Thanks to those who reached out with concern for my mental health. It means a lot. I am newly disabled and having a really hard time coping with it. They've put me on anti-depressants and I am against them.

I don't think I need anti-depressants. I think it's perfectly normal to feel sad about things, I just have to work through it. But if I want surgery... I gotta play ball.

I live in Texas where pot is still illegal, and its the only thing that helps me. So I am suffering and contemplating moving back to AZ just for pot. "But SOTM, that's stupid." Yeah, it is. Which is why I'm not and I'm just gotta sit in this little ball of depression until I sort myself out.

FYI i didn't edit any of this shit. Deal with it or don't read it. I really stopped caring at this point.

The Marauders had drifted apart. Remus lived with Sirius at Grimmauld place only out of necessity. He spent his time hiding in his room or locking himself in the basement to transform on the full moon. Since the night of their close encounter, Sirius tried to speak to Remus but he wouldn't have it.

He even tried to bring James into it, which only further angered Remus. He was embarrassed enough, and he didn't need it aired for all to hear.

"James, tell him how we wanked off that one time at the quidditch pitch. Tell him it's perfectly normal." Sirius tried to get Remus to come around.

Unfortunately, Remus didn't see it that way.

James looked back and forth at them, laughing, "What's this about? Moony feeling guilty for spying on a broad?"

Remus scowled, "You told him?!"

James pat him on the shoulder, "Relax, Mate. It's perfectly normal to look at 'em when you wanna rub one out. As long as it isn't blokes." He joked and threw his head back in laughter.

"But-"

Sirius cut him off, "See what I mean? It's natural."

Remus thought about what his friends said. He would always feel guilty about watching Severus and Juliet, he would never forgive himself. It was the shared experience he was hung upon.

Had James and Sirius really wanked each other off before? As in multiple times? But they're straight, weren't they? Remus was conflicted. Sure, he liked it. But they were men, and men liked women! Right?

Sirius was trying everything he could to get close to Remus again. He tried taking him to a quidditch match, only to get stood up and ignored. He tried to make dinner for Remus, but the dinner was awkwardly silent and quick.

One day when Remus was walking past him on the staircase, Sirius finally spoke up, "Oh, I see you're being a prat again today."

Remus spun around, "What did you call me?"

"A prat. Just like yesterday and the day before that." Sirius called over his shoulder and kept walking.

He ran up the steps after him and shoved him hard. Sirius was already on the landing and stumbled forward but caught himself, "Take it back!"

"Can't take the truth back!" Sirius snapped and flipped him off.

"What the hell is your problem?!"

"YOU! What's your problem?!" Sirius shot back.

"Nothing!"

"Bullshite!" Sirius called him out, "Ever since that night in the broom cupboard you've been acting like a right bastard."

Remus' face turned red, "Well- uh- but- Juliet-"

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Sirius spat on the ground between them and started walking away, "You're too hung up on a woman that doesn't want you, that you can't see what's been in front of you this whole time!"

"What the bloody hell does that mean?! You and James did the same thing-"

Sirius spun around angrily, shaking his head, "I never did that with James! Never! No one! Just you! But you're too bloody daft to see that we belong together!"

There was an awkward silence. The only sound coming from the large ticking grandfather clock down the hall.

"Wot?"

Sirius gave him a sad look before walking away. Not giving him a response as he closed the door to his bedroom behind him. Remus was left in the hallway with his jaw dropped.

Eventually, he returned to his own room with a million thoughts racing through his head. Did his best friend just tell him he loved him? Remus sat on his bed staring a wall. Thinking of their childhood together.

He started to see the signs he ignored over the years. Sirius always choosing Remus as his partner in any of their games or schoolwork, always choosing to sit with him. Trying to get a summer along with just Remus but James and Peter eventually tagging along. All the times Sirius was there for him during his transformations, always waking up curled up next to Sirius and him always tending to him after a rough full moon.

He had a lot of priorities he had to sort through.

James hadn't been the same since the night of Severus' initiation. He questioned everything he ever did to the other man when they were growing up. He questioned the man they followed, the one who signed them up for the cause only to find the grass was not in fact greener on the other side.

He hadn't slept in weeks following that night he helped put Severus back together. Moody gave him no updates or inclination that anything happened that night. He told him to do the same because bringing attention to them would bring them down.

Lily was unconcerned with everything that didn't involve her. She was busy trying to throw tea parties and inviting anyone of worthy of knowing, only to get ignored. While she was busy trying to build their status, her husband grew distant. That didn't sit well with Lily, she refused to be ignored by anyone, especially her husband.

She bought expensive robes and lingerie, hoping to get his attention. Unfortunately for her, his mind was too preoccupied with work and surviving the war. Her lack of concern for their safety didn't sit well with him. She had taken all of his warnings in jest.

While they grew farther apart, Sirius came around more and more. Offering support to Lily and try to ease his best friend's troubled mind, while his own problems were ignoring him at home. Being on the outs with Remus didn't stop Sirius from flirting with every woman he came across. In his mind, if continued to act as normal, then everything was normal.

When Remus started to come around and open up to him, Sirius thought things were finally sorted out for him. Until their monthly friend dinner that Sirius was hosting this round.

When Lily walked through the floo, the hair on Remus' neck stood up. He hadn't seen her since the night Severus laid bloody on the desk in the library. Now he knew why Sirius was spending so much time with her.

Remus excused himself and stated that he wasn't feeling well, then left promptly and rushed off to his room.

Sirius stopped him in the hall, "What the hell, Moony! What's your problem?"

Remus rounded on him, his eyes now golden and his nostrils flaring, "You may have fooled James, but you haven't fooled me. You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Sirius put a hand to his chest, "What the bloody hell did I do now?!"

Remus growled, showing his sharpened teeth, "You may have fooled the wolf, masking your scent when you come home. You forgot to mask hers."

Sirius stood in the hallway by himself with his jaw to the floor. Remus' words hitting him in the chest hard.

"Oi! What's his problem?" James called out from the dining room.

"Uh- nothing. He's got the shits or something." He lied and masked his emotions.

James was called by a raven with a note to head to Grimmauld Place after work one day. There was another meeting to occur. When he arrived in the library it was empty.

"Oi, Pads!" he called out, "Am I early?"

There was no response, but the large doors clicked shut behind him. He spun around to see Juliet standing behind him with her hands folded in front of her.

"Olli- uh…" he stammered, forgetting the name to properly address her as. He hadn't seen her in weeks either, no one had and Albus was right pissed about it. "Where is everyone? Is Snape alright?"

Juliet put her finger to her mouth in a shushing motion. She walked across the room and took a seat on the couch. 'Come sit.'

He cleared his throat and sat beside her on the couch, still looking around for the other members, "What's going on?"

She cast her wand around the room and silence and warded it, putting her wand down and turning to face him head-on. Juliet put a finger to her mouth, signaling him to shut up, and another to her eyes, telling him to pay attention.

'What I am about to tell you must never be repeated. You must never speak of it to another soul and you are to use this information to survive the war.' She spelled out in the little black ribbon in the space between them.

His eyes widened and he leaned in, "You are from the future then? You really know how I'm gonna die?"

She nodded slowly with a grim look, 'Albus sees all of us as nothing but pawns for his own game. He has altered the timelines more than once. Every time failing to keep himself alive.'

"Then I say he's no better than Voldemort." James scowled, causing Juliet to nod in agreement.

'I come to you tonight because the prophecy is about to begin. We are running out of time.'

"Prophecy? What's that gotta do with me dying? When do I die?" he was all over the place.

'October thirty-first, of eighty-one.'

His brows disappeared into his hairline, all the air pushed from his lungs and his jaw dropped, "Eighty-One… not much time left. I thought… I thought I would have more time."

They remained quiet for some time before he asked another question. "How?"

'You will die holding the line.'

"How? Spell? I trip and land on a rock? How?!" he snapped.

She looked at him sadly before waving her wand again, 'Voldemort will kill you. You will die protecting your wife and her son.'

He jumped up and started pacing by the fire, "Then we hide them. We make sure we are not there that night."

She shook her head.

"Then we just won't have kids! We can wait- hell we don't need any at all!"

She shook her head again, 'I'm afraid it's too late.'

James' eyes bulged, "You mean… she's-"

She nodded her head sadly, 'He will know exactly where you are because the spy will tell him.'

"Snape." He said angrily.

'Peter.'

He stopped in his tracks, his shoulders slumping, "Wot?"

She pursed her lips and wrote, 'Where does Peter work? Where does he live? Where is he when he's not with you or the others? He is with his other friends, the Death Eaters.'

"But… why? How? There's gotta be a mistake!" he argued.

'You will choose him as your secret keeper, the Dark Lord will be looking for a boy born in June.' She gave him a look that said, put the rest together. 'As for the why, you would need to ask him that.'

"I'll kill him."

'We need him. For now, feed him false information and tell him nothing. We must wait for Severus to return.'

James ran his hands over his face, "Baby… you said he's looking for a baby. Who's baby?"

Juliet closed her eyes for a moment and released a slow breath, 'Lily's baby.'

He slowly collapsed into the armchair, "I'm gonna be a dad…"

She scowled at him, tilting her head in a Severus-esque fashion, 'Merlin, you lot are fucking dense.'

Severus held onto the small flame as if it were his lifeline. His pounding heart drowning out the sound of the three men arguing above him. His eyes were barely open, the fight in him nearly gone. He'd lost his reason for living and denied death.

He stared into the fire, watching it flicker with each breath he took. Staring into its glow, the small flame began to take shape. His eyes began to focus, watching it twist and shape into a slim feminine form.

"Angel…" he whispered to it gently.

It reacted to his voice, small arms reaching for him. The feminine flame making the motion for him to get up. Lifting its arms above its head and pointing to the Death Eater mask laying on the floor beside him.

"Go…?" he looked from the mask to her.

It frantically nodded, then pointed up to the three men and shook her fist angrily. She obviously did not like them, yet she kept pointing to the mask. It held no definitive features of Juliet, but the physical likeness and long wavy hair were there.

"Safe?" he asked hesitantly, remembering what Albus told him when he arrived.

She small hand lifted only a pinky finger. Promising that he would be safe if he went to Voldemort. Severus looked up to the three arguing men in defeat. He was tired and he certain he would not last another night in the presence of Moody.

Severus thought of Juliet, watching the small flame version of her begging him to get up, to not give up on them. She swore they would be together at the end of the war, he just had to stay alive.

He struggled to get up, rolling onto his stomach then his knees. The small flame dancing in happiness as it cheered silently for him. He groaned in pain as he reached for the mask and pulled out his wand.

The men finally stopped talking and looked at him as he put it over his face.

"What the bloody hell are ye doing?!"

"I'm not sticking around here to get tortured!" Red eyes stared back at Moody through the mask, full of hatred, "I'll take my chances with the fucking lunatic!"

He pressed the tip of his wand to the burning flesh of his Dark Mark and apparated away. Leaving three men in disbelief.