounds of machines and the bustle of people outside the room, but other than that, it was almost peaceful. So Barry wasn't quite sure what had woken him. Maybe his subconscious did it to save him from that terrible nightmare.
To shake off the dredges of the dream, Barry turned his head and looked at Eddie's peaceful face. He watched the IV drip into Eddie's arm, watched the rise and fall of his bandaged ribcage, and wanted to cry with relief.
The peace in the room was disturbed by a sharp inhale, and then Eddie was fluttering his eyes open.
"Take a deep breath, we're okay, you're safe, you're in the hospital," Barry said reassuringly, taking Eddie's hand. "Maybe don't take a deep breath. Your stomach is still healing."
Eddie grinned at him, then frowned. "If…" But he coughed and winced with pain. Barry snatched the water off the side table and helped Eddie sip from it. "Thanks," Eddie croaked. "If I'm…then how…"
"We think the Reverse-Flash—Eobard—he siphoned enough speed off of me to create a time vortex to avoid possibly being erased from time. Since you're alive, that won't happen, but we're hoping he'll be too scared to figure that out for a long, long time."
"I saved the day," Eddie said with a grin. "I'm a hero.
"A self-sacrificing idiot is what you are," Barry said with a frown. "But yes, you saved the day. But Eddie…what were you thinking?"
"Just that we had…had to stop him," Eddie replied. "Your speed…you can't lose it."
"I can't lose you, either," Barry told him, squeezing Eddie's hand between both of his.
Eddie smiled. "You won't."
A knock sounded at the door, and a nurse came in. Barry stepped back and let the nurse do all of his checkups and procedures, explaining to Eddie exactly what they did and what had happened to him.
They'd spun a story that Eddie and Joe were responding to a break in at S.T.A.R. Labs and bit off more than they could chew with the yellow speedster, and that Iris wound up there because she'd been chasing another Flash story. Everyone else was unhurt except for some bruising and chafing where they'd been tied up and gagged.
Hoping to avoid having to explain time travel and ancestors, and also trying to avoid a psych eval for Eddie, Cisco and Caitlin scrubbed the DNA from Iris' gun. They all claimed that the yellow speedster had taken it from Iris' bag and shot Eddie when he'd tried to fight back. Barry, of course, had been nowhere near the crime scene and only found out when Joe called him from the hospital to tell him about Eddie.
"Are you up for some more visitors?" the nurse asked when he was done with the check-up.
Eddie nodded, and a small parade of people came through the no-longer-peaceful hospital room. First was Captain Singh and a group from the precinct, bearing flowers and junk food. Second was Joe, scolding Eddie about how he shouldn't expect any special treatment for "this stunt of yours." Then Caitlin and Cisco, thanking him for his valor. And then, Iris.
She appeared in the doorway, looking uncertain and awkward as she peered in at them.
"Iris!" Barry exclaimed.
"Is it okay if I come in?" she asked.
"H-Hey, um, I, uh, how about—" Barry stammered.
"My dad told me everything," she said. "I'm only kind of mad at you for keeping it from me. You owe me, like, a million exclusive interviews after this."
Barry blushed and nodded.
"Come on in," Eddie said tiredly.
"I'm glad you're both okay," she said, walking slowly into the room. "That was a very brave and very stupid thing you did," she said to Eddie.
"So I've been told," Eddie replied.
Iris reached the bedside and then, after a moment's hesitation, gently kissed his temple. She sat in the chair on the other side of him from Barry, and then there was a long, awkward silence.
"I'm sorry," Iris suddenly burst out. She looked nervously at Eddie. "I never said sorry, for what I did to you. I was too ashamed, and I thought you'd want space, but then space turned into distance turned into separation and I just didn't know how to talk to you anymore."
Eddie's jaw tightened as he turned his head to look more directly at her.
"I was confused and acted impulsively," she continued. "I don't think it was the wrong decision, but I shouldn't have done it the way I did. I should've treated you with the respect and human decency that you deserved. That…that's all I could think about when—when—when you were dying. That I never apologized and I would never be able to. So that's what I wanted to say."
"Thank you," Eddie said, and he mustered a smile.
Barry squeezed his hand tightly, and Eddie's fingers twitched in response since he wasn't strong enough to squeeze at that moment. Then, Eddie's eyes drifted closed, and his breathing became deep and even.
Iris and Barry looked at each other and smiled a little awkwardly.
"So," Iris said, "and this isn't me coming on to you, but have you talked about what the Reverse-Flash said?"
"About you and me getting married in the future?" Barry asked. "No, not yet. I'm sure we will. But, and I don't mean any offense, I don't think that's going to happen."
Iris smiled faintly. "I don't think so either."
"At least not in this timeline," Barry said. "He traveled back in time, and that might have been the reality in his future, but I think he might've set us on a different path by coming back and making the choices he made. But you and I will always be connected."
"I'm happy for you two," she said. "I really am. You're the best people I know."
"Thank you, Iris. That means a lot," Barry said.
She looked over at Eddie's sleeping form and stood. "I'll give you some privacy."
"Iris," he said as she turned, and she looked over her shoulder. "Don't think we're not going to talk about your gun," he said with raised eyebrows.
She made a face. "Dad already gave me a lecture."
"Well good," he said. "I'm not going to lecture. I'm going to ask a lot of questions."
Iris rolled her eyes good-naturedly and left the room.
Barry looked at Eddie's face, sleeping soundly, and remembered the look on Eddie's face when he was lying in Barry's arms, blood oozing out of his stomach. He thought about what Eddie said when he told him about being the Flash, that breaking up wouldn't solve the danger factor because they still cared about each other.
Since breaking up clearly wasn't the solution, Barry thought about giving up being the Flash, but he decided that wouldn't work either. He'd been given these powers, either through happenstance and chemical reaction or divine intervention or fate or some combination of all. And Eddie had almost killed himself in order to help Barry keep his powers.
Until he was no longer capable, Barry knew he'd use his powers to help others. But more importantly, he'd use his powers to protect his family and friends and everybody he loved. Including and especially Eddie.