Several months ago. January 29th, 850. Krottengross Mountain Training Area, Northern Region of Wall Rose.
"You lead-heeled ingrates, pick up your damn feet! How do you expect to stand against the titans if you can't handle a little snow?!"
Commandant Shadis was riding them extra hard during these exercises. For the past several days, the cadets of the 104th trekked day and night across vast expanses of frozen fields and wilderness. A force march before starting their mountain survival training course. To make matters worse, it'd been snowing constantly, with conditions deteriorating further the closer they got to the mountains. Temperatures stayed well below zero this time of year in the north, and the military issue greatcoats could only stop so much. Provisions and water froze, fires failed to stay lit most of the time, and the wind howled so ferociously that you could scarcely hear. Now, on the fourth night of the journey, the snow was nearly up to their thighs and deepening. They'd been wandering through an icy hell for what seemed like an eternity.
Visibility was shot too, reduced to less than twenty meters in most places. The only thing keeping them from getting lost was the trail of lanterns, carried at intervals, and Sasha Braus taking point at the head of the column. The biggest problem the cadets faced however, was that the battalion only stopped moving at designated points along the route. This meant that if you lagged behind, you were on your own. And if you got lost out here, you'd freeze to death. Chances are nobody would find you until the spring thaw.
"After this is over, I don't want to see snow ever again," Erik Grunewald complained, not entirely to himself. This was worse than the mud runs they did when the spring rains hit.
"Now that's not even remotely reasonable. There's not a single part of the country where it doesn't snow at least a few times a year," His friend, Alekzander Zielinski responded.
"A guy can dream, can't he?"
"This is nothing a true soldier can't handle," a fellow cadet said as he strode, leisurely past the pair. "Grit your teeth and power through the misery; that's what a scout would do. Once it's done, we'll come out that much stronger for it." Jansen Duerk actually happened to find the exercise rather bracing. Contrary to the mood of most of his fellow cadets in fact, he had as much energy now as when they started, an unceasing supply of adrenaline coursing through his veins. "If you need some extra motivation, they say there's a shit ton of bears that live in these mountains. Wouldn't want to risk one catching you because you're too slow, right?" He smirked before hurrying along.
Erik bristled. "Bears hibernate during the winter, dumbass!"
"Jans' attitude is starting to piss me off," Aline grumbled, watching from a few ranks back.
"Want me to punch him?" Albrecht offered.
"If you don't, I'm definitely going to."
"Maybe it's weird, but he's taking my mind off how tired my legs are," Josh countered. "Although, I think that's because I'm trying to figure out how in the hell he's staying so perked up. I'm starting to wonder if he's shooting up stimulants every morning."
"That would explain a lot, but somehow I doubt he's got the wherewithal to smuggle drugs into camp. No, I'm pretty sure he was just dropped on his head too many times as a child." Albrecht shifted the heavy equipment load on his back. "I bet that jackass is staying nice and warm, being able to move around so much." And Jansen was only moving further up the line. At his current pace, he'd wind up on point with Sasha before long. Maybe that's what he wanted? He'd made more than a couple of attempts to flirt with her over the years.
"The cold hasn't really gotten to me yet tonight." Josh shrugged.
Aline leaned on him. "I bet that's because you've been thinking about something naughty." She nudged him in the ribs. "You, a certain someone, a fire, bear skin rug." Aline made a suggestive gesture with her hands and imitated moaning noises.
His face flushed and he pulled the bill of his wool cap down over his eyes. "Well, I wasn't until you said that."
She laughed. "Calm down, Joshy boy; don't go pitching a tent or anything."
"Can you go a single day without picking on one of us?"
"Hey, you know I love you guys. If I can't bust your balls every now again, who's can I bust?" She could just be nice…All the years they'd spent in one another's company, you'd think she let up on the teasing some. Ever since Josh met Annie however, she seemed more inclined to goad him, often with imaginings of a…lewd nature. Given how vividly he could visualize things, Aline's suggestions were almost enough to send him over the edge. Damn the involuntary reactions and urges that accompanied puberty. It was made worse by the fact that discretion prevented them from being seen together by most people. Thus, pent up desires and emotions built up within him until a moment or two of privacy could be secured.
"Usually Christa chimes in about this time but, where is she?" Albrecht looked around.
"She's at the rear of the column, assisting stragglers. A couple of people might have frostbite from what I heard," Aline answered.
Josh whipped his head around. "By herself?! What good is it going to do anyone if shegets lost out here?!"
"She's not by herself, Ymir went with her."
He stiffened. "Now I definitely have to go get her." He simply knew that Ymir was going to try something inappropriate.
Albrecht grabbed his shoulder. "Man, relax. You get way too worked up over things like this."
"But what if Ymir…I don't know…steals her virtue?!" His imagination already ran wild with the most upsetting of manners in which that might come to pass.
"Good Lord dude, she isn't going to defile Christa!" Even at her worst, Ymir wasn't the type to force herself on someone, despite how affectionate and touchy-feely she tended to be towards their little, blonde angel. That aside, being concerned for her wellbeing, or anyone else's for that matter, was more than warranted in these weather conditions.
Half an hour past sunset, the 104th reached the base of a slope and started upwards. The angle of the ground was steep, and a couple dozen cadets slipped in the loose snow, tumbling backwards and knocking over their nearest cohorts, who in turn knocked over those behind them. Shadis ordered those who'd kept their feet to continue forward, leaving the less sure-footed, although he himself held position to watch them.
Keith Shadis was a hard-driving man, and brutal. His standards were exacting and discipline was enforced in a manner not unlike a prison warden might do. He didn't hesitate to met out corporal punishment where he saw fit, often by his own hands. Yet, for all of these things, there was a certain softness to the man. His piercing eyes and stony features concealed a lingering sadness. He'd been a soldier all of his adult life, rising all the way from trooper to commander of the Scout Regiment. Under his leadership, many a valiant soul had fought, and many a valiant soul had died. Be it during expeditions, or the operation to reclaim Wall Maria, staggering casualty rates hung over him like a black cloud. When he resigned his commission, the first in Survey Corps history to do so, he swore that he would do all he could to atone for his failures. He would make soldiers who'd be up to the task of leadership. He would forge soldiers who might survive long enough to be defenders of mankind, properly. Humanity wasn't in need of any more martyrs. Hundreds of young lives therefore depended on his instruction and guidance. Every single waking moment, that notion terrified him.
A poor shepherd am I, who from dawn to rising dawn looks upon his flock and sees scarcely more than lambs unaware of their eventual slaughter. Even so, he persisted in his regimen. He continued in hopes that his intimate familiarity with death might prolong their lives. At least until the Almighty takes me to task for all the bodies I've left in my wake. What punishments would be levied upon him for those transgressions, he could only imagine. He did not fear damnation. He did not fear eternal torment. It was what he deserved; he knew that in his bones. However, he would cling to this mortal coil as long as possible, that he might be of service to humanity.
(***)
Camp Stiller, the central point of the Krottengross training area, was nestled in a valley, at the base of several large peaks. Even by normal standards, isolated didn't do the place justice. In winter time, the Krottengross range was about the most inhospitable region of the country, conditions growing harsher the further into the mountains one proceeded. As such, human presence was limited to a couple of villages and whatever facilities military high command deemed necessary. Aside from going beyond the walls, you'd be hard pressed to get farther away from civilization, or aid for that matter, anywhere else.
The camp itself amounted to a series of log structures, varying in size from a hundred square meters to a few thousand. A wire fence and scattered guard towers ringed the perimeter of the facility. Ostensibly, this was to guard against animals and any unscrupulous characters who might gain entry, but one could be forgiven for suspecting the true purpose of such things was to keep the less-willing individuals from leaving. Rumor went that Camp Stiller used to be a prison a long time ago which political prisoners were whisked away to. Those whose opposition to the crown was strongest. Once the walls went up however, such facilities no longer needed to be hidden away. Dissent against the royal government meant dissent against humanity, so such individuals needn't be held in secret. Instead, they could publicly sentence rabble rousers to a term of incarceration at the towers of Graue Wache. Disorder and rebellion spelled death in a world ravaged by the titans. Most people showed preference for the capital's iron grip under those circumstances.
All of this was, of course, merely a rumor, something to keep the boredom at bay during the grueling days and long nights. Tales of torture and the wandering ghosts of dead prisoners made for energizing hours by the fire. That, or hours jumping at even the slightest unexpected noise for the more easily frightened cadets. Supervising officers said nothing of the stories. Either this was to let kids have their fun, or because scared recruits were less likely to step out of line. Order in both civilian and military life had their similarities in enforcement.
"BATTALION, HALT!" The commandant's command sounded clearly, even above the howling wind. Cadets gladly obeyed, albeit sloppily in their weary state. They shuffled to a stop like a line of conjoined ore carts. "LEFT, FACE!" Execution was sloppy again. Shadis moved his eyes over the ranks of hunched recruits. "SOUND OFF! AND GOD HELP YOU, I'D BETTER BE ABLE TO HEAR IT!" One at a time, row by row, they stated their names. He mentally checked each name against the class roster in his head. When no more voices sounded in the storm, he counted forty boys and girls absent. More than he'd have liked, but less than he feared. Force marches hardly ever ended with a full count. Those of weaker constitution inevitably trickled in over the next couple of hours. Any who remained outside the camp late into the night…well, not everyone could be a soldier. The foolhardy tended to become aware of that fact when it was far too late. He gave so many opportunities to bow out. There isn't any shame in admitting one's own limitations, not in this world where death is a constant companion. Nobody so young should die for something as shallow as pride. Rescue teams could venture out in the morning, as was standard procedure, but the chances of finding someone in this were low. More often, the snow needed to melt before a measure of success could be guaranteed. He'd personally lead the detail to search for those bodies in the spring. Until then, there was other work requiring his attention, and much of it.
"Alright then, listen up! Those of you standing here ought to be proud of your determination and strength! It's been a very long last couple of days, I'm certain! Now that we're here, training can begin in earnest! HOWEVER, it would waste time and effort to continue pushing you all immediately after such a taxing journey! I am hard, but I am also fair! As a reward for your efforts, exercises will be postponed for the next two days, allowing time for recuperation and acclimation to our temporary surroundings! Lodgings will be assigned by company, with building six going to A Company, building seven to B Company, and C Company in building eight! Any questions?" Nobody spoke up if there were. "BATTALION, FALLOUT! YOU ARE DISMISSED! Get some rest; you've earned it!"
A collective sigh of relief rippled throughout the formation. In a disorganized trickle, everyone began shambling towards the promise of shelter. Having spent the last couple of days sleeping only beneath the cover of canvas zeltbahns, which amounted to barely more than resting in the open elements in this weather, the aged log cabins appeared as like a benevolent gift from on high. A perception that was reinforced upon entry into said cabins. Wood stoves stood at intervals throughout the bunkhouses, radiating warmth and a soothing light. Truly, the grueling journey through purgatory had come to an end.
One cadet, Corvin Etter, immediately fell upon his knees, raising his arms towards the ceiling. "Blessed art thou, sweet sanctuary! Salvation has come to us, even in such a Godforsaken place!" He shouted before bowing down to kiss the floorboards.
"I don't have the energy to listen to a sermon tonight," Aline stepped over him. "So, either be quieter, or go into the closet to scream." Although, she couldn't say she felt much different. There simply wasn't enough vigor left in her limbs to manifest exuberance.
Once all of B Company was inside, the door was hurriedly shut, lest even a small portion of sweet warmth be snatched away in nature's frigid gale. Some cadets collapsed onto the first bed they saw, not even bothering to remove their boots. Others huddled around the stoves to warm their icy hands and feet. Those with the greatest measure of their faculties shed their clothes down to the long underwear before crawling beneath the blankets to surrender consciousness.
"I never thought I'd be so happy to see a barracks in my life." Albrecht dropped his bag on a bed near to one of the stoves. "Any longer out there and my legs might've given out."
"You need to marshal your adrenaline better, Alb." Jansen tossed his own bag on the bunk above. "I could've kept it up for another few kilometers if needed."
He scowled. "Never in my life have I felt so powerful of an urge to stab someone as I do right now."
Jansen held up his hands. "I'm not calling you weak or anything, man, it's a technique, not an inherent trait. We gotta push past our limits if we're going to make it as soldiers."
"Then maybe you and all the other scouts could have the decency to kill off all the titans to save the rest of us from breaking our backs, eh?"
"More glory for me," he laughed. Any who didn't want their share, he'd graciously take it off their hands.
"Come on over here and I'll give you the glory of my foot in your ass," Aline growled at him from a few bunks down.
"What's with all the hostility, guys?" He appeared genuinely confused. "Josh, you got my back here, right?" He received no response. "Josh?" Silence. "Come on man, don't ignore me." Jansen looked around. "Where the hell are you?"
Josh stood by the front window, where he'd been since entering the barracks, his eyes fixed on the cold darkness beyond the glass. He scanned the night for movement, flicking his thumb against his pointer finger with increasing frequency as time passed.
"Josh, what are you doing? Take your coat off and stay awhile."
"Christa isn't here yet."
"Man, it's been all of ten minutes since we got to the camp. People are still coming in behind us."
"Something's happening out there…or it's going to, I don't know."
"You're the most protective out of all of us when it comes to Christa, but she's almost always the one helping you," Aline said. "She'll be fine; it's only a snowstorm. Lie down and get some rest." It's not as though Josh was the only one worried, but what could they do at the moment? They hardly possessed the energy to stand, let alone venture into the blackness in search of one person. Especially when she likely just got held up helping the other stragglers. That's how Christa had been forever, providing aid to anyone and everyone who required it, and she'd come out of all those situations fine. Still, as with her friend, there was a faint nagging in her gut that something was wrong. Josh staring out the window like a statue wasn't doing anything to reassure her. And the muffled sound of howling wind only worsened her apprehension as she dwelt on it.
(***)
Most of the cadets in the room were asleep in short order. Lanterns were extinguished and the stoves abandoned in favor of blankets. Punctuating the stillness of the room was the occasional groan of someone tossing and turning, and a few barely audible mumblings from Sasha about meat. Even in her dreams, she didn't stop lusting after sumptuous victuals. And by the window, Josh Kassmeyer had pulled up a chair and watched for any sign of Christa. A few at a time, sometimes only one, the stragglers arrived. Even at distance, in the glow of lanterns, he could make out faces. Hers wasn't among them. Never did he turn his eyes away, only blinking when his eyes became too dry not to. So he'd done for two hours and change. Each passing minute further frayed his nerves.
"It's not healthy to keep yourself awake when you're this tired, you know." A soft voice accompanied a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Someone's going to see you," Josh said wearily.
"It's pitch-black in here and everyone's asleep; it'll be fine," Annie responded. "I can keep watch for a while so you can sleep."
He shook his head. "Lying down isn't going to calm the anxiety sloshing around in my brain."
"Well, staring at the snowfall all night isn't going to do anything either."
Josh rubbed at his eyes. "That's a fair point." He steadily rose from his chair. "Help me find a hand lamp."
"Please don't tell me you're going outside…"
"Okay, I won't tell you."
She pinched him. "Don't get all smartass on me," she hissed. "Are you out your mind?"
"If something happens to her out there, I'll never be able to forgive myself."
"And who's going to benefit if something happens to you?"
"That's not the point…" he muttered, pulling on his greatcoat. He tried to think of some set of words he could string together as a refutation, but struggled. "I have to do this, alright?"
Annie frowned. "Not by your damn self you don't." She went back to her own bunk and retrieved her set of winter garments. Before Josh could say anything in protest, she held up a hand to silence him. "Alone, you get into far too much trouble. That thick head of yours…why did I have to fall for such a stubborn…" To be fair, she'd never forgive herself either if she let him wander through a blizzard all by his lonesome. Someone needed to be around to keep his head clear enough to think. The amount of care Josh showed for his friends was touching, but when he got worried, he'd forgo most of the logical parts of his brain and act on impulse.
"You complain about my stubbornness, yet you're right by my side, willing to waltz out there for my sake. Every guy on earth wishes he had a girlfriend even half as loyal and dependable as you."
Annie's eyes narrowed. "Don't try to butter me up, Josh Kassmeyer; I'm already helping.
"Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart." He bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "But I appreciate you all the same." Her expression said she wanted to be annoyed at him. The slight, red tint in her cheeks said she didn't. As she found herself at a crossroads of conflicting emotions, she chose the only logical course of action.
Annie pulled her hood down over her face and turned. "…Let's get going." She took the lead, walking into the back room of the barracks, and thereby the rear door. They weren't technically supposed to be awake. However, upon entering that closed up room by the latrines, they found something most surprising.
"Told you they'd show up," Jansen smirked.
"Kept us waiting long enough," Aline responded.
"Doesn't matter, they came." Albrecht shifted his backpack. The three other members of Squad Seven were fully dressed in their winter kit, carrying lanterns and other equipment besides. Albrecht read his friend's features and preempted any questioning. "You don't have a monopoly on caring about Christa. I can't believe you're honestly surprised to see us."
"Well, I just didn't think—"
"That we're all just as crazy as you?" Aline cut him off.
"Heh, something like that."
"Two groups can cover more ground than one anyway." And they wouldn't need to venture out in the morning to find the two love birds. "I just hope the sentries don't shoot us as we're walking out."
Jansen scoffed. "They wouldn't really plug us just for organizing a search party."
"Unless they think we're actually trying to go AWOL," Albrecht reminded him. "Shoot first, ask questions later, is kind of standard procedure in the army."
He masked his nervousness at the prospect of being executed on false charges of desertion. "Stealth is a must for anyone donning a recon cloak; they aren't going to catch so much as a glimpse of me." At least he prayed so. How pitiful would it be to die before he had a chance to fight for humanity?
For the quintet, slipping out of the barracks proved easy, as did covering much of the camp grounds. There weren't many soldiers on watch, less than a full squad. And why should there be more? It was madness to be wandering around in such weather. Still, the cadets were cautious, walking in single file and concealing their footprints using the bristles of a discarded pine branch. Hand signals were used in place of speech and they never got more than a couple of paces from each other. Although they didn't have a timepiece, it must've taken nearly twenty minutes for them to reach the front gate. But as they formulated a plan to climb over it, good fortune abandoned their endeavor.
"You would do well to practice your concealment techniques, cadets," A harsh voice said out of the darkness. The five of them became as like statues. "If I was an enemy, you'd have been filled with buckshot." Commandant Keith Shadis lit a lantern and held it by his face, casting sinister shadows across his hard face. None of the cadets dared to speak. "Shall I have you put in irons for dereliction of duty, or would you like a brief moment to explain yourselves?"
"A search party, commander," Jansen answered quickly.
"And the most likely excuse one would make if caught trying to escape," came Shadis' sharp reply.
"Sir," Albrecht stepped forward and stood at attention. "Squad Seven leader, Johannes four-two-eight-one-nine-nine-four. I would attest to my comrade's statement. One of our squad members fell out of formation during the march to assist stragglers and has not arrived at the camp. Lenz, Christa eight-six-one—"
"I'm well aware of who's absent, Cadet Johannes." Shadis fixed him with a cold gaze. "Yet, your squad is only five members; who is this accompanying you?"
Annie drew back her hood just enough to reveal her face. "Cadet Leonhardt three-two-five-eight-three-four."
"Why would you be attending to the affairs of another squad?"
"Simply trying to lend a hand, commander," she answered. "More eyes on, the better."
He seemed somewhat skeptical, but said nothing of it. "So then," he continued. "The five of you are going to wander this frozen hell in the hopes of finding Cadet Lenz." Shadis had no need to phrase it as a question. "The storm will have covered most of the tracks made by the battalion, and your own tracks won't stay visible for very long. Things are only worsening as the hour grows later. I imagine the snow could be at waist height by morning."
"All the more reason to go now while we can still maneuver in it, sir," Albrecht said.
He turned in Josh's direction. "I somehow have a feeling this was your idea, Kassmeyer."
"We all come home or none of us do, commander."
"And if Cadet Lenz is dead in a snowbank somewhere?"
Josh stiffened. "She's not, sir."
"I hope you're aware that I cannot and will not send a party after you if you do not return. If you get stranded, if you get injured, you're on your own." The cadets nodded. Shadis sighed heavily. "Then get going. There'll be reprimands awaiting the lot of you if you make it back…but I wish you luck all the same."
"Thank you, commander," Albrecht said.
"Move it, cadets, before I change my mind."
"Yes, sir!" The five answered in unison, rendering a quick salute before venturing out into the wilds beyond. Keith Shadis watched them become dark masses in a white gale as they vanished into the trees. However faint, he managed to make out the soft glow of kerosene lanterns in the distance as they began their search. Valiant children, strong children…and probably foolish too. Out of the 104th Cadet Corps, he'd identified and handful of young souls whose futures seemed greatly troubled. Perhaps he was projecting his memories onto them, memories of soldiers, once and young he'd called dear friends. All gone now. Out of so many hard-fought battles, years of struggles, somehow only he'd survived.
In a way, he envied those fallen comrades. They weren't cursed to roam the earth alone, seeking penance and redemption that may be beyond reach. No longer did nightmares plague them or the crushing emptiness that was part and parcel of survivor's guilt. Or maybe he'd died as well, but was kept from paradise and perdition by the powers that be. After all, it was a far more fitting punishment for one such as him to be marooned as a dead man amongst the living.
(***)
"So…now what?" Aline asked once the camp was obscured from view by the storm. "Is the plan to wander about the forest shouting 'CHRISTA!' at the top of our lungs?"
Josh scrunched up his nose. "That wouldn't make much sense now would it?"
"Then you had a process in mind for this excursion?" Albrecht asked.
"…I did, before the commandant brought up that the snow's covered most of the trail from the march."
Aline snorted. "Oh that's just perfect."
"There's still some of the route left." Although Albrecht knew they'd lose the last vestiges before long. "We can follow it back through the trees until we can't discern any further, shouting 'CHRISTA!' as we go."
"And when we reach that point?"
"We…can split into two teams and comb the surrounding area." There wasn't much else they could do.
"Do we have a rendezvous point?" Annie inquired. "Whether we find her or…we'll need to meet up again, regardless." She didn't want to spread any doubt, but success was far from assured. Visibility: shot. Movement speed: less than half of what could be managed normally. And their winter attire could only retain warmth so long.
"We'll reconvene at the forest's edge; there'd be no way to be certain of a path back to where we are currently." He produced his compass; thankful it hadn't frozen. "Camp is due north of our position. Since it's in a valley, if you're heading north and going downslope, assume it's the right direction."
"Works for me." Jansen clapped his hands together. "How about we get our asses in gear before our balls, or boobs, freeze off?" Short, sweet, and to the point.
Lanterns aloft, the cohort ventured into the thick of the wood. They spread out at two-meter intervals, scanning the night and intermittently calling out. Amidst the howling wind and sheets of falling snow, it'd be a miracle if they heard, let alone saw anyone out here. Their surroundings blended together as well, further compounding the issue. The passage of time also became difficult to gauge. After fifteen minutes of walking, or perhaps it was twenty? More than that? They reached the point where footprints from earlier were no longer visible. Shadis had been right about the snow's rapidly increasing depth. Soon enough, they'd be struggling to move at a snail's pace. Decisions needed to be made swiftly.
"We have to split up now," Albrecht said flatly. "Each passing minute erases a little more of Christa's trail."
Aline shivered, the wind biting through the fibers of her coat. "It's a big forest, Alb; where are we supposed to start?"
"Anywhere, everywhere…I don't know. They didn't provide us any maps on the march in. Look for anything that could function as a shelter. Fallen logs, caves, mines, old shacks and hunter's blinds, whatever might get someone out of the elements. Barring that, keep your eyes peeled for any indication that the snow's been disturbed." Essentially, run around and search everything you come across. They were moving against the clock.
"And what if we waste a bunch of time chasing animal footprints or going through empty buildings?"
"I don't know, okay?!" He slammed his fist into a tree-trunk. "A thousand things could be going on out there, and I have no clue where to start! We're shooting in the dark and hoping luck and determination win out!" No strategic planning to go on here, no real efforts of coordination. Each snow flake on the ground further buried the lead in a forest that was dozens of square kilometers.
"We're going to find her," Josh said. "If my feet turn black from frostbite, or the blood vessels burst in my lungs, she's going to be found."
As to how the five of them would split up, no discussion was had. A team of two and a team of five. Josh and Annie went one way, Albrecht, Jansen and Aline went another. If the latter wished to make any snide comments about the "potential problems" of having the two lovers go off alone together, she kept them to herself in this instance. The teams curtly wished each other luck and parted ways at a hurried pace.
(***)
Elsewhere on the Mountain:
Two figures slog through the snowy gale, their immediate surroundings illuminated by a single lantern. The taller of the two, who bears the guiding light, occasionally looks back at the person following behind. The shorter one drags a sled, on which lays the comatose body of a comrade, secured by ropes.
"We should've just left him," says Taller.
"He'd have died if we did," Shorter responds.
"Well, that's hardly our problem now is it? I'm sure one or two other people have bit the dust out here. I'm sure we will too at this rate." Taller says this last part under their breath.
"You didn't have to stop." Shorter shifts the ropes on their shoulders. "Nothing was keeping you from walking on with the rest of the battalion."
"If I didn't stop, you'd have done this anyway. Then they'd be digging up your corpse during the spring thaw."
"Well, that's hardly your problem now is it?" Shorter trudges past Taller, indignant.
Taller sighs heavily. Shorter was getting on their nerves again. "What are you trying to do? Daz has one foot in the grave already, and he'll be dead well before you actually get him to camp. Then all this effort, maybe your life, will have been wasted for nothing."
"You can either help, or stop talking; I don't have energy to spend on arguing."
"Keeping up this selfless façade has got to be wearing you out."
"It's not a façade."
"Bullshit. You know and I know that this isn't who you really are." Taller steps ahead, blocking Shorter from continuing.
Shorter doesn't rise to the bait. "Step aside, please."
"Kassmeyer and the rest aren't here right now, so why not drop it, huh?" Taller sweeps their arms across the surroundings. "It's just us, the trees, and mister unconscious in the bag."
A scowl crosses Shorter's face momentarily before they push past Taller. "And how would you know anything about who I 'really am'?"
"Because I know that saving this dumbass is the furthest thing from your mind right now."
Shorter trips over their feet and falls.
"You saw an excuse to make a martyr of yourself." Taller crouches down next to Shorter. "Sure, maybe you aren't actively seeking to die, but it's not like you really care if you do. It's what would be expected of sweet little Christa Lenz, giving everything in the service of others. What kind of selfish bitch drags someone else into the grave for the sake of her own reputation?"
"SHUT UP!" Christa struggles to her feet. "That's not the kind of person I am! THAT'S NOT ME!"
"Never imagined some noble's bastard child would be so much trouble," Ymir said coldly.
"How could you possibly—"
She smirked. "And just like that, all doubts go out the window." She'd long had suspicions. A conversation she wasn't meant to overhear, in a church she wasn't supposed to be in. "Remarkable how out of all the options those rich assholes tossed around, you ended up being sent here."
"You're saying…"
"Don't go jumping to conclusions. I'm not sure I know the truth of it myself, why I got myself wrapped up in military service. But we've got some things in common, you and I. There's a little bit of similarity in our personal tragedies." Outcasts tend to drift together too, knowingly or otherwise.
"Did you…is everything you've done up to know because you wanted to get closer to me, to be friends?"
Ymir laughed. "Really?! Everything I've been saying, and that's what you got out of it?! Sweetheart, please, the closest thing we'll ever be is two people who were given a second chance in life. Why in the hell would I be friends with somebody who won't even hold onto their own name?"
"It's not like I had a choice…"
"Don't give me that horse shit; there's always a choice. People talk about you like you're a living saint, but you're just a scared child, unwilling to look at herself in the mirror and accept who she really is."
"And who are you then, huh?!"
Ymir stepped closer, leaning in over Christa. The lantern light cast menacing shadows on her face. "Do you really want to know that, little girl?"
(***)
"Josh, could you slow down a bit, please?!" Annie lagged several paces behind him. Normally, she ran way faster than he did. She spent the years of her youth honing her body to accomplish a great many feats of agility and swiftness. In the snow however, considerably shorter as she was, the advantage in movement was his.
"We can't afford to do that, I'm sorry."
"I understand that you're worried, but you're going to sap all your energy. Not to mention that we'll get separated, then all you'll be doing is making our problem worse."
He stopped and held position as Annie caught up. "Worried doesn't even describe it," he told her. The manner in which his foot furiously tamped down on the snow underlined his apprehension. "I can carry you if you're worried about me moving too fast."
"That's ridiculous, tired as you are, not to mention we'd be moving even slower." She pulled her scarf down. "You need to calm yourself down, love."
"My mind keeps going to dangerous places…" Josh shivered, his thoughts more chilling than the cold could ever be.
"And you're going condition black because of it." That point where fear and anxiety overwhelm all your senses. You become unable to think, to function properly. Mistakes get made, and depending on circumstances, people can die. Panic is the enemy of reason. A hefty amount of time was given to drilling discipline into prospective soldiers. That discipline was meant to keep fear from taking you over in times of crisis. Some people took to that training better than others.
"I don't think I've been this scared before, of anything."
"But we are going to find Christa, you said so yourself. Where'd that confidence from a while ago?"
He looked at Annie with sad eyes. "I just didn't want to entertain the possibility that we wouldn't in front of the others." Josh slumped his shoulders. "But what are our chances, honestly?"
"You've never been the defeatist type; what's brought this on?"
"I've…no, you'll think it's ridiculous."
She stared at him pointedly. "I'm the last person in the world who's going to brush off one of your concerns."
"I've been…having strange dreams lately."
"About Christa?"
"No…well, sort of…sometimes…but not just about her—" He suddenly stopped speaking.
"Josh?" He held up his hand to stall her speech and squinted off into the darkness. With the passage several seconds, his expression changed and he took off running. "Where are you going?!" Annie started after him.
"I saw a flicker of light over this way!" Only for a moment, but he had. And because of that, he dared to hope.
"I didn't see anything!" She called.
"I'm not surprised; I nearly missed it myself!" He moved as rapidly as the frozen powder would permit him. "A couple hundred meters over this way!"
"Could I trouble you to slow the hell down at least?! Remember the conversation we just had?!" The snow was a good twenty-plus centimeters higher up on her frame than his.
"It's not far! You'll catch up in a minute!" Josh reached the base of a rise and went up it, towards the light he'd so certainly glimpsed. It took a great amount of energy to move through snow this deep, and the frosty air made each breath a bit more painful. He cared not. He put it from his mind. "Christa!" He shouted. He strained his voice so that it might rise above the shrill wind. "Christa, where are you?!" Josh waved the lantern to-and-fro. The flicker of light caught his eye once more, further up the slope. So close, fifty meters, sixty at most. The incline added significant difficulty to his trek, but the newfound vigor surging through his limbs carried him higher. And then, after going another ten meters or so, the ground levelled out, plateauing into a remarkably flat surface.
Further ahead, a dark shape stood out from the white surroundings, a building perhaps. He took a few more steps forward. Across the flat ground before him, the shape resolved into that of a cabin. Christa must surely be inside, riding out the storm. That explained the flicker of light he'd seen. So he ran towards the structure, managing to slip and stumble despite the even nature of the earth beneath his boots.
He reached the door and began pounding against it furiously. "Christa, it's Kassy; open the door! We've all been worried sick!"
Annie struggled to crest the slope, fighting doggedly to overcome the disadvantage wrought by her height. Even with her intensive training regimen, she was nearly spent. When her feet found sweet purchase on level ground, she could see Josh, yelling and pounding on the door of a dark house. The place was obviously long empty. In spite of her best efforts to stay cool-headed, he was beginning to piss her off. Bless his determined little heart, but can't a girl get a little consideration from her boyfriend?! She was tired too. Cold, exhausted, and aching, but she didn't wear that on her face. Even when you're weak, those around you should be convinced that you're strong. It's what her father taught her. Although, her composure had limits. Limits which, historically Josh was fond of stretching. And maybe, just maybe, when she got over to him, she'd be unable to reign in the urge to kick his ass.
She strode purposefully towards Josh, the snowy ground making a crunch-crunch sound with each step. Wait a minute…the snow hadn't made that noise before. Annie stopped walking, yet the sound continued. What a damnable stroke of fortune. The ground wasn't flat, she was standing on a frozen pond. Annie felt the ground begin undulating under her feet as the ice fractured. No way of knowing how deep the water went. The heavy, wool garments she wore would become waterlogged and heavy, making swimming all but impossible. She was too far from either side to make it to solid ground either. Better then, to chance it going forward than going back.
She made it only three more steps before the ice no longer held her up. "JOSH!" Annie reached out in his direction. A second later, and the entire world was black and immeasurably colder.
Josh was shaken from his attempts to gain entry to the house. Even when he was being dense, he could tell the difference between a cry of anger and one of urgency. He faced about, holding the lantern aloft. "Annie?" He ventured. Silence and darkness. He couldn't see her, or the light she'd carried. "Annie?" He called out again, nervousness entering his tone. Josh took several steps forward. There was a dark blotch in the snow a short distance away that he didn't remember being there. The surface of the darkness appeared to be shifting and churning. Chunks of white bobbed and glided across it, like boats on a stormy lake…water.
Josh's breath caught in his throat. "Oh my God…" He rushed forward and dove on his knees by the water's edge. "ANNIE!" He played the light across it; the pond was easily a dozen meters across, deep enough as well, that the lantern didn't show the bottom. "ANNIE?!" He cried out desperately. To fall into a body of water in this weather, in this attire, was tantamount to a death sentence. Further, another, unimaginable sense of horror overtook Josh Kassmeyer in that moment as he came to a realization. I can't swim…
First Chapter of the new year. Damn, it's been two months already since the last one. I didn't expect to get one done in December with the holidays, but...January I'd had high hopes for, especially because I wanted to started being more consistent in celebration of FIVE YEARS of WoP. But, the year hasn't started great. Some family concerns have arisen in the past several weeks, and I spent the greater portion of the month ill. So, I wanted to apologize to you guys for the tardiness. I really am trying to get more uploads in. However, that y'all are still reading after all this time gives me such hope and joy. It means the world to me, thank you.