Chapter 61.
Alone.
October 2, 2019.
"Thank you, again."
It was first thing in the morning, but Owen had been awake for hours. He was buzzed on adrenaline from the scene that morning. He could not forget how it felt to hold his lifeless son in his arms.
Derek put a hand on his shoulder. His eyes had deep purple ridges beneath them. He spoke quietly, kindly, "You never have to thank me. You brought me back from the dead, remember?"
Owen pressed a smile, hoping that forcing the expression would make it real.
It had been a little over an hour since they arrived, and Henry was down in the basement getting his second MRI. Derek had just spoken to Meredith, feeding updates through their web of friends. Henry was stable for the time being. But who was to say for how long?
"Meredith called," Derek said, "Shane found Cristina – she's fine."
Owen said nothing, waiting for the punchline.
"She's at your house with Meredith." Derek was testing the waters. His tone was gentle. "I think all of this was too much for her."
"It's too much for me," Owen said. It came out choked.
Derek put a firm hand on his shoulder, "That's why I'm here."
It was quiet for a while. Owen and Derek stood near the nurses' station in the critical care unit, with nowhere else to be. Henry would return here when his test was over.
Alex appeared at the end of the hall, coming toward them in a half-jog. Before he had even reached them, Owen knew it was going to be bad news. He braced himself for another blow.
"He has a bleed on his brain," Alex blurted, his eyes suddenly wide and childlike. He was a boy again. "We called in Dr. Farrah and his ETA is five minutes, but the bleed is spreading rapidly. He's on his way to pre-op right now – room 510. He won't be there long."
Owen was already moving, Derek by his side.
"I'll call Meredith," Derek said.
"No. I'll call her." Owen dialed out, his adrenaline making his tone sharp. He knew how this conversation was going to go. When she picked up, he said, "Let me talk to her."
Meredith responded calmly. It was such a contrast to his feelings that it was startling. "She's asleep. What's going on?"
"I need to talk to my wife."
"You can't."
Owen bit his tongue. Hard. He had to remind himself that Derek was standing beside him. He had never wanted to say anything so venomous to Meredith. He just said, "Henry has a bleed on his brain. He's going into surgery." And he hung up.
Derek smartly said nothing.
But Owen was furious. He stopped outside of the pre-op room, just for a moment, and said, "Meredith needs to stay out of my marriage." And then went inside.
His anger dissipated to grief when he saw his boy lying there.
Henry was fussy. Alex was trying to soothe him. His head must be throbbing by now. One of his arms was pinned in a cast where the IV went in, and Alex was strapping him onto a toddler-sized, moveable OR board. Owen stepped up to help.
He whispered, "Hey, baby boy. You're okay. You're okay. I'm sorry."
"Farrah and Robins are gonna operate, but I'll be in there," Alex said to Owen. Suddenly, Owen could not remember why he had ever not liked Alex. His tone, his posture, his tenderness toward the baby – it all made this moment easier. He felt that he could give his son to Alex, that he could trust him.
Owen said sincerely, "Thank you."
Alex nodded. "I'll take him down. Do you want to come?"
"It's probably best that I don't."
Owen could not be in there with him. He just couldn't.
Alex looked like he understood. He unlocked the bed wheels and left the room. Just like that, the baby was gone, and the room was silent. Owen had the grim feeling that this would be the last time he ever saw Henry – or as least the last time he saw him alive.
He went outside and sat on the nearest bench, getting dizzy.
It felt like the world was going still for the first time since he heard Cristina screaming his name. Everything settled around him, even the dust in the air. He put his face in his hands to block it out.
Derek sat down beside him and put a hand on his back, saying nothing.
It was years later that Callie sat on his other side and made gentle circles on his back. She murmured something to him that he did not understand, but somehow it made him feel better. It was good that she was there. It was good that they were both there. He would appreciate it later, when he came out of this haze.
For what felt like days, they waited.