Hand in Marriage

"How come you didn't get me a present?" Jasmine asked, poking Thane in the ribs as he shut and locked the door behind them.

He let out a soft chuckle and glanced at her as he eased his jacket off. "I did. I just wanted to give it to you in private."

Cocking her head to the side, she raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" Running her gaze over his body, she gave him a lascivious smile. "Do I get to unwrap you now?"

Hanging up his jacket, he smirked and closed the distance between the two of them. "Perhaps, if you wish … but then what will I do with your actual present?"

She grinned wider, lifting her arms to hang over his shoulders. "Silly man, you are my actual gift." Pushing up on her toes, she gave him a chaste kiss before settling on the ground once more. "I enjoyed myself tonight, thank you. It was nice to … I don't know … find a little light in the gloom."

"Indeed." He slid his hands up and down her sides before settling on her hips again.

"How are you? I mean, really?" Bending an elbow, she rubbed her hand over the side of his head, trailing downward until her palm pressed against the ridges of his cheek and frills.

"I'm … I still feel the grief of loss, as if there's a tear in my soul, but I find it's nowhere near as encompassing as when Irikah went to the sea." He sighed and kneaded her hips. "I suppose that's to be expected, Irikah was my wife and the mother of my child. Her death was sudden and violent …. Alahana was old, and I was aware she was ill."

"Yeah," she said, hearing the slight tremble to her own voice. She brushed her thumb over the protrusions lining his cheek. "Maybe that'll make the whole process a little easier. I know I didn't lean on you as much as I should have after Karin's death, and I just made things harder on myself. I'm here for you, though, Thane. Promise me you won't shove your feelings away the way I did."

"You have my word, siha." He gave her a soft smile before leaning in and pressing his lips to hers. His tongue slid into her mouth, giving her just a brief taste before disappearing again. "There are other things on my mind tonight, however."

She got it, if he didn't want to talk about Alahana, she wouldn't push him. She just hoped he was smarter than her when it came to dealing with grief. Then again … he did go on a murderous rampage after Irikah died, and she'd tried to do the same after Karen's death. So, maybe they were equally stupid. He was right, though. Things with Alahana were different, there wasn't anyone for him to seek vengeance against, no one for him to channel his grief and hatred into torturing.

"Come," he said, stepping back and taking her hands. He walked backwards, leading her over to the closet—not at all where she thought things were headed after that teasing kiss.

He let go of her hands and opened the door, reaching to the back of the top shelf and pulled down a small box. It wasn't wrapped, wasn't even anything fancy, but it made her smile just as much as the other gifts she'd been presented with that night. He turned back to her, but instead of handing her the box, he lifted the lid himself. She bit the edge of her lip, resisting the urge to lean in and get a look inside.

"Forgive me for the lack of originality …" He lifted a golden necklace from the box, the design a mirror image of the one he wore around his own neck, only thinner. "… but I, too, wished for you to have something which matched what I wear." He sat the empty box back on the lip of the shelf and unclasped the necklace. "As you well know, I don't deal much with material things, and every thing I keep carries some meaning."

She stood still as he walked around behind her and draped the necklace around her throat, securing it in the back. "I do." She reached up, brushing her fingers across the cool metal. "You haven't told me, though, what your necklace means to you."

"No, I suppose I haven't." He moved back around to stand in front of her and adjusted the necklace until it laid just the way he wanted it, and then he met her gaze. "Mine was given to me by Irikah, when I left the Compact, as a symbol of my choice to forge my own path in life. Not …." He folded his hands behind his back and glanced at his feet a moment. "Not as a symbol of our love, our relationship had only just begun at that point, but as a symbol of my autonomy—my freedom to make my own decisions. Something I'd never had before I left the Compact, and something I didn't value enough until she was taken from me."

The thought was beautiful, and it made her feel fondly of a woman she'd never have the chance to meet. She brought her hand back to her necklace and asked, "What does this one symbolize?"

He smiled and reached out, fingers joining hers to trace the woven pattern of the gold. "I'm giving you this one as a symbol of your strength, your resiliency and fierceness, your gentleness and compassion. All of the things that make you a siha. I know there are times when you don't see these things in yourself, but I do. It's my hope, when you doubt how truly wonderful you are, this will remind you."

The bite of tears stung the edges of her eyes, and her heart thumped out an uneven rhythm in her chest. "Thank you," she said, and slid her arms around his waist to press her cheek to his chest.

He kissed the top of her head and wrapped her up in his warm embrace, guiding her body closer to his. "I love you, siha. All of you. Always." His chest rose and fell beneath her face as he took a deep breath, and his heart began to race. "There is … there's something I wish to ask you."

She pulled back enough to search out his gaze and nearly drowned in the emerald pools of love in his eyes. "What's that?"

His hands slipped away from her, and he eased back a few steps. Lowering himself to kneel before her on the floor, he took her suddenly trembling hands into his and bowed his head. "Jasmine Isabell Shepard, you have brought light and love into my life, things I believed long lost to me. You have filled me with hope and the courage to dream of something more once again."

What … oh my God, what are you doing? Oh, sweet Jesus.

Her knees weakened, taking up the trembling her hands already betrayed her with. Her heart beat so furiously in her chest, she wouldn't have been even a little surprised if it just burst. The ocean roared in her ears, nearly drowning out the sound of his voice.

"Because of you, I no longer endure life simply waiting for death." His fingers tightened their grip, thumbs brushing across the backs of her hands. "I look forward to each new day, to seeing my son, spending time with my cousin, but more than anything, I simply look forward to you. To the sound of your voice as you sing in the shower. To the smile that lights up your face when you look at me. The touch of your hands caressing my scales, and the taste of your lips."

Shit, am I breathing? I'm not breathing. Jesus. Why isn't he looking at me?

A part of her wanted to grab him and shake him until he got to the point, until he finally asked the question she knew he intended. Another part of her prayed he never would. Completely blindsided, she wasn't ready. She wasn't ready to think about marriage. She didn't think he'd ever be ready to even think about marriage after Irikah. She loved him. She loved him with all of her heart and soul, and she knew she'd never tell him no, but … but what if getting married just meant the beginning of the end of their relationship? What if getting married meant she'd lose him?

"I look forward to another day I can make love to you and fall asleep with you in my arms. I never want to be without you, I am yours, completely." He paused, just long enough to take a deep breath. "Siha, I ask for your hand in marriage."

Thane fell silent, his heart threatening to shatter into uncountable pieces if she rejected his proposal. He wanted to look at her, to see the expression on her face and know what thoughts ran through her head, but he didn't dare. He'd left many of his people's customs behind him over the years, but the traditions when it came to asking for another's hand in marriage weren't ones he could forsake.

Nor was it something he could explain to her, at least not yet. If he wanted Arashu's blessing in the matter, he had to stay just as he was, kneeling, head bowed, and gaze averted until Jasmine gave him an answer. No matter how long she took to do so, anything less would indicate he lacked true devotion in the eyes of the goddess.

Long minutes passed, feeling like an eternity, without a single sound coming from the woman he loved. Her pulse raced against his fingertips, and he felt the tremor in her hands. He prayed it didn't mean he'd made a mistake. He didn't think he'd survive if she walked away from him. He'd known for awhile she had her hesitations when it came to being a mother, perhaps he'd been foolish to think she'd feel any differently about being a wife. About being his wife.

She lowered herself to the floor in front of him, breath sweet and warm against his scales as she leaned in. Her head pressed against his, her swallow audible. "Are you sure this is really what you want?" she asked, her voice a strained whisper.

"More than anything, siha." He squeezed his eyes closed, the urge to meet her gaze growing unbearable.

"Yes," she said, and although her voice lacked strength, the word carried conviction. "Thane Krios, I will marry you."

Tears of joy flooded his eyes, and he shook with relief. He released her hands, reaching for her and gathering her into his arms. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and he felt cool, wet drops hit his scales. He held onto her as if his very life depended on it, and although he wasn't so certain it didn't, it gave him new life to feel her gripping him just as tightly.

The rest of the galaxy faded into nothingness the moment he entered her, filling her completely. The warmth of his body pressing against hers, surrounding her, holding her, consuming her … it terrified her but it also left her euphoric. He was hers, and she was his, and …

Jesus fuck, he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. I'm engaged. To be married. I agreed to be his wife.

A smile spread across her face and she tipped her head back, exposing her throat to his lips, teeth, and tongue. "Husband," she whispered, trying out the feel of the word.

Thane moaned, driving into her deeper, holding her tighter. "My wife." He brushed his frills over her jaw and claimed her mouth with his own.

Hearing him call her 'wife' sent a shiver of pleasure through her, and she raised her hips to meet his thrusts. Wrapping her ankles further around his legs, she used the leverage to somehow pull him even closer. His fire reached deep inside of her and filled her with warmth, chasing away all of the shadows, leaving her raw and exposed. It felt fantastic, felt right. He felt like home.

His lips left hers, hand tangling in the hair at the back of her head. He nuzzled against her jaw and ear. "I love you, Jasmine."

"I love you, Thane." Threading her fingers through the spikes of his crest, she rubbed them back and forth, savoring the soft groan he let out right next to her ear. "More and more every day."

Shifting his weight, he slid his free hand along her thigh before gripping beneath her knee and hitching her leg up higher. He wrapped her leg around his waist before doing the same with the other. Sliding his arm beneath the arch of her back, he released her hair to support her head with his other hand and lifted her from the mattress.

She locked her ankles, thighs tightening around his waist as he rolled to the side and sat upright. With her trapped between his knees pressing against her ass and his rock-solid chest, he used his arm around her waist to move her up and down along his length. His other hand left her head, fingers dragging down her throat, over her collar bone, and along her chest until he cupped her breast. Lifting and kneading, he pinched her nipple between thumb and finger, pulling and twisting.

"I swear, siha, I'll do everything I can …." His words came broken by emotion. "I will never—I will be a better husband to you, I give you my word. I'll never take you for granted or aban—"

"Shhh," she said, cutting him off before the desperation in his voice eviscerated her completely. Caressing his frills, she pressed her forehead to his. "Shhh. I know, Thane. I know." Nudging his head back, she brushed her lips over his. "I trust you. I know you don't want to do anything to hurt me. I know. Neither do I," she whispered against his lips. "We're in this together, and we'll both do our best. And when one of us messes up, we'll work through it together, too. Yeah?"

"Together. Yes, always, siha." He let out a soft whimper of pleasure as she squeezed around him, rolling her hips as he moved her up and down. "Always."

Jasmine listened to the steady rhythm of his heart and breathing as his chest rose and fell beneath her head. He was still asleep, but she knew he wouldn't be for long. Dim sunlight trickled through the dense clouds, giving the room a soft touch of light. She'd been a little afraid that once day came, she'd regret telling him yes.

But she didn't.

Not even a little.

Her life changed so, so much in the last year, but the one constant thing for her was how she felt about Thane. How he felt for her. His love was unconditional and unyielding, it kept her going through all the shit life threw their way. She couldn't imagine a time when she'd ever not want to be with him. She'd never loved anyone as much as him, never felt love like his.

So, that was it, then. She was engaged. They were going to get married.

Wonder what Bossman will say. Shit, fuck knows Ares will give me hell. And Geoffrey! Oh. Maybe I should wait to tell him, give him more time to mourn Karin. Christ … Karin. You'd be so happy for me right now. Probably already be trying to get me to set a date and pick out a dress. Wait. Do drell have wedding ceremonies? Doesn't matter. I never wanted anything big like that, anyway. But what if he does? Well shit, then I guess we'll have a damn ceremony. Invite everyone, Geoffrey, Rift, Angela, Samantha, Jessica … oh, and of course Kolyat. Fuck. Kolyat.

When Thane shifted beneath her, sitting up a little even as his arm wrapped around her, pulling her closer, she realized she'd let her thoughts make her tense.

"Siha?" The tang of fear in his voice made her wince.

She tipped her head back to look at him, rubbing her hand over his chest and stomach. "Hey, you. Morning."

"Are you—is everything alright?" He blinked both sets of eyelids and watched her intently.

"Yeah … just thinking about what Kolyat's going to say about …." She furrowed her brow and scoffed at herself. "Christ, just trying to say it out loud feels weird."

Relaxing, he chuckled and brought his other hand to her face, brushing back her hair and tracing the line of her jaw. "I've already spoken to Kolyat. He's given us his blessing."

"Really?" She didn't mean to sound so cynical, but Kolyat had flipped out when he learned they were dating just a few months ago.

"Indeed." He ran his thumb over her lip, stopping to press it against the pucker of her mouth when she kissed the pad. "In fact, he wanted to be assured that I will do better for you than I did his mother."

Screwing up her face, she squeezed her eyes closed.

His soft chuckle shook her body where she lay pressed against him. "What's wrong?"

"I just realized I'm going to be a step-mother." Groaning, she cracked her eyes open and asked, "Does it make me a terrible person to be relieved by the fact that it'll mostly just be a title and not, you know, an actual day-to-day responsibility?"

He smiled, brushing his thumb over her lips again. "No, not at all. Although, for what it's worth, I do believe you would be a fantastic mother."

Sighing, she snuggled in closer and pressed her face against his chest again. "Maybe." She let the word linger in the air a moment before asking, "So … what exactly does this mean for us? I mean … I guess I'm asking what are you expecting for our … married life to be like?"

"I—I'm not certain I have specific expectations other than spending the rest of my life by your side." He hummed and began caressing her arm. "The night, on the Citadel, when I asked what you intended to do when your service contract was up … you said you wanted to spend your time with me, taking contracts together …."

"Mhmm," she said softly, a gentle prod to keep talking.

"That is also what I want." He palmed the side of her head, running his fingers through her hair. "For us to be free to do what we are trained to do without fear of it straining our relationship. To always know, no matter what, I will return to you and you to me. Perhaps, if you wish, we might find a suitable place to call home. A place where we can rest between contracts and invite family to visit. Ah." His fingers stopped their steady movement through her hair.

"What?" She tipped her head back to look at him again. She'd rather liked the picture he was painting, and didn't understand why he stopped so suddenly.

"Drali made a request yesterday to join us when we leave Kahje. He wishes to spend time with us away from 'the confines of drell society', as he said." He began carding his fingers through her hair once more. "I told him it was something I would need to discuss with you, even after he insinuated you told him what you do for a living."

"What do you think about it? He's your brother." She shrugged and kissed his chest. "Are you okay with him being introduced to Isaac and everyone else? If he's going to be around, even assuming you just mean hanging out on the Citadel for a bit, he's going to end up meeting at least some of our … team. Team, huh, that doesn't sound right either. Vigilante crew? Whatever."

He chuckled, probably at her rambling, and said, "Truthfully, I find I'm more concerned with what Isaac might think. We are … finding our way with one another, and he is very important to you. I don't wish to upset that balance."

Smiling, she wriggled until she was sitting upright next to him. "I love you."

"And I you," he said, though the minute expression on his face and the slight pause before he spoke told her she'd just confused the ever living fuck out of him.

She laughed and leaned in to kiss him. "I love that you care so much about what and who is important to me to want to keep Isaac happy. However, if there's one thing I've learned about Bossman is he really doesn't like it when people try to make decisions about him or based on him. As he'd say, he's a 'grown ass man' and can make his own choices."

"Indeed." He chuckled and nodded. "You suggest we ask Isaac how he feels about the matter?"

"Yep. I'll call him later. Right now, though," she said, snuggling back in against his side, "I just want to stay here in bed with you."