I do not own American Horror Story: Freakshow.

I doubt Ryan Murphy would even recognize it now.

Wherever You Are

The Terrific and Talented Tattler Twins

"- Darling and I'm coming to you live and on the air today from Sunny Sarasota, Florida.

The autumn of '86 in Florida was, well, a Florida autumn.

So it was just slightly not as scorching as the season before it.

Right in the middle of it, Annabel Walker Anderson flat-out refused to sweat.

No, no, she was cool as a cucumber, man.

Sitting across from her two-headed, one bodied mothers . . .

I can do this. They can too. Bowie said.

Kind of.

Not really.

But we can.

We can do it.

Deep breath, confident voice.

She hoped.

"I am proud to introduce to you today, two of the loveliest, most intelligent, kindest women the world has never seen."

Not allowing herself to feel the love and adoration pouring out of her mothers' shimmering eyes.

"If you saw them on the street, you'd blink your head and think you were seeing double. Most people do."

Otherwise she would get totally distracted and dissolve completely.

"But they're real, they're here, and for the first time in their lives, they are opening up to you out there in Radioland, ready to share their experience with you."

Instead of showing off her mothers as the amazing, incredible dynamic duo they really were.

"Ladies, please introduce yourselves to our audience out there in Radioland."

And get this damn job.

"Hello, my name is Dorothy Jean," Ma-Da spoke up. "Most people call me Dot."

Light and carefree introduction.

"And I am Elizabeth Ann. Most people call me Bette."

Lively upbeat tone.

"And we are . . ."

Together now, bright smiles and warm voices.

". . . completely conjoined twins!"

Everything was going really well so far.

Nobody had fainted, puked, or explosively emptied their bowels.

Least of all Annabel.

"And would please describe your unique situation for our listeners out there on the waves, ladies?"

Richard, the man responsible for deciding her job-oriented fate, hadn't blinked in over ten minutes.

Had nearly stuttered himself to death at introductions.

Which had given Annabel just the slightest touch . . .

I bet Bowie would tell them they were bloody fantastic.

He's cool like that.

. . . of satisfaction.

And now here they were.

The light was on, the mics were hot.

And Bette and Dot Tattler Darling Walker were revealing themselves to the listening world.

Again.

Of mid-western Florida anyway.

All for Annabel.

And she was not going to screw it up.

They had practiced and rehearsed several questions.

Discussed topics and filtered ideas.

And felt relatively confident in their ability circumnavigate the radio-waves of WKS-103.

For three-quarters of an hour anyway.

"Well, we each have our own head but we only have one body . . ."

If they were lucky.

"What is something you would like our listeners to know about you?"

Ah, yes, the age-old question.

Can the freaks really be anything like us?

"Well, really, in many ways, we're just like you," Bette relayed warmly. "We have our own separate thoughts and feelings, we like different books. We even prefer different foods."

Annabel watched them grin at each other before Ma-Da, ahem, Dot, continued.

"We're best friends and even though we disagree sometimes, we do our best to respect each other as individuals."

Readying herself for the uncertainty ahead, Annabel transitioned the segment into the next phase.

"Well, it's time to open up the phone lines to callers. So if you'd like to ask our very special guests a question, please call in. Our number is . . ."

And this was the tricky part.

Allowing others to ask questions.

The station, cleverly enough, had a person, Wren, who actually fielded the questions before the callers were sent through to the booth.

Still, . . .

"Hi, you're on the air with Ana Darling and our special guests, conjoined twins, Bette and Dot."

"Hi, uh, my name is Jeanne."

. . . it wasn't the most comfortable of situations.

"Hello, Jeanne," Bette cooed gently. "It's nice to meet you."

But they were sure as hell going to make it seem like it was.

"I wanted to ask, uh, can you two drive a car?"

Easy question. Good start.

"Why, yes," Bette replied, with a tinge of pride. "Actually we do! We control the steering wheel together. And since I am on the left, I control the turn signal, the gearshift, and watch the roadsigns."

"And since I am on the right, I control the brake and gas pedals," Dot concluded.

A split second of quiet from the caller.

Then . . .

"Wow, that's, like, amazing! Sometimes I can't even manage driving by myself! How do you do it together?"

Fraction of a pause.

"We just talk to each other."

A form of the truth.

"Aright, thank you for your question, Jeanne. Next caller."

"Do you have to buy two movie tickets or just one when you go to the movies? Or do you go to the movies?"

"What do you do if one of you is sleepy but other one is wide awake?"

"Can you get colds at the same time?"

A few of the questions were a little stupider.

"Do people have trouble telling you apart?"

"Well, they really don't have to. Whereas other twins are always moving around and separate, we are always together in one place. Dot is on the right and, I, Bette, am on the left."

And that's where they left the caller in the dust.

"Wait, my left or your left? That sounds pretty confusing."

Conjoined twin smiles, a breadth of a second apart.

"Well, we also wear our headbands every day to keep our hair out of each other's eyes."

"The headbands are different colors."

"Ohhh, . . ."

They did not bother to mention that they switched out colors from time to time.

". . . okay. Cool."

It wouldn't do to confuse the poor child further.

She didn't seem very bright.

"Well, thanks for answering my question!"

"You are most welcome, . . ."

". . . darling."

Other questions they would never have considered on their own.

"Did your mom take, like, some sort of drugs or something, like those people with messed up fingers that made you turn out the way you are?"

"Oh, well, that is an interesting question. We don't know."

"She never said."

"How do we know that there's really two women in that studio and not just one saying different things?"

Ah, yes. Ready, Sister?

Of course.

"Somewhere . . ."

". . . over the rainbow . . ."

". . . way up high . . ."

"How do we know you're really stuck together like that and not just regular twins lying for attention? No offense."

A very real question indeed.

"You don't, I suppose."

"I guess you'll just have to come up here and see for yourselves."

"Oh. Okay. Sure."

Mildly panicked expressions from the few station people Annabel could actually see at that moment.

Oh boy.

"I called up here and said I had a question about your hobbies but what I really want to know is why you think a disgusting couple of freaks like you think you should be able to live in a world with normal people like-"

Annabel, quick on the draw to protect her vulnerable, delicate mothers, cut the call off before the caller could continue his hate-filled rant.

"I apologize, Mrs Walkers," she intoned smoothly-ish. "This radio station does not allow the abuse of its guests. Differences of opinion may be discussed and debated, Radioland listeners, but never verbal attacks launched in order to hurt."

The conjoined women across from her seemed to manage to control their blanch with a grace and dignity Annabel could not imagine having in life ever.

And then Ma-Ba spoke, only the slightest hint of pain and sorrow tinging her tone.

"Believe it or not, Ana Darling, this is not the first time we have faced discrimination and hate. We have dealt with it in various forms all our lives."

And the Ma-Da took up the thread seamlessly.

"And we would like to say something now in light of it."

A noticeable deep breath from them both before continuing.

"We have tried all our adult lives to come to terms and accept who we are. We have tried to live honestly and kindly. It has not always been easy and we don't expect it to now."

Switching over now, Dot to Bette.

"If you hate us, mock us, or threaten us, or anyone with a difference, for that matter, then it doesn't show poorly on us or that person. It shows poorly on you as a human being to treat others so."

The entire station sat in stunned silence.

And Ana Darling knew, as she had always known, even when she pretended she didn't, that her exceptionally special mothers were absolutely, undeniably, perfectly amazing.

"Thank you, Bette, Dot. I believe you are exactly right."

Maybe they should have their own radioshow.

"My question is kind of personal and I'm not trying to be rude or offensive or anything . . ."

"Hit us with your best shot, darling."

"Fire away."

Look at that Annabel grin.

Yes, I knew she'd appreciate that one.

"Okay, um, can one of you have an orgasm and the other not?"

They had agreed to this, thought it up.

For educational purposes.

And to get Annabel this job.

And though it wasn't a question they themselves had practiced, it was a real one.

That they were going to answer.

"Actually, yes. Our first time," Bette began. "It hurt quite badly for me."

"And I had the experience you're talking about," Dot related as factually as she could.

All the while watching Annabel refuse to turn purple with professionalism.

"So you have sex?" the caller gasped.

"Yes," Dot replied with a smile in her voice. "We do."

"We've actually been married to a wonderful man for over thirty years now."

"The same man?! And he . . . he loves you both?"

"Yes," Bette cooed proudly.

"Isn't that wonderful?" surreshed Dot.

"Yeah. Wow, that's . . . wow."

And even though they were slightly miffed, . . .

Well, okay, it's not that incredible, Sister.

Yes, it is, Bette.

Alright, you're right. But still . . .

. . . they really sort of understood.

"So . . . so there's hope for me?" the caller very nearly whimpered. "To find somebody to love? Like, for real love?"

And the Tattler twins hearts broke for her.

"Oh, sweetie, yes," Bette reached out gently with her voice.

"There's hope for all of us, darling," Dot followed suit. "There's always hope. Always."

"Oh, thank you, thank you," the caller babbled. "And God bless you."

And right then, right there, they should have known.

Did know.

Their lives were extraordinary.

Special.

Blessed.

And that Annabel . . .

"Thank you so much for tuning in, Radioland listeners. It's been my true and singular pleasure to spend this time with our guests, conjoined twins, Bette and Dot. Thank you ladies for allowing us a glimpse into your lives."

"You are most welcome, Ana Darling."

"It was our pleasure."

. . . had that job.

Hope you enjoyed Bette and Dot's first foray into radio!

Grateful thanks to brigid1318, smclendon, and midnightrebellion86 for reviewing!

And you know, there's always repercussions for everything . . .