The snowflakes continued to fall all day, not enough to make the snow stay but it was really joyfull for everyone at the compound to see them. Seeing them dance in the wind made me think about Yuki. It was January, maybe i should go and send her my wishes for this new year. I was missing her, not in a romantic or sexual way, i've never been in love with Yuki, but because outside the Shinsengumi, she was the closest thing to a friend that i had. I decided to talk to Chizuru about it before because i wouldn't like her to learn by someone else but me that i went to see an oiran.
« Yukimura. » i called when i saw her outside « can i talk to you for a minute ? »
« Sure. » she answered before she joined me « what do you want to talk to me about ? »
« It's not easy... » I sighed, feeling my ears becoming red « i want to ask you if you would be... If i could... Alright just wait a second... » i paused and sighed again. « I've got a friend. She's an oiran, you've seen her before at the Hanamado. I want to express my wishes to her but I fear you would misinterpret it due to her profession. I want to know if you would be comfortable with the idea of me visiting her... Anyway, that was stupid, just forget it... »
She laughed and i felt even more flustered. I was probably blushing red. Actually, when it was me in her shoes, it wasn't as cute.
« You must really feel embarrassed ! I've never heard so many sentences getting out of your mouth in a single breath ! It's... Kimigiku, right ? » she asked.
« Actually, no. It's the other one. »
« Oh yeah ! The one who wished me good luck. » she stopped to think. « Wait... you're the wolf ? » she asked, confused.
« It's our old name, Mibu Wolves. » i explained, thinking that speaking to Chizuru was not a smart move in the end. I could sense trouble already. « She's a dear friend of mine. »
« Alright. » she smiled « i don't see why you couldn't go. »
Her voice was assured but i sensed a hint of sadness.
« Do you wish to come with me ? » i asked.
« I don't need to, I trust you. Besides, if you had something to hide, you wouldn't have talked to me in the first place. »
« I will go in the late afternoon. I promise i will be back before dark and i'll come to you. » i said to reassure her and I bowed.
I would have kissed her if we weren't in the courtyard but that would have to wait. She bowed in return and we resumed with our occupations. I went to one of Ito's meetings. It was my second one only. Ito had been suspicious when Keisuke transmitted him my request and he was right to be but in the end, he let me attend to the seminaries. I was surprised of the numerous warriors attending those meetings but most of the men were Ito's. For the moment, he never talked about quitting or betraying the Shinsengumi. He only talked about philosophy and Confusianism. I had a feeling i was wasting my time listening to that nonsense. After the meeting, i headed to Shimabara.
I entered the pleasure house and asked for Yuki that i met in a private salon but instead of her foxy smile, she greeted me with her oiran mask.
« Good afternoon, Saito-han. Or do I have to pretend that i don't know you ? »
Alright, she was mad at me. It was understandable since the last time i came, i was so afraid that Chizuru would learn about her that i tried my best to avoid her. Sometimes i wondered how men could have a wife, three mistresses, and still go to oirans, geiko or prostitutes... That sounded pretty exhausting.
« I came to wish you hapiness on this new year. »
« That's nice. Does your woman knows you're here or are you lying to her already ? » she chuckled.
« Actually, she does. »
« And she's okay with it ? » she asked with surprise.
« She is. »
« Still so much conversation... » she smirked and i saw in her eyes that she wasn't really mad at me in the end. That girl and her thoughts were an enigma for me. « So what did you wished for the new year ? »
« I'm not really a man to make wishes. » i answered.
« There must be something you want. »
I took a moment to think. What did i want ? Peace. The end of the war. Recognition for Kondou-san. Marry Chizuru. A cure for Souji.
« What did you wish for ? » i asked her instead of replying.
« Tell me what you see from the window. »
I wondered if one day, we could answer one another's questions.
« Snow. » i answered as the snowflakes continued their dance in the wind.
« Snow. Yuki. Outside. I think that's my wish. » she said with her melancholic voice, playing with the wooden fox in her hair « Hey ! Are you going to see the French ?! »
« What are you talking about ? » I asked, puzzled.
« The French ! » she repeated with a childish smile « you know, people talk here. I heard some frenchmen just arrived to Yokohama. They will form some shogunate soldiers to western tactics in Osaka. Will you go ? »
« Yuki, this information is supposed to be classified... » i sighed. « Be careful who you talk to... »
I didn't know which shogunate high ranked feeled like it would be a bright idea to reveal this to an oiran but she would have to watch her mouth if she didn't want to get any trouble.
« Alright, alright... Have you already seen some ? » she asked again.
« Some what ? » I asked in return, lost again.
« Some western ! I heard they're so ugly ! They have looooong nose like Tengu and are hairy and they stink ! Is it true ? » she asked, miming the long noses.
« Well their noses are different than ours... » i muttered, thinking.
« So you've seen some ?! »
« Yes. »
« I want to see some so bad... » she said with a pout « they never come here... »
Sometimes i forget that Yuki had been raised in this house since she was a child. There must be so much things she had never seen, never experienced... How could someone force others to be locked in cage ? Are there really girls meant to be oirans or were they all like Yuki, wearing a mask of docility and dreaming of freedom ? I looked at the window again to see the sky becoming darker.
« I shall get going. » i said, getting up.
« Will you come again ? » she asked.
« I don't know. Things are getting tensed outside. » i explained and she nodded.
I went back to the compound before the sun got down according to my promise. I ate the dinner with Chizuru and the others then got back to my room to wait before joining Chizuru for the night. I meditated for the first time in a long time and it really helped me ease my mind. I then got out to make myself a cup of tea and i drank it outside my room, looking at the snowflakes still falling from the sky. My eyes went to the snow bunny Chizuru made. It hadn't melt yet but the red berries she used for the eyes had become brown. I fixed my gaze on it. It seemed so lonely with it's little hazel eyes. My tea finished, i picked some snow, two leafs and two blueberry to make another blue eyes snow bunny that i put next to it. Now it wasn't lonely anymore.
I looked at the courtyard still white but i was happy to see that there was a lot of footprints this time. I wouldn't have to climb up the roof again. I walked to Chizuru's room and entered after announcing myself. She wasn't in bed yet but she already was undressed, wearing only her nagajuban. I took off my sandals and came to hold her.
« You had a good time ? » she asked.
« It was just a courtesy visit. » i answered, nesting my head in her neck.
« You're cold. » she complained.
« Yes, i get that often. » taking my head off her neck and blowing the light.
« Your attempts at humor get worse everyday... » she chuckled, laying on the futon.
« You laughed. In my book, that's a success. » I answered, laying next to her.
I passed my arms around her and deposit a small kiss in her neck as i spooned her body. I fell asleep nearly instantly, hoping to sleep better than the previous night.