A/N: I missed Christian's thoughts and I know you did too, so here we go! Enjoy! X
Forty-two: Jealousy and Anger.
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you may have noticed, our captain started the fall. We expect to land at Schiphol Airport in about fifteen minutes, where it is cloudy and about eight degrees. We kindly ask you to go to your seat, as the fasten-seatbelt sign will turn on in a few minutes. We also kindly ask you to raise the backrest of your chair, fold the table in front of you and turn off all electronic devices or put them in airplane mode. The crew will come by once again to tackle your waste."
Around me, all the passengers start to move like crazy as if they only have one minute before the plane hits land. You can clearly see the difference between adults and kids right now; nearly every senior is taking the time without being paranoid. It's honestly no wonder that every person above thirty has a burn-out or depression.
I move my shoulder a little while I put my hand on Sara's arm which lays on my abdomen loosely. About three hours ago she snuggled into me further which made me wonder if she slept at all during the night. She is out like a light.
Normally I would've probably let her sleep curled up against me for a few hours before I would wake her and convince her to go to the lavatory with me. I would've done that just because I know she would've let me, and because I know it would piss Leila the fuck off.
It would've been a win-win situation for me; getting laid and letting Leila know I'm done with her for once and for all.
I didn't plan for Sara to cuddle up against me, and I know she didn't either. The first hour and a half she fell asleep against John but when he needed to take a piss, she moved to the other side. She stayed there during the rest of the flight because John kept nudging her away when she tried to switch again.
And I was completely fine with that, although it had nothing to do with my raging hormones or my need to get laid. It had everything to do with the supervisor that is sitting just a few seats away from me, next to fucking Rodriguez, by the window.
In the last few weeks, I've been a complete asshole towards her. I fuck up her classes and make her time at Port Bellevue a living hell, without pushing it too far so they can't kick me off. Letting Sara sleep against me now is just another way of fucking with her.
And I knew I succeded when I saw her reaction as she looked at me and Sara. She tried to do it discreetly and fast, but since I feel it when she looks at me, our eyes met for a nanosecond before she turned around.
She looked a little hurt, but her expression mostly oozed jealousy, and it pleased me immensely.
During the rest of the flight, she remained seated next to that asshole. I sometimes felt that she looked, just like I did. I sometimes stole a glance, and every fucking time that fucker of a Rodriguez was turned towards her.
I know she didn't plan on sitting next to him. The way she tried to reason when Lopez came up with the idea to sit according to the groups that were settled before the trip told me that. She seemed uncomfortable by the idea, and that was only confirmed every time I looked at her.
She looked uncomfortable, and it made me furious. Not at her, but at that asshole that has been provoking me since the first day I returned to Port Bellevue after the summer break. I fucking hated him before, but now, after these ten hours, I loathe him.
The way he touched her arm a few times, and the way his hand moved to her back when she left her seat right before she looked at me and Sara. He is into her and there is no doubt in my mind that he's planning on showing her that during this trip.
And although I'm still fucking pissed at her, I know I won't be able to hold back if Rodriguez crosses the line. I know she isn't mine, but she'll never be his either. Never.
"Sara," I mumble while I squeeze her arm that's wrapped around me. I also nudge my shoulder softly to wake her, and after a few times, she stirs.
"What?" Her sleepy, hoarse voice answers. She sounds disorientated, and I'm actually impressed. How the hell can you sleep like that on a plane? I honestly envy it.
"We're almost landing. You slept the entire flight."
"Fuck," she mumbles, sitting up a little. "Jesus, sorry. You could've woke me to tell me to back off."
"It's okay," I chuckle. "How the hell did you sleep this long anyway? Jesus, you even snorted."
"I did not," she gasps in her posh accent, her hand flying to her chest in shock, eyes wide. "I took a sleeping pill before we boarded, flying scares the shit out of me, so I took it in hopes it would knock me out."
"It worked," I chuckle.
"Yeah. You woke me a little too early though, we still have to land and that's one of the scariest things."
While Sara starts telling me about everything that could go wrong during the landing, I see first José, and then Ana stand in the corner of my eye. José moves onto the aisle, followed by Ana who then reaches above her head to get something out of the luggage boot.
While she does, her black, knitted sweater rises a little, showing her flawless back and belly. It immediately sends a shock to my cock. It feels like yesterday that I kissed, bit and licked that skin while her hands were pulling my hair, begging me not to stop.
Unfortunately, I'm not the only one who notices it. Rodriguez is watching her with fascination, his expression almost telling me all the dirty thoughts that run through his mind. Because of it, my aggression builds.
When she is done in the luggage boot, she closes it before she pulls the fabric into place, her cheeks a little red while she tries to avoid Rodriguez's face which now holds a small, disgusting grin. In order to avoid him, her eyes land on me once again for a brief moment.
"Here, hold my hand," I interrupt Sara, who was still rambling about how the plane could easily go off track when it hits the ground, rudely. "I pull you through it."
Sara looks confused as fuck, but she doesn't have time to refuse because I've grabbed her hand before she has answered. I lace our fingers as I give her a small smile before my gaze drifts to Ana once again.
Her eyes are fixated on my hand in Sara's, her eyes dark while she bites her lip. Her gaze shifts my face for a few seconds, her expression as if she wants to murder me.
For some reason, I still love that look on her. Ana furious is just sensational. It reminds me of the first classes I had from her. The hate in her eyes is now combined with jealousy, and it turns me the fuck on.
"Okay," Sara stretches. "I really didn't fall asleep against you on purpose, you know that right?"
I frown. "Yeah. Why?"
"Just to be sure that you don't get any weird ideas. I'm not like Leila. Not even here in Amsterdam," she looks at me knowingly, and I can't help but chuckle.
"Noted. Although I wasn't planning on seducing you. I
I just wanted to help," I reply, trying to look as genuine as possible.
Sara's gaze briefly drifts to Ana and Rodriguez before she looks at me again. "Right. Thanks," she says, for a moment frowning before she shakes her head.
I'm not sure what she's thinking, but for a moment I'm scared that she'll ask me something that involves the person she just looked at. But then the plane falls a bit, making her gasp in horror while her hand almost murders mine.
"Oh, Jesus. We're going to die." Her other hand flies to Johns', who is still chilling with his headphones on, not caring about a damn thing that happens around him, not even now that Sara has his hand in a vice grip too.
The plane drops even lower, my stomach tingling for a second as if I'm in a rollercoaster, and then the plane hits Dutch ground. The landing is a little rocky, and because of it, Sara starts using her nails as well.
When the speed has become less, I peal my hand out of hers. She first doesn't let me go, but when I yank my hand back she doesn't have a choice.
"Trust me, you're safe now," I tell her while I rub my hands together to soothe the sting.
"I'm only believing it when I'm out of this damn thing without any scratches," she grits through her teeth, her free hand going to John's as well.
"Believe it or not," John's suddenly says while yanking his hand out of both of Sara's. "But I'd like to leave this plane without a single scratch too, Goddamnit."
I can't help but chuckle, and Sara giggles as well now that she feels that the speed is completely gone. I feel her relax beside me, and I'm suddenly very happy that she took the pill, else my flight would've been hell too.
As the plane comes to a stop and the seatbelt sign is turned off, we all stand to grab our things and leave the plane. It was a full one and because we were sitting in the back, we have to wait a few minutes.
In those few minutes, my eyes drift to Ana once again. She is standing as well, behind Rodriguez. The moment I walked to the group at Sea-Tac with Grace and Carrick, I saw her. She was laughing about something with Kavanagh, and for the first time since that weekend, I saw a genuine smile.
Her hair is in a high ponytail, showing off her face perfectly. She is wearing a little make-up, but less than she normally does during work. Her black knitted sweater has a turtle neck, and when I saw her at Sea-Tac she wore the Bordeaux red trench coat that I first saw when she walked up to me at Coral Creek. Her jeans are dark blue with some faded spots on the front, and she is wearing black boots.
She looks modern and younger than she really is, and I swear that people who don't know her could think she is close to our age. Of course, I'm prejudiced and I am aware that I may just want her to blend in with us so what we did feel less wrong for her.
So it will feel as right for her as it did for me.
As if she feels my eyes on her, her eyes meet mine like they are magnets. Her cheeks are a little red, and her eyes are a bit swollen just as her pink lips, telling me that she has slept. I recognize the look from when I woke her up because I had to have her, again.
The intensity of our staring contest is like I've never felt it before. It's raw and hateful, yet the edges are soft. It's challenging, and it shows that we both know that this trip is dangerous territory.
When I found out that she is my direct supervisor along with Rodriguez, I immediately knew that it would be either heaven or hell. I know she knows this too. It's always the extremes between us.
It's hate or lust.
Rough or soft.
Sweet or a fucking bitch.
Her eyes drift away first, but only because that fucker is claiming her attention by handing her the bag she carried over her shoulder. As he gives the piece to her, his hand lingers on her arm. And the simple act confirmes that this trip will indeed be extreme, for many reasons.
After a thirty-minute journey through Amsterdam, we arrived at the hostel. It's a simple one, with ten small beds in one room. The showers and toilets are shared, and I can tell that that's going to cause problems. Most of the students at Port Bellevue are from wealthy families, which means they're used to luxury. I can't help but wonder why the hell the school thought that this would be a good accommodation.
There is no privacy, just like Brown informed us. Rodriguez and Lopez are in the room next to mine which makes it impossible to sneak out for whatever reason. John, Dave and I managed to get beds beside each other, and I'm in the corner of the room.
We don't have enough closets, so I'm forced to live out of my suitcase. I don't really mind that since the closets that were there didn't look that appealing. The hostel is a bit rusty and in need of a renovation. I'm not sure what the budget was when they booked this but now that I've seen it, I'm having huge expectations of all the activities since I assume that they've cost a fortune.
As if sleeping in a room like this wouldn't be challenging enough, they've made a schedule for us students. The schedule informs us about who is making dinner, who is cleaning the tables after dinner and who is doing the dishes. It's hilarious and fucking idiotic at the same time.
Tomorrow is the only night that we are allowed to eat out, and that's because it's the night that we can choose an activity ourselves. There is a list of which we can choose though, so basically it's not something we've come up with ourselves.
I didn't participate in discussing the plan for tomorrow night. I honestly couldn't give a fuck what we're doing, as long as it will show us a little more of Amsterdam and what it's famous for.
The red-light district and the coffee shops. Not that I'm doing something with either of them, but still.
We are now standing in the main hall of the hostel, and we are listening to Lopez who is informing us of the planning of today. A few groups go to the Rijksmuseum, others go to the Anne Frank House or the Royal Palace on Dam square.
Our group will go to the Rijksmuseum today, and I have to admit that I'm looking forward to it even though I act like I'm bored. Carrick has a book of the works of Johannes Vermeer and it has fascinated me since I was just moving in with them. The guy could seriously paint, and his work is impressive and intriguing, and I'm curious to see the real deal.
"You can now follow the teacher you are grouped with, and then you'll take the tram or subway to the destination," Lopez ends his talk, looking smug as fuck. Rodriguez, who is standing next to him, is looking a little sour but his expression changes when Ana walks up to him and stands next to him.
I hate the way he looks at her and I'm sure it's not just because I hate him. I know everybody else would hate the way he looked at her too if they paid attention. I feel that Ana hates it too.
I follow Sara and John, who are walking towards Ana and Rodriguez just like Lopez ordered us to do. We are teamed up with another group of students that I've never seen before and one supervisor, Mrs. Zarkis who teaches English. I've never really had a problem with her, mostly because I ignore her classes completely.
"Alright, are we complete?" Rodriguez asks, his tone authoritative. His look matches his tone, and John and I chuckle and shake our head in disbelieve at the same time.
After Rodriguez has had a few hums in answer, he nods his head and turns around, walking out of the hostel. He looks like one of those horrible tourists that you don't want to walk next to; brown pants with a white blouse, a green jacket, and a blue hideous bag back worn on his back perfectly centered. He is also wearing a brown baseball cap that makes his hair curl over it in a very bad way.
Next to him is walking the complete opposite; Ana. Even after a ten-hour flight, she still looks as flawless as it can be. Casual and fresh, and I just know that she will make heads turn.
The stop for the tram is just around the corner of the hostel and within three minutes a tram appears at the stop. We all get in by using the chipcards that were handed to us, and since it's a bit busy, we are forced to stand.
I'm standing against the window, next to the doors. John is standing next to me, and Sara is standing in front of us. From my spot, I have the perfect view of Ana, who is standing right across from me. Rodriguez is standing behind her, and because she is closed in by a few other students, she doesn't really have room to move.
When the tram starts to drive, Sara stumbles against my front due to the force. I'm just in time to grab her by her waist while my other hand grips the bar above my head go keep us up. In a flash, I see the same happen to Ana, only she bumps into Rodriguez.
He immediately takes the opportunity to hold her by her waist as well, only because his back was against a glass wall that separates the seating area from the standing area, he is able to hold her with both hands.
I can see Ana mumble an apology before she moves forward again, creating distance between her and Rodriguez. Rodriguez on his turn takes a small step forward. I doubt that Ana notices it, but I do, and the only thing that's stopping me from walking up to him is Sara, who is still leaning against me because I'm still holding her.
And just now Ana decides to move her face towards me again. Her eyes immediately land on my hand on Sara's waist, and she rolls her eyes in response, not making any effort to hide it. She then lightly shakes her head before she looks out the window again, not looking me in the eye once.
After just ten minutes, we arrive at Museum Square. It's crowded and the Rijksmuseum is the first thing I see when I exit the tram. It looks huge, and because I know Carrick and Grace would find this interesting as well, I snap a few pictures like the true tourist so I can send them to them.
Ana too snaps some pictures. When she is done, Rodriguez offers to take a picture of her with the museum in the background. She first declines, but he insists which results in a very awkward situation. It surprises me that Ana doesn't tell him to back the fuck off.
She looks so timid and shy around him, almost scared while she has no problem rolling her eyes at me and murdering me with her eyes.
After the whole photo fiasco between Rodriguez and Ana is done, we walk to the entrance of the museum. I make sure I take a few steps, and when we reach the line, I'm right next to Ana, who's let Rodriguez take the lead while she stayed behind a bit.
We are the last ones in line with our group, and because of it, I take the opportunity and move as close to her as possible, making her feel me without actually touching her.
She doesn't react. The only thing that tells me she is affected, is the light blush that appears on her cheeks. Her tongue also moves over her lower lip once, but her eyes stay focused on something in front of her.
Being this close to her is affecting me as well. My breathing turns a little shallow, and although I doubt that she notices it, it's a huge thing for me. I never reacted to anyone the way I react to her. She's almost becoming an obsession, and not touching her is getting harder by the second.
I have to remind myself over and over again of the reason why and how she ended it. It's the only thing that's able to stop me from dragging her out of this line and behind a tree.
Being this close to her makes the anger I feel towards her fade quickly, and I know that if she'd give me a small glue that she'd want me, I would cave in without any question or doubt. I would forget everything and give her what she wants without thinking twice.
She has nestled herself that deep, and it is fucking frustrating.
"Here's your ticket," she suddenly says while holding a small paper in front of me. "Show it at the entrance."
When I grab the ticket from her, I make sure our hand's touch, and when they do a breath leaves her throat. It is small and soft, almost unnoticeable, but I heard it.
And despite all the bullshit and fucked up things she told me at Lake Washington that weekend, I find myself promising that I'll hear that sound again, within the next twenty-four hours.
It has been too fucking long.