April - Harry, age 16

Harry stared down at the parchment in front of him, quill in hand. Since the fight with Malfoy, Snape had been sure to fill up any of the teen's free time with nightly detentions and had him in their quarters during his free period. This night was no different.

He rested his forehead within his hand, continuing to stare at the still blank parchment. He hated the silence, this year more than ever.

Harry's jaw tightened slightly as he carefully lowered the quill down onto the desk.

Why couldn't he have just had a normal year this year? Of all years? It should have been the best year. Snape as the Defense Professor, getting Quidditch captain, apparition lessons were going great. Yet, it was still the same.

Dumbledore's task for him to get a memory—which he was proud that he did get. Yet that only opened up so much more within the teen's mind.

His arms folded over the desk as he stared down to the quill, his mind a million miles away by that point.

Snape's eyes moved from the lesson plans he had been working on to his child. He raised an eyebrow as he watched the boy set his quill down and stare down to the desk.

A moment later the man cleared his throat loudly. "I believe that you are supposed to be working on your homework Harry, not daydreaming."

Snape knew that keeping such a watchful eye over Harry was likely hard on the teenager. Still after the mishap weeks ago he had with Draco and all that was going on in the castle, Snape was not ready to give his child free rein of his time just yet.

Harry finally spoke, continuing to stare down at the desk. "Why? Seems kinda pointless." His voice was soft, one hand moving to close the textbook off to the side. "Why do I bother pretending I'll have a normal year, pretending I enjoy it here." He rested his head on his hand, taking in a breath.

A look of curiosity took over Snape's face at the words. "What are you on about Harry?" The man's focus now on his child as opposed to his work.

"I don't—I don't know," Harry whispered softly, folding his arms back onto the desk and laying his head down. "I've just been thinking…a lot." He stared towards the window, watching as clouds covered up the sun. "I've never had just one good year while here. Even my first year I faced Vol-" He quickly caught himself, glancing towards Snape briefly. "Him. And every year since has been something. I'm tired of it. Tired of doing classes like things are normal for me when it's not."

Snape was silent as he watched the child for several long moments before gently clearing his throat. "You are correct, things are not normal for you. That, however, does not make your studies less important."

Harry moved his gaze back to the window, only offering a small shrug. "I wish I could stay home now. I've done enough to last me a while." He continued to speak softly. "Voldemort, a basilisk, dementors, the graveyard…" His voice faded as his mind traveled to his godfather, letting the list end there instead.

Snape raised an eyebrow at the words. "You wish to return to muggle school?" He hummed softly as he studied his child carefully.

"No." Harry shook his head, releasing a sigh at the man's words. "I just want to live my own life." He spared a glance to the man before looking back towards the desk. "I'm not happy here and I still have a whole other year. It feels like I've been here a lifetime and it's only been six years!"

"How long have you been so unhappy?" Snape's voice was soft as he stood, moving away from his desk and towards his child.

"Last year," Harry admitted softly, keeping his spot as he listened to Snape approach.

"I must confess Harry, I do not know what to do to fix this for you. Aside from pulling you from Hogwarts altogether which I hardly think would be beneficial." The man leaned against the front of his desk, his back resting against it as he stopped in front of his child. A look of pain crossed Snape's face as he sighed softly. "If I knew what to do..." the man's voice trailed off. He often thought about taking the child and escaping, going far away. It would not do though, eventually they would be right where they are now.

"I don't know." Harry took in a breath, lowering his arms back down and tucking his head down into them. "I've had enough. I've really had enough." His voice was muffled from his spot, yet he continued. "I don't want to care anymore."

Harry's shoulders started to shake, closing his eyes tightly within his arms.

Snape stood straight, his hand resting on his child's shoulder as he leaned down slightly. "I think we both know that you will not be able to stop caring. It is who you are, Harry, you will not stop until you succeed regardless of how badly you want to."

"Why can't it be someone else? Why is it me?" Harry hissed into his arm before he raised his head and rubbed at his eyes.

"You know that I do not have an answer for that." Snape's tone remained gentle. "Aside from that, I do not believe that you truly mean those words. You would never wish this on someone else."

Harry was silent for a long moment, resting his head back down on his arms. "No...but then why at all?! I'm tired of everything, Snape! Y-you don't get it either. No one does!" He pushed his hands up onto the desk, standing and moving over to one of the large windows. "Can I ask you about something?" Of course, he knew the answer, it was a foolish question, even in his mind.

Snape swallowed hard willing his own temper to stay at bay at the boy's outburst. He leaned back against his desk once more as he eyed the teenager carefully. "You may ask me anything. You know that."

"Dumbledore talked to me about something." He perched up onto the windowsill, resting his head on it. "About…Him." Harry chose the word carefully, sparing a glance towards Snape before looking back outside. "What do you know about horcruxes?"

A harsh breath escaped Snape's lips as his eyes stayed on his child. He had known that this moment would eventually come and he did not like the idea of it any more than he had weeks ago. "I know far more about them than I wish that I did." The man shifted his weight as he leaned against the desk. "What is it that you would like to know?"

Harry lowered his gaze down towards his leg, running a thumb over his hand idly. "He thinks the diary was one which…explains some things. And he found a ring." His voice faded as he glanced back to his guardian. "And he thinks he found another.. thinks he has seven total."

"He wants you to go with him when he attempts to retrieve this next one." Snape stood up straight once more, slowly moving towards the boy. "I intended to discuss it with you later this evening."

Harry looked back to the window, watching the clouds move slowly. "I'm going. If I'm the one bloody destined to kill him. Which from how Dumbledore talks, is because I can love." He gave a small sound at the words, folding his arms over his front. "Which makes no sense…"

"I do not recall stating that you could not go." Snape stopped as he stood next to Harry, his eyes staying on his child. "I am sure there are quite a few things that do not make sense to you. There are several that I cannot make sense of either."

"No one can. And I hate it. I really do." He lowered his head slightly, glaring down to his leg. "What would happen if I did just...disappear? If I didn't want to do this anymore?"

Snape was silent for a long moment before speaking softly. "I can not be certain but I believe that eventually He would find you or you would come back. Your own conscience would force you to eventually."

"I don't want it!" Harry pressed his foot against the side of the stone windowsill. "I don't—I don't want to care!" He bowed his head down to press into his knee.

Once more Snape reached out placing a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder. "You may not want to care but that will not stop you from doing so."

His shoulders tensed at the touch, rubbing his cheek against his knee to brush away a stray tear quickly. "It's not fair. It's been me since first year. I only wanted one good year."

"I agree. It has not been fair." Snape sighed softly as he moved closer to the teenager, his hand moving from his shoulder to gently rub his back. "I wish I could change that for you, Harry. I truly do."

"I don't...I don't understand why it's me. How is my love any different than anyone else's? How my mom sacrificed herself. But that doesn't matter now." Harry looked up to Snape as he spoke, unshed tears blurring his vision.

"I wish I understood it all better Harry." Snape continued to rub the teenagers back. "She protected you in a way that many would not."

"I wish someone understood." He raised a hand to once more brush away a quick tear before he looked back outside. Harry leaned slightly towards the man, swallowing heavily. "I know we have the past few years, but this summer can we go somewhere again?"

Snape hummed softly at the question. "Where would you like to go?" Snape questioned softly.

Harry gave a half shrug at the words. "The countryside."

"The countryside sounds nice." Snape's hand rested between the teenager's shoulder blades. "Would you like to leave immediately after we arrive home or wait a bit to go?"

"The sooner the better," Harry whispered, turning his head and resting his cheek against Snape's side. At this age, it was rare for Harry to seek comfort from the man, but right then he needed something.

The school year was soon to be over, and then he could look forward to relaxing for several weeks.

Snape nodded in agreement as his hand moved to rub the boy's back once more. "I think perhaps we could spend the majority of the summer there. I will look into it."

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered softly, brushing away several more tears as they finally started to fall steadily.

"What could you possibly be apologizing for?" Snape raised an eyebrow as his hand rested on the small of the boy's back.

"I'm a hassle every year. I know it." Harry sat up straight for a moment before leaning his side back against the glass.

"You aren't in the least," Snape assured the boy gently. "You are worth this and more. I do not mind these little issues at all."

Harry sighed at the words, pulling his knees up closer to his chest as he continued to stare out the window. "If you say so."

"I do." Snape nodded confidently. "You have grown up to be a wonderful, exceptionally smart person Harry. I am quite proud of you."

Harry glanced down to the ground, one more a small smile forcing itself across his lips. "Thanks, Dad," he whispered.

"You needn't thank me for speaking the truth." Snape's hand rested between the teenager's shoulder blades once more. "I love you very much little boy, regardless of how much of a cheeky teenager you have become."

The teenager nearly corrected the man in addressing him as little, yet refrained. He sighed softly, wrapping his arms tightly around his legs. "I love you too."

Snape hummed softly as his hand moved to rest on the small of the boy's back. "Try and remember that when you are convinced that no one understands or cares."

Harry chewed on his bottom lip at the words, his chin resting on a raised knee. It wasn't a warning, but certainly a reminder that the man was always there. "I'll try," he offered softly.

"You may feel very alone, Harry, but it is important to remember that you are not. I am always here and aside from that, you have your friends. If any of us intended to go anywhere we've had ample time now." Snape looked down at the boy giving him a knowing look.

Once more, Harry leaned away from the window and against his guardian's side. He glanced up at the words, catching the look from the man before he gave a faint nod.

"You are not in this alone. Many people are standing behind you." Snape's hand continued to move up and down the teenagers back. "You needn't be so stubborn either. Allow those that are with you to help when they can. Talk to them and tell them how you feel. They may not completely understand but it will only benefit you to confide in them."

Harry raised a hand to brush away several more tears that blurred his vision, closing his eyes after a moment. "I'm not stubborn," he muttered softly.

A small chuckle escaped Snape's lips at the words. "You absolutely are." He turned his head, placing a kiss on top of his child's head. "You always have been."

An amused sound passed the teenager's lips as he moved an arm to wrap around his guardian from his angle. "I'm tired of school though."

"I am sure that you are. Especially with only one year left." Snape's arm moved to wrap around the teenager, his hand now gently rubbing Harry's arm and elbow. "I am quite ready for this year to be over as well."

Harry relaxed against the man, releasing a sigh as he tucked his head into the man's cloak. "I've never been more ready for a year to end."

"We are nearly there." Snape fingertips gently tapped the boy's elbow. "Then we can spend several weeks out in the countryside."

"I think I want to move to the country one day. Be away from everything," his words were soft, clearly still filled with plenty of emotion as he raised his left hand to rub at his eyes quickly.

"The county could be a very nice place to live." Snape's hand moved up the boy's arm. "I could certainly see you doing so one day."

Harry hummed, his body finally relaxing as he remained propped up against Snape's side. Thunder rumbled in the distance, causing the teenager to finally open his eyes and look towards the window as dark clouds started to cover the evening sunlight.

He blinked a few times before closing his eyes once more and resting his head back into Snape's side. "My head hurts," Harry admitted softly.

The anger had come and gone so quickly, yet the events he had gone through over the years remained in his thoughts. Too many events. He gave a soft sound as he felt the headache start, pressing his head closer to his guardian's side.

"I will get you something for your head." Snape gave the child a tight squeeze before leaning down and placing another kiss on top of his head. "Then perhaps we should go back to our quarters. Get you settled down for the night."

When Snape pulled away, Harry turned himself and stood from the window. "Okay." He agreed, moving over to the desk and gathering his books.

Snape moved over to his supply closet pulling the vial labeled for headaches. A moment later he was handing it to Harry, a no-nonsense look on his face. It did not matter how old the child got, he still hated taking potions.

Harry glanced up, giving the man a grim look as he took the offered vial. "Flavored still, right?" He looked at the liquid, perching himself up slightly on the desk.

"I should be offended." Snape's hand moved to tap the boy's knee gently. "Do I not always make sure they are flavored for you?"

Harry's lips twitched to a grin, continuing to stare down at the vial. "Yeah." With a sigh, he downed the potion within a few swallows and held the empty vial back to the man. "Thanks."

"Perhaps a Dreamless Sleep in a bit as well?" Snape reached a hand out placing it gently on the back of the boy's neck before guiding him towards the door.

"No." Harry shook his head as he allowed the man to guide him out into the hall and towards the stairs to travel back to the dungeons. "I'll be fine, really."

Snape hummed softly. "I hope you realize that I will be checking on you after you go to bed and if you are still awake, taking a dose will not be an option."

"I knoow." A hint of a whine entered the teenager's tone as they made their way down the spiral staircase to the dungeons. "Although it's too early to sleep." He paused in his steps briefly, glancing over to the man. "Can't I stay in the parlor and just rest?"

"You may." Snape nodded as they stepped onto the bottom floor. "I did not intend to send you to bed this moment."

The teenager nodded as he opened the parlor door, stepping in and placing his book bag down with a sigh. He rubbed at his face before removing his school robe and carefully laying it over the back of the couch.

"Are you hungry at all?" Snape moved across the room, removing his cloak and hanging it. "Or perhaps some tea?"

"Some tea." Harry sat down, curling himself up against the corner of the couch to lean against the arm. "Please. I'm not hungry at all."

Snape nodded as he moved towards the coffee table, leaning down he tapped it causing two cups of tea and a small plate of chocolate biscuits to appear. "In case you change your mind," he explained knowingly, moving to sit on the couch next to the boy.

The teen shifted himself to sit up, slightly surprised when the man sat next to him. Leaning over, he carefully picked up the cup and reached for a biscuit as well. "Well, it doesn't count as a meal," he explained before his guardian could comment.

Snape swallowed a chuckle as he gave a knowing hum. The man reached out and picked up his own teacup, taking a long swallow before setting it back down. "Somehow I suspected that a treat would be more appetizing."

Harry shifted to rest against Snape's arm as he took a few bites of the biscuit. "Thanks," he murmured softly, taking a sip of the tea.

"You are very welcome." Snape's hand moved to gently ruffle the boy's hair. "You need a haircut."

"It's not that long," Harry muttered, moving to place the cup down before resting back against the man. "If I remember correctly yours was a lot longer than mine when you were my age," Harry pointed out as he closed his eyes.

"Perhaps. However, we are not discussing my hair we are discussing yours." Snape leaned back a bit further on the couch, bringing the child with him.

As Snape leaned back, Harry rested his legs onto the couch and moved his head to the man's chest. "Hypocrite," he muttered, a grin crossing his lips.

"Cheeky brat," Snape countered with his own small grin. His arm moved to drape over the teenager, resting on Harry's stomach.

Harry's stomach contracted slightly at the touch, a small laugh passing his lips as he turned himself slightly. "Don't."

Snape chuckled softly as his eyes closed. "Try and rest. I doubt you have gotten a decent night's sleep in weeks."

"Not really," Harry whispered, his arms tucking towards his chest as he curled up further. His eyes fluttered closed after a moment, releasing a soft sigh as he did so. "Love you."

"I love you too." Snape's hand moved to gently brush against the boy's arm.

"Very much."