Ryuugazaki: I was actually supposed to post this yesterday, but I fell asleep and couldn't when I woke up because I went to the transfer orientation for my new school. So here. Two chapters in a week.

Chapter Fifty-Four
(Thursday, 10 December 2015 – 7:12am, Marseille, France)

Victor was wearing Yuuri's limbs like ivy. Yuuri tried to roll over, but Victor's torso wasn't having that. "Stop moving," Victor murmured.

"You're on my arm," Yuuri said. Victor propped himself up. Yuuri moved their arm from under Victor and motioned for him to lay back down. They got comfortable and looked up at Victor. Victor wistfully smiled and kissed Yuuri.

"Good morning," Victor said. He put his torso on top of Yuuri's.

"Not going to let me go anywhere?" Victor shook his head. Yuuri kissed him and put their hands behind their head. "Then I suppose we're just going to lay here."

"And I want nothing more." Yuuri rolled their eyes and goofily grinned despite the negging feeling inside of their body. "We have to go to practice today." Yuuri nodded. "I don't want to go. Too boring."

"But we must."

"I don't." Yuuri deadpanned. Victor shrugged and chuckled. "I mean, I don't. Don't you know who I am?"

"Okay that's enough now," Yuuri said. "No need to rub it in."

"You can be like that, too," Victor said.

"No I can't."

"Sure you can."

"No, I literally can't," Yuuri said.

"No, you literally can!"

"How?" Victor bit his lip. Yuuri looked him dead in the nose until their phone started to ring. They clumsily reached for it until Victor handed it to them. "Thank you." Victor nodded. Yuuri looked at the blurry characters on their phone. "Can you pass me my glasses?" Victor reached over and put Yuuri's glasses on their face. "Thank you."

"Who is it?"

"Khoudia." Yuuri took a deep breath and accepted the call. "¿Qué lo qué, mami?"

"No cap, I have no clue what you just said so I'm just going to pretend that you said, 'good morning,'" Khoudia said. Yuuri chuckled. "And before you say anything, the answer is no."

"You called me."

"Oh yeah, I did that."

"Don't talk to me unti–"

"Wait, I remembered! My mom wants to know if you want to come to breakfast with us."

"What time?" Yuuri asked. Victor rolled off of Yuuri and sat up.

"Um, hold on," Khoudia said. "Mama! When are we going to breakfast?" She yelled. Yuuri removed their other hand from behind their head and looked at their nails. "She said when my dad gets out of the shower."

"And that will be when?" There was radio silence on Khoudia's end. Then there was a FaceTime notification. Yuuri – of course – accepted it. Khoudia was deadpan and in her nightgown. "So?"

"You see this face?"

"Yes."

"Take a good look."

"I am."

"Now, does it look like I know when my dad is going to get out of the shower?"

"Kiki! Stop being rude!" Mama Awa's disembodied voice yelled. Khoudia closed her eyes and inhaled.

"…I'll come down to get you when my dad's out of the shower." Khoudia ended the call. Yuuri put their phone back on the nightstand.

"So that was Khoudia."

"I understand what you meant last night now," Victor said. Yuuri nodded. Victor rooted under the covers. "Join me."

"I have to go to breakfast."

"And? Khoudia's father won't be out of the shower for a while. Lay with me longer." Victor's manicured nails scratched Yuuri's left pectoralis major. "I've missed you," Victor murmured from beneath the sheets. Yuuri rolled their eyes and rooted underneath the warm sheets and into Victor's warm arms. "Thank you."

"If Khoudia comes down literally right now –"

"What? She's your age."

"She's actually younger," Yuuri corrected. Victor looked at Yuuri.

"…How old is she?"

"22," Yuuri simply said. Victor sucked his teeth. "What? She is younger."

"Not that much younger. You two are roughly in the same age range." Yuuri shrugged.

"She was a fresh-faced freshman when we met. Now she's old, angry, and gayer." Victor flung the covers off of their heads. "Oh, you didn't think it was possible for her to be so gay? Well, too bad because I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that she can get gayer."

"I didn't even know she was queer," Victor said. Yuuri blinked.

"Oh… Well now you know. Time for me to get out of bed." Yuuri moved to get up, but Victor grabbed them by the arm and pulled them back.

"Nope, you're staying with me," Victor said, "Khoudia and her parents can't have you just yet. Let me have my baby to myself." He lightly bit Yuuri's knuckles.

"Victor, I don't want to give Khoudia any ideas."

"She's 22, Yuuri. I'm sure she's sexually active." Victor complained and rolled on his front.

"I know she is, but I also don't want her to know what I've been doing." Victor rolled his eyes and grinned. "Okay, don't be braggadocious. At least not with my rink mates."

"For now."

"Fo– wait a minute," Yuuri said with wry look on their face. They started to laugh. "Victor, no, they can't know about this."

"They know we're together," Victor said. "I don't see a problem."

"Okay, bu–"

"Chris knows basically everything." Yuuri looked at Victor. "Should I continue?" Yuuri waved their free hand. "He's known everything since the beginning. He's as emotionally invested in this relationship as I am." Victor let go of Yuuri's arm and wedged his thumb between the meeting of Yuuri's lips. Victor's phone started to ring. "Don't move. I want to kiss you." He grabbed his phone off of the other nightstand. "I'm with Yuuri." Yuuri didn't know who spoke first, but it didn't really even matter. "He's going to breakfast with his rink mate and her parents so it's just you, me, and the kitten. Which is fine, I guess." Victor bit his lip. "Oh, I wish," he sighed. "I mean… I don't want to have to ask." Victor sighed harder. "Fine, I'll ask even though I doubt he'd want to do anything with me." Victor put down his phone. "Do you want to go to dinner after practice?"

"Sure."

"Okay, that wasn't so hard," Victor said to Chris. "You're still wrong, but that wasn't too bad." Victor chuckled. "Okay, I guess Yuuri and I have to get dressed now. I'll see you soon." Victor ended the call. "I should let you get dressed."

"Please do."

"Wait!" Victor said as he placed his hands on Yuuri's shoulders. He kissed them. "Now you can get ready for breakfast." Yuuri rolled their eyes and smiled but got hit with a wave of guilt and nausea again. Victor cupped Yuuri's chin. "Are you okay? Do you want to go to breakfast or would you rather stay in? Because I can cancel with Chris! I c–"

"I'm fine," Yuuri said. "Go to breakfast with Chris and your kitten. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Yuuri nodded. "Sure?"

"Mama Awa wouldn't let anything happen to me," Yuuri said.

"You're so close to Khoudia's mother that you call her 'Mama'?" Victor incredulously asked. Yuuri nodded. "I want to poke."

"By all means," Yuuri halfheartedly said. Victor hesitated. "I'm being serious. Ask if you want to."

"How long have you known Khoudia?"

"About two or three years," Yuuri said. They dragged themselves out of bed and picked their clothes up from off the floor. "I'm a senior and Khoudia's about a… I don't know but we're graduating at the same time."

"Are you sure?" Yuuri nodded. "So Khoudia's a senior?"

"I think so."

"And you're a senior?"

"Positive I am."

"Oh, so I don't have to feel bad about dating an undergraduate then," Victor said. "You know, I was very conflicted about pursuing someone your age, but… I think it worked out well." Victor gave Yuuri another kiss. "I could just kiss your lips forever." He kissed Yuuri again. "Like grapes, we have always accompanied the vat. From the view of the world, we have disappeared. For years, we boiled from the fire of love until we became that wine which intoxicates the world." Victor gave Yuuri another kiss. "I wish we didn't have to be apart."

"It's only for a few hours."

"Too long," Victor whined. "I wish we were back home already."

"I wish we didn't have to leave to begin with," Yuuri said. Victor nodded and kissed Yuuri again. "Soon though, I suppose."

"What do you mean by 'suppose'? You're coming home with me as soon as we arrive in Detroit." Yuuri looked at Victor. "I mean, as soon as you're able to get away from Khoudia, her parents, and Celestino, that is."

"It's not happening." Victor deadpanned. "Get dressed." Yuuri got out of bed and started to pick up their clothes. Then their phone buzzed. Victor grabbed it and passed it to Yuuri.

Khoudia: Alright, I'm getting ready to hop in the shower.
: Oh, so two hours?
Khoudia: Lmao no bitch gimme 30.
: $30 or 30 minutes?
Khoudia: Minutes, dummy.
: Oh
Khoudia: Well if you want to get in some quick dick you have time
: Okay see you soon
: Wait no I can't fuck him now he'll never go to breakfast with Chris if I do
Khoudia: And the problem is… what exactly?
: Kiki go take your shower
Khoudia: Not until my dad gets out of the bathroom with some clothes on
Khoudia: Now go get your world rocked by al-Bahá
: No

"So? Khoudia and her parents reschedule?" Yuuri shook their head.

"She's getting ready to take a shower," Yuuri said. "And I should, too."

"Maybe I can join you," Victor coyly said with a wink.

"You don't have clean clothes in my room."

"So, I could shower with you if I had clean clothes with me?"

"I mean… I'd like to actually bathe, but I wouldn't be necessarily against you being with me."

"Then I'll go get clean clothes and come back."

"If you're going to go back to your room, you might as well stay," Yuuri said. Victor deadpanned. "I'm seeing you after practice. Whatever you want to do, we can do after practice." Yuuri sat on their bed and gave Victor their pinky. Victor linked pinkies with Yuuri, and he felt that queer, exhilarating thrill he felt whenever they would touch. He kissed Yuuri again.

"Go shower before I remit on this," Victor urged. Yuuri's phone buzzed again.

Khoudia: Um, my shower is going to be delayed
: ?
Khoudia: My mom has to hold my dad
: ?
Khoudia: It's a long story that blurs the line of funny and pitiful
: Should I shower now?
Khoudia: I mean I would
Khoudia: I also might have to come down to shower
Khoudia: Idk how long my dad is going to be crying
: …What?
Khoudia: Just… just take your shower.

Yuuri gave their phone to Victor and got up and went in the bathroom to wash the Detroit sweat off of them and think about what even happened to Khoudia's father.

#

(Thursday, 10 December 2015 – 8:08am, Marseille, France)

After the taxing task of tapping out Kings and Queens, Yuuri found their shower to be relaxing. They felt able to wash off the Detroit cold and prepare themselves for the Marseille cold. Victor had come in when Yuuri was in the shower to kiss them and let them know that he was going back to his room. Yuuri unintentionally got Victor's shirt wet when they were kissing him, but Victor assured them that it was fine. Yuuri didn't feel okay about it, but they weren't going to argue.

Right now, Yuuri was making their bed and straightening up their room. While Yuuri was fixing their suitcases, there was a knock at the door. "It's me!" Yuuri got up from their spot and opened the door for Khoudia. Khoudia barged in and sat on the bed. "Where's Victor?"

"He went to his room. He's going out to breakfast with Chris." Khoudia nodded and laid prone on the bed.

"I need to talk to you." Yuuri nodded. "It's important."

"I'm listening," Yuuri said. They got on the bed and laid next to Khoudia.

"Okay, so I think my mom either called herself or me a hoe last night." Yuuri made a face. "They were discussing marriage, and my mom said 'you can't turn a hoe into a housewife.'" Yuuri nodded.

"Why were they discussing marriage?"

"My parents were discussing Tamir and how I haven't shown any interest in men since him – I guess they think that I was 'heartbroken' after Tamir was outed. My dad was getting concerned that I caught Tamir's gayness." Khoudia scratched her chest. "He also wants to try and get me away from skating and get me 'back out there' or whatever." Khoudia cringed.

"Did you tell him that you don't want to stop skating? And that you can't catch gayness?"

"I would have, but I said I was going to sleep so I couldn't just come in like 'first of all, bitch,'" Khoudia said. "Plus, I think my mom would beat me for saying that." Yuuri shrugged. "And I can't come out and come out, you know? I refuse to end up like Zayd and Jibreel." Yuuri nodded. "I don't want to get married, I don't want to stop skating, and I don't want to come out, but I'm going to have to do one of these things to get my parents off my back. Just fuck my life, right?" Yuuri shrugged.

"I don't see how 'you can't turn a hoe into a housewife' plays into this."

"I think my mom was alluding to her super-secret hoe past in Dakar." Yuuri made a face. "I would be clearer, but I didn't totally catch what she was saying. She was speaking kind of fast."

"Was she speaking French or Wolof?"

"Wolof."

"That explains why you couldn't catch her." Khoudia rolled her eyes and groaned. Then she sighed. Yuuri poked her nose.

"My parents are waiting in the lobby. We should get going before my mom calls." Khoudia got up and held her hand out for Yuuri. Yuuri pulled themselves up and put on their coat. They grabbed their keycard and their phone. They left the room.

"So, aside from that entire mess of a situation, how are your parents?"

"Oh! Parents! That reminds me!" Khoudia stretched and reached for Yuuri's shoulders. "One of the clerks said that my mom couldn't wear her niqab while she's here. She's really hurt over this." Khoudia let go of Yuuri's shoulders, and they walked to the elevator.

"Can't she wear the one without the face thing?"

"She can, but she doesn't want to." Yuuri frowned. "So be nice to my mom while she's wearing her hijab."

"I am always nice to your mother." Khoudia hesitated, but then nodded in agreement. "May I hug her?" Khoudia shrugged. The elevator came.

"I'd ask her. She still might be on edge and might not want to be touched by anyone." Yuuri nodded. They stepped on the elevator and pushed the button for the first floor.

When they got off, Mama Awa and Mouhamadou were waiting by the door. Khoudia grabbed Yuuri by the arm and dragged them over to her parents. "Good morning," Yuuri said. Mama Awa smiled weakly at Yuuri; Mouhamadou nodded in acknowledgment and rubbed his eye. Khoudia took out her phone and went to Google Maps. "What are you doing?" Yuuri looked over her shoulder.

"I'm getting the directions for le brasserie." Yuuri nodded. Mama Awa and Mouhamadou conversed amongst themselves. "Okay, I think I got them. We have to cut through the park." Yuuri nodded. "Did you hear me?" Khoudia asked her parents. "We have to cut through the park." Mama Awa and Mouhamadou nodded. Mama Awa looped her arm through her husband's, and they walked out. "They didn't even hear me say which way. Jesus Christ," Khoudia grumbled. Khoudia followed her parents out, and Yuuri followed Khoudia.

When Yuuri and Khoudia caught up to Awa and Mouhamadou, they didn't notice that the two delayed adults were close behind them.

: For two people who have never been to Marseille, they seem to act like they know where they're going.
: I don't understand
Khoudia: I don't get it either, but they're going the right way somehow.

They were walking through the park now. Before then, Mama Awa was talking to her husband. "You know, Yuuri," Mama Awa said. Yuuri started to pay attention. "You look kind of sick."

"Do I?" Yuuri asked.

"Yes. It is concerning."

"Mama, what do you mean?" Khoudia cut in. "Yuuri looks the same as the last time you saw them."

"No, he does not," Mama Awa said. "Look into his eyes. Yuuri looks dead."

"Mom, you can't go around saying that people look dead!"

"Well, it is true! Your friend looks very lifeless, and I am concerned!" Yuuri looked at Mama Awa and Khoudia. Despite Mama Awa wearing a black, pashmina hijab, a black abaya, shorter stature, and her bassier voice, there were no physical facial differences between her and Khoudia. It was kind of scary how much Khoudia looked like her mother.

"I'm fine, Mama Awa," Yuuri said. "I just haven't been sleeping well."

"Poor baby," she said, reaching up to touch Yuuri's head. "Wait, pull down your hat some more. Your ears are going to get cold." Yuuri stopped walking and crouched down to Mama Awa's level. She fixed their hat for them. "You do not have a scarf either. You children are going to catch a cold dressing like this." She admonished. "I do not see the fascination with catching pneumonia for the sake of looking cute. You two always look cute." Yuuri chuckled and stood up straight. "Kiki, you need to be more attentive to the state of your friends."

"I can't make Yuuri put on a scarf, Mama."

"No, I am not talking about that – okay, maybe I am talking about that, too – but your friend has been walking around looking lifeless, and you have said nothing to him."

"Mama, they said they hadn't been sleeping well. We know why they look dead."

"Oh, so now you say he looks dead?" Khoudia rolled her eyes. Mama Awa linked arms with her husband again. "Do better, Kiki."

"Yes, Mama," Khoudia begrudgingly said. Yuuri consolingly patted Khoudia's shoulder. "Yuuri, stop looking dead," Khoudia said once she had a firm grasp on her frustration.

"Would if I could, Kiki." Yuuri chuckled. Mama Awa resumed talking to Mouhamadou.

When they got to the brasserie, it was sparsely populated, but one table caught Yuuri's eye. Christophe winked at Yuuri and returned his attention to Victor and the small blonde with them. Khoudia didn't notice this; she practically gamboled over to the booth. She slid in and smiled.

"What do you gain from being first to the table, Kiki?" Mouhamadou asked. "You aren't eight anymore."

"I know, Daddy, but being first is always satisfactory."

"Keep that in mind when you skate," he said. Khoudia nodded. Yuuri slid in next to Khoudia; Mama Awa slid in next to her husband. A waitress gave them three adult menus and a child's menu. Khoudia was so inflamed that she couldn't verbally ask for an adult menu; she just settled for looking on with Yuuri.

"You look very nice today, Mama Awa," Yuuri said to her. Mama Awa's face was impassive at first, but then she smiled.

"Thank you, Yuuri," she said. "And despite looking dead, you look very… you look like you need someone to take care of you." She smiled sweetly and opened her menu. Yuuri made a face and opened their menu.

"Mr. Sène, what happened to you this morning?" Yuuri asked. Mouhamadou sighed heavily and turned the page of his menu.

"Tell him, mon trognon," Mama Awa said. Yuuri looked at Mouhamadou. He kept his eyes downward.

"I got shampoo in my eyes," Mouhamadou muttered. "And then I started crying because I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to look at my family again."

"That's so sweet," Yuuri murmured. "Not the shampoo part but being afraid of not seeing your loved ones again." Mouhamadou nodded and returned his attention to his menu. Yuuri didn't interact with Khoudia's father much, but when he did, he was usually quiet and stoic; however, if this morning's account was any indication, he wasn't like this with people he knew intimately. Yuuri doubted that they would ever have the chance to get to know Mouhamadou intimately; instead, they took Mouhamadou's apathy and reserved nature on the chin. Yuuri was sure that he was a nice man. Khoudia didn't have many – if any – complaints about her father.

"Do either of you know why Celestino did not come with us for breakfast?" Mama Awa asked. "He seems like a charming man."

"Ciao Ciao just doesn't come to breakfast with us," Khoudia said. "I wouldn't worry too much about it."

Khoudia: Probably because he was out with his coach buddies all night
: That can't necessarily be proven
Khoudia: But he was

"Hm. Well, his presence is certainly missed," Mama Awa said. "Kiki, text your coach and tell him that we miss his presence here." Khoudia nodded but didn't text Coach Cialdini. "Did you text him?" Khoudia nodded. "What did he say?"

"He didn't respond, Mama," Khoudia said. She put her phone down. "Yuuri, we're still going macaron hunting, right?" Yuuri nodded.

"You hunt for macarons?" Mama Awa cut in.

"Technically, yes," Khoudia said blankly.

"Can you not just buy them from a store?"

"That's what we're doing, Mama." Mama Awa looked confused. "We're going to hunt for a place to buy them from."

"Oh!" Khoudia picked up her phone and started to type something out.

Khoudia: I should not have told my mom that we're going to get macarons.
: Why?
Khoudia: She's just going to eat them all and make me cry because she's going to eat my favorite ones and I'm just going to have to deal with it.
: The price of being twins.
Khoudia: …What?
: You and your mom look a lot alike.
Khoudia: Don't remind me.

While Yuuri was responding to Khoudia, they got a text from Victor.

Victor: Chris finally got through to me about you being in the next booth.
Victor: This is so exciting.
Victor: I've seen movies where this has happened, and now it's happening!

Yuuri smiled. "Your sister?" Mama Awa asked, smiling. Yuuri shook their head. "Oh, so it is your girlfriend then?" Yuuri's face blanked. "Kiki tells us that you have a girlfriend. She said 'partner,' but we knew that she meant 'girlfriend.' Her English is not that good at times." Yuuri slowly nodded, still processing what Mama Awa said. The waitress came and took their orders. When the waitress left, Mama fixed her mouth to say something else. "So, do you like her?"

"Her who?" Yuuri asked, perplexed.

"Your girlfriend, hummingbird," Mama Awa said.

"I wouldn't be with her if I didn't." Yuuri unlocked their phone to text Khoudia. Mama Awa smiled.

: You told your mom that I'm dating?
Khoudia: I was excited for you! I had to tell someone!
Khoudia: Let me enjoy your happiness!

"Is she pretty?" Yuuri nodded.

"Gorgeous," Yuuri said.

"Does she make you happy?"

"More than I can physically handle."

"Good. You deserve all the happiness in the world, mon colibri." Mama Awa reached across to touch Yuuri's face. "Oh, your skin is dry. Hold on." Mama Awa sat down properly and reached into her purse. She pulled out a pack of tissues, hand sanitizer, and eye drops. Then she pulled out a thing of Palmer's Cocoa Butter. It looked to be about 13.5oz. She squirted some in her hand, rubbed her hands together, and got up. "Look at me, hummingbird," she said. Yuuri looked up at her. Mama Awa rubbed the lotion on Yuuri's face and neck. "Now give me your hands." Yuuri offered up their hands to Mama Awa, and she rubbed the excess lotion on them. "There! Your skin is hydrated now!" Mama Awa touched Yuuri's face with her soft, lotioned hands and smiled. She returned to her seat, rubbing in the excess and started to put things back in her bag.

"So, do you keep that with you all the time?" Yuuri asked.

"It is part of being a mom. You always have to be prepared."

"Mama keeps a lot of things in her bags," Khoudia said. "She has a lighter in her bag."

"So?"

"I do not smoke," Mama Awa said. "But you never know when you need a lighter, so I keep it." Yuuri looked over at Mouhamadou. He was on his phone. Yuuri checked their phone.

Victor: Who's the woman that was rubbing your face?
: Khoudia's mom.
Victor: Why did she rub your face?
: She said my face was dry.

The waitress came back with their breakfast. Yuuri had ordered a hot chocolate; Khoudia had to be a tourist and order tea. Mama Awa and Mouhamadou got coffees. Khoudia snapped a flick of her tea and pain aux raisins and dug in. Yuuri looked over at her. Once Khoudia finished chewing a bite, she spoke. "I'm hungry, okay?" Yuuri tut-tutted Khoudia and slowly started to eat their chocolatine. Mouhamadou was still silent, looking at his brioche.

"Is something the matter, trognon?" Mama Awa asked her husband. She put down her plain croissant and looked at her husband.

"How do I eat brioche, ma caille?"

"Give me," she said. Mouhamadou gave his brioche to his wife. Mama Awa held the brioche in her husband's face and took a bite.

"Like that?" Mouhamadou asked. Mama Awa nodded. He took a bite of the brioche while his wife was still holding it. "Like this?" Mama Awa nodded again.

"Y'all gross," Khoudia said.

"I think it's cute," Yuuri said.

"Of course you do," Khoudia said, rolling her eyes. "Yuuri, can you find a place that sells macarons? We should get going soon." Yuuri nodded. They woke up their phone. They had texts from Olivia and Mari. Yuuri unlocked their phone and went to Google Maps. Yuuri's search revealed two viable options: Maison Zeppini and Vincent Palazzolo's Pâtissier. Yuuri showed Khoudia the options they picked for her. She seemed to favor Vincent Palazzolo over Maison Zeppini.

Yuuri and Khoudia rushed to finish their bread and get out of the presence of Khoudia's parents. Yuuri and Khoudia loved them dearly, but they needed to have a candid discussion about several things that have transpired, and that discussion needed to be free of their influence. Yuuri especially wanted to talk to Khoudia about her telling her parents about their "girlfriend."

"We should get going," Yuuri said, trying to muster up all the kindness in them.

"We should get going, too."

"What are you doing?" Khoudia asked.

"Mouhamadou, what are we doing?" Mama Awa asked. Mouhamadou looked up from his remaining piece of brioche.

"What?" Mouhamadou blankly said.

"What are we doing after this?"

"I don't know, what do you want to do?" Mouhamadou asked. Mama Awa deadpanned.

"Yuuri and I should let you decide on what to do without our influence," Khoudia said. She rested her hand on Yuuri's shoulder. "Slide out." Yuuri did as Khoudia said.

"We will pay. You go do whatever," Mama Awa said. Khoudia grabbed Yuuri's hand and started to pull them away. "Ah! Kiki let go of his hand! He has a girlfriend!"

"She don't care!" Khoudia yelled. Khoudia walked faster, and Yuuri struggled to keep up with her. She was practically running as fast as her small legs would carry her. Yuuri felt their phone buzz. When Yuuri and Khoudia got to the corner at the red light, Yuuri took out their phone.

Victor: You have a girlfriend?
Victor: What about me?
: I can't tell if you're being facetious or not, but either way I'll explain.
Victor: Please do.
: Khoudia told her parents that I was dating someone (she didn't mention their gender at all; she said "partner") and her parents interpreted that as me having a girlfriend. I didn't want to put Khoudia on blast or unnecessarily out myself to her parents, so I just went along with it.
: Her parents may love me and treat me like I'm their son, but they're still religious and homophobic and I suspect that I won't get the "loved child" treatment from them if/when they find out that Khoudia was purposely vague and that I actually have a super sweet boyfriend and not a super sweet girlfriend like they've led themselves to believe.

"Um, Khoudia?" Yuuri said. Khoudia was anxiously waiting for the light to change.

"Yeah?"

"It's a two-hour walk from here to Vincent Palazzolo's Pâtissier; you know that right?" Khoudia's countenance fell. She looked at Yuuri with a deadpan expression on her face. "We should just go back to the hotel and take an Uber from there." Khoudia rolled her eyes.

: Plus, you are the only present lover I have ((heart emoji))

Yuuri looked at their phone and took a deep breath. They then felt like they were being kicked in the solar plexus. They felt like a liar for even fixing their fingers to say that. They couldn't ignore that they had made moves to sleep with Olivia while they were in a committed relationship. They figured that they would have to tell Victor about their transgression and brace themselves for the fallout. They didn't think they were able to continue with this constant weight on their chest.

"You should've told me this sooner," Khoudia chided.

"It's just an eleven-minute walk back to the hotel," Yuuri said. "We'll live." They bit their lip. "Well, you'll live. I might die."

"Why is that?" Yuuri shrugged. "You're lucky this street isn't busy because I'd push you into traffic."

"See? I might die. Cause of death? Khoudia Bâ Sène." Yuuri felt their phone buzz again.

Victor: I better be your only present lover

Yuuri decided to test the waters. See what they could expect from Victor if they choose to come clean.

: Or what?
Victor: Are you… Are you being serious right now?
Victor: Yuuri
: I'm being facetious, Victor.
Victor: Good. I don't know what I'd do if there were someone else.
: You're my only one.

Yuuri sighed and put their phone away. They were lying up a storm today. "I'm a terrible boyfriend," Yuuri murmured.

"Pardon?"

"I'm a terrible boyfriend." The light changed. Yuuri and Khoudia set off to cross the street. Khoudia waited for Yuuri to expand on that thought.

"So, you're not going to tell me what you mean by that?" Khoudia said.

"I don't feel the need to. I'm just a terrible, dishonest boyfriend and Victor deserves better." Yuuri played with the ring/silent button on their phone. "I'm actively lying to him about being faithful."

"It's not like you went over there to have sex with her, right?" Khoudia asked. Yuuri stayed silent. "Does Phichit know?" Yuuri shook their head. "Okay, I know that this is going to be antithetical to who I am and how I operate, but just keep an open mind with me."

"Shoot," Yuuri murmured.

"You can't tell Victor that," Khoudia said. Yuuri looked at her. "Like I get that this is eating you up inside and that you're like me, but you actually cannot tell him that."

"I should."

"In a perfect world where hot guys aren't also batshit crazy, you can and you two could have a discussion about where you should go from there and let the chips fall where they may, but Victor might snap and murder you if you do so – for your personal safety – I would just keep that from him for the rest of my life… or the duration of the relationship. Whichever one happens first." Yuuri sighed. "I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to learn to live with the guilt. I wish I could give you better words of wisdom."

"You tried."

"I know," Khoudia said. She looked at her feet. "And don't do anything stupid like break up with Victor because you can't live with yourself." Yuuri looked down at Khoudia and rolled their eyes. "Now let's get to the hotel so we can get macarons!" Khoudia skipped across the street, awkwardly bringing Yuuri along with her. Yuuri unlooped their arm and briefly picked Khoudia up. "Aah!" Her small legs flailed as Yuuri held her up above them. Yuuri took a few hesitant steps. "Put me down!" Yuuri did ask Khoudia asked and placed her on her feet. Yuuri smiled despite the guilt eating them alive.

#

(Thursday, 10 December 2015 – 6:20pm, Marseille, France)

After the macaron hunt – which proved to be successful – they struggled to find something to do in the area. The area mainly had hair salons and restaurants, and Yuuri and Khoudia had no use for either. They got their macarons and were glowing with the joy of having macarons and being able to chill together without the scrutiny of Celestino or Khoudia's parents. But that joy was soon cast aside when Coach Cialdini called Yuuri and Khoudia to the rink for their final practice. The practice itself went well for Khoudia. Not so much for Yuuri. Between the macarons, the chilling, the gaming, the working, and the phone call, the voices came back and Yuuri was imbued with several strains of depression, hellbeast dysphoria, virulent guilt, and all of the anxiety in the world. They couldn't just go up to Khoudia's room and say "lay with me until I don't want to fling myself into the Old Port" – her parents were with her, and they wouldn't understand any of what Yuuri's feeling. It was a shame, too. Yuuri wanted someone – either Mama Awa or Khoudia – to take them into their soft arms and hold them and tell them that it was going to be alright and kiss away their tears. But Mama Awa wouldn't understand, and she wouldn't be able to provide the relief that Yuuri sought.

"Yuuri?" Victor's voice came from the other side of the door. Yuuri wiped their eyes and looked at the door. "Yuuri."

"Yeah?" Yuuri said, their voice cracking.

"Are you okay? Can I come in?" Yuuri got up and opened their door for Victor. He was standing at the door with four flowers. Yuuri looked down at them instead of at Victor. "These are for you." Victor held them out towards Yuuri. He gave Yuuri two hybrid tea roses, a mountain lily, and an eyeliner lily. Victor came in and closed the door. "I saw them when I was with Christophe, and I thought of you."

"Why me?"

"Well, the roses because you're kind of delicate and beautiful like one and the lilies because your name is Yuuri." Yuuri smiled a bit. "The florist told me how to say 'mountain lily' in Japanese and I decided that I needed to give it to you." Yuuri looked down at their flowers and smiled at them. When Yuuri looked back at him, Victor seemed to be in thought.

"What? What happened?"

"Come here," Victor said. Yuuri put their flowers on their bed and stepped up to Victor. Victor placed his hands on Yuuri's face and looked into their eyes. Yuuri focused on Victor's nose. Yuuri stood on their toes and kissed the tip. "You've been crying." Yuuri didn't nod or shake their head. Instead, they just kept silent. "Did something happen?" Victor stroked Yuuri's face and kissed the bridge of their nose. Yuuri made a wry face. Victor pulled away. "What happened?" Yuuri remained silent and just took Victor into their arms. They squeezed him as tightly as they could and tried to fight back the tears that threatened to come through. Victor guided Yuuri towards the bed, and Yuuri beckoned him over. Victor moved the flowers to the bedside and looked at Yuuri.

"Do we have to go out for dinner tonight?" Yuuri asked.

"If you don't want to, no," Victor said.

"Then don't make me go to dinner."

"I won't make you go," Victor said. "Do you want me to stay with you?" Yuuri shrugged. "Yuuri, do you want me to stay with you or not? Because I'll leave if you want me to." Yuuri nodded. "Then I'll stay."

"Thank you," Yuuri murmured. "If you want to go eat, you can go out with Chris, you know."

"Didn't you just ask me to stay?"

"I didn't necessarily ask you to." Victor deadpanned. He moved to get up. Yuuri held him back. "But stay with me."

"What do you want me to do?" Victor asked. He stroked Yuuri's face languidly. "Anything you want; I'll give it to you." Yuuri had several things that they wanted, but the one that won out was wanting to be held. So Yuuri said that.

"Lay with me." Victor nodded. He kicked off his shoes and crawled to the center of Yuuri's bed. Victor laid down and patted the space next to him. Yuuri did as Victor directed and looked at the ceiling. Yuuri wished that the ceiling could just put them out of their Missouri and crush them. The only sad aspect of being crushed by the ceiling was that Victor would be there, too, and Victor didn't deserve any of that.

"Move closer. I can't hold you like this," Victor said. Yuuri snuggled up to Victor and closed their eyes. Victor wrapped his arms around Yuuri and kissed their forehead. It wasn't Khoudia or Mama Awa – or Olivia, for that matter – but it was arms that loved them wholly and perfectly, and that was enough.

Ryuugazaki: Inshallah, I will be able to keep posting this because I've been neglecting to.

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