Goals
"Hey, what's up?" Thea asked, inviting Karen into the living room.
"I uh… I just wanted to come run something by you. I've already dropped by to see your sister about it and I figured it could be of use to you when you go to court." Karen nodded.
"Go on." Thea nodded.
"Well we were just rounding up the case, tying up all the loose ends and stuff." Karen said, "Just out of precaution I had Jude's DNA testing results ran against the other girls who had recently been… raped." She said, "They came back as a match." She nodded as Thea raised her eyebrows.
"Oh." Thea shook her head, "Really?"
"Yeah. I… I don't know what his thought process was behind it. Maybe leading us to believe that those attacks were someone else could have grouped Jude into that too. His name wouldn't have been anywhere near it." Karen said.
"How many other girls?" Thea asked.
"Two." Karen said, "It's not good news but… in terms of your case and going into court… I mean, we're talking a serial rapist now, who came into your house and backed you up into a corner." She said, "You're not serving punishment for this." She nodded.
"I just can't believe he did it to others." Thea shook her head, "Well… I can believe it but… you know what I mean." She said.
"Yeah, but the intent behind Jude's was definitely different. The two other girls were attacked outside in the street. He had a mask on then." Karen said, "Jude's entire crime scene was completely different. It was thought out." She said as Thea sighed to herself, "He wanted it to be known it was him who did this to her." She nodded.
"It's not fair." Thea shook her head, "Jude and those girls have to live with what he did, for the rest of their lives. I… I can't imagine having that experience with you all the time."
"I know, it's difficult to think about." Karen nodded, "There are support groups and counselling out there if your sister ever needs it. I think it could really help her." She said as Thea nodded.
"Yeah, we've suggested a lot of it to her. She's just dealing with in her own way right now." Thea said as Karen nodded.
"When she's ready to work on moving on, she will." Karen said as Thea nodded, "How did you get on with Hilary?"
"Good. She really gave me all the information I need. Kinda overwhelming I guess." Thea said as Karen nodded, "But she's all about business and I feel good with her helping me."
"She's a great defence attorney." Karen assured her, "One of the best I've ever seen." She said, "Any judge is gonna see that you weren't safe. He was put in prison in the first place because he attacked you. That says it all." She said as Thea nodded.
"I'm just not putting my hope on anything just yet." Thea said.
"Well that's understandable." Karen nodded, "I just wanted to drop by and let you know."
"Yeah, thank you." Thea nodded, "I guess maybe that's closure that those others girls needed. They can maybe feel a little more safe."
"Yeah, I think so." Karen said, "I'll see myself out." She nodded, "You take care." She said as Thea nodded, watching her leave the house.
"Hey, you ok?" Punk asked, heading upstairs to bed when he saw Jude sitting on the bathroom floor.
"Just thinking about those other girls." Jude nodded, watching as he walked into the bathroom, "I felt kinda sick."
"Yeah well that's understandable." Punk nodded, looking across at her as she leaned against the wall beside the toilet, sitting on the floor, "More proof that he was scum of the earth."
"Yeah." Jude agreed, "I hope that they… they feel safer knowing that he's gone." She nodded, "It doesn't change anything but… the fear isn't as bad. I-I thought they feel the same." She said.
"I'm sure it'll make a difference. Give them some sort of closure." Punk said as Jude nodded.
"I just never thought something like this could ever happen to me." Jude shook her head as Punk sat down on the edge of the bath, looking across at her.
"I… I don't think any of us can imagine things like that happening to us." Punk shook his head.
"Every time I close my eyes I just see his face." Jude shook her head, "And I can… I can feel him near me. Like he's gonna do it again." She said, "Him being dead doesn't change a damn thing because the memory of what he did is still living." She said, "And I'm scared it's never gonna leave me. Ever." She said as Punk nodded.
"Would you ever think about maybe going to a support group or some counselling?" Punk asked, "Not right now but when you feel ready to talk about it more." He said, "It could help."
"I don't know." Jude sighed, "I don't know if talking about it with strangers is gonna do anything for me."
"I felt the same when I was having those panic attacks." Punk said, "Yeah, I know that is nothing like what you're dealing with but… when your mom suggested seeing a therapist I thought it was the dumbest thing ever." Punk nodded, "Why would I wanna go talk to some stranger who doesn't know shit about me and what I'm feeling like… right?" He said as Jude nodded, "But that shit helped me." He said truthfully, "It gave me back the control I felt that I'd lost."
"I just feel like if I put it out into the world, it's gonna start taking over me completely, and it's gonna be all that I am and I… I don't want that." Jude shook her head.
"But if you put it out there, it also might help you move on. Accept it in some way." Punk said.
"I don't think I'm ever gonna accept this." Jude shook her head, "And I don't think I have to."
"You don't." Punk shook his head, "But you also gotta know that it doesn't define you. None of us see you any differently." He made clear, "You're still my daughter, I still see you as the same person you were before this happened."
"Yeah, Cassie said that too." Jude nodded, "It matters to me what I think of me, though." She admitted, "And it's great that you guys can see me in a different light but… I'm struggling with myself, to see me without the attack." She said as Punk nodded, "I don't know if that's normal or-"
"I'd say so." Punk nodded, "But you're so much more than that. It's not gonna feel this way forever. One day you're gonna wake up and you'll feel like you again. Or it might not be when you wake up, it might just be a moment where you… take a deep breath and finally feel like you're not shackled to what happened." He said.
"Yeah, I'd like that day to hurry up." Jude sighed, leaning her head back against the wall as Punk smiled.
"It'll come." Punk nodded, "Do you trust me?"
"Yeah." Jude nodded, "Yeah, I trust you." She said as Punk nodded, "I wish I could go back to not remember any of it." She said.
"You remember all of it?" Punk asked her.
"It's like flashes of the night. I don't remember it in full but… certain things just keep replaying in my head." Jude said, "I keep hearing him say something about my tattoo." She said as Punk nodded, "The whole idea of that tattoo was… I got to choose who could see it." She said as Punk nodded.
"And you feel like that's been taken away from you?" Punk asked as she nodded.
"Yeah, that and everything else about my dignity." Jude nodded, "I just still feel like he's… on me." She closed her eyes over and sighed as Punk looked across at her.
He had no experience with this, but he could on some level understand by what she was telling him. He could see her vulnerability and the fact that she no longer felt in control of anything.
"Well he's not." Punk reminded her as she opened her eyes, "He's burning in hell and you're gonna get through this, and live your life to the fullest." He said, "You're gonna finish your college year. And have a good Summer. We'll take a vacation." He said, "We'll catch some Hawks games. Celebrate James' first birthday." He added as Jude smiled to herself, "You wanna know what I learned when I went to therapy?"
"What did you learn?" Jude asked.
"To set yourself small goals, not big ones." Punk said, "I mean, sure, the big ones are great but… the little ones can really help." He said, "So instead of you saying that… you're gonna move on from this one day, you could just say… I'm gonna take a shower tomorrow." He shrugged as Jude laughed a little.
"Taking a shower has become a big task of mine." Jude nodded to herself.
"So set yourself that goal." Punk nodded, "And then when you achieve it, guess what? You get that control back. You get that feeling of doing something good for yourself again." He said as she nodded.
"Shockingly that makes sense." Jude agreed.
"Yeah?" Punk nodded, "And all those little goals will start adding up to bigger ones." He said as she nodded.
"I'm worried about Thea." Jude admitted.
"Yeah, I think we all are." Punk sighed to himself, "But she's got a hell of a good lawyer. And you know your sister, she never backs down from a fight."
"Yeah, trust me. I know that. I grew up with her." Jude rolled her eyes as Punk smiled.
"This guy was a serial rapist. He was dangerous. Like Karen said… Thea wasn't safe with him anywhere near her. No one was safe around him." Punk said, "A judge will hear that and grant Thea the plea deal she's going for."
"I hope so." Jude nodded, "I know mom was terrified. I can see it in her face." She said, "I think it's bringing it all back, when you went to prison."
"Yeah, she's kinda struggling." Punk nodded, "And it takes a lot for your mom to admit to defeat." He said.
"Yeah, I know." Jude nodded, "I think the worst part about this is seeing how much it affects everyone else. Part of me wishes you guys didn't have to know so that it wouldn't hurt you-"
"Don't you ever feel like that." Punk said, "Don't worry about us. We're here to help you with whatever you need. If it's just to talk like this or if it's to come with you to any counselling you might decide to go to." He said, "You're not doing this alone." He said as Jude nodded.
"I'm lucky I have a good family." Jude nodded as Punk smiled.
"You can just say dad, no one else is around." Punk waved his hand as she chuckled. Hearing her laugh right now was important to him.
"I should probably get back into bed or else I'm just gonna stay here all night." Jude shook her head as Punk nodded.
"Yeah, get yourself back into bed. Try and get some sleep." Punk said, standing up from the edge of the bath, extending his hand down to her as she took it and stood up from the floor, "You're one of the strongest people I know." He nodded as she smiled, wrapping her arms around him as he hugged her back tightly, kissing her head.
They left the bathroom eventually where Jude headed back into the spare bedroom to crash whilst Punk headed into his own bedroom, seeing his wife still sleeping on the bed, holding onto his sweater.
He got stripped down to his boxers, getting into bed beside her, trying not to disturb her but waking her up through no fault of her own.
"Huh?" AJ jumped a little.
"It's just me." Punk said softly as she turned to him sleepily, "It's just me." He cupped her cheek softly.
"Oh." AJ realised calmly, curling into him, tucking her head under his chin and nudging him with her nose sweetly as he smiled. Seeing the safety and calmness she felt with him was a good thing, especially right now. All he ever wanted to do was make his girls feel safe and be there for them for everything they needed.