DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything from Tiny Toon Adventures, including characters, locations, references, or the Acme Warner Bros. logo. All rights go to Warner Bros. and Steven Spielberg's Amblin Entertainment.
Chapter 50
Family Bonding
Gigi was quite right. The night proved to be quite "interesting", to use her words.
From the beginning, Hamton and Fifi had no reason to fear their parents wouldn't get along. Winnie and Celestine chatted all the way to the La Fume's comfortable home, talking about their lives, their interests, and their work.
"It must be wonderful," said Mrs. La Fume. "Being able to see ze world."
"Oh, it is lovely," Winnie agreed. "The sights, the people, and the reasons to visit make every trip an adventure. Though, the world can be a bit much sometimes. So much going on every which way. . . ."
A little while later, the subject changed.
"A dance instructor?" asked Winnie. "Ever try disco?"
"Oh, no," Mrs. La Fume answered with a laugh. "Zat was never quite my cup of tea."
Wade and Mr. La Fume hit it off just as well as their wives. Besides exchanging a few jokes and discussing their careers as a college professor or a traveling advertisement photographer, the two men both relished in the fact that both were fans of taking pictures.
"I never viewed that sort of angle of Notre Dame," said Wade, eyeing Mr. La Fume's newest books. "Then again," he laughed sheepishly, "I've never been inside Notre Dame. Still, what a great point-of-view. It's so high! How did you not fall off?"
"I used a bungee harness and rope," Mr. La Fume answered. "Oh, and also a parachute! I did almost fall off one time. Oh, the deacons were livid. They thought I was making a mockery of the cathedral!"
The two men burst out laughing.
Their parents were so absorbed in each other that Hamton, Fifi, and Gigi spent their time together chatting and playing a few games of Old Maid. After losing his fifth game in a row, Hamton heard his parents call them for dinner.
Alone, Winnie and Mr. La Fume's cooking was something for the taste buds to savor. But combined together:
Delicious. That was all that could be said about it. Any other adjective would've only taken up space. Delicious — plain and simple.
"I knew your dad could cook," Hamton whispered to Fifi, as he spooned some more beef stew, "but he's really got talent with seasoning."
"Your mother is superb as well," she praised. "She does not make ze vegetables too heavy like most restaurants do. Right and even, and so, so fine."
After dinner, much to Hamton's and Fifi's displeasure, their parents joined together on the sofa and, just like they said they would, showed each other old photographs of their children.
"I can't believe you guys carry those albums with you wherever you go," said Hamton dully, sitting on the loveseat with Fifi.
"Oh, don't look so grumpy, Hamton," Winnie said kindly. "We can't see you all the time, so keeping your photographs is the next best thing to keeping you close."
"Awww," said Gigi, sitting in the middle of both parents, "look at him. What a cute muddy face!"
"Ah, yes," said Wade, laughing. "Hamton had a habit for eating mud as well as playing in it as a piglet."
Hamton sunk deep into the loveseat, wincing with what little dignity he had.
"Awww," Wade said, looking in the other album. "Such a cute little skunk."
Fifi blanched.
"Ooooooh, Fifiiiiiii?" Gigi sang in a teasing tone. "Do you not want to see yourself in your leettle beret? And your hands and face covered in finger paint?"
Fifi's eyebrows lowered and her lips contracted as though she had tasted something bitter. Like Hamton, she sunk backwards on the loveseat, trying to ignore their parents' vibrant voices as they showed embarrassing photographs of her baby and child years.
"This was Hamton's first day of potty training..."
Hamton let out a very clear groan.
"Poor Fifi must have tripped over ten times trying out ballet. She never stepped into those shoes again."
From over on the loveseat, Fifi said through gritted teeth, "Zey were VERY uncomfortable."
"And this one —" Winnie broke off. Pausing, she broke into a warm smile and looked at Wade fondly.
Hamton glanced over at his parents, frowning. For whatever reason, Mr. and Mrs. La Fume had the same affectionate face.
"Hamton, Fifi," said Gigi, this time smiling genuinely. "You both look wonderful."
Curious, they stood up and walked over. Gigi handed them the photograph.
It was their Prom picture. Hamton was wearing his tuxedo and pink bowtie and sash. Fifi was in her pink dress with the white choker. Their arms were wrapped around each other's waists, surrounded by the faint glow of dark blue.
Unaware and not caring that their parents and Gigi were watching, Hamton and Fifi smiled warmly.
"Zat was quite ze night, non?" Fifi asked softly.
"Yeah. . ." said Hamton. "I've liked you ever since."
And, without regret or embarrassment, they kissed.
A camera flash penetrated their closed eyes.
Shocked, they jerked around.
"DAD!" shouted Hamton.
"PAPA!" snapped Fifi.
The two men laughed at their annoyed children.
"Ah, come on," Wade chuckled. "Don't be so bitter."
"It is just something parents do, darling," said Mr. La Fume, viewing the newly printed photo with Wade.
"Parents. . ." Hamton and Fifi groaned.
"Okay!" said Gigi clearly so everyone would hear. "Now zat we are done embarrassing Hamton and my sister, can we please, please, find out how much money Hamton made?"
"All right, all right, Gigi," said Mrs. La Fume. "Excusez moi, everyone."
When she returned, Celestine was holding a stack of paper along with the sales receipts from the auction. Standing before the three youths and three adults, she cleared her throat.
"I have gone over all ze sales and have taken ze liberty of subtracting ze tax. And, after all twenty bottles were sold, Hamton's total net profit amounts to. . ."
Hamton held his breath.
"Five hundred ninety-seven thousand, eighty American dollars and fifty-seven cents."
The room filled with disbelieving gasps. Winnie's sunglasses fell off yet again. Wade dropped his glass of ginger ale. Mr. La Fume's photos spilt onto the floor. Gigi broke into an excited squeal. Hamton and Fifi, however, remained standing where they were, unsure how to act or what to think. It felt as though the total had blown away everything else in their brains.
The huge amount rang in Hamton's ears as though it were an ongoing echo. It was more than he had imagined, having lost track of all the amounts during the auction due to the enormous $200,000 bid at the very end.
He felt numb with amazement, and hardly felt Gigi hug his arm until she squealed so close to his ear. "You are rich, Hamton! You are a lucky, cute piggy bank!"
Wade shook his head, wiping his brow. "Half a million dollars?! Hamton, you got a fortune on your hands, my boy!"
"Oooh, so exciting!" beamed Winnie. "Hamton really gets to keep all of it, Celestine?"
"Well, some has gone to ze auctioneer as his payment, and zhere was ze tax like I said, but it hardly makes a dent in ze total."
"Whoa. . ." said Hamton, feeling slightly dizzy.
"Sacré bleu," Fifi muttered, her bewildered tone matching Hamton's.
"What are you going to do with it all?" Gigi asked, jumping up and down on her pink feet. "You could buy a hot tub and fill it with chocolate mousse! OR," she said, grinning madly, "you could buy a helicopter ride up ze Eiffel Tower, and zen BUY it! Or," her eyes beamed like diamonds in spotlights, "you could —"
"Gigi, calm down, dear," said Adrian. "That money is Hamton's, and he can do what he wishes with it."
"So long as it's not on something that will ultimately turn out to be a big waste," Winnie corrected sternly. "But, then again, what do I have to worry for? I know Hamton will put it to good use."
"But," said Gigi insistently, "what do you want to use it for, Hamton?"
Hamton stared at her, then at his parents, then the La Fumes, then Fifi.
Gigi was right; He could do anything with that money. Never had he fathomed he would have that much to spend; the very idea seemed too much like a pipe dream — the kind of plot for an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures in which Hamton would learn a lesson about greed and the horrible things money can do to a person.
Yet here it was: half a million dollars, all for him to use with no strings attached.
As for what to do with it. . . .
"It's quite a bit," said Hamton to nobody in particular. "I don't really know where to start."
"How about you theenk of something back home, Hamton?" Fifi suggested. "Theenk. In all of Acme Acres, what would you most like to spend your money on?"
Hamton thought. Acme Acres. His home. His life. His friends. . . .
If he had been the same pig he was before this December, he could easily answer that a restaurant or other food place would be the choice he'd make. He could probably buyout Frosty's Ice Cream Parlor and still have change left over. But he wasn't that kind of pig anymore, not since he started raising money, or since. . . .
And then Hamton thought of it. In his mind popped an image, and from there, another, and from there onward, an idea that, if done right, would make the first purchase more than worthwhile.
"Everyone," said Hamton. "I'd like to talk to Fifi, privately. Can you all give us a few minutes?"
They all nodded. Hamton led Fifi out of the living room by the hand, down the hallway, and into the kitchen.
"What is it, Hamton?" she asked quietly.
"Fifi," said Hamton, taking her hands. "It goes without saying, but I want to share the money with you."
Fifi's mouth fell slightly ajar. "Oh, Hamton. . ."
"I mean it," he said, grinning. "It's far too much for me alone. Plus, you're my girlfriend. It's only right that I share my fortune with the girl I love."
Fifi's eyes went wet.
"And," Hamton went on, "I think our friends could also make some good use of it. Just imagine Plucky's reaction."
"Oui," said Fifi with a chuckle. "He will probably explode from ze surprise."
"Yeah. . ." said Hamton, smirking at this very likely possibility. "But before that, there's something I want to do first, and I want to ask what you think."
Hamton leaned in close and whispered into Fifi's small, round ear.
When he pulled back, Fifi's tears fell, and she beamed.
"Fifi?" he asked.
"Oh, my sweet, beautiful pig!"
And she embraced him, her large, fluffy tail wrapping around them both.
"You are ze most wonderful boy ever!" she said, rubbing her cheek against his. "I love you! I love you so much! Of course I think it is a good idea! Absolutely! Oh, Hamton!"
And she kissed every inch of his face she could touch.
Besides being happy that Fifi agreed with his idea, Hamton savored the euphoria – the sweet sensation that did not, nor ever, have anything to do with money.
I can get used to this, he thought blissfully, hugging Fifi and practically melting against her soft fur.
"So, Mom, Dad?" said Hamton. "Do you all think you can do it?"
"Absolutely, son," said Wade, beaming down at his boy. "That is a wonderful thing you've decided on."
"Mom?"
"Of course I agree," she said, her voice more sweetened than normal, which was saying something as it's normally always so honeyed. "Your father and I should have everything taken care of within a day. What a thoughtful purchase, sweetie!"
"I agree," said Mr. La Fume. "If I had any doubts about you, my boy, they're all gone now. I knew you were selfless, but this. . . You truly are one of a kind, Hamton Pig."
"Heh . . . thanks," said Hamton modestly. Really, was his idea that admirable?
(Dec. 30)
"We'll take care of it, Hamton," said Winnie when he came to visit his mother and father at their hotel. Wade was on the phone, going over details.
"You go and have fun with Fifi and Gigi," said his mother. "You're supposed to be on vacation, after all."
"I hope this is all right," said Hamton. "I know you and Dad are probably busy with your jobs."
"Hamton," said Winnie strictly. "Sweetie, I appreciate your concern, but rest assured, our work can wait for a while. We've already gathered enough material for our brochure, so there's no trouble. And besides," she turned and looked at Wade as he talked on the phone, "what you're doing is by far more important. Now, you better go. It won't do to keep a lady waiting. You treat Fifi and her little sister nicely, okay?"
Thanking her, Hamton left and went to meet Fifi and Gigi, waiting for him in the lobby.
With his parents going home to Acme Acres tomorrow morning and Fifi leaving with him on New Year's Day, Hamton wanted to take in as much more of Paris as he could.
"I bet ze city looks much more beautiful now zat you are rich," said Gigi, walking in a light skip at Hamton's side.
"Uh. . ." said Hamton awkwardly. "It's . . . it's a beautiful city. Yeah. . . ."
The truth was, Hamton was hardly thinking about the money he earned.
Gigi frowned. "Are you not excited to have made all zat money?"
"Yeah, I am, Gigi," Hamton said truthfully.
"So?" she insisted. "Why are you not skipping and singing, as you Americans like to sing, 'I am in ze Money'?"
"Gigi," said Fifi warningly. "Do not treat Hamton as some kind of playboy! Ze money has not changed who he is!"
"I did not say it has! I am just happy for him!"
"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Gigi," said Hamton. "But really, Fifi's right. I don't want this money to go to my head. I don't want to end up like Monty. That's why I'm splitting the money between my friends. That way it won't affect me as much."
"But what about zat friend of yours, Plucky?" asked Gigi. "Fifi tells me zat he can be quite money-hungry sometimes."
"Yeah, he can. But I think Shirley will help keep him under control. Plucky's a good friend, he just . . . needs a little control when it comes to cash."
"Zat and a good slap every once and a while," said Fifi with a playful smirk.
Gigi shrugged. "All right, zen. Now, come on!" She grabbed Hamton by the hand. "Zhere is so much more you have to see before you leave, Hamton!"
By the time the day was over, Hamton was only half-thinking about the fortune he received from the perfume.
On the loveseat, he, Fifi and Gigi were looking over the photographs of everything they did today, both girls snuggled closely to him.
First, they had visited an ice rink where Fifi and Gigi had fun teaching Hamton how to ice-skate. Needless to say, from all the times he fell onto the smooth blue ice, Hamton would need practice just standing up, let alone trying to move across the rink. Nevertheless, he enjoyed the time he spent with the two skunk girls.
Fifi and Gigi took the opportunity to play a nerve-wracking/entertaining game of Pass the Pig. One girl would throw Hamton across the ice, Hamton would fling his arms all over while trying to keep balance, and the other cute skunkette would catch him.
Besides a few hard falls, Hamton had a good time. Both Fifi and Gigi proved to be very skilled, graceful skaters. Fifi had planted a kiss on his cheek a few times when she caught him. And, to her indignation, so did Gigi.
Hamton blushed in surprise at the girl's gesture, but his reaction was nothing compared to Fifi's.
"YOU LEETTLE STINKBUG! COME HERE!" she roared.
She ended up chasing Gigi heatedly across the ice. Gigi, her ponytail flailing at each turn, giggled while Fifi shouted at her in French. Hamton was left to sit on the ice, watching them with both amusement and slight anxiety.
Another set of photos showed the trio in Gigi's favorite French café. Though it was slightly crowded, it was also very comfortable. It even had a wood fireplace, which brought comfort to the trio on this cold, winter day. They helped themselves to creamy mugs full of hot chocolate and marshmallows, coupled with blueberry and white chocolate raspberry scones.
"It is lucky zat ze news report only stated your name and not your face, Hamton," Fifi said, holding her hot mug between both hands. "People are still talking about ze auction."
"You are right," said Gigi. "Celebrities do not usually do well in public places like zis. Especially ze men. I swear, zey get trampled by ze crowds of swooning girls."
"I would like to see zem try!" growled Fifi, crushing her scone in her hand.
"Fifi," Hamton placed his hand over her's. "Calm down. I'm here, not getting trampled on. Just having a good time with two very cute girls."
"Oh . . . sorry," she apologized.
"You do not have to worry about anything, Fifi," said Gigi.
Hamton and Fifi turned to her in question.
"What? She doesn't. Trust me. Being a skunk gives us an advantage. Nobody likes what we smell like." She paused and looked at Hamton, "Well, almost nobody. Besides, if anyone tried to steal you, Hamton, I would help you escape." Turning to her sister, she said, "You are Fifi's boy, after all, and nobody will take my sister's boy away from her."
A little taken aback by this remark, Fifi managed to smile fondly. "Merci, Gigi."
On the next page, the three of them had paid a visit to a couple department stores and even a music store where Hamton and Fifi had fun singing karaoke: Hamton sang in English, Fifi in French.
"You two are pretty good!" said Gigi as they walked out. "Honestly! You two should sing more often."
They also met up with Jeromé where he and Gigi gave a tour of their school. The Middle School, where Gigi and Jeromé would be attending next year, held a similar appearance to Acme Looniversity, except that none of the classrooms were related to cartoons. Not that Hamton could tell; everything was written in French.
At the end, as they stood outside the front entrance, Jeromé and Gigi shared a light kiss and the poodle boy walked away, waving to Fifi and Hamton.
"He is nice," Fifi complimented as her sister and boyfriend walked back home. "And ze way he kisses you goodbye is so cute!"
Gigi blushed, rubbing the spot on her furry cheek where Jeromé licked her.
Hamton closed the photo album and checked the wristwatch his father had given him for Christmas. It was 4:45. What was more, the sun was starting to set. Outside the frosted living room window, the street and walls of the nearby buildings were black and gold from the sun's rays.
"Girls, I better get going," he said, standing up. "I need to go see my Mom and Dad and ask if they've managed to get all the paperwork ready."
"Oui," said Fifi, nodding. "Enjoy your night with zem, Hamton. We will see you in ze morning to see your mother and father off. Until zen. . . ."
She stepped forward and together they shared a kiss.
Hamton's heart went steady at Fifi's soft lips, her furry hand holding the back of his head.
"Good night, Fifi," he said, his nose touching hers.
"Good night, mon amor," she cooed tenderly.
When they pulled apart, Hamton made for the door. "Good night, Gigi."
"Good night, Hamton," she called after. "Do not worry. I will keep Fifi company as she cries herself asleep, longing for you to be in her arms and bosom."
"Gigi . . ." Fifi growled.
Hamton fought down his laugh. He had to admire Gigi's spunk; it really made her cute.
Back at the hotel, Hamton knocked and entered his parents' suite.
"Ah, there you are, Hamton," said Wade. "Did you have a nice time with your gorgeous girl?"
"Of course," he affirmed, blushing hard.
A camera flash went off. Stunned, his eyes stinging, Hamton found his mother holding her husband's camera.
"Oh, that will be such a cute shot!" she beamed. "So, how was your time with Fifi and Gigi?"
"Wonderful, like I said," repeated Hamton, slightly annoyed as he wiped his eyes from the sting of the camera flash.
"Well, don't leave us hanging," laughed Wade. "Come on, son. We'll order dinner and we can talk while we wait."
As dinner was ordered for all of them through the hotel's service, Hamton showed his mother and father the photographs detailing the day's events.
"Wow!" said Winnie. "Gigi is an excellent skater. Did you take this photo, Hamton?" She was holding a picture of Gigi balancing on one skate, her other leg pointed upward and her hands over her head, like a ballerina.
"Yeah," said Hamton. "I did."
"I bet Gigi loved it," said Wade. "You have potential in photography, son. Just like me." Proudly, he patted Hamton's shoulder and placed the photo of Gigi back inside his son's new photo album, nearly half full from his time in Paris.
"Awww," said Winnie, adoring the photograph of Hamton and Fifi drinking hot chocolate, their cheeks nuzzling and eyes closed in affection. "You really love her, don't you, sweetie?"
Hamton didn't speak, but, as always, blushed.
"You're a lucky man, Hamton," said Wade, placing this photograph into the album's center sleeve on the front cover. "And a good one, too."
After a dinner of "American food" as the French call it, Hamton and his parents got down to more important business.
"So, how is everything going with —" but Wade reassured his son.
"All ready. I've talked with the agent and they say it's still available. Me and your mother will be able to finish all the paperwork once we get back to Acme Acres."
Clapping his hands together, Wade added, "You've really outdone yourself with this one, Hamton."
"And what a thing to do!" said Winnie, beaming at her son. "Hamton . . . this is one of the nicest things I think anyone's ever done."
"Thanks," said Hamton modestly. "I just hope everyone else thinks so, too."
(Dec. 31st)
On the very last day of December, Hamton ate breakfast together with his parents and the four La Fumes. They met together outside a small restaurant and savored each other's company before parting ways.
Once they were all full, Hamton embraced his mother and father, their bags packed and waiting for a taxi outside the hotel that would take them to the airport.
"It's been so good to have you with us during work, Hamton," said Winnie, her arms around her son. "We should bring you on our trips more often — when you're not in school, that is."
"Love you both," said Hamton. "I'll see you at home."
"And don't worry about a thing, son," Wade reminded, patting Hamton's shoulder. "We'll make sure everything is taken care of. The paperwork shouldn't take us long. We should have it all filled out by New Year's morning."
"Thanks, Dad."
Wade and Winnie then walked over and shook hands with each of the La Fumes.
"We can't thank you enough for inviting Hamton to come," said Winnie, shaking hands with Celestine. "We hope it wasn't any —"
"It was our honor," said Mrs. La Fume. "We would have flown over zhere to meet him if he could not come. Me and Adrien have waited a long, long time for Fifi to find love."
"We have waited centuries!" Gigi declared. Winnie and Wade laughed. Fifi glowered.
"Gigi. . ." said Mr. La Fume steadily. "Be polite."
"Sorry, Papa," Gigi said softly, shaking hands with Wade.
"You got yourself a great wit, Gigi," he said heartily. "I like that in a young woman."
Gigi beamed. "Merci, Monsieur Pig."
"And you have a fine eye, Adrien," said Wade, taping at his own trusty camera around his neck. "I'll mail you a copy of the brochure once its finished. I think those shots you took around Notre Dame will encourage tourists to pay more visits to Paris, especially during winter."
"I will keep my eyes open for it," said Mr. La Fume. "We should meet up to exchange photographs again."
Finally, the adult pigs addressed Fifi.
"Hamton is a lucky young man to have found you," said Winnie very fondly, cupping Fifi's hand. "Beautiful, smart, funny, and extremely sweet. You are a true joy to behold."
"Actually," said Fifi, blushing, "I am ze one who is lucky. I would be foolish to theenk I could find a boy better zan Hamton."
"What about a skunk?" Wade asked.
Fifi shook her head. "Who needs a skunk-hunk when I have a perfectly adorable pig?"
Hamton, standing beside Fifi and his parents, flushed, as Fifi gave him a wink.
Wade gave another one of his hearty laughs. "Keep this one close, Hamton! You'll never find a better girl than her anywhere else."
"I know," Hamton agreed.
"Wade, dear!" called Winnie. "The taxi's here! Bye, sweetie!"
"Bye, Mom!" said Hamton, waving to her as she opened the yellow car's door. "See ya, Dad!"
"Au revoir!" called Fifi, waving to the two. "So good to meet you!"
"Bye, son!" said Wade. "We'll see you in about twenty-four hours." He closed the door, but then opened it again. "Oh, and Hamton? When you get back, let us know what theme you and Fifi would like."
"Theme?" asked Hamton, puzzled.
"Yeah," said Wade, smirking. "Never too late to start planning your wedding."
"DAD!" cried Hamton, but Wade had already closed the door, laughing richly as the taxi drove off down the street.
Hamton groaned, slapping his gloved hand to his burning face.
"Do not worry, mon amor," said Fifi, kissing Hamton on the cheek. "Zat can wait when ze time is right." Smirking, she took his hand and whispered, "And I shall gladly wait."
All comments are welcome.