Hi there, I don't know whoever is still out there, but I want to apologize for the last 9 months of me disappearing.

At first, we renovated my home-office and my external hard disc drive got lost in the process, I still have no idea where that went… unfortunately it was my only copy of my story. I started this chapter anew and then I had an accident at work where my knee was wrecked nearly beyond repair. I had a few months of strenuous recovery to do and while doing that I took the time to read my own story a few times and wholeheartedly came to the conclusion I am not happy anymore with the beginning of this story.

I love my story and most of it is to my liking but I feel like I did the beginning all wrong.

I used the Christmas holidays to start all over and I ask all of you on your opinion. Do you want to read the "new beginning" or you want to stick with it like it is, it's up to you!

Maybe I could upload my revised work under a different title? (That would actually be my favourite) I need all of you to decide that with me.

I will still rewrite the story, maybe just for myself to read. But I will keep this story up and going. So be assured that there will still be updates, however you decide.

The mistakes down there are sure as hell on me ;)

See Author's Note (Chapter one)

"I am very pleased with your concern about my well-being but I can assure you I was properly fucked three times this morning and the best of it is that I don't have to wait half an hour before anything gets hard again. I know young men tend to think with their penises but your comments are disrespectful and members of the law enforcement are there to protect people from a behavior like yours. So please use your actual brain the next time before you parade around your thoughts for everyone to hear or I am going to report you for sexual harassment."

Maura's POV

Jane had been not happy when her month staying at home had ended. A thing I never thought I would have lived. I wasn't very happy either, and though there was enough money for us to stay at home for the rest of our lives it wouldn't make us happy either. I still had two months left before I would be back to work, but I already missed Jane at home barely after she had left the house.

We had really enjoyed the time having nothing to care for but our daughter. Nothing but walks in the park, Jo Friday happily trotting alongside the stroller, family time with my parents, mother and brothers-in-law and so much cuddling time in bed with and without Sophie.

I always thought that Jane would be a wonderfully mother one day, watching her with other people's kids but watching her with Sophie, I have no idea how to describe my feelings. Does it sound wrong to say that it makes my libido explode to see how fiercely she loves our baby?

She is the biggest softie I've ever seen, interacting with Sophie. She really loves to get her ready for bed in the evening and I really think she will be very mad when a case will take that from her for the first time.

I witnessed it for the first time on the second night after we came home. Jane had gone upstairs to get Sophie ready for bed and after some time I had also gone upstairs to have a look what was taking her so long.

Standing there in the threshold I witnessed how she kissed every tiny millimeter of Sophies skin while whispering how much she loved her and how much she loved me and how endlessly that love had grown the moment I had gifted her with our baby. How tenderly she had caressed also every millimeter of her, massaging baby oil into her skin before she wrapped her up into a diaper while blowing soft raspberries onto her belly, kissing her tiny feet before putting them into some socks. It had become a ritual.

I didn't know how often you could fall in love with the very same person… but I did, every second of the day and a little deeper each time.

It had been her mother pointing out absentmindedly to a very pregnant Maura that also others sometimes witnessed that her wife was not always "big and bad Detective Rizzoli".

It had been Christmas and the house had been full of family and friends and while waiting for their meal to get ready Lilly had asked Jane to teach her how to play the piano. Jane had pulled Lilly into her lap and had explained every key to her and taught her to play Chopsticks and All my little ducklings, after that she asked Lilly to put her hands on hers and while she began playing "Pour Elise", she explained that it was her first song she could play with her back turned towards the piano.

"My... if she touches you nearly as beautifully as she touches those key's I have no idea how you are able to leave the bed every morning."

"Oh...I am not… not every morning...," Maura had smiled mischievously.

Jane had been totally obviously to the brief but significant exchange of words between mother and daughter while she made Lily laugh uncontrollably by playing Jaques Offenbach's Cancan, increasing her speed with every ritonello.

Katherine, she had been the topic for a lot of discussions in the past month. Discussions with Angela and surprisingly also with my parents. It wasn't that they didn't like her, no, they liked her very much. They just couldn't understand why she was necessary in the first place.

Angela didn't understand why I wouldn't just stop working all together, because we clearly didn't need the money I got paid. She wasn't angry or judging but she simply didn't understand. My mother-in-law is a different type of person than we are, and it needed a lot of time to make her see that.

My parents just thought that when they would pull back from their work they could care for Sophie when Jane and I had to be away. They did understand the need for someone to look after Sophie as they had needed this kind of help themselves but they didn't get that our kind of absence was differently from theirs.

My mother's schedule had always been very tight but planed way ahead, the same goes for my father. They just needed to understand that in our line of work that wasn't even possible.

Ok, we had some kind of office-hours, we are at the BPD at least from 8 am to 4 or 5 pm but it could always happen that we arrived barely at home and got called in again, or in the middle of preparing dinner, during a movie, while feeding Sophie. That our sleep could be cut short and though it happened rarely that having sex could be interrupted due to a homicide.

It had happened already at any hour of the day and night and it wouldn't stop just because we had a child to care for.

Sophie is our responsibility and nobody wants to push her away, quite the opposite, if we could care for a baby around the clock without having to cut back we would be the first ones to do so, so it's also our responsibility to have someone care for her when we are not able to.

Katherine is in her late-forties, calm and caring. Jane had joked about love at first sight between the three of us. Of course, she had insisted on checking her background and though I don't approve of it normally I was okay with it concerning our daughter's wellbeing.

Katherine had no children of her own due to a medical incapability. She had married young and because of their love for kids the couple decided to host a daycare at their home, had spend every penny to build every child's dream. She had showed some photos of her former home, her husband had done every detail by himself and it had looked like nothing but fun.

Then her husband had been diagnosed with an salivary gland tumor and she had spend the next two years tending to his sickness, after a while she had to give up the daycare because her husband had needed more and more of her attention and after he had died at the age of 45 she had sold the house because it was to painfully to live there anymore.

She had worked for a family who moved to Australia two moth prior and though she really loved both of their children she wasn't ready to leave Boston and her husband and move to the other side of the world. That's how we got so lucky to meet her.

We hadn't settled on any number of kids we wanted to have, but we both wanted stability for any of them and we only planned to hire someone who would be in for the long run.

Katherine seems to be perfect for us. There was no negative reaction to Jane and I being a couple and neither to the nature of our jobs or the ungodly hours we would possible need her to take over. Katherine had been very modest when we asked her for the furnishing and the décor of her room, she didn't ask for anything but to bring her own.

The woman even pointed out that the amount of money we offered was way, way too much, since we also provided board and lodge. Jane had told her laughing that she had argued with me that the sum was too small for someone on call for 24/7.

Last but not least she is very discreet and often Jane and I forget that she is even there. Our house is not nearly as big as the one I grew up in and we have to get used to someone sharing our space. We can not expect her to hide in her room the whole day and we won't.

R & I R & I R & I R & I R & I R & I

She had Jane asked to do this. She had asked and though she knew that Jane was not entirely comfortable to showcase their love-life in public she had done it even so. Maura could feel it, pressing against the back of her left thigh while Jane was kissing her neck from behind. Jane had swept her hair to the other side and was softly sucking the skin right beneath her ear. Leaving little butterfly-kisses.

Maura loved their little meetings in her office, she knew it would be over the moment their child was born, had to be over, because if she wouldn't constantly be this hormonal mess her ethic would not allow to continue this and she knew Jane did it only because she would never deny Maura anything.

That's why this was actually rather unfair to ask of Jane. True, she hadn't really asked but she knew how to place words and little hints so Jane had no choice but to do what her wife wanted her to do. It had been exactly the same scene that had brought this fantasy to live.

She felt Jane's hands roam over her barely-there belly, skimming up to release the buttons of her teal blouse. Maura grabbed behind herself, gripping Jane's hips with both hands. Her right moved over the denim-clad pelvis and when she came closer to the fly on Jane's pants, she could already feel the bulge. She shuddered, creeping closer.

She had never done something like that. Sure, she had felt a penis getting hard through clothes before, against her thigh, her stomach, even against her sex. Never had she stroked one, grabbed one. Here she was, caressing Jane's fake penis with her flat palm through the fabric of her favorite denim, like it would matter anything.

Like it could get any harder or prevent it from flattening… She closed her hand a little more around it, feeling the contours. She used her second hand to help her opening each button, powerful but slowly. She had reached inside for a few seconds and when she turned in Jane's arms, she knew that if it wasn't fake she would sink down on her knees.

In her early thirties, still a virgin to that particular sex-practice she wouldn't hesitate with Jane. There was no such a thing like dignity, or disgust at the thought of Jane's sperm in her mouth. It wasn't going to happen, unlike her fantasy of Jane taking her on top of her own desk.

She had struggled with her pregnancy-cravings. Of course, that included unhealthy food and there was nothing to be ashamed of enjoying sex with the spouse she had just decided to become parents with, even if she craved a lot of sex lately. The thing she had and still struggled with was the kind of sex she craved. She enjoyed making love with Jane, but at the moment she needed a whole bunch of different sex.

She craved sex at nearly every second of being awake and even sleeping her whole dreams centered around sex. Hot and quick sex, not particularly hard but her hormones didn't have patience for a long foreplay. Afterwards it was okay to cuddle, at least at home, but when sex happened it had to happen instantly. She craved penetration most of the times and to make up for the lack of foreplay she had to have Jane's hands on her, so the toy they had bought once just to try got a run for its money.

She could not much do about that, she had tried hard to… She was scared, horrified even. Horrified of losing Jane over something as profane as sex, destroying the beautiful and unique thing that was their relationship. God, she wished she could slow down and be just the one Jane fell in love with. It wasn't that Jane had said something. No, she even did not show signs of being not okay, of them being not okay. But Maura remembered. She remembered when there was a time Jane thought she wasn't enough, when she had confessed that she was afraid of not meeting Maura's expectations.

God, the thought alone was insane. Maura couldn't speak for others but on her watch, Jane was every crudity she had learned over the span of her work along police officers and so much more. Even the cold and distant Dr. Maura Isles she was before Jane could have fallen in love with the detective after a one-night-stand back in the days she only limited her contact down to that with other human beings, just because what she was capable of doing with Maura's body and soul and mind while having sex.

The thought that Jane could not meet her expectations was utterly insane. Jane was, beaten by a great distance the best fuck she's ever had. And that was part of the problem. She loved Jane, with every fiber of her body and every cell in her brain, but lately their time was spend working or having sex. There was barely time left to show Jane how much she loved her.

Another part of the problem was, that her problem was forgotten the second she got the chance to have sex with Jane. She hooked her thumbs into Jane's elastic waist and had just enough patience to push jeans and boxers past her buttocks. She had already taken off her underwear when she heard the beeper to the door at the loading docks.

Jane had been off for the rest of the day after being in court in the morning. It had been the perfect opportunity for it. Jane did not work in denims and the toy did not really work with her usual slacks. The fabric was to soft and you would've spotted the toy right away, and Jane clearly didn't want to wear it while working. Maura respected that, of course.

Jane had not disappointed. Maura had sat there on the edge of her desk, slightly leaned back with Jane's right on the small of her back, both her hands helping Jane to move inside her, cradling the really nice butt of her detective. Her orgasm hat been overwhelming and it had broken something inside her. She had started to cry even before her climax reached its crescendo.

Of course, Jane had thought that she had hurt her wife, because she knew happy tears and those were not. She had hugged Maura and asked if she could pull out without hurting her even more. It didn't help that Maura started to cry even harder. And so she stood there, holding her sobbing wife, preventing being hit by a raging Maura Isles, all the while still being buried deep inside her.

It only lasted twenty seconds for Maura to realize the damage she had done, she was furious, but only at herself. That's when she wrapped herself tighter around Jane, even wrapping her legs around Jane's waist. Moaning when she pulled the detective deeper into her still sensitive body.

"I am so sorry, Jane." She whispered over and over. "You never deserved all of this. I am going to make it up to you for the rest of my life if you are going to forgive me." The confusion was written in neon-letters all over the detective's face. Maura clearly saw how Jane played a few different things through in her head, not understanding why Maura had cried and apologized and Maura knew when the fleeting thought of her cheating on Jane came and went, dismissed as ridiculous by her wife.

That was one problem that hadn't occurred… however horny Maura had been the thought of having sex with anyone but Jane never even crossed her mind, not even in her dreams.

"I wish I could do this whole pregnancy over again. This should have been a time for bonding and beautiful experiences, but I all I have done so far is hurt and use you. The last two month I behaved like a whore and not a mother-to-be. "

"Stop that right now." Jane voice was harsh. "I love you Maura, I really do, but nobody talks about my wife like that, not even you."

"Jane…"

"No, Maura. No." Jane shook her head. "God, I feel ridiculous. I truly hope you locked that door, I don't want Chang walkin' in on me with my ass being on full display." Jane chuckled for a moment before getting seriously again.

She tenderly stroked over Maura's cheek with the back of her right index. "I love you, Maura. More than I could ever express." Her fingers combed through the doctor's hair, gently holding her head in place at the back, this time her left index caressed the blondes face.

"I mean it, I love all of you. You of all people should know that you can't control the chemistry in your brain and even if I don't understand half of it, I read a lot about pregnancies and I willingly agreed to it, to all the unforeseen things that could happen during it. You know me, you know if this would be a constant to our intimacy, I would tell you that I am not okay with it being this rushed and lacking of tenderness, but it isn't. Its a fleeting moment and most of the time I get my chance at loving you after your first orgasm is out of the way. This is obviously part of the deal, it doesn't matter neither of us asked it to be, it is the way it is and it's not like I am feeling repulsed by the thought of having sex with you."

Jane kissed her slowly. "We had sex like that at times before the pregnancy and there is nothing wrong with it."

Happy New Year x3 x3 x3

Thank you very much for your time, review would be awesome like always :)