I do not own American Horror Story: Freakshow.
I doubt Ryan Murphy would even recognize it now.
Wherever You Are
All This Fuss For a Jug of Milk
Saltine crackers.
Ginger ale.
Bananas.
And oats.
The plainest, blandest, most stomach compassionate food they could possibly nourish them on.
To start.
Relatively easy.
More milk for the little one.
And the grocery store, a Winn-Dixie, was nice enough.
Uh, Sister? I don't understand this store.
Don't you go loopy on me, Bette. You've been doing well for a while now.
I'm not but why are the crackers way over on the other side?
Oh. I don't know why but . . . oh look, a two for one sale!
Focus, sister.
Don't get snippy with me now.
I'm sorry. That couch of theirs is just unpleasant to sleep on.
It was also packed . . .
"Excuse me, are you . . . are you the women from the radio? The Siamese twins?"
. . . with people they had never seen before.
But that was months ago, Sister. Almost a year.
Well, we do make an impression, Bette.
Oh hush.
"Oh, uh, well, yes."
And importantly . . .
"Wow. Oh my god, I remember that. Like, I can't believe you're really, really here. I heard you on the radio and I didn't know if you were really, like, real-"
. . . people who had never seen them.
"Can I have your autograph?"
"Us?"
"Yeah!"
Uhhh, Sister?
"Well, uh, we don't have a p-"
"You know, you sounded younger over the radio."
"I beg your pardon?"
No, she means we sound younger than we are.
I'm not sure I see the difference.
It's a compliment, Dot.
If you say so, Bette.
"And this is . . ."
"Our grandson, yes. We're watching after him while his parents are . . ."
". . . resting."
The grocery shopper's eyes were so wide now she looked almost comical.
"You mean you had kids?"
"Yes, that is conventionally how one eventually attains a grandchild."
Sister-
Did you sleep on that couch last night, Dot?
Well, yes-
"You know, I always wondered if it would be hard to walk with someone else halfway in control-"
It's hard to walk while you're blocking our way-
Now you're starting to sound like Mama Harper-
Now there's a woman who knew how to clear a path-
Okay, time to go.
Yes, let's.
"Well, it has been just a delight to talk to you-"
"But we must be going now."
And they buggied away as quickly as manners would . . .
"Little Jimmy, what are you doing?"
"Sugar."
"Where did you get those Sweet N' Low packets?"
"Shelf."
"But why are you dumping them out of the box into the buggy?"
. . . allow.
What do we need next?
Milk.
Ah yes.
Let's not put it in Little Jimmy's reach.
No.
People stared.
People always stared.
People had been staring at them for going on nearly seventy years now.
Or however long after their birth their mother had let them be seen.
And so Bette and Dot Tattler Darling Walker had to keep on going, step after step.
Ignoring them as best as possible.
If they were ever going to get to the dairy section and procure their . . .
"Excuse me."
"Pardon us."
"Excuse me."
Can't we just run into them with the cart if they won't move out of the way?
No, Sister. The last thing we need is to call Jimmy from jail.
. . . damn milk.
Finally they had everything they needed.
And it really hadn't taken too long.
Fifteen, twenty minutes, tops.
Mostly spending maneuvering through an unfamiliar store.
When will retailers learn to put the candy and the potato chips on the same aisle as the feminine monthly products, Dot?
Don't kook out on me now, Bette. We're almost done.
I think it's a perfectly reasonable question-
And unfamiliar . . .
"Hello, we'd like to check out, please?"
. . . people.
"Alrighty, we-"
And the stares.
It's milk and oats and crackers, kid.
Not a bomb.
Unless Jimmy makes another mess, no.
"Uhhh . . . we . . . uhhh . . ."
Oh Lord, I wish we could just check out our own groceries, Sister!
"Would you excuse me for a moment?"
Sigh.
And the kid did come back.
With a much older man.
The store manager, by the look of him.
Thin and stern, by the look of him.
Oh look, Sister, another gawker.
I just want to pay for this and GO!
And the crowd was gathering.
Leaving Bette and Dot and their de-lobstered grandson outnumbered.
"Good morning, Mrs . . .?
Dot drew herself up proudly, bringing Bette with her.
"Dot and Bette Walker."
The man nodded sagely.
"Mrs. Walker, yes, I see. Ahem."
Smile thin and joyless.
"What can I do for you ladies today?"
I swear to g-
Hold on, Sister-
"We'd like to pay for these groceries, please," Bette attempted, as charmingly as possible. "We have money."
The man adjusted his watch awkwardly.
"Ah yes. I see. Do you, uh, live in this area, ladies?"
Pushed up his horn-rimmed eyeglasses.
"No. We're just visiting a family member."
Perused the child and his Sweet 'N Low packets.
"Ah. So you do not plan on, uh, patroning our store on a regular basis then?"
The question was quiet. And pointed. Like a dagger.
Oh, buddy, have you picked the wrong day-
"No," Dot replied as airily as possible. "In fact, when you allow us to pay for these groceries and go, please be rest assured-"
Sister, careful-
I am in control, Elizabeth.
". . . you will never see us in this particular store again."
Despite the fire in their eyes and the muted poison dripping from Dot's tongue, the store manager retained his cool exterior.
"Very well. Manny, please check out these ladies' groceries. And walk them to their car."
"That will not be necessary," Bette flamed, glowering. "We will take our own groceries to the car, thank you. We are perfectly capable."
He held her burning gaze for a moment longer than she had expected him to.
"Very well then. Thank you for your patronage. Good day, ladies."
Kiss my undercarriage, you pretentious snob.
Sister-
Hush.
And they went.
With nary a tear shed.
"Oh look at that pretty bird, Jimmy-"
"Isn't it lovely?"
At least where anyone could see.
"Bird flew away."
"Well, it's probably because you threw a Sweet 'N Low packet at it, darling."
He should have thrown them at the store manager.
Now, now, Bette, we do not encourage aggression in our grandson. But yes, he should have.
Ready to go home now, Sister?
Yes. But let's nurse our daughter and son-in-law back to health first.
Alright.
So not as bad as it could have been.
But certainly not what they deserved.
Which was decent human respect.
Anyway, thanks to brigid1318 for reviewing the previous chapter. You rock, Darling. :)