Four weeks, she realizes. No, four weeks and three days since Snoke had reclaimed Ben Solo. They've heard little out of the First Order during that time. There have been clashes, but mostly ones that have gone poorly for the Resistance.
Leia has drummed up support from the Chandrillans and they've offered troops, ships, weapons.
But it's not enough.
They need Ben.
Rey needs Ben.
Sometimes, in the dark of night, she can still feel him there, curled up behind her, the bond warm and fuzzy with their physical contact, sated as they were before they'd been torn apart. She goes through her life in those weeks in a bit of a fog, alternating between anger and despair, both tinged with a bit of hope she doesn't dare hold too tightly to.
She meets with Luke. Every day, until he tells her to take a day off, to sleep. You'll be useless to Ben like this, he points out one afternoon as she pulls herself out from another meditative trance. Each time she goes further, deeper. Once, Luke has to physically grip her shoulders, shake her a little to bring her back.
He worries.
She can see it in the lines around his grim-set mouth, in his faded blue eyes. He worries and he doesn't know what to do. He makes her eat. Finn and Rose do too, coming to her room and taking her to the dining room, piling her plate high with stuff and sitting there, concerned looks on their faces, to make sure she gets enough to eat.
You'll be useless to him like this, they tell her.
And yet she can't pull herself out of it.
She takes her lightsaber to dummies in a practice room, destroying a number of robots, watching their heads fly clean off. She imagines they're Snoke. All of them, and she goes after them with a snarl, hacking and slashing. Sometimes she remembers her forms, sometimes it's all just fury.
But through it all, she cannot find him. He has cut himself off to her, and it aches like a phantom limb. The sharp tang of loss, the feeling that something is never quite right. She loves him. And she lost him.
And you never got to tell him.
She's sure he knows. He must know it, the self-sacrificing kriffing idiot. Sometimes she's mad at him, for giving in so easily. But she knows why he did. And it settles like the weight of a thousand suns on her shoulders.
He did it for her. To save her.
His disappearance from the Force, from their bond, she's sure is as much to protect her as anything else. If he doesn't connect with her, maybe Snoke can't find her. But she needs to find Ben. Find Ben and she finds Snoke. Find Snoke and they can end him. There's not going to be any hiding this time.
No one has discussed the plan, but Rey is ready to go in with lightsaber drawn and guns blazing. The sneak attack didn't work. It was planned down to the tiniest detail and it failed. They retreated, licking their wounds and losing one of their most important members.
Four weeks, three days. She doesn't know how much longer she can hang on, living in near-luxury while Ben must be living in a hell of Snoke's making. She's restless, exhausted, sleep never coming easy.
She curls into bed that night, still with no success. She's promised everyone she would try to sleep more, that she wouldn't let her need to find him completely consume her. You're strong, Rey, Rose tells her after dinner one night, a hand on her arm and kindness in her dark eyes. You'll find him. And we'll get him back.
She can only hope that's true. As she curls up, staring into the darkness around her, she sends all her hopes and wishes into the Force. Maybe through sheer will, she can pull Ben to her.
His head shoots up.
It's still dark in the room they have him in.
He hangs limply from the manacles that keep him tied to the durasteel wall behind him.
He never gets to see light, doesn't even know how many days have passed. He's fed…sometimes. When the guards remember at least. He can't really count days by those.
He can't count them by meetings with Snoke either. There are some days he's sure he's dragged into his throne room multiple times. Sometimes Snoke just watches him as he kneels on the ground, face bloody, bruises on one cheek and a cut from above his eyebrow dripping blood into his eye.
What a disappointment, Snoke croons at him. Grandson of Vader, nothing more than a traitor to the cause. And why is that, Kylo Ren?
He tries to shout at him, tries to tell him his name is Ben Solo, but he's beaten back, tossed around like so much flotsam. Even now, hanging in this room, his muscles aching, his body tired and wishing for an end to it all, he can feel the lightning course across his skin, through his veins.
Snoke is never going to let him go.
It's hopeless.
Sometimes he wonders what would happen if he just gave in.
But then he sees Rey's face, then he remembers the way she felt in his arms, and he steels himself for the next round of Force lightening, the next round of vibro-blades and blaster shots he can just barely deflect with the Force.
Ben? comes a cautious voice and he stares into the darkness around him.
No.
She can't be here.
Not even through the Force. If Snoke senses her, if he finds his way to her and the Resistance through their connection, he will end them all with a brutality they've never seen, never imagined. He can't let that happen. Not to Rey. Not to his parents. Not even to Luke.
Go away.
Ben? It is you. And then she's there, in front of him. She's a breath of fresh air, but she looks…well, like absolute hell. Oh kriff. She looks as tired as he is.
Rey, you can't be here. Go back.
It's our dreams, Ben, she whispers, and he can feel the air of her breath ghost over him. They're connecting us.
He can feel the truth of that coming through the bond, and he closes his eyes. Rey… There's so much he wants to tell her, but he can't, won't. He needs to push back, push her away. The bond has been a threadbare thing since he was brought in to Snoke. It goes more threadbare all the time as the creature digs in, tries to break it completely.
Ben is sure he'll die if he breaks it.
That might not be such a bad thing, really.
Ben, stop. You can't think like that.
And there's the Rey he loves so much. Stubborn and idealistic to a fault. Only Rey would come find him there, only Rey would find a way to break though.
I haven't. Her voice in his mind sounds almost petulant. I've been trying, but I haven't found a way to get through to you.
What is this then?
The Force. And he can feel it, the bond between them. It's drawn tight, a few bits of it repaired. The Force is connecting them. To what end, he doesn't know.
Ben…He watches as she reaches out a hand to him. And he wants to reach out, so bad, wants to touch her, hold her. He tries to move one of his arms toward her, but can't get further than a few inches. Rey is the one who crosses that final barrier, touching her fingers to his.
Everything goes white.
He hears her gasp.
He sees something, just flashes…Rey standing on a cliff overlooking the sea, his parents embracing, Finn clapping him on the back and even Poe watching him with something that looks less like the animosity he's used to from him. Rey turns to smile at him.
She's gone when he opens his eyes and he tries to take in a deep breath, his chest almost painful in the aftermath. The warmth of her hand, of her presence, dissipates and once again he's left in darkness, in despair. Those images were everything he wanted. They had been awash in peace, in the feeling that all was right in the world.
They're his hopes and dreams.
And they're not real.
They can never be real.
You can't save me, Rey. It's too late…
Rey's thrown almost forcibly out of his mind, coming to on the floor of her room. For a moment, she can still feel the soft touch of his fingers against hers, can feel him breathe in time with her. Ben, she tries to venture forth with.
But he's gone.
She can't feel him in the Force again and when she closes her eyes, she can see the bond is still half unraveled, broken in parts. But there are parts of it, still bound together with all the love she can imbue it with.
She knows where he is, where the Supremacy is, where Snoke is. It's not enough, not really, but it's a start. If they can get themselves together, implement a plan, then they have half a chance.
With a sigh, she pushes to her feet, sways a bit. When she takes a step forward, the room spins and she reaches out to grab the nearest wall, almost tumbling to the ground. Her mind is still half out there, with him, tied to that wall.
Kriff, but he looked terrible. Beautiful and terrible at the same time. Bloody, beaten, but still so proud. Snoke has dressed him back in the trappings of Kylo Ren, but she can still feel some bits of Ben Solo there beneath the exterior. He hasn't fallen yet.
But he's close.
Oh so close.
With a shiver, she grabs her wrap and leaves her room. She doesn't know where she's going. Her late-night wanderings usually take her to Ben's room where they hold each other tight and explore each other at their leisure. Sometimes quick, sometimes slow, but every moment wondrous. She misses that. She misses him.
Her footsteps take her to the roof of the building. Up there it's peaceful, the lights of the city twinkling below her, the ocean so close she can almost reach out to touch it. She wants to swim in it, feel the water around her, even if the idea is terrifying. She wants Ben to show her. He grew up here, after all. This is his world as much as any other, spending time here as his mother met with the Chandrillans in her official capacity as a senator. She's sure he's spent time in the ocean there, racing along the hills.
There's no doubt that he was a serious child and a serious young man. He still doesn't laugh easily, doesn't show the signs of easy camaraderie that even Finn does, despite his upbringing. But she can still see him there, a little black-haired kid raised among the calm Chandrillans and peaceful animals like the squalls.
She almost doesn't hear the door open and someone else make their way onto the roof. "I always loved coming up here when I was younger."
She turns to find Leia standing a few feet behind her, looking out over the lights of the city. She looks tired, her eyes dark and troubled.
"It's a lovely city," Rey ventures.
Leia nods. "It is. It always has been." She sighs. "I spent too much time here, back when Ben was small. Too much time wrapped up in Senate duties. My heart was never in the right place."
"I'm sure that's not true." Rey lets the words drift off. She's heard enough, seen enough from Ben to know how he felt about his upbringing. His often-absent father, his mother too involved in her politics to see his cries for help, his uncle who only saw it all too late.
And Snoke.
Always Snoke.
"I wish it weren't." Leia offers a soft smile. "I wonder, sometimes, if I could go back, if I could be there for him…would Snoke still have gotten to him?"
Rey doesn't answer for a moment. She's not really sure what to say. She's not some sort of omniscient being who can see what might have happened. But the one thing she does know, from being exposed to the horror that is Snoke, is that he doesn't give up easily. He had lured them all in, had almost captured her, all in a bid to bring Kylo Ren back home to him. He had waited. He had bided his time. And then struck when that time was right.
She turns and looks at Leia then. Her eyes are still staring out at the lights of the city. She seems small, standing there so far above everything. "I think so," Rey finally says. "Snoke…he gets inside you, finds your weakness, and he preys on it."
Hers is for Ben.
And Snoke knew that. He used not only her love for him against her, but his love for her against him. Snoke knew. She tried to keep it from him, tried to hide those emotions, but Snoke knew. And he plucked at that bond and used it to his advantage.
"He didn't get to you," Leia says, and reaches out a hand to touch Rey's.
Rey takes a deep breath. "He almost did." The words are a mere whisper. "I've fought him off with every bit of strength I have. I think my only saving grace was that he had to get to me through Ben. And Ben was able to close us off to him."
Leia says nothing for a moment, her hand still on Rey's, eyes watching the city around them. Below, Rey can see speeders racing through the darkened streets, can see some people milling about. It's such a peaceful, everyday sort of thing. And here she is, standing high above it and wondering just what her place is.
"You're calling him Ben now," Leia points out.
Rey can feel her cheeks heat a bit. "Yes."
"I'm glad," Leia says.
"I love him," she blurts out. She claps a hand over her mouth. Always a problem for her, running her mouth of like that. It's not like it's not the truth, but she hadn't planned to tell her. Not in this way at least. Not without Ben there.
Not before telling Ben.
When she finally turns to Leia, the older woman is watching her with knowing eyes. "It's not easy loving Solo men."
Rey actually feels a small bit of laughter bubble to the surface. And she almost feels bad about laughing, considering everything that's going on. But there's a brightness to her eyes, a little bit of wetness at the corners that makes Rey feel a little relieved. "Han was so difficult?"
Leia offers a huff of laughter. "You know Han. Imagine him thirty years younger. He was stubborn, never took no for an answer, and never ever talk to him about the odds being against him."
"He did the Kessel run in twelve parsecs," Rey murmurs.
"Did I mention he was also foolish and took far too many risks?"
"So a lot like Ben, then?" She thinks of him being dragged off by Snoke's guards, thinks of his being chained to a wall, of turning himself back over to the monster.
"Ben got all of my hot-headedness and all of his father's stubbornness." Leia shakes her head at this. "He never had a fair shot."
"I've not seen you as…"
"Hot-headed?" Leia asks, a smile playing about her lips. "Oh, talk to Han sometime." She waves a hand in the air. "Or talk to my brother. I certainly have my temper. I've learned, over many years, to control it." She offers up a small huff of laughter at that. "Usually, at least. Ben knows how to push all my buttons. So does his father."
Rey thinks back to her arguments with Ben, the duel on Ahch-to, the sparring sessions that came a little too close to real for comfort. "I can't imagine that at all," she murmurs.
"No?" Leia says, and she can hear the surprise in the single syllable. But then she turns to look at her, and Rey sees her nod. "Ah yes, you do understand. Keep that in mind, Rey. These Solo men, they don't mean to push all your buttons, but they will. They'll keep pushing at them until you snap. Han and I were estranged for many years…"
"Things are better now?"
Leia nods, just a small incline of her head. "They're…improving."
"That's something at least?"
"Yes. Yes I suppose it is. I think having Ben back helped. Everything felt more…" She waves a hand in the air. "Settled, I guess."
Rey's not sure what to say to that. It had been tentative at best, Ben making some sort of amends with his parents, with his uncle. But more, them making amends with Ben. Luke had admitted where he'd gone wrong. Han and Lea were coming to terms with the parts they'd played in Ben's downfall. "It was," she finally manages to get out. "I'm sorry," she starts to say when Leia raises a hand.
"Don't. It's not your fault he was taken."
"It was," Rey admits, her voice quiet. This is the truth of her misery. They had had her. Not him. And while perhaps she was nothing more than a distraction, if Snoke's words were to be believed, she still could have let them take her and not Ben. He could be back here with his parents, with his uncle. Why should she be here and not him? She's a nobody, a nothing. She has no family, save the one she's trying to create here.
Han and Leia deserve their son.
"Rey." She puts her hand on her shoulder, turns her and offers her a hug. And it takes everything in her to not break down and sob on the smaller woman's shoulder. She should, after all, be offering Leia the comfort and not the other way around. She's lost her son to a monster, and not for the first time. This must be so difficult for her, seeing it all happen again, knowing that every bit of ground they'd gained could be lost again. Leia pulls away and looks up at her and there is something absolutely resolute about the look on her face. "It's the strength of his love for you that brought him home."
"I…" No, that's not right. He didn't love her, not then. She doesn't know when it happened, but not then.
"I know my son," Leia says. "He wouldn't have come home for his father. He wouldn't have come home for me. There was something else driving this. It took me a little while to see it, but once I did, it was as clear as day."
Tears prick at the corners of Rey's eyes at her words. "I know where he is," she whispers. "I saw him. Tonight." She takes a deep breath. "The Force…it connected us. I don't think it was even my doing, nor his. But I know."
And it scares her, if she really wants to think about it. Terror screaming down the muscles of her back, making the hair stand up on edge.
They have to face Snoke, for real.
They have to get back Ben Solo.
They need to.
Leia nods. "Good." She's the general again. Rey can see it in the way she straightens her shoulders, the way her head comes up. "Tomorrow we make plans." She steps toward the door that leads back down into the building.
Rey takes a deep breath, turns back to watching the city below her. She can hear Leia's footsteps receding, the creak of the door as it opens.
"And Rey?"
She turns back to see Leia standing in the doorway, framed in light. She can't make out her eyes or her expression, but she feels it.
"Thank you," Leia says.
Rey nods, tries to say something, but the words won't come.
Leia raises a hand. "Now go get some sleep." Here she pauses and Rey watches as she leans forward slightly. "I mean it, Rey. You're no good to anyone half dead on your feet. Consider that an order from your general."
Rey can't help but smile at that. "Yes, Ma'am."
Then Leia is gone, disappearing down the stairs, the door shutting with a dull thud behind her. Rey looks out over the city one more time and sends a thought out into the Force. Please let us bring him home. And then she turns and follows the same path Leia just did, slowly making her way back to her room with a renewed sense of purpose.
A/N: We're SO CLOSE guys! 3 more chapters and an Epilogue and this thing is done!