"Edward?" I reach out in the dark. His side of the bed is empty and cold. I'm not overly surprised; I've woken on many occasions to an empty space beside me. He often doesn't sleep through the night. His broken sleep pattern could be due to being on call so often, but as a therapist and his girlfriend, I feel it stems from something deeper.
I don't force the issue like I would have in the past, now I only discuss things of this nature when he broaches the subject. I've learned to listen without questioning; he is no longer my patient, after all.
I know that he thinks about his past a lot. He obsesses over what Lauren did to him and how things could have been different if that part of his life had never happened. Even though I agree that what she did was heinous, I also must privately acknowledge that if it weren't for her, we would never be. Not that I would ever admit that out loud, I could never utter something so blatantly insensitive, despite it being so obviously true.
Unbeknownst to him, I've watched him, on those nights that he cannot sleep; when he sits at the window and peers out into the dark. On others I've discovered that he works at his laptop in his newly decorated home office. And given his lack of presence in bed with me or at the window now, I assume that's where he is.
I use the bathroom then make my way to him. The diffused light and rhythmic tapping emanating from the end of the hall lead me to where he's busying himself. It takes moments before he notices me watching him from the doorway. My eyes follow his as they glance at the clock on the wall.
"It's four a.m., couldn't sleep?" His thickened voice signaling his tiredness still holds its seductive, velvet tone.
"I could ask you the same."
"Well, you know me," he smiles weakly, closes his laptop and rubs his eyes before turning their intense green on me. "What's your excuse?"
"You were gone." I respond without hesitation. "I've grown comfortable sleeping next to you. It feels strange when you're not there."
"Is this the lead-in to my long, awaited answer?" He narrows his eyes playfully, then he turns serious. I shake my head at his sneaky persistence.
"Have you ever made love on a desk?" I tug at the belt on my robe, revealing my semi-nude form.
"You must forget who you're speaking to." His eyes sparkle, and he smirks as I saunter toward him.
"How about in a reclining, leather chair?" My robe sinks to the floor in a pool of black satin. He leans back and silently motions for me to come to him. He's shirtless, wearing only deep navy silk pajama bottoms.
"We've come full circle," he jokingly references his early, outrageous sexual overture.
"It seems so. The only difference is…we both want it now," I whisper seductively.
I slide in front of him as he pushes away from the desk and perch myself on the edge. His eyes are filled with lust, his arousal obvious through the delicate silk. He sensually caresses my legs from calf to thigh; those talented hands that heal and save lives are the same hands that make my body tremble with want every time he touches me.
Our eyes lock, and I gasp as he spreads my legs and stands before me. One hand slips into my panties to tease me, the other reaches in to reveal his erection. Our eyes remain locked, but in my periphery, I catch glimpses of the veins and muscles flexing in his bicep as he slowly strokes himself. My desire for him spikes at the sight of this simple movement, everything about his man seems to deepen my normal responses. He's so erotic at times; I can barely stand it. My breathing spikes as I anticipate him entering me.
His finger swirls and teases, leaving me wet and wanton. I grip the edge of the desk until my knuckles hurt, and I'm no longer able to hold his gaze. My head falls back as I pant heavily. His finger enters me, and I cry out in ecstasy when he moves it inside me. I latch my hand tightly onto his wrist, demanding that he doesn't stop. I wantonly grind against his hand, and I feel his teeth nip at my breast. It elicits a gasp of pleasure from me, and he groans deeply in response. He pulls away, and his hand grips the side of my panties and winds around it gently. My eyes return to his as the fabric strains. The pain biting into my flesh is minimal and brief, as it gives way with a final resounding rip.
He grabs the back of my neck, pulling me to him and kisses me passionately; his tongue enters my mouth as his hardness enters my throbbing, drenched heat.
We swallow each other's moans as he reclines us back onto the desk and moves inside of me. His strokes are strong and deep, the pace measured and sure. I feel every penetrating stroke from head to toe. Sex has never felt better. Clawing at the taut muscles in his ass, I guide him in and out. His satisfied chuckle against my lips tells me that he loves it, and he continues his relentless, sensual assault on my body. I feel the tingle start at my toes and move up, through every part of me. As my internal muscles start to spasm around him, he kisses me deeply then raises his head to look directly into my eyes. His gaze is so intense, a storm of emotions racing across the turbulent green. Our panting picks up as he increases his pace and rolls his hips. His velvety voice is hoarse as he whispers that he's close and tells me to come with him. We come together, long and hard, our bodies quivering as we cling to each other, seemingly speaking words, that so far, remain unsaid.
We lay sprawled on the carpet, sexually exhausted. He lazily scratches my scalp, nearly lulling me to sleep.
"What time does your flight leave?"
"Eleven-thirty. Are you sure you won't change your mind and come with me?"
I turn my head to see him watching me. I trace his bottom lip, and he kisses my finger.
"Next time, I promise."
"I'm going to hold you to that, along with your promise of a response to moving in with me."
"No pressure." I joke, but he turns serious.
"There's no pressure, Bella, but…." He gets to his feet and agitatedly runs his hands through his hair.
"But what?" I sit up and watch him pull on his pants; even in this tense moment I can't help but admire his beauty. He takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose.
"I don't understand. I mean, I get why you're a bit cautious about taking such a serious step with me, but what I don't understand is the timeline you've set to give me an answer. You've already had more than a week to think about it, what possible difference can two days make?"
"I thought you were okay with giving me time, Edward?"
"Time I'm okay with, but I think it's more than that. I've been thinking about not only your hesitation but also your reaction. The look in your eyes when I asked you to move in with me, it's the same look I witnessed when Victoria showed up unannounced, and it's the same look I witnessed when Angela broke down at the banquet."
"And what look is that, Edward?"
"Fear."
"I'm not afraid." I look around for my discarded clothing.
"Bullshit. You couldn't even look me in the eye when you said that." He grabs hold of my shoulders, forcing me to look at him.
"Where the hell is all this coming from? A few days ago you were fine with giving me time, and tonight seemed perfect up until now."
"You think I couldn't see past the little seduction routine? Have you truly forgotten who you're dealing with, Bella?"
"I obviously must have; you're the master of seduction and getting whatever you want at any cost, right? Although, I thought you weren't that man any longer." I pull away and hastily don, then secure the belt around my robe.
"I'm not, but it doesn't mean that I don't recognize diversion."
"Funny, I didn't hear you complaining."
"And you never will, Bella. I just want you to be honest with me and yourself about why you're stalling."
"I'm not stalling!" My tone silences him. I'm surprised at how quickly my anger has escalated, and I look at him with deep regret.
"I'm sorry."
"You shouldn't be; never be sorry for expressing how you feel. You have every reason to be upset and conflicted. Your profession has you inherently hide your true thoughts and feelings, but this right here is about us, it's raw and personal, and you can't hide behind that facade, Bella. "
"What does that mean?"
"It means that a week or a day is not going to make a difference. It won't change the man you've chosen to be with."
"I know it won't, and I'm not trying to change you. I don't want to change you. I just want…" I huff and cover my face in frustration.
"What? What do you want, Bella?"
"I just want some normalcy, Edward."
"But you know what my life has been. This here, what we now have, this is as normal as it is for us right now, Bella."
"I know…but, I just want to have moments like we just shared and not have to worry about them being ruined. I don't want to be out shopping and worry about overhearing gossip about who you've slept with in the past. I don't want to be at the hair salon, gushing about how wonderful my man is and realize that I'm confiding in some woman that he's already been with!"
He blanches as he stares at me; he looks hurt. Who could blame him? I'm ranting like a jealous girlfriend, and at this moment, I imagine that he's having flashbacks of his ex-wife.
When he finally speaks, his response is calm and a little pained. "I have good and bad parts to me, Bella. I've never tried to hide who I am from you, and as disgusted as I feel with myself when my past blindsides you, I have to wonder if you've thought things through thoroughly before committing yourself to a relationship with me."
My heart lurches at the thought of where this might be going.
"What are you trying to say, Edward?"
"I'm saying you can't just pick out the acceptable parts of me, Bella. It's all or nothing."
"Is that an ultimatum of sorts; if I don't move in with you, it's the end of us?"
"No…." He walks over to me and caresses my cheek, "…because I don't think that I could ever walk away from you. I just meant that when you love someone, it's all or nothing."
He kisses me softly on the forehead and leaves the room.
.
.
.
He looks devastatingly handsome in charcoal grey trousers and a shirt in the palest of blues.
We haven't spoken a word since our argument, and he doesn't make eye contact with me as he enters the living room. His silence scares me more than our raised voices and angry words.
He'll be gone for the entire weekend, and I can't let him walk out when there are unresolved matters between us.
"Are you okay?" He finally looks at me.
I nod, but my words belie the action. "No…I'm not."
He nods in understanding. "How can I make it better?"
I walk over to him and smooth his already perfect collar. "Kiss me goodbye."
.
.
.
"I'm glad you changed your mind," he murmurs against my lips, as we're about to exit the car at the airport.
"Me too." I whisper and smile.
Although we've not really resolved things, my accompanying him to the airport has given us a chance to part on better terms. We walk to the departure gates hand-in-hand. He pulls me in to kiss me once more.
"This is where I…."
"Don't say it…not yet." He murmurs as he deepens the kiss. I thread my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer
"Now boarding at gate 12, Flight 37 to Dallas."
Edward reluctantly pulls away with a frustrating growl.
"What bad fucking timing."
"Hey, don't brood." I trace his frown lines.
"You're getting on that plane with me, Bella."
"I don't think that's possible. I don't have a ticket."
"Minor setback. I'll catch a later flight and book you a seat, problem solved."
"That's not going to happen. I agreed to see you off, not to accompany you." I'm amused by his tenacity, and he sighs in defeat.
"Are you still angry at me?"
"No, and I'm going to miss you terribly. What about you?"
"I miss you already, Bella." His response makes me blush.
"What about the angry part?"
He smirks and steps closer to me.
"Let's just say that I'll be a lot less angry if, on my return, you're waiting for me in something red, lacy and preferably edible."
"Does something like that even exist?"
"Oh, it does, Doctor Swan, it does." With a final searing kiss, he heads toward the gate and turns to look at me one last time before he disappears.
"Red and lacy, huh Doctor Masen? Boy, do I have plans for you." I giggle and make a mental note to go shopping for lingerie.
"Trusting him to go out of town without you, Doctor Swan? Not a very wise move."
The voice in my ear startles me. I whirl around to see Mike Newton. Even behind the shades I can make out the mean, arrogance in his gaze.
"Hello, Doctor Newton. Goodbye, Doctor Newton."
He grabs my arm, stopping my retreat.
"I'm surprised at you, Doctor Swan. Blatant rudeness can be really bad for your practice."
"Are you threatening me, Doctor Newton?"
He chuckles deviously and disappears amongst the boarding passengers.
Mike's still understandably upset, but I hope that his anger doesn't spill over into this trip, provoking Edward to do something they'll both regret.
"Christ, maybe I should've gone." I exhale in frustration and pull out my phone to send a quick text, asking him to promise to avoid Mike outside of anything work related. He responds right away with a winking, smiley face emoji. It does absolutely nothing to expel my worries.
"Damn you, Edward Masen."